Dwarf Fortress Wiki - User contributions [en]

v0.34:Known bugs and issues

2013-09-05T19:20:45Z

Kogut: double linkify official bug tracker as newbie may be confused by "Mantis BT"

{{Quality|Superior|23:36, 4 September 2013 (UTC)}}
{{av}}
Dwarf Fortress is a constant work in progress, and is thus full of '''bugs'''. Some of them are minor and completely harmless, some are small and annoying, and some are major and even game-changing. Some of the best-known bugs are compiled below; an official compilation of all bugs, and their development status, can be found on the [http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/my_view_page.php bug tracker] and an informal [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=111051.0 poll of the worst bugs] is available in the forums. Please do '''not''' report bugs here; they should be sent to the [http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/my_view_page.php Mantis BT] instead.

Some bugs {{dffd|6741|have been fixed}} by a temporary binary patch made by Quietust and other users; hopefully these will be rolled into the next version of the game.

* {{bug|6334}} Creatures, including dwarves, born in the fortress do not grow to full adult size. Butchering results for animals born in the fort are less than the expected adult size result. Dwarf soldiers born in the fort are much less effective with blunt weapons compared to their migrant peers.
* {{bug|535}} Equipping weapons/armor on military is erratic. This is a long-standing bug that has been slowly but surely rolled back.
* {{bug|1582}} Injured dwarf in bed in stocked hospital ignored by idle doctors. Medical jobs are too low-priority, and will be ignored in favor of pretty much everything else, hauling included, forcing players that need to administer medical care to disable all other labors; and even then, doctors tend to idle a bit in between their jobs.
* {{bug|2712}} Weapons, especially whips, cut through steel armor like butter. [[Crossbow]]s firing metal bolts routinely pierce masterwork steel armor, and, counter-intuitively, whips cleave through it in combat.
* {{bug|1451}} Military equipment interferes with civilian equipment (picks/axes/crossbows/quivers). It is not possible to use a single axe for both [[wood cutter|wood cutting]] and combat, or a single pick for both [[miner|mining]] and combat. Crossbows in the hands of [[hunter]]s can also cause problems.
* {{bug|296}} Pools/smears/spatters of blood, dust and other materials multiply themselves, get tracked around too much. [[Contaminant]] physics are strange in Dwarf Fortress; instead of washing away, when exposed to running water, it will actually multiply to other tiles.
* {{bug|2780}} Aquatic vermin do not restock when [[fishing|fished]], resulting in guaranteed eventual [[extinction]].
* {{bug|412}} Nobles job priority is weird (trading, diagnose, talking with liaison and attend meeting jobs have extremely low priority). Many very necessary jobs get glutted out by insignificant things like hauling spare stone around, requiring labor management when you want something done.
* {{bug|4550}} Dodging into river/lava/from cliff etc. Apparently, dwarves are stupid. Related: they tend to get thrown off of [[waterfall]]s and die from fall damage because they did not account for the current.
* {{bug|425}} Dwarves Not Cleaning Blood. [[Cleaning]] is done erratically.
* {{Bug|5895}} Bins, bags used for hauling in situations when it is not necessary. This can lead to situations where items are "unavailable" because a dwarf is currently lugging them around in a bin/barrel/etc..
* {{Bug|5991}} Dwarf tries to build wall standing on the construction site (see bug report for possible workarounds).
* {{Bug|5312}} Undead reanimate too quickly (and forever) when killed in areas where corpses/etc. reanimate.
* {{Bug|2922}} Population Cap not working (see bug report for details).
* {{Bug|5097}} Names overwriting text with TrueType and {{Bug|5696}} strange gaps in report texts. Hitting F12 to toggle True Type can often get you around this problem.
* {{Bug|5986}} Designating large areas for smoothing slows game to a crawl.
* {{Bug|5994}} Destroying a wall empties the wood stockpile. Basically, deconstructing constructions can cause items in nearby stockpiles to "teleport" to that location.
* {{Bug|3190}} Long Patrol Negative Thoughts seem to escalate, even with long break. (Binary patch in bugreport.)
* {{Bug|4552}} Siegers waiting by bodies of dead leaders.
* {{Bug|136}} When embarking on large area, DF hits 2GB memory limit and crashes.
** Until a permanent fix is made, the player can use [http://www.ntcore.com/4gb_patch.php NTCore's 4GB fix], which will not only increase the memory limit, but will improve performance overall. (This is not a permanent solution for the devs; it could lead to unforeseen problems if incorporated within the .exe downloaded from the server.)
* When smelters are specified as a "Give" destination from a stockpile that does not possess any/all of the necessary materials, or are located inside a burrow, while one of the necessary materials is outside the burrow, the smelter makes those smelting options unavailable.

[[Category:Game development]]

v0.34:Known bugs and issues

2013-09-05T19:19:42Z

Kogut: move my poll behind official bug tracker

{{Quality|Superior|23:36, 4 September 2013 (UTC)}}
{{av}}
Dwarf Fortress is a constant work in progress, and is thus full of '''bugs'''. Some of them are minor and completely harmless, some are small and annoying, and some are major and even game-changing. Some of the best-known bugs are compiled below; an official compilation of all bugs, and their development status, can be found on the [http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/my_view_page.php bug tracker] and an informal [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=111051.0 poll of the worst bugs] is available in the forums. Please do '''not''' report bugs here; they should be sent to the Mantis BT instead.

Some bugs {{dffd|6741|have been fixed}} by a temporary binary patch made by Quietust and other users; hopefully these will be rolled into the next version of the game.

* {{bug|6334}} Creatures, including dwarves, born in the fortress do not grow to full adult size. Butchering results for animals born in the fort are less than the expected adult size result. Dwarf soldiers born in the fort are much less effective with blunt weapons compared to their migrant peers.
* {{bug|535}} Equipping weapons/armor on military is erratic. This is a long-standing bug that has been slowly but surely rolled back.
* {{bug|1582}} Injured dwarf in bed in stocked hospital ignored by idle doctors. Medical jobs are too low-priority, and will be ignored in favor of pretty much everything else, hauling included, forcing players that need to administer medical care to disable all other labors; and even then, doctors tend to idle a bit in between their jobs.
* {{bug|2712}} Weapons, especially whips, cut through steel armor like butter. [[Crossbow]]s firing metal bolts routinely pierce masterwork steel armor, and, counter-intuitively, whips cleave through it in combat.
* {{bug|1451}} Military equipment interferes with civilian equipment (picks/axes/crossbows/quivers). It is not possible to use a single axe for both [[wood cutter|wood cutting]] and combat, or a single pick for both [[miner|mining]] and combat. Crossbows in the hands of [[hunter]]s can also cause problems.
* {{bug|296}} Pools/smears/spatters of blood, dust and other materials multiply themselves, get tracked around too much. [[Contaminant]] physics are strange in Dwarf Fortress; instead of washing away, when exposed to running water, it will actually multiply to other tiles.
* {{bug|2780}} Aquatic vermin do not restock when [[fishing|fished]], resulting in guaranteed eventual [[extinction]].
* {{bug|412}} Nobles job priority is weird (trading, diagnose, talking with liaison and attend meeting jobs have extremely low priority). Many very necessary jobs get glutted out by insignificant things like hauling spare stone around, requiring labor management when you want something done.
* {{bug|4550}} Dodging into river/lava/from cliff etc. Apparently, dwarves are stupid. Related: they tend to get thrown off of [[waterfall]]s and die from fall damage because they did not account for the current.
* {{bug|425}} Dwarves Not Cleaning Blood. [[Cleaning]] is done erratically.
* {{Bug|5895}} Bins, bags used for hauling in situations when it is not necessary. This can lead to situations where items are "unavailable" because a dwarf is currently lugging them around in a bin/barrel/etc..
* {{Bug|5991}} Dwarf tries to build wall standing on the construction site (see bug report for possible workarounds).
* {{Bug|5312}} Undead reanimate too quickly (and forever) when killed in areas where corpses/etc. reanimate.
* {{Bug|2922}} Population Cap not working (see bug report for details).
* {{Bug|5097}} Names overwriting text with TrueType and {{Bug|5696}} strange gaps in report texts. Hitting F12 to toggle True Type can often get you around this problem.
* {{Bug|5986}} Designating large areas for smoothing slows game to a crawl.
* {{Bug|5994}} Destroying a wall empties the wood stockpile. Basically, deconstructing constructions can cause items in nearby stockpiles to "teleport" to that location.
* {{Bug|3190}} Long Patrol Negative Thoughts seem to escalate, even with long break. (Binary patch in bugreport.)
* {{Bug|4552}} Siegers waiting by bodies of dead leaders.
* {{Bug|136}} When embarking on large area, DF hits 2GB memory limit and crashes.
** Until a permanent fix is made, the player can use [http://www.ntcore.com/4gb_patch.php NTCore's 4GB fix], which will not only increase the memory limit, but will improve performance overall. (This is not a permanent solution for the devs; it could lead to unforeseen problems if incorporated within the .exe downloaded from the server.)
* When smelters are specified as a "Give" destination from a stockpile that does not possess any/all of the necessary materials, or are located inside a burrow, while one of the necessary materials is outside the burrow, the smelter makes those smelting options unavailable.

[[Category:Game development]]

v0.34:Gauntlet

2013-09-05T19:14:23Z

Kogut: Changed quality rating from "Fine" to "Tattered" using the rating script

{{Quality|Tattered|19:14, 5 September 2013 (UTC)}}
{{av}}

'''Gauntlets''' are [[armor]] worn on any [[body part]] that can grasp, which for [[dwarf|dwarves]] are the hands. They are similar to mittens and gloves, but act as an armor layer and provide much more protection. Like other armor, gauntlets can be made of [[metal]], [[shell]], or [[bone]]. [[Elf|Elves]] sometimes bring [[wood]]en gauntlets in their [[Trading|caravans]].

[[Category:DF2012:Armor]]

v0.34 Talk:Known bugs and issues

2013-09-04T10:04:52Z

Kogut:

Is there some reason against linking [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=111051.0 The worst bug - 34.11 poll] as "What is the worst bug in DF 34.11? An unofficial poll"? (disclaimer - I created this thread) [[User:Kogut|Kogut]] ([[User talk:Kogut|talk]]) 10:03, 4 September 2013 (UTC)

v0.34 Talk:Known bugs and issues

2013-09-04T10:03:38Z

Kogut:

Is there some reason against linking [The worst bug - 34.11 poll http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=111051.0]? (disclaimer - I created this thread) [[User:Kogut|Kogut]] ([[User talk:Kogut|talk]]) 10:03, 4 September 2013 (UTC)

v0.34 Talk:Known bugs and issues

2013-09-04T10:03:06Z

Kogut: Created page with "Is there some reason against linking [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=111051.0 The worst bug - 34.11 poll]? (disclaimer - I created this thread) ~~~~"

Is there some reason against linking [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=111051.0
The worst bug - 34.11 poll]? (disclaimer - I created this thread) [[User:Kogut|Kogut]] ([[User talk:Kogut|talk]]) 10:03, 4 September 2013 (UTC)

v0.34:Known bugs and issues

2013-09-04T09:59:22Z

Kogut: Updated quality rating timestamp ("Exceptional") using the rating script

{{Quality|Exceptional|09:59, 4 September 2013 (UTC)}}
{{av}}
Dwarf Fortress is a constant work in progress, and is thus full of '''bugs'''. Some of them are minor and completely harmless, some are small and annoying, and some are major and even game-changing. Some of the best-known bugs are compiled below; a compilation of all bugs, and their development status, can be found on the [http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/my_view_page.php bug tracker]. Do '''not''' report bugs here; they should be sent to the Mantis BT instead.

Some bugs {{dffd|6741|have been fixed}} by a temporary binary patch made by Quietust and other users; hopefully these will be rolled into the next version of the game.

* {{bug|6334}} Creatures, including dwarves, born in the fortress do not grow to full adult size. Butchering results for animals born in the fort are less than the expected adult size result. Dwarf soldiers born in the fort are much less effective with blunt weapons compared to their migrant peers.
* {{bug|535}} Equipping weapons/armor on military is erratic. This is a long-standing bug that has been slowly but surely rolled back.
* {{bug|1582}} Injured dwarf in bed in stocked hospital ignored by idle doctors. Medical jobs are too low-priority, and will be ignored in favor of pretty much everything else, hauling included, forcing players that need to administer medical care to disable all other labors; and even then, doctors tend to idle a bit in between their jobs.
* {{bug|2712}} Weapons, especially whips, cut through steel armor like butter. [[Crossbow]]s firing metal bolts routinely pierce masterwork steel armor, and, counter-intuitively, whips cleave through it in combat.
* {{bug|1451}} Military equipment interferes with civilian equipment (picks/axes/crossbows/quivers). It is not possible to use a single axe for both [[wood cutter|wood cutting]] and combat, or a single pick for both [[miner|mining]] and combat. Crossbows in the hands of [[hunter]]s can also cause problems.
* {{bug|296}} Pools/smears/spatters of blood, dust and other materials multiply themselves, get tracked around too much. [[Contaminant]] physics are strange in Dwarf Fortress; instead of washing away, when exposed to running water, it will actually multiply to other tiles.
* {{bug|2780}} Aquatic vermin do not restock when [[fishing|fished]], resulting in guaranteed eventual [[extinction]].
* {{bug|412}} Nobles job priority is weird (trading, diagnose, talking with liaison and attend meeting jobs have extremely low priority). Many very necessary jobs get glutted out by insignificant things like hauling spare stone around, requiring labor management when you want something done.
* {{bug|4550}} Dodging into river/lava/from cliff etc. Apparently, dwarves are stupid. Related: they tend to get thrown off of [[waterfall]]s and die from fall damage because they did not account for the current.
* {{bug|425}} Dwarves Not Cleaning Blood. [[Cleaning]] is done erratically.
* {{Bug|5895}} Bins, bags used for hauling in situations when it is not necessary. This can lead to situations where items are "unavailable" because a dwarf is currently lugging them around in a bin/barrel/etc..
* {{Bug|5991}} Dwarf tries to build wall standing on the construction site (see bug report for possible workarounds).
* {{Bug|5312}} Undead reanimate too quickly (and forever) when killed in areas where corpses/etc. reanimate.
* {{Bug|2922}} Population Cap not working (see bug report for details).
* {{Bug|5097}} Names overwriting text with TrueType and {{Bug|5696}} strange gaps in report texts. Hitting F12 to toggle True Type can often get you around this problem.
* {{Bug|5986}} Designating large areas for smoothing slows game to a crawl.
* {{Bug|5994}} Destroying a wall empties the wood stockpile. Basically, deconstructing constructions can cause items in nearby stockpiles to "teleport" to that location.
* {{Bug|3190}} Long Patrol Negative Thoughts seem to escalate, even with long break. (Binary patch in bugreport.)
* {{Bug|4552}} Siegers waiting by bodies of dead leaders.
* {{Bug|136}} When embarking on large area, DF hits 2GB memory limit and crashes.
** Until a permanent fix is made, the player can use [http://www.ntcore.com/4gb_patch.php NTCore's 4GB fix], which will not only increase the memory limit, but will improve performance overall. (This is not a permanent solution for the devs; it could lead to unforeseen problems if incorporated within the .exe downloaded from the server.)
* When smelters are specified as a "Give" destination from a stockpile that does not possess any/all of the necessary materials, or are located inside a burrow, while one of the necessary materials is outside the burrow, the smelter makes those smelting options unavailable.

[[Category:Game development]]

Main Page/Quote

2012-05-20T15:15:27Z

Kogut: Bug #5921: Biting dwarves in minecarts infinitely increases combat range

<noinclude>
Please limit quotes to ~135 characters or less (longest below are longer than that, but remain as "legacy" from Toady etc.). Longer quotes may be deleted.

Do not use equals signs or vertical bars in your quotes or they will break.

When adding a quote, be sure to update the {{tl|rand|###}} number.

[[Category:Humor and stories]]
----
</noinclude>{{#switch:{{rand|137}}|
|1=I can't put my finger on it. Something about this [[Fire|‼]]Cat tallow roast[[Fire|‼]] tastes funny.
|2=Toady withdraws from society. Toady has begun a [[Strange mood|mysterious]] construction!
|3=Let us never forget the last words of Inod the Stoker, [http://archive.dwarffortresswiki.net/index.php/Fortress_Paintrag#1056 "Aaah! Gorillas!"]
|4=[[Children|Newborn]] Zuglar Baldnessgranite prefers to consume Gorilla. A sure sign of his unparalleled strength!
|5=[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-image.php In an unrelated article] - I had no idea elephants could bounce that high!
|6=[[Toady]] looses a roaring laughter, [[Fey|fell]] and terrible! Toady has butchered a spammer!
|7=The critical question is this: do elf bones yield more crossbow bolts than the average number of bolts necessary to kill an elf?
|8="Dwarf Fortress" ... "Like chess, only with short people that can catch on [[fire]] like [[clothing|rags]] soaked in tar, and lots of [[booze]]." ... "Like chess."
|9=Dwarf Fortress has taught me that all the world's problems would be substantially reduced had our parent civilizations never minted more than four stacks of [[coins]].
|10=[[Booze]] does all the work in forts. Dwarves are just booze exoskeletons.
|11=My unconscious and bleeding [[mayor]] just mandated the construction of some goods.
|12=I can just imagine a wagon throwing a tantrum and tossing all its contents at people.
|13=Döbesh Udosdeb has been ecstatic lately. He was forced to eat a friend to survive. He enjoyed a truly decadent meal.
|14=Iron [[screw pump]] exercise equipment. Pump iron and get superdwarvenly strong!
|15=The violence, aggression, pain, madness, sadness of the ASCII characters never ceases to amaze me...
|16=Wait, you're MAKING animals? —''Torak'' At this moment, yes, I am smelting cows. —''Spiders Everywhere''
|17="Didn't you read the manual? He he he he... the manual... ..." --[[Toady One]]
|18=(Compared to real-world years) Dwarven years are shorter. --Sowelu Very fitting to dwarves, I must add. --Sean Mirrsen
|19=[[Magma]] is not a [[water]] source. Dwarves can't drink it or supply it to their wounded. --[[User:AlienChickenPie|AlienChickenPie]]
|20="[B]oats are the enemy of tiles. And tiles are the enemy of boats." --[[Toady One]]
|21="I went through and fixed a few places where forbidden/on fire weren't being respected for next time. Burning milkable creatures were still a problem for example." --[[Toady One]]
|22="You have been processed! Go forth, now, and edit!" --[[User:Savok|Savok]]
|23="What happened in 1048?" "Jreengus occurred."
|24=Making rock instruments isn't nearly as awesome as it sounds --Shandrunn
|25=The cyclops I was quested to kill had a thousand year history of badassery, and all of that without the leg it lost in the Year 3 (a dwarf bit it off... I should probably deal with that). --[[Toady One]]
|26=[FIREIMMUNE] makes them think that [[magma]] is safe but doesn't actually make them fireproof. This can lead to some rather interesting results.
|27=Endok Cerolneth has begun a mysterious construction! Endok Cerolneth, Planter has given birth to a girl.
|28="Incendia sunt socia vestra, armaque vestra, fortesque Montis Domi." "Magma is your ally, your weapon, the strength of the Mountain-Home." --Eita
|29="Stopped people from giving quests to kill themselves." --[[Toady One]]
|30="...And I simply doubt we have a need for 7 fishery workers. On top of that, a second soap maker. The hell IS soap?!" --Zero
|31="This is a terrible pun. All craftsdwarfship is of the poorest quality." - [http://tinyurl.com/6yruly Soup_alex]
|32="The default mental state of a dwarf is madness. Sanity is a temporary condition - a PRIVILEGE you have to EARN!" --[[User:Fedor|Fedor]]
|33="Why get normal cats? I buy lolcats in the embark screen. Much more fun to engrave about them." --Yanlin
|34="Dwarf Fortress taught me it was okay to make a suit out of my neighbour's skin, as long as I gave it a name."
|35="Got rid of world gen crash during succession after death of prolific long-standing position holders with inbred descendants" --[[Toady One]]
|36="There was a typo in the siegers' campfire code. When the fires went out, so did the game." --[[Toady One]]
|37="Hey, what does that flashing red and orange text mean? What? Why is there smoke everywhere? Oh god, are those BABIES on fire?" --[[User:StrawberryBunny|StrawberryBunny]]
|38="It's never 'just a game' when you're losing." --George Carlin (if he played Dwarf Fortress)
|39=Not that building a bridge out of soap makes much sense to begin with anyway.
|40=Note that while you cannot milk larger animals yourself, civilizations can still milk animals "off screen" for your benefit.
|41=Tosid Idenarzes likes tentacle demons for their corrupt intentions. "There! Now we've covered all of the seven deadly sins."
|42="Litast Idenudesh, baby, is throwing a tantrum! Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has lost consciousness. Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has bled to death."
|43=Bug 000780 [adventure mode][crime] - town guard becomes a criminal after getting an adventurer's stolen weapon stuck in his body
|44="Udib Toblumaid, Axedwarf, cancels sparring in Barracks: too insane." [[User:Ben jamm1n|Ben jamm1n]]
|45=Kosoth Cilobonol, Bone Carver cancels Drink: Unconscious.
|46=Sizir the Snail of Bait is a deity of The Fresh Towers. Sizir most often takes the form of a female dwarf and is associated with jealousy.
|47=Sibrek Tanbim likes Limestone, Tin, Smoky Quartz, the color crimson, bolts, scepters, anvils, and rock blocks for their lack of quality levels.
|48=There are 5 articles in category Lore: Armok, Cave Adaptation, Elephant, Philosopher, and Vomit.
|49=There is nothing to catch in the magma pipe.
|50=Bug 000563 [dwarf mode][justice] - mayor ordered himself beaten for failing to make crystal glass objects
|51=If cow cheese is made from cow's milk, what is dwarven cheese made of?
|52=Bugs are opportunities to cause unprecedented amounts of destruction. --Zorgn
|53="You know, Urist, you've got a mind like an +Ash Trap+."--[[User:Destor|Destor]]
|54='''Zander J:''' "Is there a way to stop immigration without setting the population cap?" '''Yanlin:''' "Magma."
|55=An animal trainer just suddenly stopped working and hid himself in a workshop. He's probably going to make a wardog out of rock and goblin skulls.
|56=Bug 000597 [creatures] - flying creatures give birth in midair, leading to tragedy.
|57='''Urdim Kutamèrith, Pump Operator, has created Rakusttenshed, a Glumprong blowgun!''' Urdim, you are a freaking idiot.
|58=<Forkez> I don't get the game, but I do get that tunnels flooded with water is a bad thing.
|59="If you give a dwarf a fire, he will be warm for a night. If you set a dwarf on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life."
|60="Since the Elves said they won't let me cut down any trees, I bought 50 of their logs instead."
|61=Do not make a trading race that breathes fire. I REPEAT, DON'T!! EVER!!
|62=Dwarf Fortress: Because burning elves are funny.
|63=The carp has drowned.
|64=There's one thing a dwarf needs, and that's stones. And alcohol... and magma... but mainly stones.
|65="I swear to god once I saw a dwarf who was labeled as being Strong, Very Agile, Very Tough... and ''Clean''. But it was probably just a bad dream."
|66=Urist McRandy has been ecstatic lately. He brought somebody to bed lately.
|67="Dwarven children kidnapped and incorporated into goblin society might sh... shave." --Toady One
|68=Bug 000871 [projectiles] - babies fall to death when born on stairs
|69=Bug 001031 [adventure mode][inventory] - a merchant pack animal caught at an old dwarf site during adv mode was wearing a full set of clothes
|70="[[Magma]] solves everything. [[Fire]] just ruins the [[booze]]." -sonerohi
|71=You can't yet strangle people with the exposed guts, though I suppose that's now within reach. --[[Toady One]]
|72=Look, there are roving clumps of sentient lava outside, ... This isn't going to get better. --PTTG??
|73=...and the only surviving dwarf is a noble who has mandated the construction of crowns and clear glass items to the empty halls. --PTTG??
|74=Adil Idenlocun is conflicted: "When possible he prefers to consume purring maggot, Dwarven ale and Dwarven syrup. He absolutely detests purring maggots."
|75="I had to leave just before I tested the dwarf with the boiling gold blood." -- Toady the Great One
|76=Urdim Zatinod has been quite content lately. She has lost an annoying friend to tragedy lately.
|77=I added two levers. One opens the magma. The other sets free all the cats. --Someone in Headshoots
|78="As Manbaspecut, Human Merchant is stricken by melancholy!" "Muskox has gone stark raving mad!" I think something is wrong with the human caravan...
|79="Somebody needs to build an active volcano inside a fortress inside an active volcano." --Boksi
|80=It has stats. It can be killed.
|81=Bug 000432 [dwarf mode][items] - Bones pop out of coffins.
|82=Thanks. I wish I had known that about three forts ago.
|83=If I ''remembered'' what the damn lever did, I'd ''pull'' it! <...pulls lever anyway...>
|84=Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine.
|85="So let me get this straight. We managed to destroy a dwarven civilization while only managing a single town??"
|86=Kara Mase, the Glory of Amusing: Engraved on the wall is an image of a dwarf and an elf. The dwarf is committing a depraved act on the elf.
|87=Once saw a water skin with red beryl spikes. I still wonder how you would drink from that.
|88=Watching a kobold thief be chased by batman is very satisfying.
|89=Kol Tölunimush has been ecstatic lately. He killed somebody by accident while sparring recently. He took joy in slaughter lately. He has lost a lover to tragedy lately. He has witnessed death. He had a satisfying sparring session recently.
|90=There was kind of a violent explosion of boiling human blood when I was testing a human vs a magma man in the arena... it was a little weird, but I guess that's okay. --[[Toady One]]
|91=Mew? Chop!
|92="If Dwarf Fortress geology is to be believed, then the Earth's core is made of microline and demons."
|93='They're firing arrows at us! Quickly! Raise the babies!!' -Urdim McSquadLeader, mother of 8
|94=It started raining, then all my dwarves outside started bleeding to death. On inspection their upper bodies were missing.
|95=It seems that a fresh recruit given a crossbow and a quiver with ammo in it will opt to run up to the enemy and bash them with the crossbow.
|96=Bug introduced in the latest version: Firemen can have their flames severed. These flames then just lie around the place.
|97=You stab Iron Man in the right leg from behind with your adamantine short sword, breaking away a piece of the gas and shattering the iron! The Beak Dog is caught in a burst of Iron Man gas! Beak Dog vomits into the Iron Man gas.
|98=Urist McDairy, Milker cancels store item in stockpile: handling dangerous creature
|99=Ildomushat, Fish Cleaner, cancels Clean Self: Could not find path.
|100=Losing is [[Fun]]!!! --The Motto of Dwarf Fortress
|101=I hate walking under dwarven archways. You never know how many mechanized crossbows they have hidden underneath those damn things.
|102="Bibo ergo sum. I drink, therefore I am." -- Dwarven Philosopher
|103=This is a menacing iron spike. This object menaces with spikes of iron.
|104=Kogsak is a deity of The Helpful Diamond. Kogsak most often takes the form of a dwarf and is associated with fortresses.
|105=The Forgotten Beast pushes The Wrestler in the head, bruising the muscle, driving the skull through the brain, and tearing apart the brain! The Wrestler has been struck down!
|106=Goblin Chops at the Diagnostician in the right leg, damaging the muscle! Urist McHouse is Unconscious!
|107=Limul Itebdesis, trader has been Possessed. Limul Itebdesis, trader has created Stodir Isethlolor, a Mortgage-Backed Security!
|108=The heart wound ended up being a guy getting shot in the arm, dropping his crossbow, running over to the opposing line, and jabbing his stack of bolts into somebody's chest.
|109=Giant mole has stolen a preserved prepared giant mole lung! ''"Hey, I want my grandfather back!"''
|110="You must construct additional barrels!" - [[User:Speed112]]
|111=All I want is a major river next to a volcano with flux, sand and bituminous coal.
|112=Do not taunt magma.
|113=I bury my pets in gold coffins and my nobles in wood coffins. Pets before people, I say.--[[KingAuggie]]
|114=[the cavern] is basically like the surface, except underground
|115=The fortress' randomly generated name was "Greatestfailure".
|116="You stab the Human Thresher in the mouth with your large copper dagger, tearing the left cheek!" "The large copper dagger has lodged firmly in the wound!"
|117="The best way to determine how dangerous a fortress is, is to make only one dwarf with the burial job, and nothing else: the lower his social skills, the more dangerous the fortress is - [[User:Rhenaya|Rhenaya]]"
|118="Before retiring in the evening, heed my words and give yourself to volcanos" - Ted Usmokatra, law-giver
|119=Upon coming of age, about 8, Urist McYoung Made an artifact, became mayor and promptly mandated the construction of slade goods.
|120=Dwarf Fortress: You've already lost.
|121=A sober fortress makes even a mental hospital seem like a pleasant place to live.
|122=A typical Dwarven nightmare consists of running out of booze or getting a beard lopped off in an accident.
|123=There are two ways of dealing with goblins in a tree. One is by marksdwarves. The other is by flooding the world with magma.
|124=Portal and Dwarf Fortress share a mystical trend. It is !!Science!!.
|125=The were-capybara is only one of the myriad lunatic monsters that terrorize the living. -- Threetoe
|126=The only time I ever saw the stupid thing fly, was to cross the aqueduct, to the beer hall. -- Fredd
|127=(On artifacts) I got a flint door, called The Noiseless Odors. -- Nyxalinth
|128=So apparently she became queen before becoming a twilight freak wife. Fascinating. -- Samuel
|129=The zombies in a necromancer's tower became suspicious after the necromancer failed to age -- Toady One
|130=Got a few barrels of beetle ichor and duck blood, gave some pig cheese in exchange. Made a present of three coffins to the queen.
|131=I'd have to look back to see if it wants the physical or metaphysical id on the corpse. -- Toady One
|132=The Sasquatch corpse has lodged firmly in the wound! The goblin has been struck down!
|133=[22:57:46] <Dik_> How do I wash myself up from blood? [23:06:20] <Dik_> How the fuck do I get out of the river?
|134=No, you're not getting that leg back. In fact, that creature over there is going to pick your leg up and beat you death with it. You won't respawn.
|135=My refuse pile just woke up and ate my dwarves, who in turn got up themselves and started eating the other dwarves.
|136=[http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/view.php?id=2264 bug 2264: Adv. Mode travel (near oceans) teleports player underground and turns them into an underground creature]
|137=[http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/view.php?id=5921 Bug #5921: Biting dwarves in minecarts infinitely increases combat range]
}}

v0.34:Wall

2012-03-29T09:16:34Z

Kogut: /* Construction */ === How can I get a dwarf to not build a wall from the wrong side? === (copy from DF2012:Suspend)

{{quality|Exceptional|13:50, 7 March 2011 (UTC)}}{{av}}

A '''wall''' is either a [[map tile]] or a [[construction]] that blocks access to [[creatures]] and [[Flow|fluids]]. The appearance of a constructed wall is similar to that of a [[smoothing|smoothed]] natural wall but it works the same as any filled tile composed of mountain rock, [[clay]] or [[soil]]. Walls either occur naturally (e.g. a Rough-hewn Andesite Wall), or can be constructed. With constructed walls it is possible to create multi-level [[building]]s such as [[tower]]s complete with roofs by creating [[floor]]s on the layer above. A wall fills the tile it is in and creates a walkable space above it.

== Digging ==
As explained on the [[digging]] page, naturally occurring walls can be dug out using the {{Key|d}}esignations {{Key|d}}ig command, or c{{Key|h}}annel command. These tasks are carried out by dwarves with the [[mining]] labor activated.

Natural walls can be designated for {{K|s}}moothing and {{K|e}}ngraving to improve the appearance and value of the wall. These tasks are carried out by dwarves with the [[stone detailing]] labor activated.

== Construction ==

Walls can be built ''en masse''. To do this, use the {{K|b}}uild -> {{K|C}}onstruction -> {{K|w}}all command. The keys {{K|u}},{{K|m}},{{K|k}} and {{K|h}} are used to change size. Walls may be built on any square which does not already contain a structure, provided your dwarves can reach an adjacent square (this includes building a wall over empty air next to a floor, allowing for the construction of inverted pyramids). Diagonals cannot be built from, nor will they support constructions.

The important thing to remember is that all walls, floors and anything built with the {{K|b}}-{{K|C}} keys are LIFO - "Last In, First Out". That means that the very last designation you make will be the very first thing your masons will work on next! Once you master this concept, it can be used to your advantage, but only if you can plan ahead.

It is also important to remember that you cannot build on top of a constructed floor, but you can build a wall on top of another constructed wall, even though the upper surface of a wall is otherwise indistinguishable from a constructed floor.

Constructed walls cannot be engraved, but can be carved into [[fortification]]s ({{K|d}}esignate - c{{K|a}}rve fortifications). As usual, the fortifications will block movement, but not [[liquid]]s or small objects such as [[bolt]]s.

Normal walls are considered 'rough'. By using [[stone]], [[glass]], [[wood]], or [[metal]] [[block]]s, higher quality constructions can be built with increased value. This can be particularly important when trying to maximize the value of a [[noble|noble]]'s [[room]].

As with all [[construction]]s, the material used dictates which [[labor]] is required to perform the construction.

When building walls, your masons will carry the rocks themselves. A useful tip when building defences is to first make a rock stockpile nearby, and only allow one type of rock in it. When it fills up, remove it, and build the wall.

=== How can I get a dwarf to not build a wall from the wrong side? ===
When choosing a place to stand while building a wall, dwarves will avoid standing on designated building sites. By designating a wall tile on the wrong side of the wall, you can be assured that the mason who builds it will stand on the right side and not be trapped by their own device. Suspending the extra designation will prevent dwarves from attempting to actually build it.

== Removing Walls ==

To remove a wall, open the {{Key|d}}esignations menu and select {{Key|n}} Remove Construction. This task will be carried out by any unoccupied dwarf, including [[children]] and [[noble]]s.

== Notes ==
* Walls do not have any effect on [[Noise|noise]].
* If a wall that is the only support for a structure is removed, it will [[Cave-in|collapse]], most likely hurting any dwarves on or around it.

==See also==
*[[How do I construct a wall from a particular direction]]?

{{Buildings}}
{{Category|Buildings}}
{{Category|Constructions}}

v0.34:Butcher's shop

2012-03-26T13:52:49Z

Kogut: /* Notes */ -*There are currently some bugs relating to butchered products and clutter.

{{Quality|Exceptional|09:44, 9 August 2010 (UTC)}}
{{Workshop
|name=Butcher's shop
|key=u
|job=*[[Butcher|Butchery]]
|construction=
* [[Building material]] (non-[[economic]])
|construction_job=
1 of
*[[Butchery]]
*[[Small animal dissection]]
*[[Trapping]]
|use=
* [[Tame animals]]
* Corpses of untamed non-sentient animals
|production=
* [[Skin]]
* [[Fat]]
* [[Meat]]
* [[Bone]]
* [[Prepared organs]]
* [[Skull]]
* [[Scale]]
* [[Hooves]]
* [[Ivory]]
* [[Tooth]]
* [[Hair]]
* [[Wool]]
}}{{av}}

The '''butcher's shop''' is used to butcher [[Tame animals|tame animals]], corpses of certain slain animals, and to process skeletons of wild animals. Tame animals can be designated for butchering either by pressing {{key|v}}, moving the cursor over the animal and pressing {{key|s}}, or by going into the animal list by pressing {{key|z}}, {{key|Enter}} and then by choosing the animal(s) for butchering by pressing {{key|b}} while they are highlighted. It can also be used to butcher already dead animals.

A butchered animal results into various items with different uses:

{| {{prettytable}}
!Item
!Uses
|-
|[[Meat]] and [[Prepared organs]]
|Eaten raw or [[kitchen|cooked]]
|-
|[[Fat]]
|[[kitchen|Cooked]] to [[tallow]]
|-
|[[Skull]]
|Crafting skull [[totem|totem]]
|-
|[[Bone|Bones]]
|Crafting bone [[bolt|bolts]], bone [[craft|crafts]], or used as a [[decoration]] material
|-
|[[Hoof|Hooves]], [[Horn]]s, [[Shell]]s, [[Nail]]s,[[Tooth|Teeth]]
|Used for [[crafts]] or used as a [[decoration]] material
|-
|[[Skin]]
|Tanned into [[Leather]]
|-
|[[Hair]]
|Spun into [[thread]], but not weaved into [[cloth]]
|-
|[[Cartilage]]
|Currently no uses. {{version|0.31.25}}
|-
|Nervous tissue
|Currently no uses. {{version|0.31.25}}
|-
|Feather, [[Scale]], and [[Chitin]]
|Currently no uses. {{version|0.31.25}}
|-
|Wool
|Spun into [[Yarn]]
|}

==Menu==
'''Butcher's Shop'''

*{{k|b}}'''Butcher a dead animal'''
Renders a dead animal into its component parts of [[meat]], [[fat]], [[skin]], [[bone]]s, and [[skull]]s. Usually used on animals that your [[hunter]] brings back, or tame animals you chose for slaughter.

*{{k|e}}'''Extract from a dead animal'''
Requires a caged [[fire snake]], [[cave spider]], or [[phantom spider]] and [[Animal dissector|animal dissection]]. Contrary to the name of the task, the vermin must be alive (though it will be dead once the task is done).
Produces [[Fire snake|liquid fire]] and [[venom]], respectively.

*{{k|a}}'''Capture a live land animal'''
Requires an [[animal trap]] and [[trapping]].
The trapper will take the trap and chase vermin until it catches one.

==Common Uses==
*Produce meat for food.
*Produce skin for leather.
*Produce bones for bolts.

==Helpful Strategies==

=== Hauling and stockpile considerations ===

One thing to beware of is that butchered creatures will practically explode into piles of meat, bones, fat, organs and more; this can quickly clutter up a butchers shop or risk rotting the entire pile if not enough haulers and a suitable stockpile are available. Refuse also can not be stored in containers, so every item will use up one stockpile tile. For any jobs, such as cooking meat, rendering fat, and carving bones, the entire stack will become tasked and unavailable to other workshops.

The initial corpse or body part must be in a stockpile close enough to the butcher's shop to automatically trigger the '''Butcher a dead animal''' job. Similarly, there is a maximum distance for the [[Main:Tanner's shop|Tanner's shop]] to notice a skin and automatically trigger a '''Tan a skin''' job. It is not known precisely what "close enough" is, in either case.

=== Clutter Reduction and Rotting Prevention ===

A good way to cut down on clutter and to prevent your butchered animals from rotting is to build a Quantum Stockpile right by your butcher shops and then place a stockpile at the bottom. This way as meat is produced you can order it dumped into the stockpile so it is stored easily and will not rot.
To prevent rotten meat from producing [[miasma]] channel out a shaft above your butcher shops and build a wall around it on the surface. This way if meat rots it will not produce miasma.

==Notes==
*A butcher's shop is operated by any dwarf with the 'butchery' [[labor]] enabled.
*Corpses left to rot will become skeletons. Only those of wild animals (typically killed from hunting or traps) can be processed at the butcher's shop. Products will be bone, skull, hoof, horn and the like (no meat, fat, prepared organs or skin).
*Partial corpses as well as mutilated corpses do not provide the "full set"; the number of bones may be lower, organs may be missing.
*You can't butcher vermin fish, that is done at the [[Main:Fishery|Fishery]]. But you can butcher underwater creatures. For instance, you can butcher 'Carp corpse', but you can't butcher 'Oyster'.
*Tamed animals that die of starvation seem to be unbutcherable, although those that die of old age may be butchered.

==See Also==

:*[[Creature]] pages for butchering results.
:*[[Meat industry]]
:*[[Stockpile]]

{{Workshops}}

v0.34:Trading

2012-03-18T06:24:12Z

Kogut: /* Miscellaneous Trading Advice */ -untrue "* Food inside the Trade Depot can go bad. Have a food stockpile nearby so you can quickly haul goods inside."

{{quality|Exceptional|07:56, 19 January 2011 (UTC)}}{{av}}
{{Buggy}}

'''Trading''' in Dwarf Fortress first occurs in the first [[Calendar|autumn]] after establishing your fortress, with the arrival of the [[dwarf|Dwarven]] [[Trading#Caravans|caravan]]. Trading is a good way to acquire resources that are not available or are rare in the local area. It also allows for more freedom in selecting starting gear or purchase of additional skills for the expedition party, because items can always be obtained through trade later.

'''Trader''' is the term used at your Trade Depot to refer to your fortress [[Broker]] when dealing with merchants in a visiting caravan ({{key|r}} - "''Trader requested at Depot"''). As a [[profession]], the term usually only applies to visiting merchants, or to a dwarf whose highest [[skill]] is [[Appraiser]].

== Trade Depot ==
Building a [[Trade depot]] is a requisite for trade with caravans that arrive at your fortress.

While it may be convenient to build a Trade Depot outside at first, it is usually a really good idea to move it inside or build walls, bridges and other fortifications around it to protect caravans and your goods from animals (guzzlers), [[thief|thieves]] and [[goblin]]s.

Everything that is on your map belongs to you, except:
* the items of non-fortress members (only if they are alive, when they are dead they belong to you if you claim the items),{{Verify}}
* the items that are on merchant animals{{Verify}}
* the items that are on the trade depot (they belong to the caravan until they are moved out of it)

See the [[Trade depot]] article for more information on how to interact with it.

==Trading Flowchart ==
{{:Trading/Flowchart}}
After entering the trade menu, select the items to offer from the right, and the desired items from the left. All caravans have a weight limit which cannot be exceeded, and the allowed additional weight is displayed in the lower right corner. If the acting broker has at least Novice or better [[Appraisal]] skill, the value of all items will be displayed. Once the proposal is ready, press {{K|t}} to propose the trade, but merchants will not agree unless they make adequate profit. Be sure to use '''trade''', not '''offer''' {{K|o}}, as this will make a gift of the selected items. The amount of acceptable profit is determined by the broker's [[Broker skills|skills]] and the merchant's mood, described below. Merchants may attempt to propose counteroffers if they do not accept the proposal, which can then be accepted, rejected, or further amended by the broker.

With more experienced brokers or pleased merchants, even marginally profitable trades can be successful, and counterproposals can be rejected safely, offering the same trade again. Note however that a low profit margin for the traders may not be desirable - it has been suggested that both export and profit numbers influence the size of next years caravan and, in the case of the dwarven caravan, immigration numbers.{{Verify}}

Goods brought by caravans do not have base quality higher than superior, but decorations on a good may be of any quality.{{Verify}}

== Trading cue colors ==

* '''Brown''' Items have been created (or modified) by your fortress. They can be traded away or offered as a gift.
* '''White''' Items were created by another source. They can be traded, but if one of these items has been selected, the entire selection cannot be offered as a gift.
* '''Purple''' Items are under a no-export mandate. If they are traded away it will result in disciplinary action (see [[justice]]) against the dwarf that brought the item to the depot.{{Verify}}
* '''Green''' Items have just been gifted to the caravan and they will not trade it back.
* '''Red''' Items have been seized from another caravan and cannot be traded as is; you will need to decorate them or turn them into other items for them to become "valid" trading items. However, a caravan from a different civilization ''may'' accept stolen goods without changing them first.{{verify}}

Note that containers (barrels, bins, etc) will be displayed according to the origin of the container, not the contents. So a foreign barrel holding locally-produced beer will display as foreign (white). Once you {{k|v}}iew the container, the locally-made contents are displayed as local (brown).

== Merchant mood ==
If your broker has Novice or better [[Judge of intent]] skill, there will be a line added below the merchant's dialogue describing the caravan's attitude. Their attitude rises with successful trades (especially if they get lots of profit) and falls when you propose deals they don't like.

* (trader) seems ecstatic with the trading
* (trader) seems very happy about the trading
* (trader) seems pleased with the trading
* (trader) seems willing to trade (Default, at least for humans)
* (trader) seems to be rapidly losing patience
* (trader) is not going to take much more of this
* (trader) is unwilling to trade

The happier you make a merchant, the less profit margin he will demand in a trade. If merchants reach the lowest level, no further trade will be possible, and they will immediately pack up and leave your depot. Since annoyed traders are more likely to reject deals, you should be generous in initial negotiations. Skilled negotiators seem less likely to offend traders with unsuccessful deals.

An easy way to capitalize on this mood system is to perform several partial trades. First trade for a few items, offering goods twice the value of the items you ask for (eg, offer 2000☼ for 1000☼ of his stuff). This will likely make the merchant ecstatic about trading with you. Exit the trade screen, unpause briefly, and then return to trading with a vengeance. With the merchant in such a good mood, he is more likely to counteroffer than reject a trade outright.

== Seizing items ==

Pressing {{K|s}} from the trade menu will seize the selected items of the merchant's. If you seize goods from a caravan, the merchant will respond "Take what you want. I can't stop you." and then leave immediately without the seized goods. Items cannot be seized from the dwarven caravan, and other races will not buy goods stolen from one of their caravans (then marked in red) unless they are tricked into asking for them via counteroffer, or the items are "laundered" by decoration or used to create other goods. Seizing goods will hurt diplomatic relations, but is not grounds for an automatic [[siege]].{{Verify}}

Pressing the seize button while no goods are selected will result in the merchant interpreting your seizure as a joke. This apparently does nothing to benefit or hinder your trading.{{Verify}}

As a side note, if you deconstruct your trade depot with a caravan in it, all the caravan's items will drop to the ground, to be readily hauled away by your Dwarves. This does not mark the items as stolen, and the caravan will leave. However, ''next'' year's caravan is partly based on the profits from the previous year - so if you are relying on that race's caravans for needed items, you're hurting yourself in the long run.{{Verify}}

Another way to steal without marking as stolen is to forbid the trade depot just before they leave, causing them to leave their goods at the depot.{{Verify}}

Note that the civilization attached to a particular caravan will keep track of the value of items the caravan was carrying when they set out to trade, and they will compare this value with the value of items they return home with. Regardless of what method you use to confiscate items from a caravan, even if you came to possess the goods through no fault of your own (an [[ambush]] killed the caravaners, for example) the parent civilization may decide that you stole from them and send a [[siege]] instead of a caravan the following year. It is prudent to take measures to protect caravans visiting your lands!{{Verify}}

==Offering items==

{{key|o}} You can also give away items, as gifts to the leaders of the [[civilization]] you are trading with. This presumably helps relations between yourself and the other faction, though there is not yet a clear correlation between the value of the offerings and the improvement to relations. The exact effects of offerings on trading are unknown but it is believed due to the offerings' net trade value being counted towards the traders' profit, possibly with a modifier (possibly a multiplier of more than 1 as a bonus or less than 1 to compensate for the improved relations){{Verify}}, which in turn increases the quantity and variety of trade goods brought by next year's caravan. Also the [[King]] requires offerings to be made before his arrival.(5,000 in 0.31.25) You cannot offer items that were not made at your fortress; the traders do not want your spare goblin harvest clothes.

Unless you are looking for [[fun]], under no conditions should you offer or trade items which are wooden or used wood in their creation (glass, for example) to [[elves]], as this will insult the traders, and may cause them to leave or even damage relations enough to provoke a war between you and the elven civilization you traded with. They will be equally insulted by you trading back their wood-related items.

== Miscellaneous Trading Advice ==
* Thieves and thieving critters tend to follow caravans. Expect assaults and intruders.
* Be careful about asking traders to bring lots of individual lightweight items (such as meat and fish) as it can result in traders taking a very long time to unload their goods. Unless the path to your depot is extremely long, though, this is unlikely to cause significant problems.{{Verify}}
* Create your trading depot inside your fort, preferably in the beginning. Place a 3-tile wide path (which must be free of obstructions such as stairways) to the entrance of the fort and line this with traps; this will help to protect the traders and keep the depot close to your supplies.
* All caravans will bring extra food (meat and edible plants) and wooden logs if the supplies of your fortress are low enough, independent of whether or not you requested them. This does not apply in the case that the weight limit is exceeded by (other) items you requested. The supply situation, as observed by traders, is based solely on the number of unforbidden items in your fortress, whether stockpiled or utilized in buildings (such as wooden axles, water wheels, windmills, or workshops); thus, it is possible to trick caravans into thinking your supplies are low by [[forbid]]ding all of your relevant stocks immediately prior to their arrival.  This also seems to apply to elven caravans bringing [[cloth]] (except that cloth that's turned into [[clothing]], [[bag]]s or [[rope]] isn't counted). So if you want elven caravans to ''stop'' bringing cloth, buy up all the cloth that the first few caravans bring and stash them somewhere.
* Define your trade depot as a burrow. When traders arrive, you can add your broker or another dwarf, perhaps one you want to train in trading, to the burrow. They will head to the depot immediately, and stay there until you remove them from the burrow.
* Elves will trade [[Tame]] exotic creatures; '''however,''' once purchased, these creatures will not show up on the Animal section of the [[Status]] screen if you do not have a [[Dungeon master]] (a noble position that is currently bugged).
* Each trade you make (regardless of value) will increase your broker's skills by 50, distributed among Comedian, Flatterer, Intimidator, Judge of Intent, Negotiator, and Persuader. Each skill seems to gain around 5-15 points, but the sum will always be 50. The skill gain occurs as soon as the "t" button is pressed - if the offer is rejected, the dwarf will still gain 50 points. If the same offer is subsequently accepted, no additional skill will be gained.

== Caravans ==
Each friendly race will send a caravan per year, linked to one season, which is autumn for dwarves, summer for humans, spring for elves. In rare cases, goblins will show up in winter.{{verify}} However, in the first year only a dwarven caravan will arrive, although it will tend to arrive later than mid-autumn, unlike previous versions {{verify}}. Caravans will only show up if that race considers the fortress site accessible (as denoted on the embark screen), with the exception of dwarves, who always arrive unless they are extinct.{{verify}} Caravans appear to enter the map from a random direction which does not coincide with the relative direction of the originating [[civilization]], and they may appear from different directions or z-levels each year. Caravans may leave without trading if it takes too long to reach the trade depot. Caravans will embark on their journey back exactly one month after their arrival, whether they have succeeded in reaching the depot or not.{{Verify}}

Note that if traders or their animals are prevented from leaving, they will eventually go [[insane]].

Also worth mention is the pathing behavior of the entire caravan. If one member of the caravan reaches a block in their chosen path (ie. a raised drawbridge that was lowered when they entered the map) the entire caravan will re-path, instead of encountering the obstacle one by one.

If a cavaran has a lot of junk to load up, it can take a while (>=2 months), but don't worry, the other caravan can unload / trade while the first one is still uploading

== Liaisons ==
[[Liaison]]s may be sent with caravans to speak to important dwarves (and they ''will'' speak to those dwarves, even if they have to wait at their bedside in the hospital for months after the caravan has left). Liaisons allow you to choose the type of items that your fortress is interested in, and will focus on bringing more of that kind of item on the next caravan (however, those items will also be more expensive). In turn, they will present a list of the items they're willing to pay more for, which will be effective upon their next arrival.

Trade agreements can be viewed at a later time through the Civilization menu ({{k|c}}). These trade agreements are cleared when a liaison of the corresponding civilization enters the screen, so they are generally not accessible after the caravan has arrived.

If a liaison is prevented from leaving, they will eventually go [[insane]]. {{Verify}}

==== [[Dwarves]] ====
:''"Our fortunes rise and fall together"''

The dwarven caravan:
* arrives in [[Calendar|autumn]].
* carries metal bars, [[leather]], weapons and armor, food and booze, and more. Dwarves alone may bring [[steel]] and steel goods. They can still bring steel (and steel goods) and [[pig iron]] bars even if they do not have access to [[iron]], but will not bring iron products.
* is well guarded.
* sends a liaison who will speak with the [[Expedition leader]], [[Mayor]], [[Baron]], [[Count]], or [[Duke]] to negotiate an import-export agreement (unless the [[Monarch]] is present).
* influences the number of immigrants received (if the caravan leaves intact).{{verify}}
* will not cause sieges when repeatedly destroyed or lost.
* is the only caravan to arrive during a fortress' first year.
* always arrives regardless of embark location, as long as the dwarven civilization is not extinct.{{verify}}
* cannot have its goods seized from the trade menu.
* may not arrive if your civilization lacks any notable figures.

==== [[elf|Elves]] ====
[[Image:Evil_elves.png|thumb|400px|A typical elven caravan.]]

The elven caravan:
* arrives in the [[Calendar|spring]].
* carries [[cloth]], [[rope]]s, various above-ground seeds, [[plant]]s and their byproducts, [[log]]s, [[wood]]en goods & [[weapon]]s, clothing and [[armor]], and may carry tame exotic [[creature]]s.
* is unguarded.
* does not accept some items in trade:

Elven traders do not like to be offered any tree byproducts. Forbidden items include:

* [[Wood]]en items (including subterranean mushrooms such as [[tower-cap]]s)
* Items derived from wood - [[ash]] and [[charcoal]], as well as [[lye]], [[potash]], and [[pearlash]]
* Items made from clear and crystal [[glass]] (due to the [[pearlash]] used) - green glass appears to be perfectly acceptable
* Items [[decoration|decorated]] with any of the above materials
* [[Obsidian]] shortswords (since they have wooden handles)
* [[Soap]] (made with [[lye]])

Offering or trading forbidden items will cause the mood of the trader to drop rapidly, causing them to refuse to trade any more that season and leave immediately. Additionally you will be called uncouth, crude, and barbaric for not understanding their customs.

However, [[stone]] and [[metal]] items, even when [[charcoal]] is used in production, are acceptable. Items made from [[silk]] are acceptable, as are all non-wooden plant-derived products such as [[cloth]] and [[thread]]. Items made of bone (totems too), horn, shell or leather are acceptable, so are meat and fish. You can also transport your goods to the [[trade depot]] in a wooden [[bin]], as long as you do not try to sell the bin. Living animals are acceptable, as long as the [[cage]] or [[trap]] is not made of [[wood]].

Be especially careful with reselling decorated items from other caravans, as non-wood/glass items may have decorations of wood or clear/crystal glass. All such items that elven caravans sell are also unacceptable to sell back to elves, as the dwarves have no means of proving that they were made in an "elf kosher" way.

==== [[Human]]s ====
The human caravan:
* arrives in [[Calendar|summer]].
* carries metal bars, sand, [[leather]], cloth, wood, food and booze, ropes, waterskins, quivers, backpacks, metal weapons and clothing and armor, cages and a few domestic animals.
* is moderately guarded.

==== [[Goblin]]s{{Verify}} ====
A goblin caravan ''may'' arrive if your civilization is at peace with the goblins.

The goblin caravan:
*will arrive every season, four times per year{{verify}}
*unguarded
*brings mostly food and cloth
*does not send a liaison or a guild representative
*does not make import/export agreements

== Destruction ==
If caravans are destroyed (intentionally or unintentionally), the items may remain for use. Traders caught in a [[cave-in]] will flee as if they were attacked, but will leave all the items dropped by the caravan behind. Pack animals carrying items are affected just like a normal tamed [[mule]] and must be killed in the cave-in for them to drop items on the ground. It is however much more likely that the pack animals will only be stunned or rendered unconscious, and flee shortly after recovering from the hit.

While caravans can defend themselves, they don't like being ambushed. An encounter with unfriendly creatures resulting in the death of any merchant or pack animal will cause them to retreat and forget about trading with you for the season. Repeated caravan destruction (intentional or unintentional) will strain diplomatic relations and may result in a [[siege]].

== Caravan Delay ==
If a caravan has arrived at your trade depot and is unable to leave for about six months after they arrived, the merchants and animals will go insane. This can result in a bunch of merchants attacking your dwarves, or just standing around moping until they starve to death. It is not known for certain if this hurts diplomatic relations, but most likely it's the same as any case where the entire caravan fails to return home.{{Verify}}

If you have locked the caravan into your fortress to hold out against a siege, it's a good idea to station a squad of soldiers near the trade depot in case the merchants [[Insanity#Types|go berserk]]. You may also want to make the depot a restricted area to encourage civilians to go around it. Alternatively, you can design the trade depot using drawbridges, so that it can be sealed off from the rest of the fortress during a siege.

If you want the merchants to leave safely, you can build four or more tunnels to each corner of the map, connected to your fortress only by drawbridges. As long as there is no other way to enter and exit your fortress, invaders and merchants will both go towards any tunnel that you activate. You can lock the merchants into the trade depot, and then open a tunnel entrance on one side of the map to make the invaders head towards that tunnel. When they get close to it, you can close it, and then open the entrance on the other side of the map, and let the traders out of the depot. If your fortress and depot are in the middle of the map, this will give the traders quite a head-start to get away.{{Verify}}

Merchants can leave the map from any map edge-- including underground map edges. If an unobstructed path through your fortress reaches an edge, then blocking an overland path will cause the merchants to travel underground. This can be useful, if you're suffering a prolonged siege; it can also be dangerous, if your underground regions are less secure than your surface.

Caravan guards cannot be starved, dehydrated, or driven to insanity if prevented from leaving, their employers and animals will however.

If an large amount of items is sold / offered to the caravan, it may take a while to load it all, specially, if you wish to keep the precious bins, and sell low value items, with low weight.

== Bugs ==

<s>*No one brings wagons, even if there is a clear path to your depot. {{bug|197}}</s> solved
*Wild animals cannot be traded; when a dwarf attempts to move the caged animal to the Depot, the creature is set free.Only aggressive animals?
*If your [[hospital]] isn't already stocked with the specified amount of thread/cloth, your dwarves will carry off as much from the caravan as they need to fill it. {{Bug|66}}
*Caravans show up very late in the season. {{Bug|1756}}

== Loyalty cascade ==
*If you order your military to kill merchants from your own civilization, your soldiers will simultaneously become members ''and'' enemies of your civilization, resulting in a civil war within your fortress. When this happens, all current members of the fortress (excluding incoming migrants) will turn on each other yet they will still be seen as normal working dwarves in the status screens. This will only last for those who were alive ''during'' the attack, they will always be hostile to everyone including incoming migrants (yet they still do their jobs/ follow military orders and work as dwarves although they will interrupt other's work. They will not be shown as enemies in the Units screen).

== Exploits ==

*If you destroy the Depot while they are unloaded you will get the leaving message but they will leave before the building is completely destroyed, so they will not reclaim any of their stuff because it is not available until the building is fully deconstructed. However any animals they had caged will only become friendly, you won't actually own them.

*If you wait some time (2-3 months{{verify}}), you can "claim" animals by linking a lever to the cage and opening it, the animals will be released in a tamed state. Check the 'u'nit screen before releasing them; if the creatures still show as Merchant creatures, they will wander off the map when released; if they show as Tame creatures, they will stay once released.

v0.34:Trading

2012-03-18T06:23:49Z

Kogut: /* Miscellaneous Trading Advice */ -useless "* Several small trades, exiting the trade window each time, '''no longer''' increases the Broker's relevant skills during the early game. {{Verify}}"

{{quality|Exceptional|07:56, 19 January 2011 (UTC)}}{{av}}
{{Buggy}}

'''Trading''' in Dwarf Fortress first occurs in the first [[Calendar|autumn]] after establishing your fortress, with the arrival of the [[dwarf|Dwarven]] [[Trading#Caravans|caravan]]. Trading is a good way to acquire resources that are not available or are rare in the local area. It also allows for more freedom in selecting starting gear or purchase of additional skills for the expedition party, because items can always be obtained through trade later.

'''Trader''' is the term used at your Trade Depot to refer to your fortress [[Broker]] when dealing with merchants in a visiting caravan ({{key|r}} - "''Trader requested at Depot"''). As a [[profession]], the term usually only applies to visiting merchants, or to a dwarf whose highest [[skill]] is [[Appraiser]].

== Trade Depot ==
Building a [[Trade depot]] is a requisite for trade with caravans that arrive at your fortress.

While it may be convenient to build a Trade Depot outside at first, it is usually a really good idea to move it inside or build walls, bridges and other fortifications around it to protect caravans and your goods from animals (guzzlers), [[thief|thieves]] and [[goblin]]s.

Everything that is on your map belongs to you, except:
* the items of non-fortress members (only if they are alive, when they are dead they belong to you if you claim the items),{{Verify}}
* the items that are on merchant animals{{Verify}}
* the items that are on the trade depot (they belong to the caravan until they are moved out of it)

See the [[Trade depot]] article for more information on how to interact with it.

==Trading Flowchart ==
{{:Trading/Flowchart}}
After entering the trade menu, select the items to offer from the right, and the desired items from the left. All caravans have a weight limit which cannot be exceeded, and the allowed additional weight is displayed in the lower right corner. If the acting broker has at least Novice or better [[Appraisal]] skill, the value of all items will be displayed. Once the proposal is ready, press {{K|t}} to propose the trade, but merchants will not agree unless they make adequate profit. Be sure to use '''trade''', not '''offer''' {{K|o}}, as this will make a gift of the selected items. The amount of acceptable profit is determined by the broker's [[Broker skills|skills]] and the merchant's mood, described below. Merchants may attempt to propose counteroffers if they do not accept the proposal, which can then be accepted, rejected, or further amended by the broker.

With more experienced brokers or pleased merchants, even marginally profitable trades can be successful, and counterproposals can be rejected safely, offering the same trade again. Note however that a low profit margin for the traders may not be desirable - it has been suggested that both export and profit numbers influence the size of next years caravan and, in the case of the dwarven caravan, immigration numbers.{{Verify}}

Goods brought by caravans do not have base quality higher than superior, but decorations on a good may be of any quality.{{Verify}}

== Trading cue colors ==

* '''Brown''' Items have been created (or modified) by your fortress. They can be traded away or offered as a gift.
* '''White''' Items were created by another source. They can be traded, but if one of these items has been selected, the entire selection cannot be offered as a gift.
* '''Purple''' Items are under a no-export mandate. If they are traded away it will result in disciplinary action (see [[justice]]) against the dwarf that brought the item to the depot.{{Verify}}
* '''Green''' Items have just been gifted to the caravan and they will not trade it back.
* '''Red''' Items have been seized from another caravan and cannot be traded as is; you will need to decorate them or turn them into other items for them to become "valid" trading items. However, a caravan from a different civilization ''may'' accept stolen goods without changing them first.{{verify}}

Note that containers (barrels, bins, etc) will be displayed according to the origin of the container, not the contents. So a foreign barrel holding locally-produced beer will display as foreign (white). Once you {{k|v}}iew the container, the locally-made contents are displayed as local (brown).

== Merchant mood ==
If your broker has Novice or better [[Judge of intent]] skill, there will be a line added below the merchant's dialogue describing the caravan's attitude. Their attitude rises with successful trades (especially if they get lots of profit) and falls when you propose deals they don't like.

* (trader) seems ecstatic with the trading
* (trader) seems very happy about the trading
* (trader) seems pleased with the trading
* (trader) seems willing to trade (Default, at least for humans)
* (trader) seems to be rapidly losing patience
* (trader) is not going to take much more of this
* (trader) is unwilling to trade

The happier you make a merchant, the less profit margin he will demand in a trade. If merchants reach the lowest level, no further trade will be possible, and they will immediately pack up and leave your depot. Since annoyed traders are more likely to reject deals, you should be generous in initial negotiations. Skilled negotiators seem less likely to offend traders with unsuccessful deals.

An easy way to capitalize on this mood system is to perform several partial trades. First trade for a few items, offering goods twice the value of the items you ask for (eg, offer 2000☼ for 1000☼ of his stuff). This will likely make the merchant ecstatic about trading with you. Exit the trade screen, unpause briefly, and then return to trading with a vengeance. With the merchant in such a good mood, he is more likely to counteroffer than reject a trade outright.

== Seizing items ==

Pressing {{K|s}} from the trade menu will seize the selected items of the merchant's. If you seize goods from a caravan, the merchant will respond "Take what you want. I can't stop you." and then leave immediately without the seized goods. Items cannot be seized from the dwarven caravan, and other races will not buy goods stolen from one of their caravans (then marked in red) unless they are tricked into asking for them via counteroffer, or the items are "laundered" by decoration or used to create other goods. Seizing goods will hurt diplomatic relations, but is not grounds for an automatic [[siege]].{{Verify}}

Pressing the seize button while no goods are selected will result in the merchant interpreting your seizure as a joke. This apparently does nothing to benefit or hinder your trading.{{Verify}}

As a side note, if you deconstruct your trade depot with a caravan in it, all the caravan's items will drop to the ground, to be readily hauled away by your Dwarves. This does not mark the items as stolen, and the caravan will leave. However, ''next'' year's caravan is partly based on the profits from the previous year - so if you are relying on that race's caravans for needed items, you're hurting yourself in the long run.{{Verify}}

Another way to steal without marking as stolen is to forbid the trade depot just before they leave, causing them to leave their goods at the depot.{{Verify}}

Note that the civilization attached to a particular caravan will keep track of the value of items the caravan was carrying when they set out to trade, and they will compare this value with the value of items they return home with. Regardless of what method you use to confiscate items from a caravan, even if you came to possess the goods through no fault of your own (an [[ambush]] killed the caravaners, for example) the parent civilization may decide that you stole from them and send a [[siege]] instead of a caravan the following year. It is prudent to take measures to protect caravans visiting your lands!{{Verify}}

==Offering items==

{{key|o}} You can also give away items, as gifts to the leaders of the [[civilization]] you are trading with. This presumably helps relations between yourself and the other faction, though there is not yet a clear correlation between the value of the offerings and the improvement to relations. The exact effects of offerings on trading are unknown but it is believed due to the offerings' net trade value being counted towards the traders' profit, possibly with a modifier (possibly a multiplier of more than 1 as a bonus or less than 1 to compensate for the improved relations){{Verify}}, which in turn increases the quantity and variety of trade goods brought by next year's caravan. Also the [[King]] requires offerings to be made before his arrival.(5,000 in 0.31.25) You cannot offer items that were not made at your fortress; the traders do not want your spare goblin harvest clothes.

Unless you are looking for [[fun]], under no conditions should you offer or trade items which are wooden or used wood in their creation (glass, for example) to [[elves]], as this will insult the traders, and may cause them to leave or even damage relations enough to provoke a war between you and the elven civilization you traded with. They will be equally insulted by you trading back their wood-related items.

== Miscellaneous Trading Advice ==
* Food inside the Trade Depot can go bad. Have a food stockpile nearby so you can quickly haul goods inside.
* Thieves and thieving critters tend to follow caravans. Expect assaults and intruders.
* Be careful about asking traders to bring lots of individual lightweight items (such as meat and fish) as it can result in traders taking a very long time to unload their goods. Unless the path to your depot is extremely long, though, this is unlikely to cause significant problems.{{Verify}}
* Create your trading depot inside your fort, preferably in the beginning. Place a 3-tile wide path (which must be free of obstructions such as stairways) to the entrance of the fort and line this with traps; this will help to protect the traders and keep the depot close to your supplies.
* All caravans will bring extra food (meat and edible plants) and wooden logs if the supplies of your fortress are low enough, independent of whether or not you requested them. This does not apply in the case that the weight limit is exceeded by (other) items you requested. The supply situation, as observed by traders, is based solely on the number of unforbidden items in your fortress, whether stockpiled or utilized in buildings (such as wooden axles, water wheels, windmills, or workshops); thus, it is possible to trick caravans into thinking your supplies are low by [[forbid]]ding all of your relevant stocks immediately prior to their arrival.  This also seems to apply to elven caravans bringing [[cloth]] (except that cloth that's turned into [[clothing]], [[bag]]s or [[rope]] isn't counted). So if you want elven caravans to ''stop'' bringing cloth, buy up all the cloth that the first few caravans bring and stash them somewhere.
* Define your trade depot as a burrow. When traders arrive, you can add your broker or another dwarf, perhaps one you want to train in trading, to the burrow. They will head to the depot immediately, and stay there until you remove them from the burrow.
* Elves will trade [[Tame]] exotic creatures; '''however,''' once purchased, these creatures will not show up on the Animal section of the [[Status]] screen if you do not have a [[Dungeon master]] (a noble position that is currently bugged).
* Each trade you make (regardless of value) will increase your broker's skills by 50, distributed among Comedian, Flatterer, Intimidator, Judge of Intent, Negotiator, and Persuader. Each skill seems to gain around 5-15 points, but the sum will always be 50. The skill gain occurs as soon as the "t" button is pressed - if the offer is rejected, the dwarf will still gain 50 points. If the same offer is subsequently accepted, no additional skill will be gained.

== Caravans ==
Each friendly race will send a caravan per year, linked to one season, which is autumn for dwarves, summer for humans, spring for elves. In rare cases, goblins will show up in winter.{{verify}} However, in the first year only a dwarven caravan will arrive, although it will tend to arrive later than mid-autumn, unlike previous versions {{verify}}. Caravans will only show up if that race considers the fortress site accessible (as denoted on the embark screen), with the exception of dwarves, who always arrive unless they are extinct.{{verify}} Caravans appear to enter the map from a random direction which does not coincide with the relative direction of the originating [[civilization]], and they may appear from different directions or z-levels each year. Caravans may leave without trading if it takes too long to reach the trade depot. Caravans will embark on their journey back exactly one month after their arrival, whether they have succeeded in reaching the depot or not.{{Verify}}

Note that if traders or their animals are prevented from leaving, they will eventually go [[insane]].

Also worth mention is the pathing behavior of the entire caravan. If one member of the caravan reaches a block in their chosen path (ie. a raised drawbridge that was lowered when they entered the map) the entire caravan will re-path, instead of encountering the obstacle one by one.

If a cavaran has a lot of junk to load up, it can take a while (>=2 months), but don't worry, the other caravan can unload / trade while the first one is still uploading

== Liaisons ==
[[Liaison]]s may be sent with caravans to speak to important dwarves (and they ''will'' speak to those dwarves, even if they have to wait at their bedside in the hospital for months after the caravan has left). Liaisons allow you to choose the type of items that your fortress is interested in, and will focus on bringing more of that kind of item on the next caravan (however, those items will also be more expensive). In turn, they will present a list of the items they're willing to pay more for, which will be effective upon their next arrival.

Trade agreements can be viewed at a later time through the Civilization menu ({{k|c}}). These trade agreements are cleared when a liaison of the corresponding civilization enters the screen, so they are generally not accessible after the caravan has arrived.

If a liaison is prevented from leaving, they will eventually go [[insane]]. {{Verify}}

==== [[Dwarves]] ====
:''"Our fortunes rise and fall together"''

The dwarven caravan:
* arrives in [[Calendar|autumn]].
* carries metal bars, [[leather]], weapons and armor, food and booze, and more. Dwarves alone may bring [[steel]] and steel goods. They can still bring steel (and steel goods) and [[pig iron]] bars even if they do not have access to [[iron]], but will not bring iron products.
* is well guarded.
* sends a liaison who will speak with the [[Expedition leader]], [[Mayor]], [[Baron]], [[Count]], or [[Duke]] to negotiate an import-export agreement (unless the [[Monarch]] is present).
* influences the number of immigrants received (if the caravan leaves intact).{{verify}}
* will not cause sieges when repeatedly destroyed or lost.
* is the only caravan to arrive during a fortress' first year.
* always arrives regardless of embark location, as long as the dwarven civilization is not extinct.{{verify}}
* cannot have its goods seized from the trade menu.
* may not arrive if your civilization lacks any notable figures.

==== [[elf|Elves]] ====
[[Image:Evil_elves.png|thumb|400px|A typical elven caravan.]]

The elven caravan:
* arrives in the [[Calendar|spring]].
* carries [[cloth]], [[rope]]s, various above-ground seeds, [[plant]]s and their byproducts, [[log]]s, [[wood]]en goods & [[weapon]]s, clothing and [[armor]], and may carry tame exotic [[creature]]s.
* is unguarded.
* does not accept some items in trade:

Elven traders do not like to be offered any tree byproducts. Forbidden items include:

* [[Wood]]en items (including subterranean mushrooms such as [[tower-cap]]s)
* Items derived from wood - [[ash]] and [[charcoal]], as well as [[lye]], [[potash]], and [[pearlash]]
* Items made from clear and crystal [[glass]] (due to the [[pearlash]] used) - green glass appears to be perfectly acceptable
* Items [[decoration|decorated]] with any of the above materials
* [[Obsidian]] shortswords (since they have wooden handles)
* [[Soap]] (made with [[lye]])

Offering or trading forbidden items will cause the mood of the trader to drop rapidly, causing them to refuse to trade any more that season and leave immediately. Additionally you will be called uncouth, crude, and barbaric for not understanding their customs.

However, [[stone]] and [[metal]] items, even when [[charcoal]] is used in production, are acceptable. Items made from [[silk]] are acceptable, as are all non-wooden plant-derived products such as [[cloth]] and [[thread]]. Items made of bone (totems too), horn, shell or leather are acceptable, so are meat and fish. You can also transport your goods to the [[trade depot]] in a wooden [[bin]], as long as you do not try to sell the bin. Living animals are acceptable, as long as the [[cage]] or [[trap]] is not made of [[wood]].

Be especially careful with reselling decorated items from other caravans, as non-wood/glass items may have decorations of wood or clear/crystal glass. All such items that elven caravans sell are also unacceptable to sell back to elves, as the dwarves have no means of proving that they were made in an "elf kosher" way.

==== [[Human]]s ====
The human caravan:
* arrives in [[Calendar|summer]].
* carries metal bars, sand, [[leather]], cloth, wood, food and booze, ropes, waterskins, quivers, backpacks, metal weapons and clothing and armor, cages and a few domestic animals.
* is moderately guarded.

==== [[Goblin]]s{{Verify}} ====
A goblin caravan ''may'' arrive if your civilization is at peace with the goblins.

The goblin caravan:
*will arrive every season, four times per year{{verify}}
*unguarded
*brings mostly food and cloth
*does not send a liaison or a guild representative
*does not make import/export agreements

== Destruction ==
If caravans are destroyed (intentionally or unintentionally), the items may remain for use. Traders caught in a [[cave-in]] will flee as if they were attacked, but will leave all the items dropped by the caravan behind. Pack animals carrying items are affected just like a normal tamed [[mule]] and must be killed in the cave-in for them to drop items on the ground. It is however much more likely that the pack animals will only be stunned or rendered unconscious, and flee shortly after recovering from the hit.

While caravans can defend themselves, they don't like being ambushed. An encounter with unfriendly creatures resulting in the death of any merchant or pack animal will cause them to retreat and forget about trading with you for the season. Repeated caravan destruction (intentional or unintentional) will strain diplomatic relations and may result in a [[siege]].

== Caravan Delay ==
If a caravan has arrived at your trade depot and is unable to leave for about six months after they arrived, the merchants and animals will go insane. This can result in a bunch of merchants attacking your dwarves, or just standing around moping until they starve to death. It is not known for certain if this hurts diplomatic relations, but most likely it's the same as any case where the entire caravan fails to return home.{{Verify}}

If you have locked the caravan into your fortress to hold out against a siege, it's a good idea to station a squad of soldiers near the trade depot in case the merchants [[Insanity#Types|go berserk]]. You may also want to make the depot a restricted area to encourage civilians to go around it. Alternatively, you can design the trade depot using drawbridges, so that it can be sealed off from the rest of the fortress during a siege.

If you want the merchants to leave safely, you can build four or more tunnels to each corner of the map, connected to your fortress only by drawbridges. As long as there is no other way to enter and exit your fortress, invaders and merchants will both go towards any tunnel that you activate. You can lock the merchants into the trade depot, and then open a tunnel entrance on one side of the map to make the invaders head towards that tunnel. When they get close to it, you can close it, and then open the entrance on the other side of the map, and let the traders out of the depot. If your fortress and depot are in the middle of the map, this will give the traders quite a head-start to get away.{{Verify}}

Merchants can leave the map from any map edge-- including underground map edges. If an unobstructed path through your fortress reaches an edge, then blocking an overland path will cause the merchants to travel underground. This can be useful, if you're suffering a prolonged siege; it can also be dangerous, if your underground regions are less secure than your surface.

Caravan guards cannot be starved, dehydrated, or driven to insanity if prevented from leaving, their employers and animals will however.

If an large amount of items is sold / offered to the caravan, it may take a while to load it all, specially, if you wish to keep the precious bins, and sell low value items, with low weight.

== Bugs ==

<s>*No one brings wagons, even if there is a clear path to your depot. {{bug|197}}</s> solved
*Wild animals cannot be traded; when a dwarf attempts to move the caged animal to the Depot, the creature is set free.Only aggressive animals?
*If your [[hospital]] isn't already stocked with the specified amount of thread/cloth, your dwarves will carry off as much from the caravan as they need to fill it. {{Bug|66}}
*Caravans show up very late in the season. {{Bug|1756}}

== Loyalty cascade ==
*If you order your military to kill merchants from your own civilization, your soldiers will simultaneously become members ''and'' enemies of your civilization, resulting in a civil war within your fortress. When this happens, all current members of the fortress (excluding incoming migrants) will turn on each other yet they will still be seen as normal working dwarves in the status screens. This will only last for those who were alive ''during'' the attack, they will always be hostile to everyone including incoming migrants (yet they still do their jobs/ follow military orders and work as dwarves although they will interrupt other's work. They will not be shown as enemies in the Units screen).

== Exploits ==

*If you destroy the Depot while they are unloaded you will get the leaving message but they will leave before the building is completely destroyed, so they will not reclaim any of their stuff because it is not available until the building is fully deconstructed. However any animals they had caged will only become friendly, you won't actually own them.

*If you wait some time (2-3 months{{verify}}), you can "claim" animals by linking a lever to the cage and opening it, the animals will be released in a tamed state. Check the 'u'nit screen before releasing them; if the creatures still show as Merchant creatures, they will wander off the map when released; if they show as Tame creatures, they will stay once released.

v0.34:Trading

2012-03-18T06:23:18Z

Kogut: /* Offering items */ -" It is also worth noting that in-game the only way to acquire wood is by chopping down trees, so it is likely that the elves have developed a method of growing and acquiring wood without killing trees which will be included in"

{{quality|Exceptional|07:56, 19 January 2011 (UTC)}}{{av}}
{{Buggy}}

'''Trading''' in Dwarf Fortress first occurs in the first [[Calendar|autumn]] after establishing your fortress, with the arrival of the [[dwarf|Dwarven]] [[Trading#Caravans|caravan]]. Trading is a good way to acquire resources that are not available or are rare in the local area. It also allows for more freedom in selecting starting gear or purchase of additional skills for the expedition party, because items can always be obtained through trade later.

'''Trader''' is the term used at your Trade Depot to refer to your fortress [[Broker]] when dealing with merchants in a visiting caravan ({{key|r}} - "''Trader requested at Depot"''). As a [[profession]], the term usually only applies to visiting merchants, or to a dwarf whose highest [[skill]] is [[Appraiser]].

== Trade Depot ==
Building a [[Trade depot]] is a requisite for trade with caravans that arrive at your fortress.

While it may be convenient to build a Trade Depot outside at first, it is usually a really good idea to move it inside or build walls, bridges and other fortifications around it to protect caravans and your goods from animals (guzzlers), [[thief|thieves]] and [[goblin]]s.

Everything that is on your map belongs to you, except:
* the items of non-fortress members (only if they are alive, when they are dead they belong to you if you claim the items),{{Verify}}
* the items that are on merchant animals{{Verify}}
* the items that are on the trade depot (they belong to the caravan until they are moved out of it)

See the [[Trade depot]] article for more information on how to interact with it.

==Trading Flowchart ==
{{:Trading/Flowchart}}
After entering the trade menu, select the items to offer from the right, and the desired items from the left. All caravans have a weight limit which cannot be exceeded, and the allowed additional weight is displayed in the lower right corner. If the acting broker has at least Novice or better [[Appraisal]] skill, the value of all items will be displayed. Once the proposal is ready, press {{K|t}} to propose the trade, but merchants will not agree unless they make adequate profit. Be sure to use '''trade''', not '''offer''' {{K|o}}, as this will make a gift of the selected items. The amount of acceptable profit is determined by the broker's [[Broker skills|skills]] and the merchant's mood, described below. Merchants may attempt to propose counteroffers if they do not accept the proposal, which can then be accepted, rejected, or further amended by the broker.

With more experienced brokers or pleased merchants, even marginally profitable trades can be successful, and counterproposals can be rejected safely, offering the same trade again. Note however that a low profit margin for the traders may not be desirable - it has been suggested that both export and profit numbers influence the size of next years caravan and, in the case of the dwarven caravan, immigration numbers.{{Verify}}

Goods brought by caravans do not have base quality higher than superior, but decorations on a good may be of any quality.{{Verify}}

== Trading cue colors ==

* '''Brown''' Items have been created (or modified) by your fortress. They can be traded away or offered as a gift.
* '''White''' Items were created by another source. They can be traded, but if one of these items has been selected, the entire selection cannot be offered as a gift.
* '''Purple''' Items are under a no-export mandate. If they are traded away it will result in disciplinary action (see [[justice]]) against the dwarf that brought the item to the depot.{{Verify}}
* '''Green''' Items have just been gifted to the caravan and they will not trade it back.
* '''Red''' Items have been seized from another caravan and cannot be traded as is; you will need to decorate them or turn them into other items for them to become "valid" trading items. However, a caravan from a different civilization ''may'' accept stolen goods without changing them first.{{verify}}

Note that containers (barrels, bins, etc) will be displayed according to the origin of the container, not the contents. So a foreign barrel holding locally-produced beer will display as foreign (white). Once you {{k|v}}iew the container, the locally-made contents are displayed as local (brown).

== Merchant mood ==
If your broker has Novice or better [[Judge of intent]] skill, there will be a line added below the merchant's dialogue describing the caravan's attitude. Their attitude rises with successful trades (especially if they get lots of profit) and falls when you propose deals they don't like.

* (trader) seems ecstatic with the trading
* (trader) seems very happy about the trading
* (trader) seems pleased with the trading
* (trader) seems willing to trade (Default, at least for humans)
* (trader) seems to be rapidly losing patience
* (trader) is not going to take much more of this
* (trader) is unwilling to trade

The happier you make a merchant, the less profit margin he will demand in a trade. If merchants reach the lowest level, no further trade will be possible, and they will immediately pack up and leave your depot. Since annoyed traders are more likely to reject deals, you should be generous in initial negotiations. Skilled negotiators seem less likely to offend traders with unsuccessful deals.

An easy way to capitalize on this mood system is to perform several partial trades. First trade for a few items, offering goods twice the value of the items you ask for (eg, offer 2000☼ for 1000☼ of his stuff). This will likely make the merchant ecstatic about trading with you. Exit the trade screen, unpause briefly, and then return to trading with a vengeance. With the merchant in such a good mood, he is more likely to counteroffer than reject a trade outright.

== Seizing items ==

Pressing {{K|s}} from the trade menu will seize the selected items of the merchant's. If you seize goods from a caravan, the merchant will respond "Take what you want. I can't stop you." and then leave immediately without the seized goods. Items cannot be seized from the dwarven caravan, and other races will not buy goods stolen from one of their caravans (then marked in red) unless they are tricked into asking for them via counteroffer, or the items are "laundered" by decoration or used to create other goods. Seizing goods will hurt diplomatic relations, but is not grounds for an automatic [[siege]].{{Verify}}

Pressing the seize button while no goods are selected will result in the merchant interpreting your seizure as a joke. This apparently does nothing to benefit or hinder your trading.{{Verify}}

As a side note, if you deconstruct your trade depot with a caravan in it, all the caravan's items will drop to the ground, to be readily hauled away by your Dwarves. This does not mark the items as stolen, and the caravan will leave. However, ''next'' year's caravan is partly based on the profits from the previous year - so if you are relying on that race's caravans for needed items, you're hurting yourself in the long run.{{Verify}}

Another way to steal without marking as stolen is to forbid the trade depot just before they leave, causing them to leave their goods at the depot.{{Verify}}

Note that the civilization attached to a particular caravan will keep track of the value of items the caravan was carrying when they set out to trade, and they will compare this value with the value of items they return home with. Regardless of what method you use to confiscate items from a caravan, even if you came to possess the goods through no fault of your own (an [[ambush]] killed the caravaners, for example) the parent civilization may decide that you stole from them and send a [[siege]] instead of a caravan the following year. It is prudent to take measures to protect caravans visiting your lands!{{Verify}}

==Offering items==

{{key|o}} You can also give away items, as gifts to the leaders of the [[civilization]] you are trading with. This presumably helps relations between yourself and the other faction, though there is not yet a clear correlation between the value of the offerings and the improvement to relations. The exact effects of offerings on trading are unknown but it is believed due to the offerings' net trade value being counted towards the traders' profit, possibly with a modifier (possibly a multiplier of more than 1 as a bonus or less than 1 to compensate for the improved relations){{Verify}}, which in turn increases the quantity and variety of trade goods brought by next year's caravan. Also the [[King]] requires offerings to be made before his arrival.(5,000 in 0.31.25) You cannot offer items that were not made at your fortress; the traders do not want your spare goblin harvest clothes.

Unless you are looking for [[fun]], under no conditions should you offer or trade items which are wooden or used wood in their creation (glass, for example) to [[elves]], as this will insult the traders, and may cause them to leave or even damage relations enough to provoke a war between you and the elven civilization you traded with. They will be equally insulted by you trading back their wood-related items.

== Miscellaneous Trading Advice ==

* Several small trades, exiting the trade window each time, '''no longer''' increases the Broker's relevant skills during the early game. {{Verify}}
* Food inside the Trade Depot can go bad. Have a food stockpile nearby so you can quickly haul goods inside.
* Thieves and thieving critters tend to follow caravans. Expect assaults and intruders.
* Be careful about asking traders to bring lots of individual lightweight items (such as meat and fish) as it can result in traders taking a very long time to unload their goods. Unless the path to your depot is extremely long, though, this is unlikely to cause significant problems.{{Verify}}
* Create your trading depot inside your fort, preferably in the beginning. Place a 3-tile wide path (which must be free of obstructions such as stairways) to the entrance of the fort and line this with traps; this will help to protect the traders and keep the depot close to your supplies.
* All caravans will bring extra food (meat and edible plants) and wooden logs if the supplies of your fortress are low enough, independent of whether or not you requested them. This does not apply in the case that the weight limit is exceeded by (other) items you requested. The supply situation, as observed by traders, is based solely on the number of unforbidden items in your fortress, whether stockpiled or utilized in buildings (such as wooden axles, water wheels, windmills, or workshops); thus, it is possible to trick caravans into thinking your supplies are low by [[forbid]]ding all of your relevant stocks immediately prior to their arrival.  This also seems to apply to elven caravans bringing [[cloth]] (except that cloth that's turned into [[clothing]], [[bag]]s or [[rope]] isn't counted). So if you want elven caravans to ''stop'' bringing cloth, buy up all the cloth that the first few caravans bring and stash them somewhere.
* Define your trade depot as a burrow. When traders arrive, you can add your broker or another dwarf, perhaps one you want to train in trading, to the burrow. They will head to the depot immediately, and stay there until you remove them from the burrow.
* Elves will trade [[Tame]] exotic creatures; '''however,''' once purchased, these creatures will not show up on the Animal section of the [[Status]] screen if you do not have a [[Dungeon master]] (a noble position that is currently bugged).
* Each trade you make (regardless of value) will increase your broker's skills by 50, distributed among Comedian, Flatterer, Intimidator, Judge of Intent, Negotiator, and Persuader. Each skill seems to gain around 5-15 points, but the sum will always be 50. The skill gain occurs as soon as the "t" button is pressed - if the offer is rejected, the dwarf will still gain 50 points. If the same offer is subsequently accepted, no additional skill will be gained.

== Caravans ==
Each friendly race will send a caravan per year, linked to one season, which is autumn for dwarves, summer for humans, spring for elves. In rare cases, goblins will show up in winter.{{verify}} However, in the first year only a dwarven caravan will arrive, although it will tend to arrive later than mid-autumn, unlike previous versions {{verify}}. Caravans will only show up if that race considers the fortress site accessible (as denoted on the embark screen), with the exception of dwarves, who always arrive unless they are extinct.{{verify}} Caravans appear to enter the map from a random direction which does not coincide with the relative direction of the originating [[civilization]], and they may appear from different directions or z-levels each year. Caravans may leave without trading if it takes too long to reach the trade depot. Caravans will embark on their journey back exactly one month after their arrival, whether they have succeeded in reaching the depot or not.{{Verify}}

Note that if traders or their animals are prevented from leaving, they will eventually go [[insane]].

Also worth mention is the pathing behavior of the entire caravan. If one member of the caravan reaches a block in their chosen path (ie. a raised drawbridge that was lowered when they entered the map) the entire caravan will re-path, instead of encountering the obstacle one by one.

If a cavaran has a lot of junk to load up, it can take a while (>=2 months), but don't worry, the other caravan can unload / trade while the first one is still uploading

== Liaisons ==
[[Liaison]]s may be sent with caravans to speak to important dwarves (and they ''will'' speak to those dwarves, even if they have to wait at their bedside in the hospital for months after the caravan has left). Liaisons allow you to choose the type of items that your fortress is interested in, and will focus on bringing more of that kind of item on the next caravan (however, those items will also be more expensive). In turn, they will present a list of the items they're willing to pay more for, which will be effective upon their next arrival.

Trade agreements can be viewed at a later time through the Civilization menu ({{k|c}}). These trade agreements are cleared when a liaison of the corresponding civilization enters the screen, so they are generally not accessible after the caravan has arrived.

If a liaison is prevented from leaving, they will eventually go [[insane]]. {{Verify}}

==== [[Dwarves]] ====
:''"Our fortunes rise and fall together"''

The dwarven caravan:
* arrives in [[Calendar|autumn]].
* carries metal bars, [[leather]], weapons and armor, food and booze, and more. Dwarves alone may bring [[steel]] and steel goods. They can still bring steel (and steel goods) and [[pig iron]] bars even if they do not have access to [[iron]], but will not bring iron products.
* is well guarded.
* sends a liaison who will speak with the [[Expedition leader]], [[Mayor]], [[Baron]], [[Count]], or [[Duke]] to negotiate an import-export agreement (unless the [[Monarch]] is present).
* influences the number of immigrants received (if the caravan leaves intact).{{verify}}
* will not cause sieges when repeatedly destroyed or lost.
* is the only caravan to arrive during a fortress' first year.
* always arrives regardless of embark location, as long as the dwarven civilization is not extinct.{{verify}}
* cannot have its goods seized from the trade menu.
* may not arrive if your civilization lacks any notable figures.

==== [[elf|Elves]] ====
[[Image:Evil_elves.png|thumb|400px|A typical elven caravan.]]

The elven caravan:
* arrives in the [[Calendar|spring]].
* carries [[cloth]], [[rope]]s, various above-ground seeds, [[plant]]s and their byproducts, [[log]]s, [[wood]]en goods & [[weapon]]s, clothing and [[armor]], and may carry tame exotic [[creature]]s.
* is unguarded.
* does not accept some items in trade:

Elven traders do not like to be offered any tree byproducts. Forbidden items include:

* [[Wood]]en items (including subterranean mushrooms such as [[tower-cap]]s)
* Items derived from wood - [[ash]] and [[charcoal]], as well as [[lye]], [[potash]], and [[pearlash]]
* Items made from clear and crystal [[glass]] (due to the [[pearlash]] used) - green glass appears to be perfectly acceptable
* Items [[decoration|decorated]] with any of the above materials
* [[Obsidian]] shortswords (since they have wooden handles)
* [[Soap]] (made with [[lye]])

Offering or trading forbidden items will cause the mood of the trader to drop rapidly, causing them to refuse to trade any more that season and leave immediately. Additionally you will be called uncouth, crude, and barbaric for not understanding their customs.

However, [[stone]] and [[metal]] items, even when [[charcoal]] is used in production, are acceptable. Items made from [[silk]] are acceptable, as are all non-wooden plant-derived products such as [[cloth]] and [[thread]]. Items made of bone (totems too), horn, shell or leather are acceptable, so are meat and fish. You can also transport your goods to the [[trade depot]] in a wooden [[bin]], as long as you do not try to sell the bin. Living animals are acceptable, as long as the [[cage]] or [[trap]] is not made of [[wood]].

Be especially careful with reselling decorated items from other caravans, as non-wood/glass items may have decorations of wood or clear/crystal glass. All such items that elven caravans sell are also unacceptable to sell back to elves, as the dwarves have no means of proving that they were made in an "elf kosher" way.

==== [[Human]]s ====
The human caravan:
* arrives in [[Calendar|summer]].
* carries metal bars, sand, [[leather]], cloth, wood, food and booze, ropes, waterskins, quivers, backpacks, metal weapons and clothing and armor, cages and a few domestic animals.
* is moderately guarded.

==== [[Goblin]]s{{Verify}} ====
A goblin caravan ''may'' arrive if your civilization is at peace with the goblins.

The goblin caravan:
*will arrive every season, four times per year{{verify}}
*unguarded
*brings mostly food and cloth
*does not send a liaison or a guild representative
*does not make import/export agreements

== Destruction ==
If caravans are destroyed (intentionally or unintentionally), the items may remain for use. Traders caught in a [[cave-in]] will flee as if they were attacked, but will leave all the items dropped by the caravan behind. Pack animals carrying items are affected just like a normal tamed [[mule]] and must be killed in the cave-in for them to drop items on the ground. It is however much more likely that the pack animals will only be stunned or rendered unconscious, and flee shortly after recovering from the hit.

While caravans can defend themselves, they don't like being ambushed. An encounter with unfriendly creatures resulting in the death of any merchant or pack animal will cause them to retreat and forget about trading with you for the season. Repeated caravan destruction (intentional or unintentional) will strain diplomatic relations and may result in a [[siege]].

== Caravan Delay ==
If a caravan has arrived at your trade depot and is unable to leave for about six months after they arrived, the merchants and animals will go insane. This can result in a bunch of merchants attacking your dwarves, or just standing around moping until they starve to death. It is not known for certain if this hurts diplomatic relations, but most likely it's the same as any case where the entire caravan fails to return home.{{Verify}}

If you have locked the caravan into your fortress to hold out against a siege, it's a good idea to station a squad of soldiers near the trade depot in case the merchants [[Insanity#Types|go berserk]]. You may also want to make the depot a restricted area to encourage civilians to go around it. Alternatively, you can design the trade depot using drawbridges, so that it can be sealed off from the rest of the fortress during a siege.

If you want the merchants to leave safely, you can build four or more tunnels to each corner of the map, connected to your fortress only by drawbridges. As long as there is no other way to enter and exit your fortress, invaders and merchants will both go towards any tunnel that you activate. You can lock the merchants into the trade depot, and then open a tunnel entrance on one side of the map to make the invaders head towards that tunnel. When they get close to it, you can close it, and then open the entrance on the other side of the map, and let the traders out of the depot. If your fortress and depot are in the middle of the map, this will give the traders quite a head-start to get away.{{Verify}}

Merchants can leave the map from any map edge-- including underground map edges. If an unobstructed path through your fortress reaches an edge, then blocking an overland path will cause the merchants to travel underground. This can be useful, if you're suffering a prolonged siege; it can also be dangerous, if your underground regions are less secure than your surface.

Caravan guards cannot be starved, dehydrated, or driven to insanity if prevented from leaving, their employers and animals will however.

If an large amount of items is sold / offered to the caravan, it may take a while to load it all, specially, if you wish to keep the precious bins, and sell low value items, with low weight.

== Bugs ==

<s>*No one brings wagons, even if there is a clear path to your depot. {{bug|197}}</s> solved
*Wild animals cannot be traded; when a dwarf attempts to move the caged animal to the Depot, the creature is set free.Only aggressive animals?
*If your [[hospital]] isn't already stocked with the specified amount of thread/cloth, your dwarves will carry off as much from the caravan as they need to fill it. {{Bug|66}}
*Caravans show up very late in the season. {{Bug|1756}}

== Loyalty cascade ==
*If you order your military to kill merchants from your own civilization, your soldiers will simultaneously become members ''and'' enemies of your civilization, resulting in a civil war within your fortress. When this happens, all current members of the fortress (excluding incoming migrants) will turn on each other yet they will still be seen as normal working dwarves in the status screens. This will only last for those who were alive ''during'' the attack, they will always be hostile to everyone including incoming migrants (yet they still do their jobs/ follow military orders and work as dwarves although they will interrupt other's work. They will not be shown as enemies in the Units screen).

== Exploits ==

*If you destroy the Depot while they are unloaded you will get the leaving message but they will leave before the building is completely destroyed, so they will not reclaim any of their stuff because it is not available until the building is fully deconstructed. However any animals they had caged will only become friendly, you won't actually own them.

*If you wait some time (2-3 months{{verify}}), you can "claim" animals by linking a lever to the cage and opening it, the animals will be released in a tamed state. Check the 'u'nit screen before releasing them; if the creatures still show as Merchant creatures, they will wander off the map when released; if they show as Tame creatures, they will stay once released.

v0.34:Trading

2012-03-18T06:22:54Z

Kogut: /* Offering items */ -" - their refusal to accept back their wooden items is probably a bug which will be removed in a later release, though this has not been verified"

{{quality|Exceptional|07:56, 19 January 2011 (UTC)}}{{av}}
{{Buggy}}

'''Trading''' in Dwarf Fortress first occurs in the first [[Calendar|autumn]] after establishing your fortress, with the arrival of the [[dwarf|Dwarven]] [[Trading#Caravans|caravan]]. Trading is a good way to acquire resources that are not available or are rare in the local area. It also allows for more freedom in selecting starting gear or purchase of additional skills for the expedition party, because items can always be obtained through trade later.

'''Trader''' is the term used at your Trade Depot to refer to your fortress [[Broker]] when dealing with merchants in a visiting caravan ({{key|r}} - "''Trader requested at Depot"''). As a [[profession]], the term usually only applies to visiting merchants, or to a dwarf whose highest [[skill]] is [[Appraiser]].

== Trade Depot ==
Building a [[Trade depot]] is a requisite for trade with caravans that arrive at your fortress.

While it may be convenient to build a Trade Depot outside at first, it is usually a really good idea to move it inside or build walls, bridges and other fortifications around it to protect caravans and your goods from animals (guzzlers), [[thief|thieves]] and [[goblin]]s.

Everything that is on your map belongs to you, except:
* the items of non-fortress members (only if they are alive, when they are dead they belong to you if you claim the items),{{Verify}}
* the items that are on merchant animals{{Verify}}
* the items that are on the trade depot (they belong to the caravan until they are moved out of it)

See the [[Trade depot]] article for more information on how to interact with it.

==Trading Flowchart ==
{{:Trading/Flowchart}}
After entering the trade menu, select the items to offer from the right, and the desired items from the left. All caravans have a weight limit which cannot be exceeded, and the allowed additional weight is displayed in the lower right corner. If the acting broker has at least Novice or better [[Appraisal]] skill, the value of all items will be displayed. Once the proposal is ready, press {{K|t}} to propose the trade, but merchants will not agree unless they make adequate profit. Be sure to use '''trade''', not '''offer''' {{K|o}}, as this will make a gift of the selected items. The amount of acceptable profit is determined by the broker's [[Broker skills|skills]] and the merchant's mood, described below. Merchants may attempt to propose counteroffers if they do not accept the proposal, which can then be accepted, rejected, or further amended by the broker.

With more experienced brokers or pleased merchants, even marginally profitable trades can be successful, and counterproposals can be rejected safely, offering the same trade again. Note however that a low profit margin for the traders may not be desirable - it has been suggested that both export and profit numbers influence the size of next years caravan and, in the case of the dwarven caravan, immigration numbers.{{Verify}}

Goods brought by caravans do not have base quality higher than superior, but decorations on a good may be of any quality.{{Verify}}

== Trading cue colors ==

* '''Brown''' Items have been created (or modified) by your fortress. They can be traded away or offered as a gift.
* '''White''' Items were created by another source. They can be traded, but if one of these items has been selected, the entire selection cannot be offered as a gift.
* '''Purple''' Items are under a no-export mandate. If they are traded away it will result in disciplinary action (see [[justice]]) against the dwarf that brought the item to the depot.{{Verify}}
* '''Green''' Items have just been gifted to the caravan and they will not trade it back.
* '''Red''' Items have been seized from another caravan and cannot be traded as is; you will need to decorate them or turn them into other items for them to become "valid" trading items. However, a caravan from a different civilization ''may'' accept stolen goods without changing them first.{{verify}}

Note that containers (barrels, bins, etc) will be displayed according to the origin of the container, not the contents. So a foreign barrel holding locally-produced beer will display as foreign (white). Once you {{k|v}}iew the container, the locally-made contents are displayed as local (brown).

== Merchant mood ==
If your broker has Novice or better [[Judge of intent]] skill, there will be a line added below the merchant's dialogue describing the caravan's attitude. Their attitude rises with successful trades (especially if they get lots of profit) and falls when you propose deals they don't like.

* (trader) seems ecstatic with the trading
* (trader) seems very happy about the trading
* (trader) seems pleased with the trading
* (trader) seems willing to trade (Default, at least for humans)
* (trader) seems to be rapidly losing patience
* (trader) is not going to take much more of this
* (trader) is unwilling to trade

The happier you make a merchant, the less profit margin he will demand in a trade. If merchants reach the lowest level, no further trade will be possible, and they will immediately pack up and leave your depot. Since annoyed traders are more likely to reject deals, you should be generous in initial negotiations. Skilled negotiators seem less likely to offend traders with unsuccessful deals.

An easy way to capitalize on this mood system is to perform several partial trades. First trade for a few items, offering goods twice the value of the items you ask for (eg, offer 2000☼ for 1000☼ of his stuff). This will likely make the merchant ecstatic about trading with you. Exit the trade screen, unpause briefly, and then return to trading with a vengeance. With the merchant in such a good mood, he is more likely to counteroffer than reject a trade outright.

== Seizing items ==

Pressing {{K|s}} from the trade menu will seize the selected items of the merchant's. If you seize goods from a caravan, the merchant will respond "Take what you want. I can't stop you." and then leave immediately without the seized goods. Items cannot be seized from the dwarven caravan, and other races will not buy goods stolen from one of their caravans (then marked in red) unless they are tricked into asking for them via counteroffer, or the items are "laundered" by decoration or used to create other goods. Seizing goods will hurt diplomatic relations, but is not grounds for an automatic [[siege]].{{Verify}}

Pressing the seize button while no goods are selected will result in the merchant interpreting your seizure as a joke. This apparently does nothing to benefit or hinder your trading.{{Verify}}

As a side note, if you deconstruct your trade depot with a caravan in it, all the caravan's items will drop to the ground, to be readily hauled away by your Dwarves. This does not mark the items as stolen, and the caravan will leave. However, ''next'' year's caravan is partly based on the profits from the previous year - so if you are relying on that race's caravans for needed items, you're hurting yourself in the long run.{{Verify}}

Another way to steal without marking as stolen is to forbid the trade depot just before they leave, causing them to leave their goods at the depot.{{Verify}}

Note that the civilization attached to a particular caravan will keep track of the value of items the caravan was carrying when they set out to trade, and they will compare this value with the value of items they return home with. Regardless of what method you use to confiscate items from a caravan, even if you came to possess the goods through no fault of your own (an [[ambush]] killed the caravaners, for example) the parent civilization may decide that you stole from them and send a [[siege]] instead of a caravan the following year. It is prudent to take measures to protect caravans visiting your lands!{{Verify}}

==Offering items==

{{key|o}} You can also give away items, as gifts to the leaders of the [[civilization]] you are trading with. This presumably helps relations between yourself and the other faction, though there is not yet a clear correlation between the value of the offerings and the improvement to relations. The exact effects of offerings on trading are unknown but it is believed due to the offerings' net trade value being counted towards the traders' profit, possibly with a modifier (possibly a multiplier of more than 1 as a bonus or less than 1 to compensate for the improved relations){{Verify}}, which in turn increases the quantity and variety of trade goods brought by next year's caravan. Also the [[King]] requires offerings to be made before his arrival.(5,000 in 0.31.25) You cannot offer items that were not made at your fortress; the traders do not want your spare goblin harvest clothes.

Unless you are looking for [[fun]], under no conditions should you offer or trade items which are wooden or used wood in their creation (glass, for example) to [[elves]], as this will insult the traders, and may cause them to leave or even damage relations enough to provoke a war between you and the elven civilization you traded with. They will be equally insulted by you trading back their wood-related items. It is also worth noting that in-game the only way to acquire wood is by chopping down trees, so it is likely that the elves have developed a method of growing and acquiring wood without killing trees which will be included in later development (unless they are just cutting down trees that have already died naturally).

== Miscellaneous Trading Advice ==

* Several small trades, exiting the trade window each time, '''no longer''' increases the Broker's relevant skills during the early game. {{Verify}}
* Food inside the Trade Depot can go bad. Have a food stockpile nearby so you can quickly haul goods inside.
* Thieves and thieving critters tend to follow caravans. Expect assaults and intruders.
* Be careful about asking traders to bring lots of individual lightweight items (such as meat and fish) as it can result in traders taking a very long time to unload their goods. Unless the path to your depot is extremely long, though, this is unlikely to cause significant problems.{{Verify}}
* Create your trading depot inside your fort, preferably in the beginning. Place a 3-tile wide path (which must be free of obstructions such as stairways) to the entrance of the fort and line this with traps; this will help to protect the traders and keep the depot close to your supplies.
* All caravans will bring extra food (meat and edible plants) and wooden logs if the supplies of your fortress are low enough, independent of whether or not you requested them. This does not apply in the case that the weight limit is exceeded by (other) items you requested. The supply situation, as observed by traders, is based solely on the number of unforbidden items in your fortress, whether stockpiled or utilized in buildings (such as wooden axles, water wheels, windmills, or workshops); thus, it is possible to trick caravans into thinking your supplies are low by [[forbid]]ding all of your relevant stocks immediately prior to their arrival.  This also seems to apply to elven caravans bringing [[cloth]] (except that cloth that's turned into [[clothing]], [[bag]]s or [[rope]] isn't counted). So if you want elven caravans to ''stop'' bringing cloth, buy up all the cloth that the first few caravans bring and stash them somewhere.
* Define your trade depot as a burrow. When traders arrive, you can add your broker or another dwarf, perhaps one you want to train in trading, to the burrow. They will head to the depot immediately, and stay there until you remove them from the burrow.
* Elves will trade [[Tame]] exotic creatures; '''however,''' once purchased, these creatures will not show up on the Animal section of the [[Status]] screen if you do not have a [[Dungeon master]] (a noble position that is currently bugged).
* Each trade you make (regardless of value) will increase your broker's skills by 50, distributed among Comedian, Flatterer, Intimidator, Judge of Intent, Negotiator, and Persuader. Each skill seems to gain around 5-15 points, but the sum will always be 50. The skill gain occurs as soon as the "t" button is pressed - if the offer is rejected, the dwarf will still gain 50 points. If the same offer is subsequently accepted, no additional skill will be gained.

== Caravans ==
Each friendly race will send a caravan per year, linked to one season, which is autumn for dwarves, summer for humans, spring for elves. In rare cases, goblins will show up in winter.{{verify}} However, in the first year only a dwarven caravan will arrive, although it will tend to arrive later than mid-autumn, unlike previous versions {{verify}}. Caravans will only show up if that race considers the fortress site accessible (as denoted on the embark screen), with the exception of dwarves, who always arrive unless they are extinct.{{verify}} Caravans appear to enter the map from a random direction which does not coincide with the relative direction of the originating [[civilization]], and they may appear from different directions or z-levels each year. Caravans may leave without trading if it takes too long to reach the trade depot. Caravans will embark on their journey back exactly one month after their arrival, whether they have succeeded in reaching the depot or not.{{Verify}}

Note that if traders or their animals are prevented from leaving, they will eventually go [[insane]].

Also worth mention is the pathing behavior of the entire caravan. If one member of the caravan reaches a block in their chosen path (ie. a raised drawbridge that was lowered when they entered the map) the entire caravan will re-path, instead of encountering the obstacle one by one.

If a cavaran has a lot of junk to load up, it can take a while (>=2 months), but don't worry, the other caravan can unload / trade while the first one is still uploading

== Liaisons ==
[[Liaison]]s may be sent with caravans to speak to important dwarves (and they ''will'' speak to those dwarves, even if they have to wait at their bedside in the hospital for months after the caravan has left). Liaisons allow you to choose the type of items that your fortress is interested in, and will focus on bringing more of that kind of item on the next caravan (however, those items will also be more expensive). In turn, they will present a list of the items they're willing to pay more for, which will be effective upon their next arrival.

Trade agreements can be viewed at a later time through the Civilization menu ({{k|c}}). These trade agreements are cleared when a liaison of the corresponding civilization enters the screen, so they are generally not accessible after the caravan has arrived.

If a liaison is prevented from leaving, they will eventually go [[insane]]. {{Verify}}

==== [[Dwarves]] ====
:''"Our fortunes rise and fall together"''

The dwarven caravan:
* arrives in [[Calendar|autumn]].
* carries metal bars, [[leather]], weapons and armor, food and booze, and more. Dwarves alone may bring [[steel]] and steel goods. They can still bring steel (and steel goods) and [[pig iron]] bars even if they do not have access to [[iron]], but will not bring iron products.
* is well guarded.
* sends a liaison who will speak with the [[Expedition leader]], [[Mayor]], [[Baron]], [[Count]], or [[Duke]] to negotiate an import-export agreement (unless the [[Monarch]] is present).
* influences the number of immigrants received (if the caravan leaves intact).{{verify}}
* will not cause sieges when repeatedly destroyed or lost.
* is the only caravan to arrive during a fortress' first year.
* always arrives regardless of embark location, as long as the dwarven civilization is not extinct.{{verify}}
* cannot have its goods seized from the trade menu.
* may not arrive if your civilization lacks any notable figures.

==== [[elf|Elves]] ====
[[Image:Evil_elves.png|thumb|400px|A typical elven caravan.]]

The elven caravan:
* arrives in the [[Calendar|spring]].
* carries [[cloth]], [[rope]]s, various above-ground seeds, [[plant]]s and their byproducts, [[log]]s, [[wood]]en goods & [[weapon]]s, clothing and [[armor]], and may carry tame exotic [[creature]]s.
* is unguarded.
* does not accept some items in trade:

Elven traders do not like to be offered any tree byproducts. Forbidden items include:

* [[Wood]]en items (including subterranean mushrooms such as [[tower-cap]]s)
* Items derived from wood - [[ash]] and [[charcoal]], as well as [[lye]], [[potash]], and [[pearlash]]
* Items made from clear and crystal [[glass]] (due to the [[pearlash]] used) - green glass appears to be perfectly acceptable
* Items [[decoration|decorated]] with any of the above materials
* [[Obsidian]] shortswords (since they have wooden handles)
* [[Soap]] (made with [[lye]])

Offering or trading forbidden items will cause the mood of the trader to drop rapidly, causing them to refuse to trade any more that season and leave immediately. Additionally you will be called uncouth, crude, and barbaric for not understanding their customs.

However, [[stone]] and [[metal]] items, even when [[charcoal]] is used in production, are acceptable. Items made from [[silk]] are acceptable, as are all non-wooden plant-derived products such as [[cloth]] and [[thread]]. Items made of bone (totems too), horn, shell or leather are acceptable, so are meat and fish. You can also transport your goods to the [[trade depot]] in a wooden [[bin]], as long as you do not try to sell the bin. Living animals are acceptable, as long as the [[cage]] or [[trap]] is not made of [[wood]].

Be especially careful with reselling decorated items from other caravans, as non-wood/glass items may have decorations of wood or clear/crystal glass. All such items that elven caravans sell are also unacceptable to sell back to elves, as the dwarves have no means of proving that they were made in an "elf kosher" way.

==== [[Human]]s ====
The human caravan:
* arrives in [[Calendar|summer]].
* carries metal bars, sand, [[leather]], cloth, wood, food and booze, ropes, waterskins, quivers, backpacks, metal weapons and clothing and armor, cages and a few domestic animals.
* is moderately guarded.

==== [[Goblin]]s{{Verify}} ====
A goblin caravan ''may'' arrive if your civilization is at peace with the goblins.

The goblin caravan:
*will arrive every season, four times per year{{verify}}
*unguarded
*brings mostly food and cloth
*does not send a liaison or a guild representative
*does not make import/export agreements

== Destruction ==
If caravans are destroyed (intentionally or unintentionally), the items may remain for use. Traders caught in a [[cave-in]] will flee as if they were attacked, but will leave all the items dropped by the caravan behind. Pack animals carrying items are affected just like a normal tamed [[mule]] and must be killed in the cave-in for them to drop items on the ground. It is however much more likely that the pack animals will only be stunned or rendered unconscious, and flee shortly after recovering from the hit.

While caravans can defend themselves, they don't like being ambushed. An encounter with unfriendly creatures resulting in the death of any merchant or pack animal will cause them to retreat and forget about trading with you for the season. Repeated caravan destruction (intentional or unintentional) will strain diplomatic relations and may result in a [[siege]].

== Caravan Delay ==
If a caravan has arrived at your trade depot and is unable to leave for about six months after they arrived, the merchants and animals will go insane. This can result in a bunch of merchants attacking your dwarves, or just standing around moping until they starve to death. It is not known for certain if this hurts diplomatic relations, but most likely it's the same as any case where the entire caravan fails to return home.{{Verify}}

If you have locked the caravan into your fortress to hold out against a siege, it's a good idea to station a squad of soldiers near the trade depot in case the merchants [[Insanity#Types|go berserk]]. You may also want to make the depot a restricted area to encourage civilians to go around it. Alternatively, you can design the trade depot using drawbridges, so that it can be sealed off from the rest of the fortress during a siege.

If you want the merchants to leave safely, you can build four or more tunnels to each corner of the map, connected to your fortress only by drawbridges. As long as there is no other way to enter and exit your fortress, invaders and merchants will both go towards any tunnel that you activate. You can lock the merchants into the trade depot, and then open a tunnel entrance on one side of the map to make the invaders head towards that tunnel. When they get close to it, you can close it, and then open the entrance on the other side of the map, and let the traders out of the depot. If your fortress and depot are in the middle of the map, this will give the traders quite a head-start to get away.{{Verify}}

Merchants can leave the map from any map edge-- including underground map edges. If an unobstructed path through your fortress reaches an edge, then blocking an overland path will cause the merchants to travel underground. This can be useful, if you're suffering a prolonged siege; it can also be dangerous, if your underground regions are less secure than your surface.

Caravan guards cannot be starved, dehydrated, or driven to insanity if prevented from leaving, their employers and animals will however.

If an large amount of items is sold / offered to the caravan, it may take a while to load it all, specially, if you wish to keep the precious bins, and sell low value items, with low weight.

== Bugs ==

<s>*No one brings wagons, even if there is a clear path to your depot. {{bug|197}}</s> solved
*Wild animals cannot be traded; when a dwarf attempts to move the caged animal to the Depot, the creature is set free.Only aggressive animals?
*If your [[hospital]] isn't already stocked with the specified amount of thread/cloth, your dwarves will carry off as much from the caravan as they need to fill it. {{Bug|66}}
*Caravans show up very late in the season. {{Bug|1756}}

== Loyalty cascade ==
*If you order your military to kill merchants from your own civilization, your soldiers will simultaneously become members ''and'' enemies of your civilization, resulting in a civil war within your fortress. When this happens, all current members of the fortress (excluding incoming migrants) will turn on each other yet they will still be seen as normal working dwarves in the status screens. This will only last for those who were alive ''during'' the attack, they will always be hostile to everyone including incoming migrants (yet they still do their jobs/ follow military orders and work as dwarves although they will interrupt other's work. They will not be shown as enemies in the Units screen).

== Exploits ==

*If you destroy the Depot while they are unloaded you will get the leaving message but they will leave before the building is completely destroyed, so they will not reclaim any of their stuff because it is not available until the building is fully deconstructed. However any animals they had caged will only become friendly, you won't actually own them.

*If you wait some time (2-3 months{{verify}}), you can "claim" animals by linking a lever to the cage and opening it, the animals will be released in a tamed state. Check the 'u'nit screen before releasing them; if the creatures still show as Merchant creatures, they will wander off the map when released; if they show as Tame creatures, they will stay once released.

v0.34:Trading

2012-03-18T06:22:18Z

Kogut: /* Offering items */ "Also the King requires offerings to be made before his arrival" so I deleted "'''''Note:''' There are currently no benefits to offering goods to your king; the game developers have stated that this is to be changed in futur"

{{quality|Exceptional|07:56, 19 January 2011 (UTC)}}{{av}}
{{Buggy}}

'''Trading''' in Dwarf Fortress first occurs in the first [[Calendar|autumn]] after establishing your fortress, with the arrival of the [[dwarf|Dwarven]] [[Trading#Caravans|caravan]]. Trading is a good way to acquire resources that are not available or are rare in the local area. It also allows for more freedom in selecting starting gear or purchase of additional skills for the expedition party, because items can always be obtained through trade later.

'''Trader''' is the term used at your Trade Depot to refer to your fortress [[Broker]] when dealing with merchants in a visiting caravan ({{key|r}} - "''Trader requested at Depot"''). As a [[profession]], the term usually only applies to visiting merchants, or to a dwarf whose highest [[skill]] is [[Appraiser]].

== Trade Depot ==
Building a [[Trade depot]] is a requisite for trade with caravans that arrive at your fortress.

While it may be convenient to build a Trade Depot outside at first, it is usually a really good idea to move it inside or build walls, bridges and other fortifications around it to protect caravans and your goods from animals (guzzlers), [[thief|thieves]] and [[goblin]]s.

Everything that is on your map belongs to you, except:
* the items of non-fortress members (only if they are alive, when they are dead they belong to you if you claim the items),{{Verify}}
* the items that are on merchant animals{{Verify}}
* the items that are on the trade depot (they belong to the caravan until they are moved out of it)

See the [[Trade depot]] article for more information on how to interact with it.

==Trading Flowchart ==
{{:Trading/Flowchart}}
After entering the trade menu, select the items to offer from the right, and the desired items from the left. All caravans have a weight limit which cannot be exceeded, and the allowed additional weight is displayed in the lower right corner. If the acting broker has at least Novice or better [[Appraisal]] skill, the value of all items will be displayed. Once the proposal is ready, press {{K|t}} to propose the trade, but merchants will not agree unless they make adequate profit. Be sure to use '''trade''', not '''offer''' {{K|o}}, as this will make a gift of the selected items. The amount of acceptable profit is determined by the broker's [[Broker skills|skills]] and the merchant's mood, described below. Merchants may attempt to propose counteroffers if they do not accept the proposal, which can then be accepted, rejected, or further amended by the broker.

With more experienced brokers or pleased merchants, even marginally profitable trades can be successful, and counterproposals can be rejected safely, offering the same trade again. Note however that a low profit margin for the traders may not be desirable - it has been suggested that both export and profit numbers influence the size of next years caravan and, in the case of the dwarven caravan, immigration numbers.{{Verify}}

Goods brought by caravans do not have base quality higher than superior, but decorations on a good may be of any quality.{{Verify}}

== Trading cue colors ==

* '''Brown''' Items have been created (or modified) by your fortress. They can be traded away or offered as a gift.
* '''White''' Items were created by another source. They can be traded, but if one of these items has been selected, the entire selection cannot be offered as a gift.
* '''Purple''' Items are under a no-export mandate. If they are traded away it will result in disciplinary action (see [[justice]]) against the dwarf that brought the item to the depot.{{Verify}}
* '''Green''' Items have just been gifted to the caravan and they will not trade it back.
* '''Red''' Items have been seized from another caravan and cannot be traded as is; you will need to decorate them or turn them into other items for them to become "valid" trading items. However, a caravan from a different civilization ''may'' accept stolen goods without changing them first.{{verify}}

Note that containers (barrels, bins, etc) will be displayed according to the origin of the container, not the contents. So a foreign barrel holding locally-produced beer will display as foreign (white). Once you {{k|v}}iew the container, the locally-made contents are displayed as local (brown).

== Merchant mood ==
If your broker has Novice or better [[Judge of intent]] skill, there will be a line added below the merchant's dialogue describing the caravan's attitude. Their attitude rises with successful trades (especially if they get lots of profit) and falls when you propose deals they don't like.

* (trader) seems ecstatic with the trading
* (trader) seems very happy about the trading
* (trader) seems pleased with the trading
* (trader) seems willing to trade (Default, at least for humans)
* (trader) seems to be rapidly losing patience
* (trader) is not going to take much more of this
* (trader) is unwilling to trade

The happier you make a merchant, the less profit margin he will demand in a trade. If merchants reach the lowest level, no further trade will be possible, and they will immediately pack up and leave your depot. Since annoyed traders are more likely to reject deals, you should be generous in initial negotiations. Skilled negotiators seem less likely to offend traders with unsuccessful deals.

An easy way to capitalize on this mood system is to perform several partial trades. First trade for a few items, offering goods twice the value of the items you ask for (eg, offer 2000☼ for 1000☼ of his stuff). This will likely make the merchant ecstatic about trading with you. Exit the trade screen, unpause briefly, and then return to trading with a vengeance. With the merchant in such a good mood, he is more likely to counteroffer than reject a trade outright.

== Seizing items ==

Pressing {{K|s}} from the trade menu will seize the selected items of the merchant's. If you seize goods from a caravan, the merchant will respond "Take what you want. I can't stop you." and then leave immediately without the seized goods. Items cannot be seized from the dwarven caravan, and other races will not buy goods stolen from one of their caravans (then marked in red) unless they are tricked into asking for them via counteroffer, or the items are "laundered" by decoration or used to create other goods. Seizing goods will hurt diplomatic relations, but is not grounds for an automatic [[siege]].{{Verify}}

Pressing the seize button while no goods are selected will result in the merchant interpreting your seizure as a joke. This apparently does nothing to benefit or hinder your trading.{{Verify}}

As a side note, if you deconstruct your trade depot with a caravan in it, all the caravan's items will drop to the ground, to be readily hauled away by your Dwarves. This does not mark the items as stolen, and the caravan will leave. However, ''next'' year's caravan is partly based on the profits from the previous year - so if you are relying on that race's caravans for needed items, you're hurting yourself in the long run.{{Verify}}

Another way to steal without marking as stolen is to forbid the trade depot just before they leave, causing them to leave their goods at the depot.{{Verify}}

Note that the civilization attached to a particular caravan will keep track of the value of items the caravan was carrying when they set out to trade, and they will compare this value with the value of items they return home with. Regardless of what method you use to confiscate items from a caravan, even if you came to possess the goods through no fault of your own (an [[ambush]] killed the caravaners, for example) the parent civilization may decide that you stole from them and send a [[siege]] instead of a caravan the following year. It is prudent to take measures to protect caravans visiting your lands!{{Verify}}

==Offering items==

{{key|o}} You can also give away items, as gifts to the leaders of the [[civilization]] you are trading with. This presumably helps relations between yourself and the other faction, though there is not yet a clear correlation between the value of the offerings and the improvement to relations. The exact effects of offerings on trading are unknown but it is believed due to the offerings' net trade value being counted towards the traders' profit, possibly with a modifier (possibly a multiplier of more than 1 as a bonus or less than 1 to compensate for the improved relations){{Verify}}, which in turn increases the quantity and variety of trade goods brought by next year's caravan. Also the [[King]] requires offerings to be made before his arrival.(5,000 in 0.31.25) You cannot offer items that were not made at your fortress; the traders do not want your spare goblin harvest clothes.

Unless you are looking for [[fun]], under no conditions should you offer or trade items which are wooden or used wood in their creation (glass, for example) to [[elves]], as this will insult the traders, and may cause them to leave or even damage relations enough to provoke a war between you and the elven civilization you traded with. They will be equally insulted by you trading back their wood-related items - their refusal to accept back their wooden items is probably a bug which will be removed in a later release, though this has not been verified. It is also worth noting that in-game the only way to acquire wood is by chopping down trees, so it is likely that the elves have developed a method of growing and acquiring wood without killing trees which will be included in later development (unless they are just cutting down trees that have already died naturally).

== Miscellaneous Trading Advice ==

* Several small trades, exiting the trade window each time, '''no longer''' increases the Broker's relevant skills during the early game. {{Verify}}
* Food inside the Trade Depot can go bad. Have a food stockpile nearby so you can quickly haul goods inside.
* Thieves and thieving critters tend to follow caravans. Expect assaults and intruders.
* Be careful about asking traders to bring lots of individual lightweight items (such as meat and fish) as it can result in traders taking a very long time to unload their goods. Unless the path to your depot is extremely long, though, this is unlikely to cause significant problems.{{Verify}}
* Create your trading depot inside your fort, preferably in the beginning. Place a 3-tile wide path (which must be free of obstructions such as stairways) to the entrance of the fort and line this with traps; this will help to protect the traders and keep the depot close to your supplies.
* All caravans will bring extra food (meat and edible plants) and wooden logs if the supplies of your fortress are low enough, independent of whether or not you requested them. This does not apply in the case that the weight limit is exceeded by (other) items you requested. The supply situation, as observed by traders, is based solely on the number of unforbidden items in your fortress, whether stockpiled or utilized in buildings (such as wooden axles, water wheels, windmills, or workshops); thus, it is possible to trick caravans into thinking your supplies are low by [[forbid]]ding all of your relevant stocks immediately prior to their arrival.  This also seems to apply to elven caravans bringing [[cloth]] (except that cloth that's turned into [[clothing]], [[bag]]s or [[rope]] isn't counted). So if you want elven caravans to ''stop'' bringing cloth, buy up all the cloth that the first few caravans bring and stash them somewhere.
* Define your trade depot as a burrow. When traders arrive, you can add your broker or another dwarf, perhaps one you want to train in trading, to the burrow. They will head to the depot immediately, and stay there until you remove them from the burrow.
* Elves will trade [[Tame]] exotic creatures; '''however,''' once purchased, these creatures will not show up on the Animal section of the [[Status]] screen if you do not have a [[Dungeon master]] (a noble position that is currently bugged).
* Each trade you make (regardless of value) will increase your broker's skills by 50, distributed among Comedian, Flatterer, Intimidator, Judge of Intent, Negotiator, and Persuader. Each skill seems to gain around 5-15 points, but the sum will always be 50. The skill gain occurs as soon as the "t" button is pressed - if the offer is rejected, the dwarf will still gain 50 points. If the same offer is subsequently accepted, no additional skill will be gained.

== Caravans ==
Each friendly race will send a caravan per year, linked to one season, which is autumn for dwarves, summer for humans, spring for elves. In rare cases, goblins will show up in winter.{{verify}} However, in the first year only a dwarven caravan will arrive, although it will tend to arrive later than mid-autumn, unlike previous versions {{verify}}. Caravans will only show up if that race considers the fortress site accessible (as denoted on the embark screen), with the exception of dwarves, who always arrive unless they are extinct.{{verify}} Caravans appear to enter the map from a random direction which does not coincide with the relative direction of the originating [[civilization]], and they may appear from different directions or z-levels each year. Caravans may leave without trading if it takes too long to reach the trade depot. Caravans will embark on their journey back exactly one month after their arrival, whether they have succeeded in reaching the depot or not.{{Verify}}

Note that if traders or their animals are prevented from leaving, they will eventually go [[insane]].

Also worth mention is the pathing behavior of the entire caravan. If one member of the caravan reaches a block in their chosen path (ie. a raised drawbridge that was lowered when they entered the map) the entire caravan will re-path, instead of encountering the obstacle one by one.

If a cavaran has a lot of junk to load up, it can take a while (>=2 months), but don't worry, the other caravan can unload / trade while the first one is still uploading

== Liaisons ==
[[Liaison]]s may be sent with caravans to speak to important dwarves (and they ''will'' speak to those dwarves, even if they have to wait at their bedside in the hospital for months after the caravan has left). Liaisons allow you to choose the type of items that your fortress is interested in, and will focus on bringing more of that kind of item on the next caravan (however, those items will also be more expensive). In turn, they will present a list of the items they're willing to pay more for, which will be effective upon their next arrival.

Trade agreements can be viewed at a later time through the Civilization menu ({{k|c}}). These trade agreements are cleared when a liaison of the corresponding civilization enters the screen, so they are generally not accessible after the caravan has arrived.

If a liaison is prevented from leaving, they will eventually go [[insane]]. {{Verify}}

==== [[Dwarves]] ====
:''"Our fortunes rise and fall together"''

The dwarven caravan:
* arrives in [[Calendar|autumn]].
* carries metal bars, [[leather]], weapons and armor, food and booze, and more. Dwarves alone may bring [[steel]] and steel goods. They can still bring steel (and steel goods) and [[pig iron]] bars even if they do not have access to [[iron]], but will not bring iron products.
* is well guarded.
* sends a liaison who will speak with the [[Expedition leader]], [[Mayor]], [[Baron]], [[Count]], or [[Duke]] to negotiate an import-export agreement (unless the [[Monarch]] is present).
* influences the number of immigrants received (if the caravan leaves intact).{{verify}}
* will not cause sieges when repeatedly destroyed or lost.
* is the only caravan to arrive during a fortress' first year.
* always arrives regardless of embark location, as long as the dwarven civilization is not extinct.{{verify}}
* cannot have its goods seized from the trade menu.
* may not arrive if your civilization lacks any notable figures.

==== [[elf|Elves]] ====
[[Image:Evil_elves.png|thumb|400px|A typical elven caravan.]]

The elven caravan:
* arrives in the [[Calendar|spring]].
* carries [[cloth]], [[rope]]s, various above-ground seeds, [[plant]]s and their byproducts, [[log]]s, [[wood]]en goods & [[weapon]]s, clothing and [[armor]], and may carry tame exotic [[creature]]s.
* is unguarded.
* does not accept some items in trade:

Elven traders do not like to be offered any tree byproducts. Forbidden items include:

* [[Wood]]en items (including subterranean mushrooms such as [[tower-cap]]s)
* Items derived from wood - [[ash]] and [[charcoal]], as well as [[lye]], [[potash]], and [[pearlash]]
* Items made from clear and crystal [[glass]] (due to the [[pearlash]] used) - green glass appears to be perfectly acceptable
* Items [[decoration|decorated]] with any of the above materials
* [[Obsidian]] shortswords (since they have wooden handles)
* [[Soap]] (made with [[lye]])

Offering or trading forbidden items will cause the mood of the trader to drop rapidly, causing them to refuse to trade any more that season and leave immediately. Additionally you will be called uncouth, crude, and barbaric for not understanding their customs.

However, [[stone]] and [[metal]] items, even when [[charcoal]] is used in production, are acceptable. Items made from [[silk]] are acceptable, as are all non-wooden plant-derived products such as [[cloth]] and [[thread]]. Items made of bone (totems too), horn, shell or leather are acceptable, so are meat and fish. You can also transport your goods to the [[trade depot]] in a wooden [[bin]], as long as you do not try to sell the bin. Living animals are acceptable, as long as the [[cage]] or [[trap]] is not made of [[wood]].

Be especially careful with reselling decorated items from other caravans, as non-wood/glass items may have decorations of wood or clear/crystal glass. All such items that elven caravans sell are also unacceptable to sell back to elves, as the dwarves have no means of proving that they were made in an "elf kosher" way.

==== [[Human]]s ====
The human caravan:
* arrives in [[Calendar|summer]].
* carries metal bars, sand, [[leather]], cloth, wood, food and booze, ropes, waterskins, quivers, backpacks, metal weapons and clothing and armor, cages and a few domestic animals.
* is moderately guarded.

==== [[Goblin]]s{{Verify}} ====
A goblin caravan ''may'' arrive if your civilization is at peace with the goblins.

The goblin caravan:
*will arrive every season, four times per year{{verify}}
*unguarded
*brings mostly food and cloth
*does not send a liaison or a guild representative
*does not make import/export agreements

== Destruction ==
If caravans are destroyed (intentionally or unintentionally), the items may remain for use. Traders caught in a [[cave-in]] will flee as if they were attacked, but will leave all the items dropped by the caravan behind. Pack animals carrying items are affected just like a normal tamed [[mule]] and must be killed in the cave-in for them to drop items on the ground. It is however much more likely that the pack animals will only be stunned or rendered unconscious, and flee shortly after recovering from the hit.

While caravans can defend themselves, they don't like being ambushed. An encounter with unfriendly creatures resulting in the death of any merchant or pack animal will cause them to retreat and forget about trading with you for the season. Repeated caravan destruction (intentional or unintentional) will strain diplomatic relations and may result in a [[siege]].

== Caravan Delay ==
If a caravan has arrived at your trade depot and is unable to leave for about six months after they arrived, the merchants and animals will go insane. This can result in a bunch of merchants attacking your dwarves, or just standing around moping until they starve to death. It is not known for certain if this hurts diplomatic relations, but most likely it's the same as any case where the entire caravan fails to return home.{{Verify}}

If you have locked the caravan into your fortress to hold out against a siege, it's a good idea to station a squad of soldiers near the trade depot in case the merchants [[Insanity#Types|go berserk]]. You may also want to make the depot a restricted area to encourage civilians to go around it. Alternatively, you can design the trade depot using drawbridges, so that it can be sealed off from the rest of the fortress during a siege.

If you want the merchants to leave safely, you can build four or more tunnels to each corner of the map, connected to your fortress only by drawbridges. As long as there is no other way to enter and exit your fortress, invaders and merchants will both go towards any tunnel that you activate. You can lock the merchants into the trade depot, and then open a tunnel entrance on one side of the map to make the invaders head towards that tunnel. When they get close to it, you can close it, and then open the entrance on the other side of the map, and let the traders out of the depot. If your fortress and depot are in the middle of the map, this will give the traders quite a head-start to get away.{{Verify}}

Merchants can leave the map from any map edge-- including underground map edges. If an unobstructed path through your fortress reaches an edge, then blocking an overland path will cause the merchants to travel underground. This can be useful, if you're suffering a prolonged siege; it can also be dangerous, if your underground regions are less secure than your surface.

Caravan guards cannot be starved, dehydrated, or driven to insanity if prevented from leaving, their employers and animals will however.

If an large amount of items is sold / offered to the caravan, it may take a while to load it all, specially, if you wish to keep the precious bins, and sell low value items, with low weight.

== Bugs ==

<s>*No one brings wagons, even if there is a clear path to your depot. {{bug|197}}</s> solved
*Wild animals cannot be traded; when a dwarf attempts to move the caged animal to the Depot, the creature is set free.Only aggressive animals?
*If your [[hospital]] isn't already stocked with the specified amount of thread/cloth, your dwarves will carry off as much from the caravan as they need to fill it. {{Bug|66}}
*Caravans show up very late in the season. {{Bug|1756}}

== Loyalty cascade ==
*If you order your military to kill merchants from your own civilization, your soldiers will simultaneously become members ''and'' enemies of your civilization, resulting in a civil war within your fortress. When this happens, all current members of the fortress (excluding incoming migrants) will turn on each other yet they will still be seen as normal working dwarves in the status screens. This will only last for those who were alive ''during'' the attack, they will always be hostile to everyone including incoming migrants (yet they still do their jobs/ follow military orders and work as dwarves although they will interrupt other's work. They will not be shown as enemies in the Units screen).

== Exploits ==

*If you destroy the Depot while they are unloaded you will get the leaving message but they will leave before the building is completely destroyed, so they will not reclaim any of their stuff because it is not available until the building is fully deconstructed. However any animals they had caged will only become friendly, you won't actually own them.

*If you wait some time (2-3 months{{verify}}), you can "claim" animals by linking a lever to the cage and opening it, the animals will be released in a tamed state. Check the 'u'nit screen before releasing them; if the creatures still show as Merchant creatures, they will wander off the map when released; if they show as Tame creatures, they will stay once released.

Main Page/Quote

2012-03-02T18:18:21Z

Kogut:

<noinclude>
Please limit quotes to ~135 characters or less (longest below are longer than that, but remain as "legacy" from Toady etc.). Longer quotes may be deleted.

Do not use equals signs or vertical bars in your quotes or they will break.

When adding a quote, be sure to update the {{tl|rand|###}} number.

[[Category:Humor and stories]]
----
</noinclude>{{#switch:{{rand|136}}|
|1=I can't put my finger on it. Something about this [[Fire|‼]]Cat tallow roast[[Fire|‼]] tastes funny.
|2=Toady withdraws from society. Toady has begun a [[Strange mood|mysterious]] construction!
|3=Let us never forget the last words of Inod the Stoker, [http://archive.dwarffortresswiki.net/index.php/Fortress_Paintrag#1056 "Aaah! Gorillas!"]
|4=[[Children|Newborn]] Zuglar Baldnessgranite prefers to consume Gorilla. A sure sign of his unparalleled strength!
|5=[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-image.php In an unrelated article] - I had no idea elephants could bounce that high!
|6=[[Toady]] looses a roaring laughter, [[Fey|fell]] and terrible! Toady has butchered a spammer!
|7=The critical question is this: do elf bones yield more crossbow bolts than the average number of bolts necessary to kill an elf?
|8="Dwarf Fortress" ... "Like chess, only with short people that can catch on [[fire]] like [[clothing|rags]] soaked in tar, and lots of [[booze]]." ... "Like chess."
|9=Dwarf Fortress has taught me that all the world's problems would be substantially reduced had our parent civilizations never minted more than four stacks of [[coins]].
|10=[[Booze]] does all the work in forts. Dwarves are just booze exoskeletons.
|11=My unconscious and bleeding [[mayor]] just mandated the construction of some goods.
|12=I can just imagine a wagon throwing a tantrum and tossing all its contents at people.
|13=Döbesh Udosdeb has been ecstatic lately. He was forced to eat a friend to survive. He enjoyed a truly decadent meal.
|14=Iron [[screw pump]] exercise equipment. Pump iron and get superdwarvenly strong!
|15=The violence, aggression, pain, madness, sadness of the ASCII characters never ceases to amaze me...
|16=Wait, you're MAKING animals? —''Torak'' At this moment, yes, I am smelting cows. —''Spiders Everywhere''
|17="Didn't you read the manual? He he he he... the manual... ..." --[[Toady One]]
|18=(Compared to real-world years) Dwarven years are shorter. --Sowelu Very fitting to dwarves, I must add. --Sean Mirrsen
|19=[[Magma]] is not a [[water]] source. Dwarves can't drink it or supply it to their wounded. --[[User:AlienChickenPie|AlienChickenPie]]
|20="[B]oats are the enemy of tiles. And tiles are the enemy of boats." --[[Toady One]]
|21="I went through and fixed a few places where forbidden/on fire weren't being respected for next time. Burning milkable creatures were still a problem for example." --[[Toady One]]
|22="You have been processed! Go forth, now, and edit!" --[[User:Savok|Savok]]
|23="What happened in 1048?" "Jreengus occurred."
|24=Making rock instruments isn't nearly as awesome as it sounds --Shandrunn
|25=The cyclops I was quested to kill had a thousand year history of badassery, and all of that without the leg it lost in the Year 3 (a dwarf bit it off... I should probably deal with that). --[[Toady One]]
|26=[FIREIMMUNE] makes them think that [[magma]] is safe but doesn't actually make them fireproof. This can lead to some rather interesting results.
|27=Endok Cerolneth has begun a mysterious construction! Endok Cerolneth, Planter has given birth to a girl.
|28="Incendia sunt socia vestra, armaque vestra, fortesque Montis Domi." "Magma is your ally, your weapon, the strength of the Mountain-Home." --Eita
|29="Stopped people from giving quests to kill themselves." --[[Toady One]]
|30="...And I simply doubt we have a need for 7 fishery workers. On top of that, a second soap maker. The hell IS soap?!" --Zero
|31="This is a terrible pun. All craftsdwarfship is of the poorest quality." - [http://tinyurl.com/6yruly Soup_alex]
|32="The default mental state of a dwarf is madness. Sanity is a temporary condition - a PRIVILEGE you have to EARN!" --[[User:Fedor|Fedor]]
|33="Why get normal cats? I buy lolcats in the embark screen. Much more fun to engrave about them." --Yanlin
|34="Dwarf Fortress taught me it was okay to make a suit out of my neighbour's skin, as long as I gave it a name."
|35="Got rid of world gen crash during succession after death of prolific long-standing position holders with inbred descendants" --[[Toady One]]
|36="There was a typo in the siegers' campfire code. When the fires went out, so did the game." --[[Toady One]]
|37="Hey, what does that flashing red and orange text mean? What? Why is there smoke everywhere? Oh god, are those BABIES on fire?" --[[User:StrawberryBunny|StrawberryBunny]]
|38="It's never 'just a game' when you're losing." --George Carlin (if he played Dwarf Fortress)
|39=Not that building a bridge out of soap makes much sense to begin with anyway.
|40=Note that while you cannot milk larger animals yourself, civilizations can still milk animals "off screen" for your benefit.
|41=Tosid Idenarzes likes tentacle demons for their corrupt intentions. "There! Now we've covered all of the seven deadly sins."
|42="Litast Idenudesh, baby, is throwing a tantrum! Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has lost consciousness. Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has bled to death."
|43=Bug 000780 [adventure mode][crime] - town guard becomes a criminal after getting an adventurer's stolen weapon stuck in his body
|44="Udib Toblumaid, Axedwarf, cancels sparring in Barracks: too insane." [[User:Ben jamm1n|Ben jamm1n]]
|45=Kosoth Cilobonol, Bone Carver cancels Drink: Unconscious.
|46=Sizir the Snail of Bait is a deity of The Fresh Towers. Sizir most often takes the form of a female dwarf and is associated with jealousy.
|47=Sibrek Tanbim likes Limestone, Tin, Smoky Quartz, the color crimson, bolts, scepters, anvils, and rock blocks for their lack of quality levels.
|48=There are 5 articles in category Lore: Armok, Cave Adaptation, Elephant, Philosopher, and Vomit.
|49=There is nothing to catch in the magma pipe.
|50=Bug 000563 [dwarf mode][justice] - mayor ordered himself beaten for failing to make crystal glass objects
|51=If cow cheese is made from cow's milk, what is dwarven cheese made of?
|52=Bugs are opportunities to cause unprecedented amounts of destruction. --Zorgn
|53="You know, Urist, you've got a mind like an +Ash Trap+."--[[User:Destor|Destor]]
|54='''Zander J:''' "Is there a way to stop immigration without setting the population cap?" '''Yanlin:''' "Magma."
|55=An animal trainer just suddenly stopped working and hid himself in a workshop. He's probably going to make a wardog out of rock and goblin skulls.
|56=Bug 000597 [creatures] - flying creatures give birth in midair, leading to tragedy.
|57='''Urdim Kutamèrith, Pump Operator, has created Rakusttenshed, a Glumprong blowgun!''' Urdim, you are a freaking idiot.
|58=<Forkez> I don't get the game, but I do get that tunnels flooded with water is a bad thing.
|59="If you give a dwarf a fire, he will be warm for a night. If you set a dwarf on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life."
|60="Since the Elves said they won't let me cut down any trees, I bought 50 of their logs instead."
|61=Do not make a trading race that breathes fire. I REPEAT, DON'T!! EVER!!
|62=Dwarf Fortress: Because burning elves are funny.
|63=The carp has drowned.
|64=There's one thing a dwarf needs, and that's stones. And alcohol... and magma... but mainly stones.
|65="I swear to god once I saw a dwarf who was labeled as being Strong, Very Agile, Very Tough... and ''Clean''. But it was probably just a bad dream."
|66=Urist McRandy has been ecstatic lately. He brought somebody to bed lately.
|67="Dwarven children kidnapped and incorporated into goblin society might sh... shave." --Toady One
|68=Bug 000871 [projectiles] - babies fall to death when born on stairs
|69=Bug 001031 [adventure mode][inventory] - a merchant pack animal caught at an old dwarf site during adv mode was wearing a full set of clothes
|70="[[Magma]] solves everything. [[Fire]] just ruins the [[booze]]." -sonerohi
|71=You can't yet strangle people with the exposed guts, though I suppose that's now within reach. --[[Toady One]]
|72=Look, there are roving clumps of sentient lava outside, ... This isn't going to get better. --PTTG??
|73=...and the only surviving dwarf is a noble who has mandated the construction of crowns and clear glass items to the empty halls. --PTTG??
|74=Adil Idenlocun is conflicted: "When possible he prefers to consume purring maggot, Dwarven ale and Dwarven syrup. He absolutely detests purring maggots."
|75="I had to leave just before I tested the dwarf with the boiling gold blood." -- Toady the Great One
|76=Urdim Zatinod has been quite content lately. She has lost an annoying friend to tragedy lately.
|77=I added two levers. One opens the magma. The other sets free all the cats. --Someone in Headshoots
|78="As Manbaspecut, Human Merchant is stricken by melancholy!" "Muskox has gone stark raving mad!" I think something is wrong with the human caravan...
|79="Somebody needs to build an active volcano inside a fortress inside an active volcano." --Boksi
|80=It has stats. It can be killed.
|81=Bug 000432 [dwarf mode][items] - Bones pop out of coffins.
|82=Thanks. I wish I had known that about three forts ago.
|83=If I ''remembered'' what the damn lever did, I'd ''pull'' it! <...pulls lever anyway...>
|84=Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine.
|85="So let me get this straight. We managed to destroy a dwarven civilization while only managing a single town??"
|86=Kara Mase, the Glory of Amusing: Engraved on the wall is an image of a dwarf and an elf. The dwarf is committing a depraved act on the elf.
|87=Once saw a water skin with red beryl spikes. I still wonder how you would drink from that.
|88=Watching a kobold thief be chased by batman is very satisfying.
|89=Kol Tölunimush has been ecstatic lately. He killed somebody by accident while sparring recently. He took joy in slaughter lately. He has lost a lover to tragedy lately. He has witnessed death. He had a satisfying sparring session recently.
|90=There was kind of a violent explosion of boiling human blood when I was testing a human vs a magma man in the arena... it was a little weird, but I guess that's okay. --[[Toady One]]
|91=Mew? Chop!
|92="If Dwarf Fortress geology is to be believed, then the Earth's core is made of microline and demons."
|93='They're firing arrows at us! Quickly! Raise the babies!!' -Urdim McSquadLeader, mother of 8
|94=It started raining, then all my dwarves outside started bleeding to death. On inspection their upper bodies were missing.
|95=It seems that a fresh recruit given a crossbow and a quiver with ammo in it will opt to run up to the enemy and bash them with the crossbow.
|96=Bug introduced in the latest version: Firemen can have their flames severed. These flames then just lie around the place.
|97=You stab Iron Man in the right leg from behind with your adamantine short sword, breaking away a piece of the gas and shattering the iron! The Beak Dog is caught in a burst of Iron Man gas! Beak Dog vomits into the Iron Man gas.
|98=Urist McDairy, Milker cancels store item in stockpile: handling dangerous creature
|99=Ildomushat, Fish Cleaner, cancels Clean Self: Could not find path.
|100=Losing is [[Fun]]!!! --The Motto of Dwarf Fortress
|101=I hate walking under dwarven archways. You never know how many mechanized crossbows they have hidden underneath those damn things.
|102="Bibo ergo sum. I drink, therefore I am." -- Dwarven Philosopher
|103=This is a menacing iron spike. This object menaces with spikes of iron.
|104=Kogsak is a deity of The Helpful Diamond. Kogsak most often takes the form of a dwarf and is associated with fortresses.
|105=The Forgotten Beast pushes The Wrestler in the head, bruising the muscle, driving the skull through the brain, and tearing apart the brain! The Wrestler has been struck down!
|106=Goblin Chops at the Diagnostician in the right leg, damaging the muscle! Urist McHouse is Unconscious!
|107=Limul Itebdesis, trader has been Possessed. Limul Itebdesis, trader has created Stodir Isethlolor, a Mortgage-Backed Security!
|108=The heart wound ended up being a guy getting shot in the arm, dropping his crossbow, running over to the opposing line, and jabbing his stack of bolts into somebody's chest.
|109=Giant mole has stolen a preserved prepared giant mole lung! ''"Hey, I want my grandfather back!"''
|110="You must construct additional barrels!" - [[User:Speed112]]
|111=All I want is a major river next to a volcano with flux, sand and bituminous coal.
|112=Do not taunt magma.
|113=I bury my pets in gold coffins and my nobles in wood coffins. Pets before people, I say.--[[KingAuggie]]
|114=[the cavern] is basically like the surface, except underground
|115=The fortress' randomly generated name was "Greatestfailure".
|116="You stab the Human Thresher in the mouth with your large copper dagger, tearing the left cheek!" "The large copper dagger has lodged firmly in the wound!"
|117="The best way to determine how dangerous a fortress is, is to make only one dwarf with the burial job, and nothing else: the lower his social skills, the more dangerous the fortress is - [[User:Rhenaya|Rhenaya]]"
|118="Before retiring in the evening, heed my words and give yourself to volcanos" - Ted Usmokatra, law-giver
|119=Upon coming of age, about 8, Urist McYoung Made an artifact, became mayor and promptly mandated the construction of slade goods.
|120=Dwarf Fortress: You've already lost.
|121=A sober fortress makes even a mental hospital seem like a pleasant place to live.
|122=A typical Dwarven nightmare consists of running out of booze or getting a beard lopped off in an accident.
|123=There are two ways of dealing with goblins in a tree. One is by marksdwarves. The other is by flooding the world with magma.
|124=Portal and Dwarf Fortress share a mystical trend. It is !!Science!!.
|125=The were-capybara is only one of the myriad lunatic monsters that terrorize the living. -- Threetoe
|126=The only time I ever saw the stupid thing fly, was to cross the aqueduct, to the beer hall. -- Fredd
|127=(On artifacts) I got a flint door, called The Noiseless Odors. -- Nyxalinth
|128=So apparently she became queen before becoming a twilight freak wife. Fascinating. -- Samuel
|129=The zombies in a necromancer's tower became suspicious after the necromancer failed to age -- Toady One
|130=Got a few barrels of beetle ichor and duck blood, gave some pig cheese in exchange. Made a present of three coffins to the queen.
|131=I'd have to look back to see if it wants the physical or metaphysical id on the corpse. -- Toady One
|132=The Sasquatch corpse has lodged firmly in the wound! The goblin has been struck down!
|133=[22:57:46] <Dik_> How do I wash myself up from blood? [23:06:20] <Dik_> How the fuck do I get out of the river?
|134=No, you're not getting that leg back. In fact, that creature over there is going to pick your leg up and beat you death with it. You won't respawn.
|135=My refuse pile just woke up and ate my dwarves, who in turn got up themselves and started eating the other dwarves.
|136=[http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/view.php?id=2264 bug 2264: Adv. Mode travel (near oceans) teleports player underground and turns them into an underground creature]
}}

Main Page/Quote

2012-03-02T18:17:48Z

Kogut: [http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/view.php?id=2264 bug 2264]: Adv. Mode travel (near oceans) teleports player underground and turns them into an underground creature

<noinclude>
Please limit quotes to ~135 characters or less (longest below are longer than that, but remain as "legacy" from Toady etc.). Longer quotes may be deleted.

Do not use equals signs or vertical bars in your quotes or they will break.

When adding a quote, be sure to update the {{tl|rand|###}} number.

[[Category:Humor and stories]]
----
</noinclude>{{#switch:{{rand|136}}|
|1=I can't put my finger on it. Something about this [[Fire|‼]]Cat tallow roast[[Fire|‼]] tastes funny.
|2=Toady withdraws from society. Toady has begun a [[Strange mood|mysterious]] construction!
|3=Let us never forget the last words of Inod the Stoker, [http://archive.dwarffortresswiki.net/index.php/Fortress_Paintrag#1056 "Aaah! Gorillas!"]
|4=[[Children|Newborn]] Zuglar Baldnessgranite prefers to consume Gorilla. A sure sign of his unparalleled strength!
|5=[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-image.php In an unrelated article] - I had no idea elephants could bounce that high!
|6=[[Toady]] looses a roaring laughter, [[Fey|fell]] and terrible! Toady has butchered a spammer!
|7=The critical question is this: do elf bones yield more crossbow bolts than the average number of bolts necessary to kill an elf?
|8="Dwarf Fortress" ... "Like chess, only with short people that can catch on [[fire]] like [[clothing|rags]] soaked in tar, and lots of [[booze]]." ... "Like chess."
|9=Dwarf Fortress has taught me that all the world's problems would be substantially reduced had our parent civilizations never minted more than four stacks of [[coins]].
|10=[[Booze]] does all the work in forts. Dwarves are just booze exoskeletons.
|11=My unconscious and bleeding [[mayor]] just mandated the construction of some goods.
|12=I can just imagine a wagon throwing a tantrum and tossing all its contents at people.
|13=Döbesh Udosdeb has been ecstatic lately. He was forced to eat a friend to survive. He enjoyed a truly decadent meal.
|14=Iron [[screw pump]] exercise equipment. Pump iron and get superdwarvenly strong!
|15=The violence, aggression, pain, madness, sadness of the ASCII characters never ceases to amaze me...
|16=Wait, you're MAKING animals? —''Torak'' At this moment, yes, I am smelting cows. —''Spiders Everywhere''
|17="Didn't you read the manual? He he he he... the manual... ..." --[[Toady One]]
|18=(Compared to real-world years) Dwarven years are shorter. --Sowelu Very fitting to dwarves, I must add. --Sean Mirrsen
|19=[[Magma]] is not a [[water]] source. Dwarves can't drink it or supply it to their wounded. --[[User:AlienChickenPie|AlienChickenPie]]
|20="[B]oats are the enemy of tiles. And tiles are the enemy of boats." --[[Toady One]]
|21="I went through and fixed a few places where forbidden/on fire weren't being respected for next time. Burning milkable creatures were still a problem for example." --[[Toady One]]
|22="You have been processed! Go forth, now, and edit!" --[[User:Savok|Savok]]
|23="What happened in 1048?" "Jreengus occurred."
|24=Making rock instruments isn't nearly as awesome as it sounds --Shandrunn
|25=The cyclops I was quested to kill had a thousand year history of badassery, and all of that without the leg it lost in the Year 3 (a dwarf bit it off... I should probably deal with that). --[[Toady One]]
|26=[FIREIMMUNE] makes them think that [[magma]] is safe but doesn't actually make them fireproof. This can lead to some rather interesting results.
|27=Endok Cerolneth has begun a mysterious construction! Endok Cerolneth, Planter has given birth to a girl.
|28="Incendia sunt socia vestra, armaque vestra, fortesque Montis Domi." "Magma is your ally, your weapon, the strength of the Mountain-Home." --Eita
|29="Stopped people from giving quests to kill themselves." --[[Toady One]]
|30="...And I simply doubt we have a need for 7 fishery workers. On top of that, a second soap maker. The hell IS soap?!" --Zero
|31="This is a terrible pun. All craftsdwarfship is of the poorest quality." - [http://tinyurl.com/6yruly Soup_alex]
|32="The default mental state of a dwarf is madness. Sanity is a temporary condition - a PRIVILEGE you have to EARN!" --[[User:Fedor|Fedor]]
|33="Why get normal cats? I buy lolcats in the embark screen. Much more fun to engrave about them." --Yanlin
|34="Dwarf Fortress taught me it was okay to make a suit out of my neighbour's skin, as long as I gave it a name."
|35="Got rid of world gen crash during succession after death of prolific long-standing position holders with inbred descendants" --[[Toady One]]
|36="There was a typo in the siegers' campfire code. When the fires went out, so did the game." --[[Toady One]]
|37="Hey, what does that flashing red and orange text mean? What? Why is there smoke everywhere? Oh god, are those BABIES on fire?" --[[User:StrawberryBunny|StrawberryBunny]]
|38="It's never 'just a game' when you're losing." --George Carlin (if he played Dwarf Fortress)
|39=Not that building a bridge out of soap makes much sense to begin with anyway.
|40=Note that while you cannot milk larger animals yourself, civilizations can still milk animals "off screen" for your benefit.
|41=Tosid Idenarzes likes tentacle demons for their corrupt intentions. "There! Now we've covered all of the seven deadly sins."
|42="Litast Idenudesh, baby, is throwing a tantrum! Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has lost consciousness. Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has bled to death."
|43=Bug 000780 [adventure mode][crime] - town guard becomes a criminal after getting an adventurer's stolen weapon stuck in his body
|44="Udib Toblumaid, Axedwarf, cancels sparring in Barracks: too insane." [[User:Ben jamm1n|Ben jamm1n]]
|45=Kosoth Cilobonol, Bone Carver cancels Drink: Unconscious.
|46=Sizir the Snail of Bait is a deity of The Fresh Towers. Sizir most often takes the form of a female dwarf and is associated with jealousy.
|47=Sibrek Tanbim likes Limestone, Tin, Smoky Quartz, the color crimson, bolts, scepters, anvils, and rock blocks for their lack of quality levels.
|48=There are 5 articles in category Lore: Armok, Cave Adaptation, Elephant, Philosopher, and Vomit.
|49=There is nothing to catch in the magma pipe.
|50=Bug 000563 [dwarf mode][justice] - mayor ordered himself beaten for failing to make crystal glass objects
|51=If cow cheese is made from cow's milk, what is dwarven cheese made of?
|52=Bugs are opportunities to cause unprecedented amounts of destruction. --Zorgn
|53="You know, Urist, you've got a mind like an +Ash Trap+."--[[User:Destor|Destor]]
|54='''Zander J:''' "Is there a way to stop immigration without setting the population cap?" '''Yanlin:''' "Magma."
|55=An animal trainer just suddenly stopped working and hid himself in a workshop. He's probably going to make a wardog out of rock and goblin skulls.
|56=Bug 000597 [creatures] - flying creatures give birth in midair, leading to tragedy.
|57='''Urdim Kutamèrith, Pump Operator, has created Rakusttenshed, a Glumprong blowgun!''' Urdim, you are a freaking idiot.
|58=<Forkez> I don't get the game, but I do get that tunnels flooded with water is a bad thing.
|59="If you give a dwarf a fire, he will be warm for a night. If you set a dwarf on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life."
|60="Since the Elves said they won't let me cut down any trees, I bought 50 of their logs instead."
|61=Do not make a trading race that breathes fire. I REPEAT, DON'T!! EVER!!
|62=Dwarf Fortress: Because burning elves are funny.
|63=The carp has drowned.
|64=There's one thing a dwarf needs, and that's stones. And alcohol... and magma... but mainly stones.
|65="I swear to god once I saw a dwarf who was labeled as being Strong, Very Agile, Very Tough... and ''Clean''. But it was probably just a bad dream."
|66=Urist McRandy has been ecstatic lately. He brought somebody to bed lately.
|67="Dwarven children kidnapped and incorporated into goblin society might sh... shave." --Toady One
|68=Bug 000871 [projectiles] - babies fall to death when born on stairs
|69=Bug 001031 [adventure mode][inventory] - a merchant pack animal caught at an old dwarf site during adv mode was wearing a full set of clothes
|70="[[Magma]] solves everything. [[Fire]] just ruins the [[booze]]." -sonerohi
|71=You can't yet strangle people with the exposed guts, though I suppose that's now within reach. --[[Toady One]]
|72=Look, there are roving clumps of sentient lava outside, ... This isn't going to get better. --PTTG??
|73=...and the only surviving dwarf is a noble who has mandated the construction of crowns and clear glass items to the empty halls. --PTTG??
|74=Adil Idenlocun is conflicted: "When possible he prefers to consume purring maggot, Dwarven ale and Dwarven syrup. He absolutely detests purring maggots."
|75="I had to leave just before I tested the dwarf with the boiling gold blood." -- Toady the Great One
|76=Urdim Zatinod has been quite content lately. She has lost an annoying friend to tragedy lately.
|77=I added two levers. One opens the magma. The other sets free all the cats. --Someone in Headshoots
|78="As Manbaspecut, Human Merchant is stricken by melancholy!" "Muskox has gone stark raving mad!" I think something is wrong with the human caravan...
|79="Somebody needs to build an active volcano inside a fortress inside an active volcano." --Boksi
|80=It has stats. It can be killed.
|81=Bug 000432 [dwarf mode][items] - Bones pop out of coffins.
|82=Thanks. I wish I had known that about three forts ago.
|83=If I ''remembered'' what the damn lever did, I'd ''pull'' it! <...pulls lever anyway...>
|84=Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine.
|85="So let me get this straight. We managed to destroy a dwarven civilization while only managing a single town??"
|86=Kara Mase, the Glory of Amusing: Engraved on the wall is an image of a dwarf and an elf. The dwarf is committing a depraved act on the elf.
|87=Once saw a water skin with red beryl spikes. I still wonder how you would drink from that.
|88=Watching a kobold thief be chased by batman is very satisfying.
|89=Kol Tölunimush has been ecstatic lately. He killed somebody by accident while sparring recently. He took joy in slaughter lately. He has lost a lover to tragedy lately. He has witnessed death. He had a satisfying sparring session recently.
|90=There was kind of a violent explosion of boiling human blood when I was testing a human vs a magma man in the arena... it was a little weird, but I guess that's okay. --[[Toady One]]
|91=Mew? Chop!
|92="If Dwarf Fortress geology is to be believed, then the Earth's core is made of microline and demons."
|93='They're firing arrows at us! Quickly! Raise the babies!!' -Urdim McSquadLeader, mother of 8
|94=It started raining, then all my dwarves outside started bleeding to death. On inspection their upper bodies were missing.
|95=It seems that a fresh recruit given a crossbow and a quiver with ammo in it will opt to run up to the enemy and bash them with the crossbow.
|96=Bug introduced in the latest version: Firemen can have their flames severed. These flames then just lie around the place.
|97=You stab Iron Man in the right leg from behind with your adamantine short sword, breaking away a piece of the gas and shattering the iron! The Beak Dog is caught in a burst of Iron Man gas! Beak Dog vomits into the Iron Man gas.
|98=Urist McDairy, Milker cancels store item in stockpile: handling dangerous creature
|99=Ildomushat, Fish Cleaner, cancels Clean Self: Could not find path.
|100=Losing is [[Fun]]!!! --The Motto of Dwarf Fortress
|101=I hate walking under dwarven archways. You never know how many mechanized crossbows they have hidden underneath those damn things.
|102="Bibo ergo sum. I drink, therefore I am." -- Dwarven Philosopher
|103=This is a menacing iron spike. This object menaces with spikes of iron.
|104=Kogsak is a deity of The Helpful Diamond. Kogsak most often takes the form of a dwarf and is associated with fortresses.
|105=The Forgotten Beast pushes The Wrestler in the head, bruising the muscle, driving the skull through the brain, and tearing apart the brain! The Wrestler has been struck down!
|106=Goblin Chops at the Diagnostician in the right leg, damaging the muscle! Urist McHouse is Unconscious!
|107=Limul Itebdesis, trader has been Possessed. Limul Itebdesis, trader has created Stodir Isethlolor, a Mortgage-Backed Security!
|108=The heart wound ended up being a guy getting shot in the arm, dropping his crossbow, running over to the opposing line, and jabbing his stack of bolts into somebody's chest.
|109=Giant mole has stolen a preserved prepared giant mole lung! ''"Hey, I want my grandfather back!"''
|110="You must construct additional barrels!" - [[User:Speed112]]
|111=All I want is a major river next to a volcano with flux, sand and bituminous coal.
|112=Do not taunt magma.
|113=I bury my pets in gold coffins and my nobles in wood coffins. Pets before people, I say.--[[KingAuggie]]
|114=[the cavern] is basically like the surface, except underground
|115=The fortress' randomly generated name was "Greatestfailure".
|116="You stab the Human Thresher in the mouth with your large copper dagger, tearing the left cheek!" "The large copper dagger has lodged firmly in the wound!"
|117="The best way to determine how dangerous a fortress is, is to make only one dwarf with the burial job, and nothing else: the lower his social skills, the more dangerous the fortress is - [[User:Rhenaya|Rhenaya]]"
|118="Before retiring in the evening, heed my words and give yourself to volcanos" - Ted Usmokatra, law-giver
|119=Upon coming of age, about 8, Urist McYoung Made an artifact, became mayor and promptly mandated the construction of slade goods.
|120=Dwarf Fortress: You've already lost.
|121=A sober fortress makes even a mental hospital seem like a pleasant place to live.
|122=A typical Dwarven nightmare consists of running out of booze or getting a beard lopped off in an accident.
|123=There are two ways of dealing with goblins in a tree. One is by marksdwarves. The other is by flooding the world with magma.
|124=Portal and Dwarf Fortress share a mystical trend. It is !!Science!!.
|125=The were-capybara is only one of the myriad lunatic monsters that terrorize the living. -- Threetoe
|126=The only time I ever saw the stupid thing fly, was to cross the aqueduct, to the beer hall. -- Fredd
|127=(On artifacts) I got a flint door, called The Noiseless Odors. -- Nyxalinth
|128=So apparently she became queen before becoming a twilight freak wife. Fascinating. -- Samuel
|129=The zombies in a necromancer's tower became suspicious after the necromancer failed to age -- Toady One
|130=Got a few barrels of beetle ichor and duck blood, gave some pig cheese in exchange. Made a present of three coffins to the queen.
|131=I'd have to look back to see if it wants the physical or metaphysical id on the corpse. -- Toady One
|132=The Sasquatch corpse has lodged firmly in the wound! The goblin has been struck down!
|133=[22:57:46] <Dik_> How do I wash myself up from blood? [23:06:20] <Dik_> How the fuck do I get out of the river?
|134=No, you're not getting that leg back. In fact, that creature over there is going to pick your leg up and beat you death with it. You won't respawn.
|135=My refuse pile just woke up and ate my dwarves, who in turn got up themselves and started eating the other dwarves.
|136=[http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/view.php?id=2264 bug 2264: Adv. Mode travel (near oceans) teleports player underground and turns them into an underground creature]
}}
[http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/view.php?id=2264 bug 2264]: Adv. Mode travel (near oceans) teleports player underground and turns them into an underground creature

Main Page/Quote

2012-03-01T22:41:04Z

Kogut: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=15096.msg3052581#msg3052581

<noinclude>
Please limit quotes to ~135 characters or less (longest below are longer than that, but remain as "legacy" from Toady etc.). Longer quotes may be deleted.

Do not use equals signs or vertical bars in your quotes or they will break.

When adding a quote, be sure to update the {{tl|rand|###}} number.

[[Category:Humor and stories]]
----
</noinclude>{{#switch:{{rand|135}}|
|1=I can't put my finger on it. Something about this [[Fire|‼]]Cat tallow roast[[Fire|‼]] tastes funny.
|2=Toady withdraws from society. Toady has begun a [[Strange mood|mysterious]] construction!
|3=Let us never forget the last words of Inod the Stoker, [http://archive.dwarffortresswiki.net/index.php/Fortress_Paintrag#1056 "Aaah! Gorillas!"]
|4=[[Children|Newborn]] Zuglar Baldnessgranite prefers to consume Gorilla. A sure sign of his unparalleled strength!
|5=[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-image.php In an unrelated article] - I had no idea elephants could bounce that high!
|6=[[Toady]] looses a roaring laughter, [[Fey|fell]] and terrible! Toady has butchered a spammer!
|7=The critical question is this: do elf bones yield more crossbow bolts than the average number of bolts necessary to kill an elf?
|8="Dwarf Fortress" ... "Like chess, only with short people that can catch on [[fire]] like [[clothing|rags]] soaked in tar, and lots of [[booze]]." ... "Like chess."
|9=Dwarf Fortress has taught me that all the world's problems would be substantially reduced had our parent civilizations never minted more than four stacks of [[coins]].
|10=[[Booze]] does all the work in forts. Dwarves are just booze exoskeletons.
|11=My unconscious and bleeding [[mayor]] just mandated the construction of some goods.
|12=I can just imagine a wagon throwing a tantrum and tossing all its contents at people.
|13=Döbesh Udosdeb has been ecstatic lately. He was forced to eat a friend to survive. He enjoyed a truly decadent meal.
|14=Iron [[screw pump]] exercise equipment. Pump iron and get superdwarvenly strong!
|15=The violence, aggression, pain, madness, sadness of the ASCII characters never ceases to amaze me...
|16=Wait, you're MAKING animals? —''Torak'' At this moment, yes, I am smelting cows. —''Spiders Everywhere''
|17="Didn't you read the manual? He he he he... the manual... ..." --[[Toady One]]
|18=(Compared to real-world years) Dwarven years are shorter. --Sowelu Very fitting to dwarves, I must add. --Sean Mirrsen
|19=[[Magma]] is not a [[water]] source. Dwarves can't drink it or supply it to their wounded. --[[User:AlienChickenPie|AlienChickenPie]]
|20="[B]oats are the enemy of tiles. And tiles are the enemy of boats." --[[Toady One]]
|21="I went through and fixed a few places where forbidden/on fire weren't being respected for next time. Burning milkable creatures were still a problem for example." --[[Toady One]]
|22="You have been processed! Go forth, now, and edit!" --[[User:Savok|Savok]]
|23="What happened in 1048?" "Jreengus occurred."
|24=Making rock instruments isn't nearly as awesome as it sounds --Shandrunn
|25=The cyclops I was quested to kill had a thousand year history of badassery, and all of that without the leg it lost in the Year 3 (a dwarf bit it off... I should probably deal with that). --[[Toady One]]
|26=[FIREIMMUNE] makes them think that [[magma]] is safe but doesn't actually make them fireproof. This can lead to some rather interesting results.
|27=Endok Cerolneth has begun a mysterious construction! Endok Cerolneth, Planter has given birth to a girl.
|28="Incendia sunt socia vestra, armaque vestra, fortesque Montis Domi." "Magma is your ally, your weapon, the strength of the Mountain-Home." --Eita
|29="Stopped people from giving quests to kill themselves." --[[Toady One]]
|30="...And I simply doubt we have a need for 7 fishery workers. On top of that, a second soap maker. The hell IS soap?!" --Zero
|31="This is a terrible pun. All craftsdwarfship is of the poorest quality." - [http://tinyurl.com/6yruly Soup_alex]
|32="The default mental state of a dwarf is madness. Sanity is a temporary condition - a PRIVILEGE you have to EARN!" --[[User:Fedor|Fedor]]
|33="Why get normal cats? I buy lolcats in the embark screen. Much more fun to engrave about them." --Yanlin
|34="Dwarf Fortress taught me it was okay to make a suit out of my neighbour's skin, as long as I gave it a name."
|35="Got rid of world gen crash during succession after death of prolific long-standing position holders with inbred descendants" --[[Toady One]]
|36="There was a typo in the siegers' campfire code. When the fires went out, so did the game." --[[Toady One]]
|37="Hey, what does that flashing red and orange text mean? What? Why is there smoke everywhere? Oh god, are those BABIES on fire?" --[[User:StrawberryBunny|StrawberryBunny]]
|38="It's never 'just a game' when you're losing." --George Carlin (if he played Dwarf Fortress)
|39=Not that building a bridge out of soap makes much sense to begin with anyway.
|40=Note that while you cannot milk larger animals yourself, civilizations can still milk animals "off screen" for your benefit.
|41=Tosid Idenarzes likes tentacle demons for their corrupt intentions. "There! Now we've covered all of the seven deadly sins."
|42="Litast Idenudesh, baby, is throwing a tantrum! Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has lost consciousness. Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has bled to death."
|43=Bug 000780 [adventure mode][crime] - town guard becomes a criminal after getting an adventurer's stolen weapon stuck in his body
|44="Udib Toblumaid, Axedwarf, cancels sparring in Barracks: too insane." [[User:Ben jamm1n|Ben jamm1n]]
|45=Kosoth Cilobonol, Bone Carver cancels Drink: Unconscious.
|46=Sizir the Snail of Bait is a deity of The Fresh Towers. Sizir most often takes the form of a female dwarf and is associated with jealousy.
|47=Sibrek Tanbim likes Limestone, Tin, Smoky Quartz, the color crimson, bolts, scepters, anvils, and rock blocks for their lack of quality levels.
|48=There are 5 articles in category Lore: Armok, Cave Adaptation, Elephant, Philosopher, and Vomit.
|49=There is nothing to catch in the magma pipe.
|50=Bug 000563 [dwarf mode][justice] - mayor ordered himself beaten for failing to make crystal glass objects
|51=If cow cheese is made from cow's milk, what is dwarven cheese made of?
|52=Bugs are opportunities to cause unprecedented amounts of destruction. --Zorgn
|53="You know, Urist, you've got a mind like an +Ash Trap+."--[[User:Destor|Destor]]
|54='''Zander J:''' "Is there a way to stop immigration without setting the population cap?" '''Yanlin:''' "Magma."
|55=An animal trainer just suddenly stopped working and hid himself in a workshop. He's probably going to make a wardog out of rock and goblin skulls.
|56=Bug 000597 [creatures] - flying creatures give birth in midair, leading to tragedy.
|57='''Urdim Kutamèrith, Pump Operator, has created Rakusttenshed, a Glumprong blowgun!''' Urdim, you are a freaking idiot.
|58=<Forkez> I don't get the game, but I do get that tunnels flooded with water is a bad thing.
|59="If you give a dwarf a fire, he will be warm for a night. If you set a dwarf on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life."
|60="Since the Elves said they won't let me cut down any trees, I bought 50 of their logs instead."
|61=Do not make a trading race that breathes fire. I REPEAT, DON'T!! EVER!!
|62=Dwarf Fortress: Because burning elves are funny.
|63=The carp has drowned.
|64=There's one thing a dwarf needs, and that's stones. And alcohol... and magma... but mainly stones.
|65="I swear to god once I saw a dwarf who was labeled as being Strong, Very Agile, Very Tough... and ''Clean''. But it was probably just a bad dream."
|66=Urist McRandy has been ecstatic lately. He brought somebody to bed lately.
|67="Dwarven children kidnapped and incorporated into goblin society might sh... shave." --Toady One
|68=Bug 000871 [projectiles] - babies fall to death when born on stairs
|69=Bug 001031 [adventure mode][inventory] - a merchant pack animal caught at an old dwarf site during adv mode was wearing a full set of clothes
|70="[[Magma]] solves everything. [[Fire]] just ruins the [[booze]]." -sonerohi
|71=You can't yet strangle people with the exposed guts, though I suppose that's now within reach. --[[Toady One]]
|72=Look, there are roving clumps of sentient lava outside, ... This isn't going to get better. --PTTG??
|73=...and the only surviving dwarf is a noble who has mandated the construction of crowns and clear glass items to the empty halls. --PTTG??
|74=Adil Idenlocun is conflicted: "When possible he prefers to consume purring maggot, Dwarven ale and Dwarven syrup. He absolutely detests purring maggots."
|75="I had to leave just before I tested the dwarf with the boiling gold blood." -- Toady the Great One
|76=Urdim Zatinod has been quite content lately. She has lost an annoying friend to tragedy lately.
|77=I added two levers. One opens the magma. The other sets free all the cats. --Someone in Headshoots
|78="As Manbaspecut, Human Merchant is stricken by melancholy!" "Muskox has gone stark raving mad!" I think something is wrong with the human caravan...
|79="Somebody needs to build an active volcano inside a fortress inside an active volcano." --Boksi
|80=It has stats. It can be killed.
|81=Bug 000432 [dwarf mode][items] - Bones pop out of coffins.
|82=Thanks. I wish I had known that about three forts ago.
|83=If I ''remembered'' what the damn lever did, I'd ''pull'' it! <...pulls lever anyway...>
|84=Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine.
|85="So let me get this straight. We managed to destroy a dwarven civilization while only managing a single town??"
|86=Kara Mase, the Glory of Amusing: Engraved on the wall is an image of a dwarf and an elf. The dwarf is committing a depraved act on the elf.
|87=Once saw a water skin with red beryl spikes. I still wonder how you would drink from that.
|88=Watching a kobold thief be chased by batman is very satisfying.
|89=Kol Tölunimush has been ecstatic lately. He killed somebody by accident while sparring recently. He took joy in slaughter lately. He has lost a lover to tragedy lately. He has witnessed death. He had a satisfying sparring session recently.
|90=There was kind of a violent explosion of boiling human blood when I was testing a human vs a magma man in the arena... it was a little weird, but I guess that's okay. --[[Toady One]]
|91=Mew? Chop!
|92="If Dwarf Fortress geology is to be believed, then the Earth's core is made of microline and demons."
|93='They're firing arrows at us! Quickly! Raise the babies!!' -Urdim McSquadLeader, mother of 8
|94=It started raining, then all my dwarves outside started bleeding to death. On inspection their upper bodies were missing.
|95=It seems that a fresh recruit given a crossbow and a quiver with ammo in it will opt to run up to the enemy and bash them with the crossbow.
|96=Bug introduced in the latest version: Firemen can have their flames severed. These flames then just lie around the place.
|97=You stab Iron Man in the right leg from behind with your adamantine short sword, breaking away a piece of the gas and shattering the iron! The Beak Dog is caught in a burst of Iron Man gas! Beak Dog vomits into the Iron Man gas.
|98=Urist McDairy, Milker cancels store item in stockpile: handling dangerous creature
|99=Ildomushat, Fish Cleaner, cancels Clean Self: Could not find path.
|100=Losing is [[Fun]]!!! --The Motto of Dwarf Fortress
|101=I hate walking under dwarven archways. You never know how many mechanized crossbows they have hidden underneath those damn things.
|102="Bibo ergo sum. I drink, therefore I am." -- Dwarven Philosopher
|103=This is a menacing iron spike. This object menaces with spikes of iron.
|104=Kogsak is a deity of The Helpful Diamond. Kogsak most often takes the form of a dwarf and is associated with fortresses.
|105=The Forgotten Beast pushes The Wrestler in the head, bruising the muscle, driving the skull through the brain, and tearing apart the brain! The Wrestler has been struck down!
|106=Goblin Chops at the Diagnostician in the right leg, damaging the muscle! Urist McHouse is Unconscious!
|107=Limul Itebdesis, trader has been Possessed. Limul Itebdesis, trader has created Stodir Isethlolor, a Mortgage-Backed Security!
|108=The heart wound ended up being a guy getting shot in the arm, dropping his crossbow, running over to the opposing line, and jabbing his stack of bolts into somebody's chest.
|109=Giant mole has stolen a preserved prepared giant mole lung! ''"Hey, I want my grandfather back!"''
|110="You must construct additional barrels!" - [[User:Speed112]]
|111=All I want is a major river next to a volcano with flux, sand and bituminous coal.
|112=Do not taunt magma.
|113=I bury my pets in gold coffins and my nobles in wood coffins. Pets before people, I say.--[[KingAuggie]]
|114=[the cavern] is basically like the surface, except underground
|115=The fortress' randomly generated name was "Greatestfailure".
|116="You stab the Human Thresher in the mouth with your large copper dagger, tearing the left cheek!" "The large copper dagger has lodged firmly in the wound!"
|117="The best way to determine how dangerous a fortress is, is to make only one dwarf with the burial job, and nothing else: the lower his social skills, the more dangerous the fortress is - [[User:Rhenaya|Rhenaya]]"
|118="Before retiring in the evening, heed my words and give yourself to volcanos" - Ted Usmokatra, law-giver
|119=Upon coming of age, about 8, Urist McYoung Made an artifact, became mayor and promptly mandated the construction of slade goods.
|120=Dwarf Fortress: You've already lost.
|121=A sober fortress makes even a mental hospital seem like a pleasant place to live.
|122=A typical Dwarven nightmare consists of running out of booze or getting a beard lopped off in an accident.
|123=There are two ways of dealing with goblins in a tree. One is by marksdwarves. The other is by flooding the world with magma.
|124=Portal and Dwarf Fortress share a mystical trend. It is !!Science!!.
|125=The were-capybara is only one of the myriad lunatic monsters that terrorize the living. -- Threetoe
|126=The only time I ever saw the stupid thing fly, was to cross the aqueduct, to the beer hall. -- Fredd
|127=(On artifacts) I got a flint door, called The Noiseless Odors. -- Nyxalinth
|128=So apparently she became queen before becoming a twilight freak wife. Fascinating. -- Samuel
|129=The zombies in a necromancer's tower became suspicious after the necromancer failed to age -- Toady One
|130=Got a few barrels of beetle ichor and duck blood, gave some pig cheese in exchange. Made a present of three coffins to the queen.
|131=I'd have to look back to see if it wants the physical or metaphysical id on the corpse. -- Toady One
|132=The Sasquatch corpse has lodged firmly in the wound! The goblin has been struck down!
|133=[22:57:46] <Dik_> How do I wash myself up from blood? [23:06:20] <Dik_> How the fuck do I get out of the river?
|134=No, you're not getting that leg back. In fact, that creature over there is going to pick your leg up and beat you death with it. You won't respawn.
|135=My refuse pile just woke up and ate my dwarves, who in turn got up themselves and started eating the other dwarves.
}}

Main Page/Quote

2012-01-07T12:53:51Z

Kogut: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?action=post;quote=2883957;topic=98587.0;last_msg=2886652

<noinclude>
Please limit quotes to ~135 characters or less (longest below are longer than that, but remain as "legacy" from Toady etc.). Longer quotes may be deleted.

Do not use equals signs or vertical bars in your quotes or they will break.

When adding a quote, be sure to update the {{tl|rand|###}} number.

[[Category:Humor and stories]]
----
</noinclude>{{#switch:{{rand|134}}|
|1=I can't put my finger on it. Something about this [[Fire|‼]]Cat tallow roast[[Fire|‼]] tastes funny.
|2=Toady withdraws from society. Toady has begun a [[Strange mood|mysterious]] construction!
|3=Let us never forget the last words of Inod the Stoker, [http://archive.dwarffortresswiki.net/index.php/Fortress_Paintrag#1056 "Aaah! Gorillas!"]
|4=[[Children|Newborn]] Zuglar Baldnessgranite prefers to consume Gorilla. A sure sign of his unparalleled strength!
|5=[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-image.php In an unrelated article] - I had no idea elephants could bounce that high!
|6=[[Toady]] looses a roaring laughter, [[Fey|fell]] and terrible! Toady has butchered a spammer!
|7=The critical question is this: do elf bones yield more crossbow bolts than the average number of bolts necessary to kill an elf?
|8="Dwarf Fortress" ... "Like chess, only with short people that can catch on [[fire]] like [[clothing|rags]] soaked in tar, and lots of [[booze]]." ... "Like chess."
|9=Dwarf Fortress has taught me that all the world's problems would be substantially reduced had our parent civilizations never minted more than four stacks of [[coins]].
|10=[[Booze]] does all the work in forts. Dwarves are just booze exoskeletons.
|11=My unconscious and bleeding [[mayor]] just mandated the construction of some goods.
|12=I can just imagine a wagon throwing a tantrum and tossing all its contents at people.
|13=Döbesh Udosdeb has been ecstatic lately. He was forced to eat a friend to survive. He enjoyed a truly decadent meal.
|14=Iron [[screw pump]] exercise equipment. Pump iron and get superdwarvenly strong!
|15=The violence, aggression, pain, madness, sadness of the ASCII characters never ceases to amaze me...
|16=Wait, you're MAKING animals? —''Torak'' At this moment, yes, I am smelting cows. —''Spiders Everywhere''
|17="Didn't you read the manual? He he he he... the manual... ..." --[[Toady One]]
|18=(Compared to real-world years) Dwarven years are shorter. --Sowelu Very fitting to dwarves, I must add. --Sean Mirrsen
|19=[[Magma]] is not a [[water]] source. Dwarves can't drink it or supply it to their wounded. --[[User:AlienChickenPie|AlienChickenPie]]
|20="[B]oats are the enemy of tiles. And tiles are the enemy of boats." --[[Toady One]]
|21="I went through and fixed a few places where forbidden/on fire weren't being respected for next time. Burning milkable creatures were still a problem for example." --[[Toady One]]
|22="You have been processed! Go forth, now, and edit!" --[[User:Savok|Savok]]
|23="What happened in 1048?" "Jreengus occurred."
|24=Making rock instruments isn't nearly as awesome as it sounds --Shandrunn
|25=The cyclops I was quested to kill had a thousand year history of badassery, and all of that without the leg it lost in the Year 3 (a dwarf bit it off... I should probably deal with that). --[[Toady One]]
|26=[FIREIMMUNE] makes them think that [[magma]] is safe but doesn't actually make them fireproof. This can lead to some rather interesting results.
|27=Endok Cerolneth has begun a mysterious construction! Endok Cerolneth, Planter has given birth to a girl.
|28="Incendia sunt socia vestra, armaque vestra, fortesque Montis Domi." "Magma is your ally, your weapon, the strength of the Mountain-Home." --Eita
|29="Stopped people from giving quests to kill themselves." --[[Toady One]]
|30="...And I simply doubt we have a need for 7 fishery workers. On top of that, a second soap maker. The hell IS soap?!" --Zero
|31="This is a terrible pun. All craftsdwarfship is of the poorest quality." - [http://tinyurl.com/6yruly Soup_alex]
|32="The default mental state of a dwarf is madness. Sanity is a temporary condition - a PRIVILEGE you have to EARN!" --[[User:Fedor|Fedor]]
|33="Why get normal cats? I buy lolcats in the embark screen. Much more fun to engrave about them." --Yanlin
|34="Dwarf Fortress taught me it was okay to make a suit out of my neighbour's skin, as long as I gave it a name."
|35="Got rid of world gen crash during succession after death of prolific long-standing position holders with inbred descendants" --[[Toady One]]
|36="There was a typo in the siegers' campfire code. When the fires went out, so did the game." --[[Toady One]]
|37="Hey, what does that flashing red and orange text mean? What? Why is there smoke everywhere? Oh god, are those BABIES on fire?" --[[User:StrawberryBunny|StrawberryBunny]]
|38="It's never 'just a game' when you're losing." --George Carlin (if he played Dwarf Fortress)
|39=Not that building a bridge out of soap makes much sense to begin with anyway.
|40=Note that while you cannot milk larger animals yourself, civilizations can still milk animals "off screen" for your benefit.
|41=Tosid Idenarzes likes tentacle demons for their corrupt intentions. "There! Now we've covered all of the seven deadly sins."
|42="Litast Idenudesh, baby, is throwing a tantrum! Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has lost consciousness. Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has bled to death."
|43=Bug 000780 [adventure mode][crime] - town guard becomes a criminal after getting an adventurer's stolen weapon stuck in his body
|44="Udib Toblumaid, Axedwarf, cancels sparring in Barracks: too insane." [[User:Ben jamm1n|Ben jamm1n]]
|45=Kosoth Cilobonol, Bone Carver cancels Drink: Unconscious.
|46=Sizir the Snail of Bait is a deity of The Fresh Towers. Sizir most often takes the form of a female dwarf and is associated with jealousy.
|47=Sibrek Tanbim likes Limestone, Tin, Smoky Quartz, the color crimson, bolts, scepters, anvils, and rock blocks for their lack of quality levels.
|48=There are 5 articles in category Lore: Armok, Cave Adaptation, Elephant, Philosopher, and Vomit.
|49=There is nothing to catch in the magma pipe.
|50=Bug 000563 [dwarf mode][justice] - mayor ordered himself beaten for failing to make crystal glass objects
|51=If cow cheese is made from cow's milk, what is dwarven cheese made of?
|52=Bugs are opportunities to cause unprecedented amounts of destruction. --Zorgn
|53="You know, Urist, you've got a mind like an +Ash Trap+."--[[User:Destor|Destor]]
|54='''Zander J:''' "Is there a way to stop immigration without setting the population cap?" '''Yanlin:''' "Magma."
|55=An animal trainer just suddenly stopped working and hid himself in a workshop. He's probably going to make a wardog out of rock and goblin skulls.
|56=Bug 000597 [creatures] - flying creatures give birth in midair, leading to tragedy.
|57='''Urdim Kutamèrith, Pump Operator, has created Rakusttenshed, a Glumprong blowgun!''' Urdim, you are a freaking idiot.
|58=<Forkez> I don't get the game, but I do get that tunnels flooded with water is a bad thing.
|59="If you give a dwarf a fire, he will be warm for a night. If you set a dwarf on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life."
|60="Since the Elves said they won't let me cut down any trees, I bought 50 of their logs instead."
|61=Do not make a trading race that breathes fire. I REPEAT, DON'T!! EVER!!
|62=Dwarf Fortress: Because burning elves are funny.
|63=The carp has drowned.
|64=There's one thing a dwarf needs, and that's stones. And alcohol... and magma... but mainly stones.
|65="I swear to god once I saw a dwarf who was labeled as being Strong, Very Agile, Very Tough... and ''Clean''. But it was probably just a bad dream."
|66=Urist McRandy has been ecstatic lately. He brought somebody to bed lately.
|67="Dwarven children kidnapped and incorporated into goblin society might sh... shave." --Toady One
|68=Bug 000871 [projectiles] - babies fall to death when born on stairs
|69=Bug 001031 [adventure mode][inventory] - a merchant pack animal caught at an old dwarf site during adv mode was wearing a full set of clothes
|70="[[Magma]] solves everything. [[Fire]] just ruins the [[booze]]." -sonerohi
|71=You can't yet strangle people with the exposed guts, though I suppose that's now within reach. --[[Toady One]]
|72=Look, there are roving clumps of sentient lava outside, ... This isn't going to get better. --PTTG??
|73=...and the only surviving dwarf is a noble who has mandated the construction of crowns and clear glass items to the empty halls. --PTTG??
|74=Adil Idenlocun is conflicted: "When possible he prefers to consume purring maggot, Dwarven ale and Dwarven syrup. He absolutely detests purring maggots."
|75="I had to leave just before I tested the dwarf with the boiling gold blood." -- Toady the Great One
|76=Urdim Zatinod has been quite content lately. She has lost an annoying friend to tragedy lately.
|77=I added two levers. One opens the magma. The other sets free all the cats. --Someone in Headshoots
|78="As Manbaspecut, Human Merchant is stricken by melancholy!" "Muskox has gone stark raving mad!" I think something is wrong with the human caravan...
|79="Somebody needs to build an active volcano inside a fortress inside an active volcano." --Boksi
|80=It has stats. It can be killed.
|81=Bug 000432 [dwarf mode][items] - Bones pop out of coffins.
|82=Thanks. I wish I had known that about three forts ago.
|83=If I ''remembered'' what the damn lever did, I'd ''pull'' it! <...pulls lever anyway...>
|84=Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine.
|85="So let me get this straight. We managed to destroy a dwarven civilization while only managing a single town??"
|86=Kara Mase, the Glory of Amusing: Engraved on the wall is an image of a dwarf and an elf. The dwarf is committing a depraved act on the elf.
|87=Once saw a water skin with red beryl spikes. I still wonder how you would drink from that.
|88=Watching a kobold thief be chased by batman is very satisfying.
|89=Kol Tölunimush has been ecstatic lately. He killed somebody by accident while sparring recently. He took joy in slaughter lately. He has lost a lover to tragedy lately. He has witnessed death. He had a satisfying sparring session recently.
|90=There was kind of a violent explosion of boiling human blood when I was testing a human vs a magma man in the arena... it was a little weird, but I guess that's okay. --[[Toady One]]
|91=Mew? Chop!
|92="If Dwarf Fortress geology is to be believed, then the Earth's core is made of microline and demons."
|93='They're firing arrows at us! Quickly! Raise the babies!!' -Urdim McSquadLeader, mother of 8
|94=It started raining, then all my dwarves outside started bleeding to death. On inspection their upper bodies were missing.
|95=It seems that a fresh recruit given a crossbow and a quiver with ammo in it will opt to run up to the enemy and bash them with the crossbow.
|96=Bug introduced in the latest version: Firemen can have their flames severed. These flames then just lie around the place.
|97=You stab Iron Man in the right leg from behind with your adamantine short sword, breaking away a piece of the gas and shattering the iron! The Beak Dog is caught in a burst of Iron Man gas! Beak Dog vomits into the Iron Man gas.
|98=Urist McDairy, Milker cancels store item in stockpile: handling dangerous creature
|99=Ildomushat, Fish Cleaner, cancels Clean Self: Could not find path.
|100=Losing is [[Fun]]!!! --The Motto of Dwarf Fortress
|101=I hate walking under dwarven archways. You never know how many mechanized crossbows they have hidden underneath those damn things.
|102="Bibo ergo sum. I drink, therefore I am." -- Dwarven Philosopher
|103=This is a menacing iron spike. This object menaces with spikes of iron.
|104=Kogsak is a deity of The Helpful Diamond. Kogsak most often takes the form of a dwarf and is associated with fortresses.
|105=The Forgotten Beast pushes The Wrestler in the head, bruising the muscle, driving the skull through the brain, and tearing apart the brain! The Wrestler has been struck down!
|106=Goblin Chops at the Diagnostician in the right leg, damaging the muscle! Urist McHouse is Unconscious!
|107=Limul Itebdesis, trader has been Possessed. Limul Itebdesis, trader has created Stodir Isethlolor, a Mortgage-Backed Security!
|108=The heart wound ended up being a guy getting shot in the arm, dropping his crossbow, running over to the opposing line, and jabbing his stack of bolts into somebody's chest.
|109=Giant mole has stolen a preserved prepared giant mole lung! ''"Hey, I want my grandfather back!"''
|110="You must construct additional barrels!" - [[User:Speed112]]
|111=All I want is a major river next to a volcano with flux, sand and bituminous coal.
|112=Do not taunt magma.
|113=I bury my pets in gold coffins and my nobles in wood coffins. Pets before people, I say.--[[KingAuggie]]
|114=[the cavern] is basically like the surface, except underground
|115=The fortress' randomly generated name was "Greatestfailure".
|116="You stab the Human Thresher in the mouth with your large copper dagger, tearing the left cheek!" "The large copper dagger has lodged firmly in the wound!"
|117="The best way to determine how dangerous a fortress is, is to make only one dwarf with the burial job, and nothing else: the lower his social skills, the more dangerous the fortress is - [[User:Rhenaya|Rhenaya]]"
|118="Before retiring in the evening, heed my words and give yourself to volcanos" - Ted Usmokatra, law-giver
|119=Upon coming of age, about 8, Urist McYoung Made an artifact, became mayor and promptly mandated the construction of slade goods.
|120=Dwarf Fortress: You've already lost.
|121=A sober fortress makes even a mental hospital seem like a pleasant place to live.
|122=A typical Dwarven nightmare consists of running out of booze or getting a beard lopped off in an accident.
|123=There are two ways of dealing with goblins in a tree. One is by marksdwarves. The other is by flooding the world with magma.
|124=Portal and Dwarf Fortress share a mystical trend. It is !!Science!!.
|125=The were-capybara is only one of the myriad lunatic monsters that terrorize the living. -- Threetoe
|126=The only time I ever saw the stupid thing fly, was to cross the aqueduct, to the beer hall. -- Fredd
|127=(On artifacts) I got a flint door, called The Noiseless Odors. -- Nyxalinth
|128=So apparently she became queen before becoming a twilight freak wife. Fascinating. -- Samuel
|129=The zombies in a necromancer's tower became suspicious after the necromancer failed to age -- Toady One
|130=Got a few barrels of beetle ichor and duck blood, gave some pig cheese in exchange. Made a present of three coffins to the queen.
|131=I'd have to look back to see if it wants the physical or metaphysical id on the corpse. -- Toady One
|132=The Sasquatch corpse has lodged firmly in the wound! The goblin has been struck down!
|133=[22:57:46] <Dik_> How do I wash myself up from blood? [23:06:20] <Dik_> How the fuck do I get out of the river?
|134=No, you're not getting that leg back. In fact, that creature over there is going to pick your leg up and beat you death with it. You won't respawn.
}}

Main Page/Quote

2011-12-15T22:41:01Z

Kogut: -|68=Bug #871: babies fall to death when born on stairs (urban myth, see http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/view.php?id=871 )

<noinclude>
Please limit quotes to ~135 characters or less (longest below are longer than that, but remain as "legacy" from Toady etc.). Longer quotes may be deleted.

Do not use equals signs or vertical bars in your quotes or they will break.

When adding a quote, be sure to update the {{tl|rand|###}} number.

[[Category:Humor and stories]]
----
</noinclude>{{#switch:{{rand|132}}|
|1=I can't put my finger on it. Something about this [[Fire|‼]]Cat tallow roast[[Fire|‼]] tastes funny.
|2=Toady withdraws from society. Toady has begun a [[Strange mood|mysterious]] construction!
|3=Let us never forget the last words of Inod the Stoker, [http://archive.dwarffortresswiki.net/index.php/Fortress_Paintrag#1056 "Aaah! Gorillas!"]
|4=[[Children|Newborn]] Zuglar Baldnessgranite prefers to consume Gorilla. A sure sign of his unparalleled strength!
|5=[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-image.php In an unrelated article] - I had no idea elephants could bounce that high!
|6=[[Toady]] looses a roaring laughter, [[Fey|fell]] and terrible! Toady has butchered a spammer!
|7=The critical question is this: do elf bones yield more crossbow bolts than the average number of bolts necessary to kill an elf?
|8="Dwarf Fortress" ... "Like chess, only with short people that can catch on [[fire]] like [[clothing|rags]] soaked in tar, and lots of [[booze]]." ... "Like chess."
|9=Dwarf Fortress has taught me that all the world's problems would be substantially reduced had our parent civilizations never minted more than four stacks of [[coins]].
|10=[[Booze]] does all the work in forts. Dwarves are just booze exoskeletons.
|11=My unconscious and bleeding [[mayor]] just mandated the construction of some goods.
|12=I can just imagine a wagon throwing a tantrum and tossing all its contents at people.
|13=Döbesh Udosdeb has been ecstatic lately. He was forced to eat a friend to survive. He enjoyed a truly decadent meal.
|14=Iron [[screw pump]] exercise equipment. Pump iron and get superdwarvenly strong!
|15=The violence, aggression, pain, madness, sadness of the ASCII characters never ceases to amaze me...
|16=Wait, you're MAKING animals? —''Torak'' At this moment, yes, I am smelting cows. —''Spiders Everywhere''
|17="Didn't you read the manual? He he he he... the manual... ..." --[[Toady One]]
|18=(Compared to real-world years) Dwarven years are shorter. --Sowelu Very fitting to dwarves, I must add. --Sean Mirrsen
|19=[[Magma]] is not a [[water]] source. Dwarves can't drink it or supply it to their wounded. --[[User:AlienChickenPie|AlienChickenPie]]
|20="[B]oats are the enemy of tiles. And tiles are the enemy of boats." --[[Toady One]]
|21="I went through and fixed a few places where forbidden/on fire weren't being respected for next time. Burning milkable creatures were still a problem for example." --[[Toady One]]
|22="You have been processed! Go forth, now, and edit!" --[[User:Savok|Savok]]
|23="What happened in 1048?" "Jreengus occurred."
|24=Making rock instruments isn't nearly as awesome as it sounds --Shandrunn
|25=The cyclops I was quested to kill had a thousand year history of badassery, and all of that without the leg it lost in the Year 3 (a dwarf bit it off... I should probably deal with that). --[[Toady One]]
|26=[FIREIMMUNE] makes them think that [[magma]] is safe but doesn't actually make them fireproof. This can lead to some rather interesting results.
|27=Endok Cerolneth has begun a mysterious construction! Endok Cerolneth, Planter has given birth to a girl.
|28="Incendia sunt socia vestra, armaque vestra, fortesque Montis Domi." "Magma is your ally, your weapon, the strength of the Mountain-Home." --Eita
|29="Stopped people from giving quests to kill themselves." --[[Toady One]]
|30="...And I simply doubt we have a need for 7 fishery workers. On top of that, a second soap maker. The hell IS soap?!" --Zero
|31="This is a terrible pun. All craftsdwarfship is of the poorest quality." - [http://tinyurl.com/6yruly Soup_alex]
|32="The default mental state of a dwarf is madness. Sanity is a temporary condition - a PRIVILEGE you have to EARN!" --[[User:Fedor|Fedor]]
|33="Why get normal cats? I buy lolcats in the embark screen. Much more fun to engrave about them." --Yanlin
|34="Dwarf Fortress taught me it was okay to make a suit out of my neighbour's skin, as long as I gave it a name."
|35="Got rid of world gen crash during succession after death of prolific long-standing position holders with inbred descendants" --[[Toady One]]
|36="There was a typo in the siegers' campfire code. When the fires went out, so did the game." --[[Toady One]]
|37="Hey, what does that flashing red and orange text mean? What? Why is there smoke everywhere? Oh god, are those BABIES on fire?" --[[User:StrawberryBunny|StrawberryBunny]]
|38="It's never 'just a game' when you're losing." --George Carlin (if he played Dwarf Fortress)
|39=Not that building a bridge out of soap makes much sense to begin with anyway.
|40=Note that while you cannot milk larger animals yourself, civilizations can still milk animals "off screen" for your benefit.
|41=Tosid Idenarzes likes tentacle demons for their corrupt intentions. "There! Now we've covered all of the seven deadly sins."
|42="Litast Idenudesh, baby, is throwing a tantrum! Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has lost consciousness. Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has bled to death."
|43="Known bug #780: Town guard becomes a criminal after getting an adventurer's stolen weapon stuck in his body."
|44="Udib Toblumaid, Axedwarf, cancels sparring in Barracks: too insane." [[User:Ben jamm1n|Ben jamm1n]]
|45=Kosoth Cilobonol, Bone Carver cancels Drink: Unconscious.
|46=Sizir the Snail of Bait is a deity of The Fresh Towers. Sizir most often takes the form of a female dwarf and is associated with jealousy.
|47=Sibrek Tanbim likes Limestone, Tin, Smoky Quartz, the color crimson, bolts, scepters, anvils, and rock blocks for their lack of quality levels.
|48=There are 5 articles in category Lore: Armok, Cave Adaptation, Elephant, Philosopher, and Vomit.
|49=There is nothing to catch in the magma pipe.
|50=Bug #563: mayor ordered himself beaten for failing to make crystal glass objects
|51=If cow cheese is made from cow's milk, what is dwarven cheese made of?
|52=Bugs are opportunities to cause unprecedented amounts of destruction. --Zorgn
|53="You know, Urist, you've got a mind like an +Ash Trap+."--[[User:Destor|Destor]]
|54='''Zander J:''' "Is there a way to stop immigration without setting the population cap?" '''Yanlin:''' "Magma."
|55=An animal trainer just suddenly stopped working and hid himself in a workshop. He's probably going to make a wardog out of rock and goblin skulls.
|56=Bug #597: Flying creatures give birth in midair, leading to tragedy.
|57='''Urdim Kutamèrith, Pump Operator, has created Rakusttenshed, a Glumprong blowgun!''' Urdim, you are a freaking idiot.
|58=<Forkez> I don't get the game, but I do get that tunnels flooded with water is a bad thing.
|59="If you give a dwarf a fire, he will be warm for a night. If you set a dwarf on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life."
|60="Since the Elves said they won't let me cut down any trees, I bought 50 of their logs instead."
|61=Do not make a trading race that breathes fire. I REPEAT, DON'T!! EVER!!
|62=Dwarf Fortress: Because burning elves are funny.
|63=The carp has drowned.
|64=There's one thing a dwarf needs, and that's stones. And alcohol... and magma... but mainly stones.
|65="I swear to god once I saw a dwarf who was labeled as being Strong, Very Agile, Very Tough... and ''Clean''. But it was probably just a bad dream."
|66=Urist McRandy has been ecstatic lately. He brought somebody to bed lately.
|67="Dwarven children kidnapped and incorporated into goblin society might sh... shave." --Toady One
|68=[22:57:46] <Dik_> How do I wash myself up from blood? [23:06:20] <Dik_> How the fuck do I get out of the river?
|69=Bug #1031: a merchant pack animal caught at an old dwarf site during adv mode was wearing a full set of clothes
|70="[[Magma]] solves everything. [[Fire]] just ruins the [[booze]]." -sonerohi
|71=You can't yet strangle people with the exposed guts, though I suppose that's now within reach. --[[Toady One]]
|72=Look, there are roving clumps of sentient lava outside, ... This isn't going to get better. --PTTG??
|73=...and the only surviving dwarf is a noble who has mandated the construction of crowns and clear glass items to the empty halls. --PTTG??
|74=Adil Idenlocun is conflicted: "When possible he prefers to consume purring maggot, Dwarven ale and Dwarven syrup. He absolutely detests purring maggots."
|75="I had to leave just before I tested the dwarf with the boiling gold blood." -- Toady the Great One
|76=Urdim Zatinod has been quite content lately. She has lost an annoying friend to tragedy lately.
|77=I added two levers. One opens the magma. The other sets free all the cats. --Someone in Headshoots
|78="As Manbaspecut, Human Merchant is stricken by melancholy!" "Muskox has gone stark raving mad!" I think something is wrong with the human caravan...
|79="Somebody needs to build an active volcano inside a fortress inside an active volcano." --Boksi
|80=It has stats. It can be killed.
|81=Bug #432: Bones pop out of coffins.
|82=Thanks. I wish I had known that about three forts ago.
|83=If I ''remembered'' what the damn lever did, I'd ''pull'' it! <...pulls lever anyway...>
|84=Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine.
|85="So let me get this straight. We managed to destroy a dwarven civilization while only managing a single town??"
|86=Kara Mase, the Glory of Amusing: Engraved on the wall is an image of a dwarf and an elf. The dwarf is committing a depraved act on the elf.
|87=Once saw a water skin with red beryl spikes. I still wonder how you would drink from that.
|88=Watching a kobold thief be chased by batman is very satisfying.
|89=Kol Tölunimush has been ecstatic lately. He killed somebody by accident while sparring recently. He took joy in slaughter lately. He has lost a lover to tragedy lately. He has witnessed death. He had a satisfying sparring session recently.
|90=There was kind of a violent explosion of boiling human blood when I was testing a human vs a magma man in the arena... it was a little weird, but I guess that's okay. --[[Toady One]]
|91=Mew? Chop!
|92="If Dwarf Fortress geology is to be believed, then the Earth's core is made of microline and demons."
|93='They're firing arrows at us! Quickly! Raise the babies!!' -Urdim McSquadLeader, mother of 8
|94=It started raining, then all my dwarves outside started bleeding to death. On inspection their upper bodies were missing.
|95=It seems that a fresh recruit given a crossbow and a quiver with ammo in it will opt to run up to the enemy and bash them with the crossbow.
|96=Bug introduced in the latest version: Firemen can have their flames severed. These flames then just lie around the place.
|97=You stab Iron Man in the right leg from behind with your adamantine short sword, breaking away a piece of the gas and shattering the iron! The Beak Dog is caught in a burst of Iron Man gas! Beak Dog vomits into the Iron Man gas.
|98=Urist McDairy, Milker cancels store item in stockpile: handling dangerous creature
|99=Ildomushat, Fish Cleaner, cancels Clean Self: Could not find path.
|100=Losing is [[Fun]]!!! --The Motto of Dwarf Fortress
|101=I hate walking under dwarven archways. You never know how many mechanized crossbows they have hidden underneath those damn things.
|102="Bibo ergo sum. I drink, therefore I am." -- Dwarven Philosopher
|103=This is a menacing iron spike. This object menaces with spikes of iron.
|104=Kogsak is a deity of The Helpful Diamond. Kogsak most often takes the form of a dwarf and is associated with fortresses.
|105=The Forgotten Beast pushes The Wrestler in the head, bruising the muscle, driving the skull through the brain, and tearing apart the brain! The Wrestler has been struck down!
|106=Goblin Chops at the Diagnostician in the right leg, damaging the muscle! Urist McHouse is Unconscious!
|107=Limul Itebdesis, trader has been Possessed. Limul Itebdesis, trader has created Stodir Isethlolor, a Mortgage-Backed Security!
|108=The heart wound ended up being a guy getting shot in the arm, dropping his crossbow, running over to the opposing line, and jabbing his stack of bolts into somebody's chest.
|109=Giant mole has stolen a preserved prepared giant mole lung! ''"Hey, I want my grandfather back!"''
|110="You must construct additional barrels!" - [[User:Speed112]]
|111=All I want is a major river next to a volcano with flux, sand and bituminous coal.
|112=Do not taunt magma.
|113=I bury my pets in gold coffins and my nobles in wood coffins. Pets before people, I say.--[[KingAuggie]]
|114=[the cavern] is basically like the surface, except underground
|115=The fortress' randomly generated name was "Greatestfailure".
|116="You stab the Human Thresher in the mouth with your large copper dagger, tearing the left cheek!" "The large copper dagger has lodged firmly in the wound!"
|117="The best way to determine how dangerous a fortress is, is to make only one dwarf with the burial job, and nothing else: the lower his social skills, the more dangerous the fortress is - [[User:Rhenaya|Rhenaya]]"
|118="Before retiring in the evening, heed my words and give yourself to volcanos" - Ted Usmokatra, law-giver
|119=Upon coming of age, about 8, Urist McYoung Made an artifact, became mayor and promptly mandated the construction of slade goods.
|120=Dwarf Fortress: You've already lost.
|121=A sober fortress makes even a mental hospital seem like a pleasant place to live.
|122=A typical Dwarven nightmare consists of running out of booze or getting a beard lopped off in an accident.
|123=There are two ways of dealing with goblins in a tree. One is by marksdwarves. The other is by flooding the world with magma.
|124=Portal and Dwarf Fortress share a mystical trend. It is !!Science!!.
|125=The were-capybara is only one of the myriad lunatic monsters that terrorize the living. -- Threetoe
|126=The only time I ever saw the stupid thing fly, was to cross the aqueduct, to the beer hall. -- Fredd
|127=(On artifacts) I got a flint door, called The Noiseless Odors. -- Nyxalinth
|128=So apparently she became queen before becoming a twilight freak wife. Fascinating. -- Samuel
|129=The zombies in a necromancer's tower became suspicious after the necromancer failed to age -- Toady One
|130=Got a few barrels of beetle ichor and duck blood, gave some pig cheese in exchange. Made a present of three coffins to the queen.
|131=I'd have to look back to see if it wants the physical or metaphysical id on the corpse. -- Toady One
|132=The Sasquatch corpse has lodged firmly in the wound! The goblin has been struck down!
}}

File:Gorlak.jpg

2011-12-15T17:29:02Z

Kogut:

{{Crayon art|1=[http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=77360.msg2833510#msg2833510 Appelgren]}}

File:Gorlak.jpg

2011-12-15T17:28:49Z

Kogut:

{{Crayon art|[http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=77360.msg2833510#msg2833510 Appelgren]}}

Template:Crayon art

2011-12-15T17:28:17Z

Kogut: Created page with "<table id="avtable" style='text-align: center; margin: 0 auto; padding: 0.25em; border: 2px solid #bd8; background: #f5ffee; max-width:25em'><tr><td style="padding: 0.3em 0.3em; ..."

<table id="avtable" style='text-align: center; margin: 0 auto; padding: 0.25em; border: 2px solid #bd8; background: #f5ffee; max-width:25em'><tr><td style="padding: 0.3em 0.3em; width: 100%;"><div style="margin-bottom:6px;">

If you send a [[Dwarf_Fortress_Wiki:Site_support|donation]] to [http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/ Bay12Games], you can choose to receive a unique drawing, most likely in crayon - this image is an example, provided by {{{1}}}.

</div></table>

ASCII art reward

2011-12-15T17:20:31Z

Kogut: reciev fix

If you send a [[Dwarf_Fortress_Wiki:Site_support|donation]] to [http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/ Bay12Games], you can choose to receive an ASCII Art Reward. It is a small scene happening in the Dwarf Fortress world. If the same donator gives more than one time, it is also possible that the bits of ASCII Art follow each other and form a story.

Each piece of ASCII Art Reward belong to the donator who received it, but to appetize new potential donators, sharing them might be a good thing :

==[[User:Beefx|Beefx]]==
===(25 June 2007)===
<pre>"++@k@++"</pre>

Zolon and Morul stood near the steel cage. The brown humanoid inside sat with its hands on its knees, rocking back and forth.

"Clearly, the kobold was molded from stone." Zolon stroked his black beard. He then glanced at Morul, raising an eyebrow.

"Not so fast... the yellow eyes glow. Fire was involved." Morul was a slow thinker, but he was not easily moved.

"Stagis! Bacabadabis!" The kobold began to screech in its low tongue. Zolon and Morul observed in silence until the creature quieted down.

"Was that the wind then?" Zolon asked.

"It seems the interplay of the elements is nuanced in this one, even if the final realization is... lacking."

Morul did not disdain the beast so much that he did not feed it, now that the trapper had entrusted it into his keeping. The philosopher had left a few pieces of old venison in the cage and the creature now lifted one and inspected it. After a few sniffs, the kobold pitched it through the steel bars. The dwarves watched as the meat spun through the air and landed a few yards from the cage. When they turned back around, the kobold was inches away from them, its face pressed against the bars.

"Augis," it moaned. "Augis!" Louder and louder it wailed.

Zolon and Morul covered their ears. "And this is a tempest?" Zolon said facetiously.

"Let's adjourn until the storm passes. Perhaps we can find a meal the thing will accept." Morul turned and walked down a nearby corridor, toward the kitchen. Zolon followed close behind.

After they had left, the kobold stopped moaning and sat back on its haunches. Opening its small clawed fingers, the creature smiled. On its palm rested an iron key.

==[[User:Bombcar|Bombcar]]==
===(30 December 2007)===
<pre>++g~~U~~C+++</pre>

Goblins in tattered rags pulled the chains with speed as the whips
cracked. Slowly the gate rose revealing a grotesque creature bent on
destruction. Its three eyes bounced on their stalks as the monster
pulled itself forward on two huge, muscular arms. It came to a sudden
halt as Ameltoss the wizard stepped into its path. Though he had
raised it from a stinking poisonous egg, the wizard knew not whether
he still commanded the beast. This was the final test. He raised his
staff and commanded the monster to return to its lair. The creature's
lips peeled back to reveal ten rows of razor sharp teeth. Ameltoss
swallowed hard and shouted his command once more. Now was the moment
of truth.

===(13 April 2009)===
<pre>c+||@++c+cc+@@||,.,,.U,ggCgggT</pre>

The dwarf Frankle ran through the corridors, chasing after the many
cats that infested the fortress. He stopped when the alarm was
sounded. The captain of the guard shouted orders. The dwarves rushed
to their stations. Frankle, a reserve marks-dwarf, grabbed up a
crossbow from the arsenal and trotted up the stairs to man the
battlements. When he reached the top he saw the other marks-dwarves
standing, shocked by what they saw. Taking a deep breath, he looked
over the side.

At the fortress gate stood an enormous monster, dragging itself upon
its vicious, clawed arms. Goblins stood around it, jeering, and
hurling curses. A feeling of terror gripped Frankle’s chest. In all
his years in the service he had never fired his bow in anger, but no
bolt could take this beast down. The captain put a hand on Frankle’s
shoulder. Below, a robed man stepped out before the creature. A
fresh scar transected his missing left eye. It was the evil wizard
Ameltoss.

“Lay down your weapons and accept a swift death,” shouted the wizard.
A bolt thudded down between his feet. “Somehow I thought you’d
refuse. Release the beast!”

A troll stepped forward wielding a huge axe. With several violent
chops, the chain binding the monster's wrist was broken. The creature
surged forward. Frankle screamed in fright and fired his crossbow.
His bolt, along with a dozen others, bounced harmlessly from the
creatures hide. As the monster beat down the gate. It seemed their
was no hope. That was when champion dwarf Rokwan emerged from the
keep within the castle.

==[[User:Bott Maggot|Bott Maggot]]==
===(03 August 2007)===
<pre>+&=o=@+</pre>

"You've come, Kogan. The Lordaxe. It is said you have a mighty constitution, but can you hold your own at my table?" The demon slammed the great flagon down on to the center of the table. A few dark drops splattered on the stone and smouldered.

"I can take whatever you offer, fiend, and I'll count you a poor host if that brew there on the table doesn't move me half as much as the whiskey of my homeland."

"Ah, your homeland. It will make a fine gateway to the Underworld someday."

"I wish I could say the dwarves would enjoy making a mine of this palace, but alas, your halls reek of filth. It would be difficult to persuade them."

"Less talk, more drink. You call yourself a dwarf?"

Without another word, Kogan seized the flagon with his scarred fist. He could feel the infernal heat emanating from the brew, and the smell was appalling. Even so, he hefted the drink to his open mouth and downed it completely, setting the empty flagon on the table in triumph.

==[[User:Brownie210|Brownie210]]==
===(22 December 2008)===
<pre>+&@\O+||~~~~~~~~~</pre>
Sweat glistened on the hairy dwarf's body as he wrestled the dark lord
Slandar. Above them lay the steel orifice holding back the sea of
lava that was the last defense against the evil army, if only a dwarf
could pull the lever. The dwarf held the evil general's arm in both
hands as the fiend tried to drive his dagger through the hero's heart.

"Slandar," asked the dwarf, "when did you become so hot-headed?"

The dwarf let go of the villain's arm and pulled the lever. As the
fiend drove his blade through the laughing dwarf's heart, the gates
opened above and a torrent of lava fell from the ceiling, incinerating
them both in a cloud of steam.

==[[User:Caeonosphere|Caeonosphere]]==
===(07 January 2008)===
<pre>,.U-.,.GT.</pre>
The mighty barbarian clenched his teeth as he snapped the arrow
protruding from his chest. He laughed as he bounded through the brush
after the cowardly ambusher. Just another scar among many, proving
his manhood like all the rest. The foolish goblin archer tried to
scale a tree to lose him. Smiling with anticipation of the kill, the
barbarian took a throwing axe from his belt and hurled it at his
enemy. The blade struck the goblin in the helmet, splitting it in
two. As the stunned goblin sank to the base of the tree, the
barbarian approached him, grabbing him by the throat.

"Well, my friend," said the barbarian. "It looks as if this game has
come to an end."

==[[User:ChazFox|ChazFox]]==
===(25 October 2009)===
<pre>,.E@UU,.,</pre>

Mighty knight Dron looked on his companions with a measuring stare.
To his right was Glome, a marksdwarf most renowned, cleaning his
weapon, a blindfold across his eyes. Across from him stood the elven
warrior princess and summoner of animals, Tigotha. At his left was
Alvin, his squire. These chosen few were destined to quest across the
land in search of the evil wizard Zandore.

"The vile villain is not far off now," said Dron. "I can smell his
evil magic."

"It could be another one of his tricks," said Tigotha. "It wouldn't
be the first time you were fooled."

"Put me anywhere up to league away from evil wizard Zandore," said
marksdwarf Glome, "and the war will be over." The dwarf pulled the
trigger and his crossbow snapped with sudden force.

"Master," cried Alvin, "I see something!"

==[[User:Davion|Davion]]==
===(28 July 2008)===
<pre>bBbBbBbB####HU*########||+UU+||</pre>

The master thief leapt from the tower, the royal jewels still in his
hands. The pursuing guard ran to the side to watch in wonder as the
burglar plunged to his death. But lo, a giant hawk flew down and
plucked him out of the sky. The aging king stormed out onto the roof
of the tower, still in his bed clothes.

"Curse you Faltrix!" screamed the king as the bird flew toward the horizon.

The rogue had known the hawk since it was a hatchling. It was then he
had pulled an arrow from its wing. Thus began the most famous
partnership of the age. The hawk rider and his steed were known
throughout the land as heroes of the people, stealing from the rich
and giving to the poor.

A dark cloud rose on the horizon. The smile fell from Faltrix's lips
as the evil creatures sprung their ambush. Bat men! How had these
creatures strayed so far from the mountains? The evil beings rode
giant bats and shot poison darts from their blow guns. Faltrix
commanded his mount to dive low. Perhaps he could lose them in the
trees of the forest below.

===(28 September 2008)===
<pre>kbkkbkb,..,..HU,..*.@,...</pre>

Down, down into the forest canopy they flew. Faltrix's heart raced as
they wove through the trees, the bat men close behind. Just when he
thought he lost them, the hawk called out with a piercing cry. A net
of vines dropped from the treetops above, fouling the bird's wings.
They crashed to the forest floor with a thud and slid forward in the
dirt. Faltrix drew his sword and cut through the web. High-pitched
cackling echoed from above. Kobolds! The rogue set about cutting his
avian steed free, but the hawk did not stir from unconsciousness.

"Agron!" screamed Faltrix. "Agron!"

Black shadows dropped from vines above. The kobolds drew their jagged
blades. As they surrounded him the batmen caught up just it time to
finish him off. A dozen poison darts landed at his feet. Why didn't
they kill him?

"Agron," said the rogue, "if we get out of this, you can eat all the
giant rats you want."

The kobolds parted to reveal a short wizard in a glowing red robe, a
long hood covering his face. Faltrix lowered his blade as the
menacing figure approached. The wizard threw back his hood to reveal
the face of an evil dwarf. Faltrix threw the stolen Eye of Atheria at
his feet.

"Take the jewel," said Faltrix, "just let Agron live."

"Touching," said the dwarf, "but fear not, I will have need of the
rider and his hawk to complete the ultimate quest."

"Quest?" asked Faltrix.

==[[User:Dutchling|Dutchling]]==
===(3 March 2011)===
<pre>||@@@@+@+++<||@||####/##/###/#####</pre>

Lightning bolts rained down from the sky as the storm god Domin
released his fury upon the world. Hardest it fell on the dwarf
fortress, but no meteor, no matter how powerful, could keep the little
ones down. King Ibruk stood upon the wall of the dwarven castle,
drunk, daring the sky god to strike him down. The other dwarves
cowered behind the battlements, none brave enough to pull the king
down.

“Lord Ibruk,” shouted a voice from lower in the courtyard, “throw not
your life away.”

==[[User:Ergot|Ergot]]==
===(14 June 2007)===
<pre>""w"w@%"w"w</pre>

Doran shifted from foot to foot as he looked from side to side. Eventually the dwarf's head dropped and he clutched his beard, his wide eyes wild, staring at the dirt. They were everywhere.

"Cave weevils. Cave weevils on my crops. My pig tails, all of my pig tails are gone. But this season will be different, mark my words, by the Lordaxe it will." The dwarf pulled a bulky glove from his belt. The knuckles were studded with iron. Doran slid the glove over his hand, his mouth twisting into a cruel smile. The farmer's eyes grew dark.

One of the foot-long insects crawled in front of the dwarf, and he hammered it into the earth with his fist, smashing the weevil until it was well-ground. "Flat. I'll pound 'em all flat. We might not have cloth this year, but we'll have plenty of meal."

==[[User:Furiousfish|Furiousfish]]==
===(14 July 2007)===
<pre>++@g####</pre>
"Tell me where the child is being taken and I'll let you live!" Kogan yelled down at the goblin, desperation marking his voice. Mul had shot this wretch in the leg, but the kidnapper had escaped. The goblin hanging by Kogan's hand over the chasm was just a bodyguard. The goblin smiled wickedly, taking delight in Kogan's distress. "Even now, your child is approaching the prison where he'll live out the next decade of his miserable life," it spat. "And then, well..." The fiend began to chuckle. "Where is the child?" Kogan asked with finality. The goblin closed its eyes and was silent. Kogan let the creature drop away into the darkness.

===(27 February 2008)===
<pre>","".g%@.",""."..</pre>
Dorol struggled against the coarse sackcloth. The darkness was total,and it smelled even more foul than his uncle's rotten-toothed whiskeybreath. He had been playing with his miniforge by the cave river when everything had gone black. Dorol had heard a commotion shortly after, followed by terrible undwarven screaming, but afterward just the soft footfalls of somebody running quickly along with the rustling of the sack. At once, whoever was carrying him stopped and let the sack drop hard on the ground. There was a rustling, and the sack opened. It was nighttime, and Dorol could see the face of his captor looking down at him. A goblin! The fiend pulled the cloth down far enough that Dorol's head stuck up out of the opening. The dwarf held tightly onto his toy, uncertain and afraid. "Here, eat this," the goblin said, holding out something. Dorol worked one of his hands out of the sack and took the offering. It wasa piece of spoiled meat, crawling with diseased larvae. The child dropped it on the ground by the sack. "Hey, that's good meat," the goblin complained, reaching down to pick it up. "The master gave it to me just for you." The goblin lowered its voice and mumbled. "I'd eat it, but he is always watching me, and he knows when I've been bad. "Now eat up," the goblin drew closer and pushed the meat into the dwarf's face. Like a true smith, the dwarven child struck, smashing the hammer of his miniforge into the goblin's eye! The goblin cringed, clutching his face. After a moment he shook his head and looked up at the sack, but the dwarf was nowhere to be seen. Filling with rage, driven by fear of his master's torments, the goblin shouted, "You can't run, you hairy snot! I'll hunt you, and I'll find you!" Snatching up the sack, the goblin ran off into the wilds.

==[[User:Fuzzy|Fuzzy]]==
===(31 October 2008)===
<pre>.,G,@,,.</pre>

The dwarves buried Administrator Zarhan face down, so that when evil
spirits animated his soulless corpse, as surely they would, he would
dig straight down into the Underworld and away from the land of the
living. For a season after, the fortress was beset by a horrible
howling that filled the corridors. The dwarves of the fortress were
driven to near madness. Eventually the sounds faded.

It was not long after that a young engraver found a floor hatch, which
had not been there the previous night. He opened the hatch and put
his head through. Phantom arms grabbed him and pulled him inside.

"You fools didn't think I'd forget up from down did you?" hissed the ghost of Zarhan.

==[[User:Brownie210|Brownie210]]==
===(22 December 2008)===
<pre>+&@\O+||~~~~~~~~~</pre>
Sweat glistened on the hairy dwarf's body as he wrestled the dark lord
Slandar. Above them lay the steel orifice holding back the sea of
lava that was the last defense against the evil army, if only a dwarf
could pull the lever. The dwarf held the evil general's arm in both
hands as the fiend tried to drive his dagger through the hero's heart.

"Slandar," asked the dwarf, "when did you become so hot-headed?"

The dwarf let go of the villain's arm and pulled the lever. As the
fiend drove his blade through the laughing dwarf's heart, the gates
opened above and a torrent of lava fell from the ceiling, incinerating
them both in a cloud of steam.

==[[User:Hellzon|Hellzon]]==
===(17 December 2007)===
<pre>,.@@~~o~~~</pre>

A rock plopped into the cave river from the platform above. There
Durgal and the dwarf girl sat, above the murky waters. Durgal
explained, in great detail, his plans for the future. When the riches
of the mountain were plundered, he would diagram the plans for a
second fortress himself. How the dwarves would love him!

"But in your haste for riches," asked the girl, "would you have time
for the ones you love?"

Durgal's face became red as a cave turnip. He looked quickly away
from her and stared into the dark water. There, eyes gazed up to meet
him. Durgal reached for his axe, telling the girl to warn the others.
A pale, slimy hand reached out of the depths and pulled the creature
upward. It was an olmman!

===(3 September 2008)===
<pre>ff,@,.@,o~~~~~</pre>

"Back!" cried Durgal, "back to the hall!" The dwarf girl turned and
screamed. Two blind cave fish men blocked the way out. Durgal turned
and swung his axe at the olmman, now completely out of the water. It
deftly dodged his panicked swings. The dwarf girl screamed as the
cave fish men crawled toward her, arms outstretched, feeling their way
along the floor.

"By the power of the Lordaxe!" screamed Durgal, holding his axe aloft.
The dungeon rumbled. The sound of water crashed through the tunnel.
The fighters were swept away. The olmman grabbed Durgal's axe arm as
they were washed through the watery tunnel. The dwarf pulled a dagger
from his belt and jammed it into the monster's guts.

"Gula!" cried Durgal, bursting above the surface of the water. He
pulled the axe free of the olmman's grasp and brought the pommel down
on its head, knocking it senseless. "Gula!" he cried again. With
sudden terror, Durgal recalled where this tunnel led -- the chasm.
Only a few seconds until the ultimate terrible plunge.

"Durgal!" cried the dwarf girl, Gula. With all his strength, he
stretched to reach her in the crashing water.

==[[User:Janus|Janus]]==
===(12 October 2006)===

<pre>BgB
B@g
gBB</pre>
Beak dogs and goblins surround the adventurer! What will happen next?!

===(13 February 2007)===
<pre>gg...
.B.B=
..BB.
.%B@/
.-...</pre>
One of the five beak dogs pounced. Rogar leapt, planting a foot on the beast's head and propelling himself toward the tattoed goblin. Just as they collided, Rogar planted his dagger through the goblin's left eye. They hit the ground hard, and Rogar rolled forward to his feet, spinning to face the remaining eight opponents. The beak dog he had jumped on was still shaking its head, wincing. Behind them stood a wiry goblin with a wild mane of maroon hair, brandishing a scimitar, and a lardy goblin holding an iron-studded club.

The beak dogs charged Rogar in unison. His dagger was stuck back in the twitching goblin's face, but weaponless he stood his ground before them. The first dog to reach him received Rogar's knee under its chin, the long cruel spike at the top of the warrior's half-greave piercing the creature's throat. Two more beak dogs reached him as he twisted his leg in the air, trying to free it from his bleeding adversary. The beasts slammed into him, one getting a hold of his right arm above the elbow, the other gnashing at his face. Before it could tear his nose off, Rogar grabbed it by the neck with his left hand and held it back. The other dog sank its beak deeper into the flesh of Rogar's arm. Could this be the end?!

===(5 May 2007)===
<pre>|+@g+++</pre>

Rogar awoke in pain, his wrists in chains, his wounded arm throbbing. He opened his eyes only to be greeted by an all-encompassing darkness. This must be Shalthidon's dungeon, which meant that he was locked inside the Tower of Hate from which no man had ever returned.

A dim light flickered some distance away, and he could see the silhouetted bars of his prison. Beyond them, shadows danced, and he heard a grating sound. The bars slid aside, and the lardy goblin waddled into the chamber holding a torch.

The foul creature stood below Rogar where he hung, an idiot grin perking up the otherwise sagging jowls of its bloated face.

"The master says you are to be entertained," it croaked as it continued to smile.

"I do not desire such pleasures as Shalthidon has to offer," Rogar answered. "Be off with you. The larder has grown lonely."

"The master says you are to feel the fire," the thing chortled. The goblin lifted the torch and took a step toward Rogar.

It was enough. Rogar lashed out with his legs, hooking them around the goblin's neck. In a feat of strength that would become legend, Rogar strained against the chains on his arms, lifting the massive goblin and all its corpulence from the floor. There was a sickening crack, and the fixtures in the ceiling gave way. Rogar fell into the goblin's lardy folds, pushing away desperately until he regained his feet, ready to fight, but the goblin was already dead with a broken neck.

Fortunately, the torch had not been smothered. The warrior picked it up and held it high. There was nothing else in the cell. Aside from the chains, the torch was his only possession. Now it's the master who'll be entertained, Rogar thought, as he strode out into the passageway.

===(7 August 2007)===
<pre>@+++"E"</pre>

Rogar strode toward the great iron doors, leaving a trail of blood that was not his own. In his hand he held a scimitar and from each of his wrists the chains still hung. All of the servants of Shalthidon that lurked within the Tower of Hate were now dead, save whatever was in this room at the pinnacle of the tower. The sword he had seized from the maroon-maned goblin, who had led the goblins in the tower barracks.

The warrior pushed hard on the iron doors and they opened inward with a groan. There, surrounded by brightly colored flowers, was an elf. The sun shone down on the tower top through windows in the elegant curved ceiling. The entire room sparkled.

"Are you a prisoner here? Where is Shalthidon?" Rogar asked urgently.

The elf chuckled pleasantly. "Child, Rogar, I am Shalthidon. My parents named me Lilarilqua, but my attempts to hold the goblins under my sway with that name met with disaster. Are you cold? Let me fetch you something warm." Shalthidon fished around under a dresser and pulled out a plush cloak with lacy frills. "The material was all offered freely from the feather trees, Rogar. You don't have to worry about the animals."

Rogar was still stunned. Shalthidon, the Bringer of Ruin, murderer of his parents, lord of the evil of the creeping wastes that had engulfed half the world, was an elf. Dispelling the cloud over his mind, the warrior focused. That will only make killing him all the more satisfying, he thought. Rogar lifted his blade and advanced.

==[[User:Jevon|Jevon]]==
===(13 June 2011)===

<pre>,.gg,.\@,.ggg</pre>

Waves of arrows rained down on Aliz’s machine. It was not a machine, in truth, but a suit of armor, powered by its user to great strength. Aliz himself wore the machine now, wading into the goblin ambush to check the kinks in the system. Once he returned the king would reward him handsomely and he could continue his research well-funded.

The goblins came out from behind the rocks to inspect the curiosity. The thing was the shape of a dwarf, but made of metal. It held an axe but was far from threatening because it moved so slowly. The lead goblin snatched the axe out of the dwarf’s hand. As the other goblins laughed, the chief kicked the contraption on its side. Aliz wondered how he might escape alive.

==[[User:JoystickHero|Joystick Hero]]==
===(14 September 2010)===
<pre>%W%%W% ,.,."","@@@@".,@</pre>

Fires burned on the high mountain. The wind carried the cries of the
dwarves as all they ever cared about was destroyed. But one dwarf had
not given in to despair. It was Malvedar, slayer of dragons and
veteran of a thousand famous battles. He watched the dwarf fortress
burn from his hiding place in the wooded slope. There would come a
time when the enemy was not so lucky, when his schemes failed. That
would be when they remember what they did to the dwarves this day and
would expect no mercy.

“Lord Malvedar,” said a dwarf soldier, “I think the werewolves have
caught our scent.”

The dwarf warlord nodded. Together, the ragged band of dwarven
survivors made their way down the slope. The road back to the
mountain homes was long and full of danger, but there was nowhere else
left to go. While others cried, Malvedar resisted the urge to throw
himself on the enemy. He would kill many, but not enough before he
was brought low. No. It would be a hard time, and a long time, but
he would have his satisfaction.

==[[User:Kosmos|Kosmos]]==
===(11 September 2007)===
<pre>T+TT@C +</pre>

"Twist my arm, why don't you? You louse," Doran had complained as Bomtek continued to bother him.

"Come on, Doran! It's just a bottle of whiskey. The Baron won't miss it. When you deliver his table, just take a little something for yourself. And share it with me."

Now Doran was standing in the Baron's dining room. It already had a fine granite table at its center; the noble had just wanted an obsidian corner piece as an accent. As the dwarf set the table down, Bomtek's repeated needling suggestions still echoed in his mind. It was just one bottle. There are so many in the cabinet. The Baron won't miss just one of them.

The dwarf had to pass the cabinet on the way out. With every step toward it, he felt the whiskey within calling in his heart. Doran's face flushed hot and his stomach felt as if it were being squeezed and twisted. Maybe I'll just look, he thought. Just look and go. He reached out his hand and gently opened the cabinet's door. There was only one bottle inside. Bomtek, you fool, he thought. Yet the whiskey still beckoned him forward, and he continued to gaze on the bottle in silence as it drew him ever closer.

==[[User:Laod|Laod]]==
===(15 October 2006)===

<pre>T..o..T

Trolls are playing dodgeball with a boulder! Who will win?!</pre>
--[[User:Laod|Laod]] 15 October 2006

==[[User:MacGyvers_Mullet|MacGyvers_Mullet]]==
===Rognar:(11 November 2007)===

<pre>%%%@%%%,../.,\</pre>

The sword slid through the goblin's throat and the dying creature fell
to the ground sputtering. Rognar had been born into a world of
violence, and he would not share it with these stinking beasts.
Striding upon their unnumbered broken bodies, the warrior reached the
summit of the corpse mound and surveyed the carnage. The siege had
been broken. Here and there, a wimpering slave of darkness put up
resistance or simply clung to life, but soon they would all be
vanquished and the sun would bring a glorious dawn to the blood-red
battlefield. Rognar smiled. It was a great day to be a dwarf.

-Tarn

===Neandar Begin:(3 July 2008)===

<pre>!!()!!,k,...@,..#######||</pre>

He would never let the fiend escape again. That was what Neandar the
dwarf thought before he flung himself into the black air of the chasm
after the skulking kobold thief. For many seconds they fell, time
enough for Neandar to recall his short life and short career on the
Fortress Guard. Wet matter slammed into the dwarf's face and gave
way. The dwarf smashed through a dozen giant spider webs and hit the
ground running, hot on the trail of the kobold scum.

A huge standing ring of fire dominated the floor of the chasm. The
kobold made for the hell portal with all speed. Neandar stopped in
his tracks. It was one thing to plunge to certain death in order to
retrieve a granite puzzle box. It was quite another to cast oneself
into a dimension of ultimate evil. Yet these kobold cowards could not
be allowed to run about as they pleased. Lifting his axe over his
head, the dwarf charged into the portal of doom.

-Zach

==[[User:McDoomhammer|McDoomhammer]]==
===(5 May 2008)===

<pre>T,.ggUggg..TT------,TT,.T.U.UU.,..TTT</pre>

The three chosen warriors left the Citadel of Hope, strapped on with
all manner of magic weapons that the Council of Elders had presented
them. Shizenbubin was the tracker of the group, always hot on the
trail of danger. Shizentubin was her sister, skilled in the ways of
the blade so that no enemy neck was safe. Azoul Buck was the leader.
She ran her fingers through her short blond hair, her muscular arm
flexing, covered with the crude tattoos of her tribe.

This would be a short quest indeed. A party of goblins had ambushed
the prince on his way to the castle. All the heroes need do is return
him unspoiled. It would be easy to intercept them then on their way
to the Black Fortress, given Shizenbubin's incredible skill. However,
time was not on their side. Goblins grew bored easily and might make
sport of the prince's bodily members. Azoul set the pace, a quick
trot through the woods. She smiled at the easily-won glory that
awaited her squad at the end of the journey.

==[[User:FFLaguna|FFLaguna]]==
===(5 May 2008)===

<pre>===UHH,...===UHH,........[===].//+//````</pre>

Merchant Prince Gramlin snorted while batting away acorn flies with
his monkey hair swatter. 'Realm of Artifice,' ha! 'Dirt Fortress,'
he named it. These pathetic dwarves scratched a hole in the earth and
produced nothing but rock toys to offer the human caravans. The
journey was long and the profits few. At last the trees cleared
revealing a low hill with a single door, the trade platform lying
before it. Gramlin looked around him. Not a dwarf was to be seen.
They were probably sleeping off a night of unrestrained debauchery.
He ordered his men to lay the goods onto the platform.

A sudden pain rocked the merchant. He looked down at his great gut
and saw a crossbow bolt protruding from his chest. As he sank to the
earth, he cursed. The dwarves had gone feral, maddened by their
pathetic conditions. The caravan was routed and fled into the woods,
leaving their precious cargo on the platform. The last thing Gramlin
saw was the face of a mad dwarf, foaming at the mouth and snarling
before it took his scalp.

==[[User:McMe|McMe]]==
===(13 January 2010)===

<pre>UU+U++G.,,...</pre>

A knock came at the mead hall gate. A powerful blow, nearly tearing
the doors from their hinges. King Wrathbeard drew his sword and
strode to the entrance, flanked by his elite warriors. He nodded to
his men and they unbarred the door. The doors swung open, revealing
the enormous, heavily-muscled body of Grum, half-giant, lord of the
hills.

"Where are my chickens?" growled Grum. "You are to offer me four
fried chickens on every Tuesday! Friday it is!"

Wrathbeard stroked his whiskers. "What have you done for me lately,
Grum?" asked the king. "Goblins still haunt the highways. Jackal men
still harass my herds."

Grum left the hall in confusion, sure he had been tricked. Back on
his hill, Grum watched as a carriage was stopped by goblin bandits and
the nobles stripped of their valuables. Feeling his stomach rumbling,
Grum stood and ran toward the highway.

"Where is the rest of the gold!" yelled the goblin.

The nobles coward, fearing for their lives. The goblin raised his
whip, better to lash them again. A huge hand caught him by the wrist.
Grum tossed the goblin into the air. The nobles screamed. The
half-giant scowled.

"I will have my chickens," he said, "whether you live or die."

==[[User:Md5i|Md5i]]==
===(12 May 2007)===
<pre>##.,.||+++@+|</pre>

"That ought to keep 'em out," Doran said confidently, patting the granite
block which he had just slid into place. Ever since the Baron had insisted
on mining out the gold vein in the wall, Doran had been dealing with the
rats. It couldn't be helped. Gold was gold after all, but it was just
Doran's luck that the miners had broken through to a large chasm not far
from the craftsdwarf's room.

The dwarf laid down on his bed and began to think about the next project. A
puzzlebox, perhaps, something challenging. Just as Doran was drifting off
into dreams of the design, he heard a scratching on the block.

"Ha! Keep trying you little demons," the dwarf chuckled. The scratching
continued. It was irritating, but the dwarf could block it out. Then there
was a grating scrape as the block moved an inch. The dwarf sat up and
stared at the wall in amazement. Impossible, he thought.

The block slid forward further. Small, clawed fingers worked their way
around the stone until a gray, furry hand grasped one corner of the block.
The stone turned slightly.

Doran seized his chisel from the nearby table and leapt toward the block,
stabbing downward. The tool grazed the hand, leaving a spatter of blood on
the stone. There was a shriek, and the bleeding hand disappeared into the
dark crack.

The craftsdwarf pushed the block back into place and backed away, chisel in
hand. After a moment, the scratching began anew.

===(07 Jun 2007)===
<pre>##.,.||%r%+@+|</pre>

"Leave me be, you fiend!" Doran yelled, his chisel held toward the stone
block. The scratching became louder and more persistent.

Once again, the block moved, but this time no fingers poked through the
crack. The beast had learned. The slab of granite was being pushed
directly from behind, and it glided slowly toward Doran. The dwarf backed
toward his bed.

The block stopped sliding. There was now enough space to allow something to
pass through the hole in the wall, but the block was large and Doran could
not see behind it. For a long moment, nothing stirred. The craftsdwarf
knelt and opened the chest by the foot of his bed, muttering.

At once, a creature leapt from behind the block and faced Doran. It was a
ratman, ravening, its long yellow incisors surrounded by froth, its
patchy-furred flesh stretched tight over its starved body. The thing
hungered and would have Doran for its meal.

The dwarf stood, a vial in his hand. The ratman lunged forward and Doran
hurled the vial at the beast's face. The glass shattered, and the creature
clutched its black protruding eyes as they steamed. Doran rushed forward
and stabbed the ratman repeatedly with the chisel until it stopped moving.

"Pity about that. I was going to ask Mul to do some etchings for me."

===(15 Jul 2007)===
<pre>##===@=D####</pre>

"Yes, I'm sorry, Mul, it would have been a thrilling project," Doran said,
pausing to take another swig of whiskey. "I can't believe how much trouble
we've been having with ratmen lately."

"Perhaps there's a larger beast down in the chasm riling them up," Mul
replied. "Kogan's child was taken not long ago."

"Yes, surely something unusual is afoot."

Meanwhile, Kogan stood with his axe by the chasm bridge. Ever since the boy
Aliz had been lost, the soldier had tirelessly patrolled the walkways along
the deepest parts of the rift, killing dozens of ratmen and a few large
spiders. He would not be satisfied until the depths were devoid of life.

A foul wind blew up from the chasm. Kogan leaned to the side and peered
down over the edge of the bridge. The impact was sudden and the dwarf was
knocked on his back in the middle of the bridge. Kogan heard the sound of
stone being scraped without respect, and he.found himself staring into the
rotten eyes of a giant decaying reptile.

==[[User:Midelne|Midelne]]==

===Fish Dwarf Begin: (6 August 2007)===
<pre>~~@~~X</pre>

They called him Fish-Dwarf. He was the only worker in the outpost willing to brave the depths of the cave river in order to service the floodgate mechanisms when they became clogged with the seasonal muds.

It was that time again. The farming gates weren't operational, and the planting had to begin immediately. Fish-Dwarf had his tools, and the special fins he had manufactured were secured to broad feet. Everything was ready. The frightened faces of the onlooking children would not dissuade him. Fish-Dwarf understood that this was his calling. He was the only one that could save the outpost. The dwarf inhaled, and his chest swelled to nearly double its original size. Clearing his mind, the dwarf dove into the water.

===(8 November 2007)===
<pre>~~~@%X</pre>

Fish-Dwarf swam down the narrow tunnel to the gate mechanism. The water was murky and even with his superior vision he could only just see his hands sweeping ahead of him.

The upper portion of the mechanism appeared suddenly before him. The dwarf inspected the machinery quickly, mindful of his air, yet confident that he had at least a few minutes left. The top assembly was clear, so the mud must have worked itself into the lower gears. Fish-Dwarf pushed his way down.

The swollen rotting face of a lizardman greeted him, twisted into the gears. Not again, Fish-Dwarf thought, dejected. It would take at least three trips to dislodge all of the chunks. The dwarf removed the chisel from his tool case and began working it into the sticking jam.

===(10 December 2007)===
<pre>+@@+@@@+~~~~~</pre>

"Fish-Dwarf, you have saved us!" the children shouted as the wet dwarf
pulled his way up on to the bank. He had finished his last cleaning
run, and already the floodgate was rising, ushering in the waters that
would prepare the way for the summer harvest.

"Truly, Fish-Dwarf, your mastery of the murky depths never ceases to
amaze us. You are a hero," the Mayor Kogan said, offering Fish-Dwarf
a mug of the outpost's best.

"I am glad I could help," Fish-Dwarf said, draining the mug in one
motion. "If only the river waters were whiskey, my life would be
complete."

"I fear we would never see you again if that were the case!" the Mayor jested.

Fish-Dwarf pondered a moment. "Indeed. Yet the search for the
Whiskey River is a quest for the young, I'm afraid."

"We here at Gladanvil are happy to have you," the Mayor replied as the
crowd dispersed. As the others left, the mayor pulled Fish-Dwarf
aside.

"-- and yet, I fear you cannot stay long. I've received word from
King Dorazar. He has heard tell of your talents, and our liaison from
the Mountainhome has conveyed his request for your presence at the
capital."

"My presence? Surely the engineers of the Mountainhome can manage the
mighty floodgates and channels of Steelpoint without my help."

"It isn't farming trouble, Fish-Dwarf," the Mayor said, lowering his
voice to a whisper. "Many fisherdwarves have been lost to the waters.
There is something lurking in the Lake of Columns."

===(18 January 2008)===
<pre>~~~@/~~%OB%OO%%%~~</pre>

Innumerable stalactites hung from the ceiling of the expansive gem-lit
cavern, many dipping down through the still surface of the black
waters. This was the Lake of Columns, the source of life for
Steelpoint, and now a place of dread.

Fish-Dwarf fit the blades into place on his fins. The citizens of
Steelpoint did not know what the creature was, but no fewer than seven
fisherdwarves had been lost at the shore. No matter, thought
Fish-Dwarf. King Dorazar had charged him to slay the lurking threat,
and that is what he would do. Still, the nature of the creature
eluded him. It had been years since his last combat with an aquatic
beast, and then it was only the cave crocodiles and lizardmen that
occasionally harassed his own community. Steelpoint would not have
sent for him over such a triviality. Hefting his mighty trident,
Fish-Dwarf nodded to the gathered onlookers before leaping into the
lake.

The water was clear, and he could see the broad columns well ahead of
him down to where they joined the submerged floor of the cavern.
Behind any of these formations, the beast could lurk.

There! Nestled between three columns was a gigantic bloated form on
the lake bottom. Fish-Dwarf swam closer, almost drifting. What
manner of beast was this? Great tentacles it had, and a toothy maw
which flopped open as it slumbered, surrounded by half-consumed bodies
of the dead.

Fish-Dwarf was almost upon it now, his trident lifted above his head
as he sank slowly toward the sleeping fiend. As he prepared to
strike, the lurid thing's lone eye flashed open.

===(15 May 2008)===
<pre>------------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~@/~%~~~~~~~~~
------------------------</pre>

Tentacles lashed out, looping around Fish-Dwarf's torso and pinning
his arms to his chest. A force stronger than any he had ever
experienced crushed his ribs and a stream of bubbles shot from his
mouth as the breath was squeezed from his body. Fish-Dwarf
desperately slashed at the tentacles with his fin blades and as his
vision faded to black he saw that the water was thick with curling
purple ribbons of the foul beast's tainted blood. The monster's grip
loosened and Fish-Dwarf was able to free his arms. His sight had not
returned, but when he stabbed his trident downward, he felt it sink
deep into the creature. The monster's body convulsed and it raced
into the open water, Fish-Dwarf still clinging to the imbedded weapon.

I cannot let go so long as I cannot see, or I will surely be devoured,
Fish-Dwarf thought, though the beast continued on into the depths at
such speed that the diver could not maintain his bearings, and
suddenly in the back of his mind arose a strange sensation... it was
the need for air, such as he had not experienced for many years. A
tingling came to his throat and nose, and his head began to feel numb
as he became more desperate for breath, and yet slowly, his vision was
returning.

The beast slowed, its energy spent, and it settled on to the lake
bottom, unmoving. Fish-Dwarf jammed the trident into it a few times;
the thing was dead. Now, the surface! Fish-Dwarf pulled his weapon
from the monster and swam upward, but he stopped immediately. As far
as he could see in the now-dark water, a smooth ceiling of limestone
greeted him. The monster had fled into a great crack in the lake
bottom, so far and so deep that the light from the gem lamps was no
longer visible. Just the endless water and rock of the submerged
tomb of Fish-Dwarf, he thought, as he chose a direction and swam.

===Fish Dwarf End: (1 July 2008)===
<pre>,@!,.~~~~~~~~</pre>

He had chosen the wrong direction. Either that or the beast had
dragged Fish-Dwarf so far into the mountain that the fires of the
underworld were closer than the light of the lamps. His breath was
long since gone -- moving forward was all that could keep him from
panicking. After every few kicks, the dwarf would reach up to feel
the limestone. If anything, the rock was closing in. No... what's
this? His hand curled up around a sharp corner. Fish-Dwarf grabbed
it firmly with both hands and pulled, launching himself upward.

The dwarf fully expected to meet a wall of rock, but instead he glided
freely until at long last he broke the surface of the water, gasping
for air. As the dwarf calmed down, he realized that he could still
see nothing. He felt walls close by in all directions, as if he had
just swum up a shaft, though there was a ledge overhanging the water
on to which he could haul himself and rest his weary body. Fish-Dwarf
passed in and out of consciousness for a time, perhaps an hour, before
he sat up and assessed his situation.

He could dive back into the water with his lungs full of air and try
to find the lamps, now unmolested by great underwater beasts, but he
did not relish the idea of leaving the entrance to the shaft behind in
total darkness as he explored the crevice below. The only alternative
was to feel his way along the walls from this ledge above the grotto.
These limestone mountains were laced with natural caverns and after a
brief exploration of the surrounding stone he found this hollow was no
exception -- there was a mud-slicked passage that ran into the
mountain. Without hesitation, Fish-Dwarf struck out into the cavern.

-- How long since he had started on this dreary journey? Though the mud
was often thick, Fish-Dwarf had not trudged through so much as a
puddle these many days. He thirsted for spirits, nay, even water, and
he longed to swim again. The dwarf had long since abandoned his fins
and other equipment as they encumbered him too much on the march.
Every so often, he imagined he saw the gem lamps ahead, though it
could just as easily be the cooking fires of a goblin encampment, or
some darker torture, as the lights of the capital he sought. There
they were, even now... lights! Or light at least, the barest speck
in the distance ahead. Fish-Dwarf moved swiftly, no longer plodding,
still careful of the stalactites but driving forward rapidly all the
same. The speck became an opening, and he could see the mud of the
passage floor illuminated in the distance, with stone walls further
beyond. Only a few more steps...

The cavern opened out upon a rocky river valley in a canyon sheer to
the greatest heights yet welcoming the noon-day sun. The entrance
where Fish-Dwarf stood was at the bottom of the cliffs a short walk
down pebble-laden slopes to the stream below. Instantly, Fish-Dwarf
could tell that these were no ordinary waters. They were the color of
honey, yet the current flowed rapidly. And the aroma! The
intoxicating aroma! There was no question in his mind. Whether it
fell from the throne of some inebriated sky god and vanished into the
underworld to besot the armies of hell made no difference, for here,
in this world, in this very mountain range, ran the slightest stretch
of the Whiskey River. His mind unencumbered by thoughts of duty or
home, Fish-Dwarf made his way down to the riverside to drink his fill.

===Hunger Begin (11 June 2008)===
<pre>,..,.++U+,.+,.+U~U||</pre>

Suffering blighted the land with cruel hunger. Wagons brought foul
fungus from the dwarven mountains. It was barely enough to sustain
those base enough to eat such filth. The rest died. Paldadar rested
against the hilt of his great sword. He looked over his shoulder at
the dark stone castle. Turning his back on mud brick huts, the knight
passed by the scraggly bearded guards and entered the keep.

Form a high window, bright, mocking sunlight shone across the dark
wooden throne and the troubled king that sat upon it. The old man
reached for his cup, and after taking a sip, spat the vile dwarven
brew unto the stone floor. A herald in a mud-smattered tunic rushed
to wipe up the spill, but seeing the knight, rose to confront him.

"You were not summoned, Sir Paldadar," spit the herald. "Go ask the
peasants instead of begging the king for scraps from the royal table."

"Silence, Rodger," said the king.

The herald jumped away like a whipped dog. The king motioned the
knight to come forward.

"The gods have abandoned this place," said the king. "Only through
their glory will the days of bounty return. It is for this reason you
must smite the heathen Farthlings where they dwell across the river.
When their land is in ruin, the gods at last will favor us."

The knight ground his teeth. This was obviously High Priest Igland's
doing. But perhaps there was wisdom in punishing the arrogant
Farthlings for their many insults. Death by the sword was much
preferable to slow certain death by starvation.

===(17 June 2008)===
<pre>==?T?====,.UH,.U</pre>

As Paldadar walked away from the keep, peasants averted their hungry
faces. He was still a knight, even if he represented the most
wretched of kingdoms. A frail sissy approached from behind, leading
two horses. Paldadar swung around, drawing his sword. There stood
Rodger, wearing the snottiest of faces, his nose in the air.

"By the will of the king," he hissed, "I am to be your squire."

Paldadar prayed to the gods for mercy. Would that a Farthling's bolt
find his heart soon that he be saved from further tortures. Together
the pair made their way to the Temple of Love, where High Priest
Igland waited to bless their holy crusade.

The temple was built on a tall hill, a ring of marble columns
surrounding an enormous stone stele, pricking the sky with its
majesty. All around the temple, peasants scrambled to snatch at the
scraps donated by the monks that poured rotten food down the hill. As
Paldadar entered the temple, he was surrounded by fat priests and
priestesses that danced around him in a grotesque, undulating display.

The knight refused a cup of offered wine, which Rodger snatched up
and drank freely.

At the center of the temple, High Priest Igland stood, wearing nothing
save a red loincloth.

"When you wake in the morning," said Igland, "consider Love."

"Many happy couplings," said Paldadar as was the prescribed response.

"You must put an end to the Farthling menace," said the priest,
growing angry. "If their God of Suicide spreads his faith to our
kingdom, none of our desperate peasants will survive. You must strike
the heart of their kingdom and burn their temple to the ground."

Paldadar made the gesture of obedience and departed, pulling Rodger
away from the cavorting priests.

The kingdom of the Farthlings was separated from the kingdom of Love
by the River of Sorrow, whose wide fast-moving waters could only be
crossed in one place. This was the Bridge of Destiny. As the riders
approached, Rodger twitched with fear and apprehension, for it was
said the bridge was guarded by an evil water troll. At the bridge,
Paldadar held up his gauntleted hand. The horses stopped, and the
knight dismounted. Paldadar drew his sword and walked out onto the
wooden planks.

===(3 July 2008)===
<pre>%,..%,.|%.,.UH,%..%%UH,,%.~%,..(%).,.%|,..%</pre>

Green flames shot up from beneath the bridge. Horrid laughter pealed
across the blighted landscape. The knight turned to see Rodger making
tracks back to the temple with the speed of a spooked hare. Slowly
Paldadar looked over his shoulder to see the enormous bloated troll,
dripping with slime and black pus.

"You seek to pass into the land of suicide bearing the message of
love," said the troll. "What will you tell them, knight? Is slow
certain death by starvation superior than the final empowering
choice?"

"Where there is life, there is hope," said Paldadar. "Love will
overcome all obstacles!"

"Spoken like a true student of Igland," said the troll, assuming a martial pose.

As Paldadar cut the monster down, his mind was wracked with doubt.
Was the nation of love superior? He hailed from a place where young
people sold themselves for scraps of bread and yet he sought to bring
hope to a strange country. He found Rodger hiding in a nearby bush
and hauled him, protesting, across the bridge.

The land of the Farthlings was lush and green compared to the land of
love. Cherry blossoms rained down on the two riders as they wound
their way through the hills. Even in these pleasant surroundings, the
demented nature of the Farthlings soon became evident. Bodies dotted
the road here and there, swords plunged into their own guts. Corpses
hung in the trees from hastily-tied nooses, over eager to take their
own lives. As the riders passed, skeletal bodies lifted themselves
from the grass to watch them saunter on.

"Make babies, make babies, make babies," babbled Rodger, madly
reciting the Charm of Making.

At last they reached the capital of the Farthlings. The wind blew red
rose petals through the cold, dead streets. Even the cheerful sun
seemed dim in the vast tomb of a city. Rodger stared straight ahead
as they made their way to the keep, careful not to look into the dark
doorway, behind which ominous rustlings could be heard.

The flag of Farthlingland flew above the ramparts of the citadel. At
the base of the wall lay the piles of bones of those who had
hopelessly thrown themselves over the side. A wide moat circled the
castle. As the two riders approached, a draw bridge was lowered over
the water. Paldadar thought he could see a crowned figure on the wall
beckoning them inside. As they crossed the bridge, Rodger made the
mistake of looking down into the water. The currents were filled with
the souls of those who drowned themselves in desperate sorrow. Eyes
shut tight, Rodger hugged the neck of his horse, and followed Paldadar
into the gate.

==[[User:Onodera|onodera]]==
===(01 November 2008)===
<pre>"",",.@,.T,"""</pre>

"Don't let the sun set on you in the Dark Wood," said the dwarf
crones. "Ole Brick-a-Branch will get you." Nonsense, thought young
Davik as he rode his mule along the twisting green deer path. The
darkness came quickly as the sun slipped behind the trees. As he set
about making a fire, Davik pondered the dark tales of Brick-a-branch
and his mischief.

Not even the elves dared enter the Wood at night. Something older
than time haunted these cursed trees, but this valley was the quickest
way to Port City, saving at least a month of travel. As the night
grew darker and colder, Davik fumbled in his pack to retrieve the
charms and idols he had nearly refused as the journey began.

A great shape emerged from the darkness. It was a gnarled troll, as
old as the hills. It picked up Davik by the ankle.

"Not much meat here," it said.

"Please, Ole Brick-a-Branch, don't eat me," said Davik.

Having said his name, the troll was force to lay the dwarf down.

"I will not eat you," said the monster, "If you can answer me these
riddles three."

==[[User:Peristarkawan|Peristarkawan]]==
===(16 May 2007)===
<pre>=@()++@</pre>

Doran stirred the bubbling pot of syrup. It was ready! "Pour, pour, pour!" the dwarf sang. Into the molds the syrup flowed. "Another batch," the dwarf said, satisfied.

Just then, he noticed somebody standing in the doorway. "Ah, Glornol. What brings you to the kitchens this early? Come to try a sticky treat? I have some Anvil Drops cooling now. Just a moment."

Doran turned to the tray on the table when he was startled by Glornol's shouting. "What is the meaning of this? Isn't there a war on?"

"Even soldiers need sticky treats, Glornol!" Doran picked up two chocolate goblins and began to speak in a high-pitched throaty voice.

"Ooo, it's Glornol!" the first chocolate goblin said.

"Glornol's scared of the mean, mean goblins!" the second chocolate goblin observed.

"Let's eat the dwarf! Yummies for tummies!" the first chocolate goblin offered.

"The dwarf might eat me instead! Oh no!" the second chocolate goblin replied. Doran held the goblin out to Glornol.

Glornol was not amused, but he snatched the candy from Doran's hand. "Hrmph," he grunted, and biting the goblin's head off, he walked out of the kitchen.

==[[User:Qwip|Qwip]]==
===(05 December 2006)===

<pre>...@T@..###S#</pre>

Taking a break from their duty, the two guards sat at a table with a scenic view of the chasm.
They did not notice as they drained their mugs that they were being watched from the shadows
by clusters of pale eyes. A table by the chasm?!
--[[User:Qwip|Qwip]] 05 December 2006

===(09 February 2007)===

<pre>.@......####
...T@@~S####
.......#####
</pre>
Dolan was chatting with Aliz about the health benefits of dwarven beer when Aliz disappeared.
Dolan sprang to his feet and saw that Aliz was being dragged toward the chasm, a thick rope of
translucent silk wrapped around his left ankle. At the lip of the chasm, a bloated form slowly
reeled the line in with her spindly legs.
Dolan knew immediately -- it was the Wolf-Mother of Darkness.
He grabbed his axe and ran toward Aliz, who was now only a few more pulls from the beast.

As he was hauling ore to the magma smelter, the peasant Kogarak saw the situation, screamed,
dropping his load, and ran toward the barracks. As he heard the sound of an axe ring against
stone behind him, he wondered if he would make it in time.
:— [[User:Qwip|Qwip]] 08:40, 9 February 2007 (EST)

===(18 April 2007)===
<pre>@@@...@.####
@..T..@S####
.......#####
</pre>
The axe had scored the stone floor where it had severed the silk line. The Wolf-Mother chittered
angrily and pounced at Dolan, moving with surprising quickness. Dolan was knocked to the ground,
the enormous body of the foul creature pressing him into the stone. His axe clanged some distance
away. The blunt knobs at the end of the Wolf-Mother's forelegs dug into Dolan's ribs as her
dripping mandibles drew closer to his face. He grabbed her head with both hands, trying
desperately to keep her at bay. A foul-smelling spittle dripped on to his cheek.

Aliz, still dazed from his initial fall, slowly made his way to his feet. Seeing Dolan's desperate
struggle, he drew his sword and hacked at one of the Wolf-Mother's legs. The bumpy skin was
incredibly tough, but the steel blade left the appendage hanging by tatters. The Wolf-Mother
belched a grating rasp and rolled away from Aliz and faced the dwarves. Dolan crawled toward his
axe, but the nauseating venom drenching his face and beard had left him almost powerless. The
Wolf-Mother hesitated, her wound oozing white ichor as Aliz stood his ground.

There were several sharp cracking noises, and the Wolf-Mother crumpled, several iron bolts
protruding from her many eyes. In the distance stood Bomtek and the other marksdwarves,
accompanied by Kogarak. Aliz rushed to Dolan. The dwarf was breathing heavily.

"My body feels like gravel. I need a drink," Dolan said.

"The Wolf-Mother is dead. Brace up. I'll bring you your mug." Aliz fetched Dolan's mug from
the table and brought it to the dwarf where he lay on the stone floor. The mug was almost empty.

"The brood," Dolan whispered. "The night brood will come."
:— [[User:Qwip|Qwip]] 12:28, 14 May 2007 (EDT)

==[[User:Rewolf31|Rewolf31]]==
===(13 April 2007)===

<pre>.B@.~~~
</pre>
And so Alor, a wrestler of renown, found himself between a great boar and the wide river. For six days they struggled, and as the sun descended behind the hills on the evening of the seventh day, Alor finally collapsed in exhaustion. The boar spoke and said, "I too am tired. The sun has fallen. Let us rest." And so Alor and the boar slept, and the sun arose on the morning of the eighth day.

===(21 July 2007)===
<pre>,.,B@~,~,~</pre>

"Whiskey?" Alor asked the boar, holding up his flask. The wrestler had not spoken for a week.

"Gladly," the boar said, taking the flask up in its mouth. "You block my path to the river, and now you offer me your flask. Strange are the ways of your people."

"Your path? I was seeking to cross the river and found myself menaced," Alor said.

"The squirrels tell me I am a terror to behold when I am thirsty," the boar said as it drained the flask. "Do I menace you now?" The boar looked mild and plump. Indeed, the gentle creature reminded Alor of his daughter.

"No, I am not menaced. I am reminded of home," Alor said fondly. At that moment his stomach growled, for he had not eaten in some time.

"Hopefully I do not remind you of your dinner table," the boar laughed, "though it remains to be seen who would have the final mastery in our contest." Alor smiled broadly and the boar guided Alor to the ford, where they parted as friends.

===(12 September 2007)===
<pre>++@a@+
</pre>
"Daddy! Daddy!" the little girl cried happily as she ran toward the mighty dwarf where he stood under the archway.

"I missed you, sweet pod!" Alor crouched down and lifted the child up to his shoulder, where she sat, beaming. "Have you been good while I was away?"

"I made a puzzle box. See!" The girl held out a soapstone box. The master craftsdwarf always started the young ones with the material since it required little strength to carve, though it crumbled easily. Even so, the box was quite exquisite.

"That's beautiful. Now let me see here..." Alor pressed a button and the lid popped open. There was nothing inside. "Hey, where's my treasure?" he said in mock indignation.

The girl took the box and made a series of complicated motions along the inside of the empty compartment. A second lid opened, revealing a piece of dwarven sugar candy. The child giggled and smiled broadly.

Alor scratched his head and laughed. Coren was only six, but she was already beyond him.

"Did you win, daddy?" Coren asked.

"Ah, the tournament? Yes, sweet pod, there hasn't been a dwarf born yet that can beat your father," Alor looked at the puzzle box. "At least not at wrestling. And you know what else?"

"What else, daddy? What else?"

"I met a talking boar and we became friends."

"Again?" Coren complained. "I want to meet your animal friends soon."

"I'll invite them over for your party next month. Until then, you have to work hard. Do you have a lesson today?"

"Yes. Mr. Goldlocket says he'll let me try marble today."

"Marble, eh? That's amazing. You really are your mother's daughter. I'll walk you to the shop." Together they strolled down the passageway. Alor admired the carvings and architecture, occasionally pointing an engraving out and explaining its history, though his daughter had heard it all before. It had been two months since he left for tournament, and the wrestler had missed his home very much.

"The three of us should have a feast tonight. What do you say?" Alor asked. Coren did not respond.

The dwarf looked down. His daughter was not there. She was not in the passageway. There was no sign of her.

"Goblins!" A scream echoed through the tunnels. "Goblins in the fortress!"

===(18 September 2007)===
<pre>,..|mBL@+++++++g+</pre>

"I'm sure she's in there," Alor said from his place behind the boulder where he looked down upon the rusted iron doors of Chatteltomb.

"We must act now, while there's still time," the boar urged. This was the same boar that Alor had befriended by the riverbank, and it now came to aid Alor in his time of need.

"The door is locked. Even with our combined strength, I doubt we can force entry," the leopard observed. This was the same leopard that Alor had befriended in the high grasses, and it also came to aid Alor in his time of need.

"Don't worry. The guards were drunk in the ravine below," the marmot announced as it scampered up the slope with the key in its mouth. This was the same marmot that Alor had befriended on the mountainside, and it came to aid Alor after promises of food.

"I've only challenged the depths of this black pit once in my life. It is a memory I have longed to forget, though it will serve me now," Alor said. "It sickens me that my daughter is kept there. The way to the dungeons will not be heavily guarded, as fear of this place keeps all but the foolish at bay. That said, the tower above is garrisoned with unnumbered horrors. If the alarm is raised, escape will be impossible."

The group made their way down to the entrance. With some effort, Alor forced the key into place. The great doors swung open with a grating noise, exposing a palpable darkness that hung heavy in the stale air like a fog of soot. The thick shadows were penetrated from beyond by sinister red lights which gave vague form to the smooth obsidian corridors.

Once all had passed into the tower, they closed the door behind them. "We can only hope it is not unusual for the doors to sound. Do you see anything?" Alor whispered to the leopard.

"Several doors down, a goblin is standing," the leopard spoke softly. "It has turned to face us. I don't think it can make us out yet, but its night eyes are almost as strong as my own. It is coming this way."

Indeed, Alor could barely make out twin spots of crimson shining in the distance. The dwarf felt the leopard slip from his side. In a moment, the crimson spots disappeared from view. No sound accompanied their departure. Alor and the others padded quietly forward, approaching the stairway and the dungeons below.

==[[User:Senso|Senso]]==
===(29 April 2007)===
<pre><+@?++&~~</pre>

The wayward manager Aliz stepped quietly down the last flight of stairs into the lowest depths of the abandoned halls. The air of the room was stale and warm. The light of the dwarf's torch illuminated a stone pedestal, on which rested a gray book.

"The Tome of Suffering," Aliz whispered. In its blood-stained pages, the collected wisdom of countless outpost managers waited for his perusal. Never again would his charges starve. Never again would they complain for want of whiskey. Never again would Aliz have to consult the half-baked scribblings of his uncle Toran.

The ground shook and Aliz's ears were assailed by a deafening crash. When the dust cleared, the entire chamber was illuminated by a sinister red glow. In place of the far wall was a yawning pit filled with bubbling magma and flames. From the inferno came a betusked fiend, ravening, its slavering maw belching foul vapors through which stared its cruel bulging eyes. Its clawed hands kneaded the lardy folds of its corpulence as if it sought to make room for this latest morsel.

Aliz was terrified. The dwarf clutched the Tome to his chest. The horrific beast crouched by the magma pool, muttering in a grating whisper:

"It will be eaten. It will be eaten, the dwarf. Eaten. Eaten alive."

==[[User:Shanty|Shanty]]==
===(30 June 2007)===
<pre>@@+U@</pre>

Rogar spun again and again, staring into the darkness. The scraping had begun all at once and it seemed to come from every direction. Nothing could be seen beyond the limit of the flickering torchlight.

There! A shadow moved slowly out of the darkness. It had the stature of a dwarf, but Rogar knew the outpost had been abandoned for decades. After a moment, the warrior could see clearly. The shuffling thing had no flesh. The bones of its feet clacked and slid across the stones. The dead were walking in this place.

There were more, many more. Rogar was completely surrounded. He held up his sword and turned from threat to threat. The dwarves were unarmed, with tatters of cloth hanging over their skeletal remains. Bits of beard were still visible stuck around their garments and their skulls. The dead stopped short of Rogar's weapon and stood completely motionless. There was no way the warrior could pass without forcing his way through.

The skeleton he had seen first raised its bony hand slowly, curling all of its fingers save one into its palm. Its index finger pointed toward Rogar. From somewhere within its skull, it emitted a long, low moan which ended in a hiss and faded into silence.

==[[User:Spelguru|Spelguru]]==
===(19 November 2006)===
<pre>
..@.M.~~~~...
</pre>
The adventurer, transformed into a ghoul by strange forces, crawls toward the Everlasting River of Curing, barely clinging to his life, such as it had become. Suddenly, from the ceiling dropped... Adamantine Man! Is there any hope?!

===(19 December 2006)===
<pre>
...M.~~~~..".
.....@~~~~...
...."~~~~~...
</pre>

Adamantine Man spoke and said, "Unfortunate stranger! You wish to cast off your affliction? Drink then, and be blessed."

So the adventurer drank. The soothing warmth of the water spread from the center of his body, out to his deformed fingers and toes. Without pain, they shifted and were set in their proper places, along with the other marks of the affliction. All was well.

The adventurer looked at Adamantine Man in awe and asked, "I am grateful, Adamantine Man, for I had been without hope. For years unnumbered, my people have deemed the River unapproachable. 'Adamantine Man is there', they said, and yet, I have found naught here but a generous host and the cure to all that ailed me. Tell me Adamantine Man, why are you so feared? I am humbled by your graciousness, but am I truly free from danger?"

Adamantine Man spoke for a second time and said, "Indeed, be not afraid. Your people regard me with terror, for they do not understand me, and verily, who among you can understand Adamantine Man, who does not understand himself?"

The adventurer bowed his head and said, "It is true. Even now I am unsettled, for though you have granted me renewed life asking for nothing, still, even now, I wish to leave and never return."

Adamantine Man spoke for a third time and said, "So it has always been. Go now in peace."

The adventurer left without looking back. Overjoyed, his family accepted him, no longer an outcast, and soon all in the land had heard that he who had once been tainted was made whole by the River.

Some years later, a man, broken in body, came to the adventurer's abode. "I seek your aid, for it is said that you who were once tainted were made whole by the River. Tell me, where is the River, that I might be restored?"

The adventurer looked at the man, and he said, "Adamantine Man is there. Be content now, as I shall never be again." The man departed, and the adventurer remained.

===(25 March 2007)===

The adamantine man story ended.
<pre>
@-***=.T
</pre>
The Pulson-9000 seared the sky trailing ion-energized purple lightning. The XZ-Trollmech Mk7 didn't stand a chance. Another contract, another payment. Rogar was the last dwarf of his village, and after many hardships had fallen into the tough life of a mercenary warrior. He had stolen his first fighting bot, but after three years he had enough money to build and repair his own. He spent his offtime tinkering, which soothed his still-dwarven heart.

For now though, he was in enemy territory. True, the contract was complete, but he had fought his way deep into the personal citadel of the vile cyber-modded troll Vanquidor in order to blow his Mk7 body to pieces, and now he had to laze through the bodyguards and sentry droids he hadn't already obliterated. The dwarf had very little ordinance remaining. Rogar put on his shades. Things were about to get hot, but he was cool as a sonic-fan. Time to fire it up! Yeah!

==[[User:SupSuper|SupSuper]]==
===(19 April 2007)===
<pre>+R@%+@+%</pre>

"Hya! Hya!" Kogan screamed as he careened around the corner astride Lomrin. He had acquired the giant rat from the dungeon master for a vial of liquid fire. It had been a barrel of laughs, especially after a mug or three.

As they passed the foodpile, Lomrin stopped suddenly to inspect a large plump helmet biscuit. Kogan flew over the rat's ears and landed on his beard, sliding to a stop at a pair of black leather boots. Kogan waited a moment for his head to clear, and then he rolled back on his bottom and stared up at the face of Mul. It had to be Mul.

"On a bender again, are we Kogan?" Mul admonished.

"We? I swear I haven't given Lomrin a drop!" Kogan said indignantly.

"I wouldn't be so sure..." Mul said, indicating the food stockpile with a nod of his head.

Kogan turned his head. Lomrin had pried the lid off of a whisky barrel. Only her rear legs and tail were now visible.

"She takes after her uncle Kogan!" Kogan beamed proudly. Mul knocked him down to the ground with a push from his foot.

==[[User:Syndlig|Syndlig]]==
===(18 May 2007)===
<pre>oU++@@</pre>
The man struggled against the chains. The dwarves stared at him, smiling in satisfaction.

"That should ward you off our treasures, human. Be glad we don't send for the Hammerer."

The human scoffed. "Ha! I may be a thief, but at least I'm not a dwarf. See how I tower above you! I may not have a trade, I may not have any notable achievements whatsoever, but I am still a man."

The blackbearded dwarf turned to his companion. "You know, Mul, I suppose we could call for the Hammerer. The Baron will understand. After all, it was the Baron's goblet we found in his pack."

The dwarf named Mul considered this. "The Hammerer could certainly give him a new perspective on life. From two or three handspans lower down, at that. Start at the ankles, perhaps?"

"I always preferred the kneecaps, myself," the blackbearded dwarf said as they turned to leave. "It's really up to Rashok to decide though."

Mul hummed in disappointed affirmation. "Hmm, Rashok gets to have all the fun doesn't he?"

"Wait! Don't leave, my little friends!" the man screamed as the dwarves disappeared through the iron gate.

The blackbearded dwarf poked his head back into the dungeon. "We'll spare some whiskey, don't worry!" He disappeared again.

"Watered down, of course..." Mul could be heard saying as their footfalls faded away.

==[[User:Termitehead|Termitehead]]==
===(4 November 2007)===
<pre>%,.@.""k</pre>
The mighty warrior felt the power run through his arms as he held up his fallen enemy's sword. He laughed as the body beneath him oozed the last of its life into the dirt. It hadn't even been much of a challenge. It was as if the worthless cur just gave up his life for nothing. Now all he had to do was return the villain's sword to the king and claim the reward.

On his way back to the castle the warrior swung the sword around his head, singing cheerfully as he skipped along. A small quick hand darted from the branches above and snatched the sword from his grasp. The warrior yelled and searched the trees above for a glimpse of the thief. A pair of yellow eyes stared back at him. A kobold!

==[[The Toad Preservation Society]]==

Toady One and ThreeToe are continuously working on Dwarf Fortress since 4 years ago (well, when that was that written, in early 2007). On the same Idea, the Toad Preservation Society is trying to bring a very modest but continuous support. One result of this support is that ongoing series of art rewards. Slowly a story unfolds. Of course, the main target for the donation is not to get the reward, but to show the [http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/ Bay12Games] team that we love their project and value their effort. So let's consider each bit of that series as a nice present.

===(11 October 2006)===

<pre>.M.@$.</pre>

Deep in the fortress, a lava man springs an ambush on the treasurer, who is happily
counting coins. Could this be the beginning of the end?!

--The Toad Preservation Society, 11 October 2006

===(12 November 2006)===
<pre>
######.....M#~~~
@..@@@......M~~~
######..M%$.#~~~
</pre>
Hammered and burnt by molten fists, the treasurer collapsed. That will teach him to
count coins near the magma flow. More lava men erupt from the magma as a fortress patrol
enters the room, one of them the treasurer's wife. Fighting back tears, she screams in
wild rage as the soldiers charge the beasts. Will vengeance prevail this terrible day?!

--The Toad Preservation Society, 12 November 2006

===(5 December 2006)===

<pre>
..=# #############~~~# %
[@.#########.%-.%.#~~~# '
.=..........@.-....~~~#,
############..@%-.#~~~####
` '###########.=====........##
% #############~~~####
</pre>
Indeed, vengeance did prevail, though it was bought with the lives of soldiers.
The Axedwarf Aloran, wife of the treasurer, grieves now over the charred body of her
husband, her grief-stricken face shining red in the magma's light. Yet the lava men
were only driven forth by rumors deep within the earth, ever rumbling now, ever
approaching the lip of the glowing pit discovered by the miners not long after the
bridging of the magma. The sound reached even the heart of the fortress, where
Regukar the Mason has begun a mysterious construction. What fey mood has possessed
Regukar?! Will Aloran's mourning be troubled by even greater dangers?!

--The Toad Preservation Society, 5 December 2006

===(10 January 2007)===

<pre>
##.##
#..=# #############~~~# %
###[@.#########.%-.%.#~~~# '
...@=.@..........-....~~~#,
###############...%-.#~~~########..
` '###########.=====....@.&.##
% #############~~~########..
</pre>

A great crash echoed down the inward passageway.

"More beasts deeper in the mines?" said Narol fearfully, a recruit, the only member of the patrol save Aloran to survive. His right arm was burned horribly and he now held his axe in his left hand, weakly.

"Tell the Baron that lava men have entered the mines. I'll remain here." Aloran unmoving eyes stared over the bridge toward the mines. There would be no discussion. Narol stumbled up the opposite passage to the workshops.

Regukar was in the lower mason's shop, gazing into his hands, his face aglow with the light shining upward from his palms. The Baron was there as well.

"What is this? Did I not commission an obsidian throne? Why was this workshop built so near the magma flow if I'm to be seated on granite for the rest of my days?" The Baron sounded annoyed, but he was also trying to stare over Regukar's shoulder to see the treasure. The Baron reached for Regukar's wrist, and the mason turned violently and spat in the Baron's face just as Narol careened into the chamber.

"The Stout Wheels have held the bridge, but lava men are in the mines! Many are dead... Aloran is guarding the mine entrance alone..." Narol collapsed, breathing heavily.

-

Narol was gone, but Aloran did not notice. "I will kill them all," she said, and she walked down the bridge into the mines, leaving the bodies of her husband and the recruits behind. As she descended into the mines, the magma's light faded and she was engulfed by the dimness in which she had spent most of her life. Yet ahead she discerned an eerie glow. The miners had located these pits not long ago as they hunted for hematite. The lava men must be using them, accessing the mines away from the magma flow, Aloran thought, though she did not dwell on it long. Soon her mind was focused again on death.

Suddenly the light was blotted out, followed by a shaking that almost knocked Aloran from her feet. "COAH! So long I have waited for my master... only to find this sweet hairy dumpling. It must be time for the Great Feast." Aloran could discern its corpulence through the darkness. A lardy bloated creature, like those that made raids from the river, yet more grotesque, covered with translucent boils -- and many times larger. The thing croaked, "I sense... COAH! You have lost someone recently... your husband. Worry not, little dumpling! You will be reunited in my innards when I am done feeding."

Aloran did not speak. She would not entertain the creature -- she would have it dead.

--The Toad Preservation Society, 10 January 2007

===(11 February 2007)===

And it keeps going and growing !!

<pre>
##.##
#..=# #############~~~# %
###[..#########.%-.%.#~~~# '
...@=.@.........@-....~~~#,
###############...%-.#~~~########&.
` '###########.=====@.@@.@%&##
% #############~~~########.&
</pre>

Aloran hacked at the thing's wide belly with her battle axe. It lurched backward, avoiding the full force of the strike, and crashed into the cavern wall. Immediately, as if its lardy mass had bounced off the barrier, it leapt forward and knocked Aloran to the ground, pressing down on her shoulders with its great slimy hands. Its mouth opened, and a slick lolling tongue poured out like thick syrup and covered Aloran's face. It was going to swallow her whole! Unable to breathe, Aloran fumbled around in her boot and pulled out a small pointed hammer. Struggling to maintain consciousness, Aloran swung the hammer from her elbow. The point pierced one of the great creature's eyes, which popped and drained a viscous pus over the dwarf. The thing backed off of the warrior's body, its fat tongue dragging on the ground, leaving a broad swath of spittle. Aloran stood, breathing heavily, her axe secure in her right hand. She advanced on the retreating beast, her weapon lifted over her head. She wound further backward, then brought the axe blade around in a sweeping arc down on the bloated fiend's tongue, forking it.

Two more silhouettes appeared in the eerie glow above the beast's quivering form. As they approached, she could see they were gray and glistening, partially encased in shimmering pale shells, each walking on four stumpy legs. They look like cave oysters, Aloran thought. She raised her axe.

"Aloran!" Three recruits with swords rushed down the passageway. "The Baron sent for us. Are you all right?" Aloran did not turn to face them as the demonic oysters crawled over their bleeding companion.

--

"How dare you spit on me! You'll receive two hammerstrikes for this!" The Baron was livid. He had called for a peasant to notify reinforcements for the mines, of course, but now he was free to chastize Regukar. Narol was still only semi-conscious, resting on the floor.

"I created it! It is mine!" Regukar's eyes were glowing with a fierce light. He shifted his weight from foot to foot and held his arms close to his body, the light of his creation showing through his interlocked fingers.

"Nothing is yours! You used stone from the miners, the miners carved that stone out of the mountain, and the mountain belongs to me. Now hand the object over for inspection, and your past transgression might be forgiven." The Baron held out his hand.

Before the Baron could react, Regukar grabbed his chisel and brought it down into the Baron's forehead. The Baron crumpled, hitting the stone floor hard. Regukar chuckled and ambled off down the passageway toward the mines.

--The Toad Preservation Society, 11 February 2007

===(13 March 2007)===
Even if Toady is now deep into its work and the malor works on maps/moving armies, he took time adding a new part to these now ongoing story...

<pre>
##.##
#..=# #############~~~# %
###[..#########.%-.%.#~~~# '
...@=.@..........-....~~~#,
###############...%-.#~~~########..
` '###########.=====@.%%%-&%##
% #############~~~########..
</pre>

Aloran, still winded, faced the two oyster demons. The recruits stood by her side in a line blocking off the passageway. The beasts slid down the toad's massive body, landing before it with a splatter. The fiends moved slowly, but they had almost reached the dwarves.

Two of the recruits, Roal and Daron, cousins who had just began sparring two weeks ago, lifted their swords and assailed the creatures. Roal brought his weapon down hard on the shell of one of the beasts, but it was deflected. From the space between the shell plates, a massive slimy appendage burst forth, ringing Roal and dragging him inside. His lower body dangled from the creature. Daron grabbed his legs and pulled, but Roal would not budge. The other oyster demon raised up on its back legs and came crashing down on Daron. The dwarf's head slammed hard against the passage way and he went unconscious. Roal's legs twitched as the second demon turned back to the remaining warriors.

Aloran had regained her breath and charged with the other recruit, Nlan, a dwarf from the north burrow. The recruit stabbed at the demon's body, sinking his sword deep into its flesh, while Aloran aimed low and hacked off one of its stubby legs with her axe. As it toppled, the thing spit out a stream of goo onto Nlan's face, which began to steam. The recruit chortled and fell to the ground, unrecognizable. Aloran finished off the creature by hacking into its soft body repeatedly.

The other demon had completed its meal. Roal's lower body detached and fell to the ground, and the oyster beast let out a belching noise. Another sound emanated from its shell soon after. "I sense... loss... your husband... reunite..."

"Silence, beast," Aloran spat. "The toad made the same promise and failed to keep it. Your kind use hollow words." At that moment, the toad demon's bleeding body quivered, as if it were laughing.

The oyster spoke again. "Daron... reunite... Roal..." The slimy appendage slid out and looped around Daron's right leg. Aloran ran forward, swinging her axe down on the oozing tentacle. It was cloven asunder and fell to the tunnel floor, pouring out a thick white paste.

As the oyster backed into the toad demon's still quivering form, the entire tunnel filled with a blinding light. Aloran turned and saw the vague form of a dwarf raising its hand, from which the radiance emanated. The light faded just enough for Aloran to make out the details. It was Regukar, the mason. In his hand, he held a glowing schist mini-forge.

--The Toad Preservation Society, 13 March 2007

===(16 April 2007)===
All right, the Reward continues (this is the same story):

<pre>
@@.####
.@@++d+
@.@####
</pre>
Captain Kogan stood with his dwarves on the stone road before the great arch, beard dripping from the drizzling rain that had been falling since the early morning. No word had been sent from the Baron concerning the deep mining operation for nearly two weeks. The King had grown impatient and the Captain had been sent to investigate.

The soft patter of rain on stone was slowly drowned out by a series of whirs and chirps coming from within the fortress. It was like nothing the Captain had heard before. He had his soldiers position themselves before the entrance with the marksdwarves kneeling in front of the others. The sounds drew closer, until a small shape could be discerned emerging from the shadows beyond the archway.

It looked like a lizard, twisted into that form from rusted iron strips, but it walked on its rear legs with a jerking and uncertain gait. In the center of its head, visible through the metal frame, was a drooping lump of granite that appeared to be molded around the iron. The stone glowed with a faint red light.

The dwarves watched awe-struck as the metallic creature continued advancing until it finally stopped under the great arch. Its head swiveled back and forth, eventually settling on the group. The lizard's body grated against itself, and from somewhere within, it emitted a piercing whistle and charged.

"Fire, Bomtek! Now!" Kogan ordered.

The marksdwarf shot a bolt at the creature. It hit the granite lump, shattering it. The iron strips collapsed into a pile.

"W.. what in the name of the Lordaxe was that?" Nunon stammered. "Where are the guards?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," said Kogan. He walked forward and pushed the remnants of the creature about with his hammer. "Something sinister is afoot. We'll scout as far as the upper meeting hall."

Captain Kogan and his dwarves passed under the arch and disappeared into the dimly lit fortress.

--The Toad Preservation Society, 16 April 2007

===(10 May 2007)===
<pre>
##################
#++++++++++d+++++++..
####+@+O++O++O+dOd+&#
+++++@+++++++++d+++@#
####+@+O++O++O++Od++#
#++++++++++d+d++@#
##################
</pre>

"Get out of there!" Kogan screamed. It was too late. Lokar was lost. Only Bomtek, Nunon and Captain Kogan himself remained. The rest had been mauled beyond recognition by the metallic beasts. The passage to the upper hall had seemed clear, but it was a ruse. The walls had come alive. The lizards were everywhere.

Now Kogan and the others were running for lives, pursued by the iron fiends. They could outrun them if they didn't stop to fight. The dwarves were approaching the meeting hall, though Kogan held little hope for that place now. The only way out of the outpost lay behind them, through a maelstrom of metal fangs.

"The upper hall!" Kogan shouted when he spotted a light ahead. The torches were still lit? Perhaps the guards were able to stand after all! Kogan and the others ran on, the din of whirs and chirps behind them driving them forward. At last, the tired soldiers crossed under the arch and entered the upper meeting hall.

"I'm so pleased you could join us!" a voice boomed from the back of the chamber. Kogan looked out between the pillars. There on a granite throne sat a dwarf, his face twisted in madness. In his hand he held a glowing object. The stone floor before him was crawling with the metal lizards. On his right, a fire burned in the shape of a tall man, lighting the entire hall. On his left, a dwarf woman was tied, struggling against her bonds, hatred in her eyes.

"Do you like my little friends? Arshosh and I will make more, many, many more. The miniforge is all-powerful!" The crazed dwarf cackled. "With it, I enslaved the spirit of fire, bound stone and metal to my will, and soon, soon! Oh, yes. Soon I will use the power of the miniforge to create a new race of dwarves! Aloran will be the first! Then all of you will join her! And you shall call Regukar your master!"

--The Toad Preservation Society, 10 April 2007

===(June 2007)===
<pre>
##################
#+d+++++++%++++++++..
####d@dO++O++O%%O+%&#
++++d@d+++%%++++%%%%#
####d@dO+%O%+O+%O%%@#
#+d+d+%++%%%+++%@#
##################
</pre>

The soldiers had been quickly subdued, lashed to the floor by a writhing mass of metallic lizard bodies. Regukar walked slowly to the place where Aloran was restrained.

"Now, Aloran, let us begin the ritual of transformation." Regukar held the shining miniforge near to the dwarf warrior's face as she continued to strain against the ropes. The crazed mason lifted a tiny hammer and struck the minianvil once. The fires of Arshosh rose to the ceiling of the great hall and twisted around its many granite pillars. A tongue of flame engulfed the miniforge and the anvil began to glow even more brightly.

Aloran felt her skin breaking. The unbearable pain spread throughout her entire body. Metal blades tore through the flesh of her arms and legs, and she felt a force trying to subdue her will. "Regukar is your master. Regukar is your master," a voice in her mind whispered. The ropes snapped as the blood-covered blades continued to rise. The voice became louder and louder until it was all she could hear, drowning out her own screams.

Through her tears she could see Regukar had buckled over, laughing uncontrollably, and the sight filled Aloran with an all-consuming hatred. This contemptible dwarf could never be her master. The pain and the voice faded away, and her animosity began to manifest itself in the power of her limbs. The metal was part of her body now, and she felt its presence as surely as that of her own hands.

Looking up, Regukar noticed Aloran's steady gaze, and worry crossed his face. "My slave, the transformation is complete. Call me master," the mason stammered. Aloran said nothing and punched Regukar in the face with her metal-bladed fist. The knives stuck in his head, and the full weight of his dying body hung limply from Aloran's straight arm. Regukar's mangled face slid slowly backward, and free from the blades the dwarf crumpled to the floor and lay unmoving on the stones.

The tongue of flame slowly lifted the miniforge from the mason's clinging hand. As the glowing object slipped from his grasp, his raised arm fell back to the ground, and he breathed his last. The spirit of fire withdrew its flames, bringing the miniforge to the center of its translucent body. The demon turned to Aloran and faded from sight. There was a sudden crash as the metallic lizards fell to pieces.

--The Toad Preservation Society, June 2007

==TomTheHand==

===(20 February 2007)===

<pre>
..g#o@.%
</pre>

Shrolnak glared through the rusty iron bars.

"Eat yer meat, ya hairy maggot," the goblin snarled as it pushed the bowl back towards the dwarven child. "It'll make yer beard longer."

Aliz kicked the bowl away again. "I'm not eating until I get my mini-forge!" Aliz crossed his arms above his plump little belly and turned away.

"Minnn.. what's yer mini-forge?" The goblin was confused. The only toy it had ever owned was a cracked elf skull.

The dwarf child's eyes lit up. "Uncle Kogan made it! It glows in the dark!"

"Glows in the dark, eh... I'll poke around." The goblin scrambled away from the prison and disappeared around a corner. In a few minutes, it returned, its hand cupped around something that glowed purple through its bony fingers.

Aliz moved toward the bars, his wide eyes reflecting the eerie light. The goblin held its right hand through the bar and dropped the glowing object into the child's waiting palms.

"Now eat yer meat." The goblin wandered off.

Aliz was still staring into his hands. A sinister smile spread slowly over his face.

===(12 March 2007)===

<pre>
.T.g..@..
</pre>

"Where is the Soul of the Dark Power?!" Arugor was screaming now. He had fooled a dragon to obtain the wicked gem, and now it was nowhere to be found. Shrolnak groveled before him.

"Master, I.. I don't know..." Shrolnak had never truly adjusted to kneeling before the troll, but it couldn't be helped. His master had been gifted with a cunning far beyond others of his kind, and Shrolnak was powerless before him.

"Lies! Your hands still shine with its aura! Where have you hidden my treasure?"

"T.. that gem? I thought that's all it was. I... I let the dwarf child play with it."

"What?! Fool! I must reclaim it before it is too late." Arugor was bothered that Shrolnak had somehow managed to avoid the intricate traps in the Soul Chamber, but he would leave that matter alone until the gem was reclaimed.

Just as Arugor turned to leave, a plump dwarven child floated into the throne room, trailed by a billowing mist. In his hands, he clutched a deep purple gem. The hovering child had a wicked grin twisted into his bearded face. Arugor and Shrolnak shielded their faces, helpless before the radiance of the wielded Soul.

The child levitated higher, close to the ceiling, and looked down upon the quivering monsters. "With my power, I shall build the greatest mini-forge the world has ever known!" The dwarf was enveloped by the purple light and passed through the ceiling.

==[[User:Trukkle|Trukkle]]==
===(25 June 2007)===
<pre>%%@##B#</pre>
"There it goes!" Doran hollered as the bit of plump helmet sailed out into the darkness. The mason had been at the whiskey all morning, and now he was dangling his legs over the chasm with his lunch, throwing mushroom pieces to the gray fliers. One of the bats sailed silently into view and snatched the food as it fell.

"A bat's a bat, and bats like mushrooms!" Doran slurred as he took another swig from the flagon. "Let's try something a little larger."

The dwarf ripped the cap from one of his plump helmets and tossed it out into the abyss. It dropped out of view, without any sign of the fliers. Doran pouted.

Suddenly, a great shape flew up from the chasm, right by Doran's face, blowing the braids of his beard back over his shoulders. It looked like a gray flier, but many, many times larger, as large as one of the brown bears out in the forest. He watched as it disappeared off above into the distance.

Doran looked down at his lunch. "I... I guess I'll finish the rest myself."

==[[User:Urist McCheeseMaker|Urist McCheeseMaker]]==
===(12 April 2011)===
<pre>###@####@..@.,</pre>
The scream faded down into the darkened ravine. Woge laughed and
lightning struck nearby. How could he do it?, Shato thought. How
could he just throw her down to her doom? Drunk, Woge staggered away
from the precipice. Seeming to see Shato for the first time, he said,
“Do you know what I just did? I killed your woman.”

A flash lit up the hill, much as the lightning had done all night.
But this was different. The night found Shato standing over Woge’s
dead body. The murderer thought he would have two victims that night,
as he was cruel and quick with a blade. He didn’t know that Shato was
a wizard. Shato felt the weariness that came with the use of his
power. This was magnified by his loss.

“Where is Omli?” asked the sheriff. “Where is your pretty wife? She
has been gone for some time.”

Shato looked at the pale, dumpy man with disgust. Most people in the
village assumed that Omli had run off with Woge. Only lately had
people come to suspect foul play. No one had heard from them. It was
as if they had disappeared completely. The sheriff stared up from
under his hat at Shato.

“Kobolds, perhaps?” suggested Shato.

“Ah, no,” said the sheriff. “You see, kobolds rarely hide the bodies
of their victims. You can always tell the kobold victims by the sores
left by the poisons they use. No, I don’t think kobolds.”

“Bandits then?” asked Shato.

“But what was there to rob?” asked the sheriff. “No belongings were
missing from their dwellings. None of the local fences have reported
seeing any of their things. No, Shato my friend, I believe they were
murdered.”

“Murdered?” asked Shato. “But, Why?”

“Because they were lovers,” said the sheriff, “and you know it!”

-

The wagon ride to the fortress was bumpy and freezing. Shato was
shackled next to half a dozen thieves and murderers. Half way up the
mountain, the guards were replaced by dwarven soldiers. Capital
murder was a crime under the jurisdiction of the dwarven overlords of
Gulbarkia. One of the prisoners kicked Shato in the leg.

“You’re that weirdo that killed his wife,” he said. “You’ll go to the
Hammerer for that!”

“What you say is half true,” said Shato. “Things will be set right.”

==[[User:Xarph|Xarph]]==
===(20 February 2007)===

<pre>###=@=##</pre>

Kogan hurtled through the darkness, the two long braids of his golden beard streaming behind him. It was too much weight! The wings tied to his arms, made from stretched frogman skin and giant cave spider legs, fluttered uselessly as the chasm walls rushed by. He had been nervous the night before and, as usual, had gorged himself on plump helmet biscuits and dwarven rum. Now he was falling like a granite block. Kogan wondered if the philosophers were correct -- were these chasms actually bottomless? He would be able to survive for several days without food or alcohol. Seeing nothing but blackness below, Kogan resigned himself to the journey ahead and began to sing his favorite drinking song.

===(19 May 2007)===

<pre>*###*****##**
#*#*##*##**##
##*#*****#*##
#*#*##*##*#*#
#*#*##S##*#*#
#*#*#*#*#*#*#
#*##*###*@#*#
##**#***##*##
#*#*******#*#
*###########*</pre>

It had been two days. Kogan was dehydrated, and he had begun mumbling to himself. "Whiskey... my dear whiskey..."

Suddenly his fall was arrested by a force which seemed to hold him by the arms and legs. He still fell, but slower, and slower still, until he stopped entirely and hung in space. The dwarf tried to spin, but he was unable to move. Thick, translucent ropes held him. The reality of the situation dawned on him, and he felt sick. It was a giant web. He had been ensnared by one of the dark huntresses of the deep.

As he strained his eyes in the near-total darkness, Kogan could see her. A bloated many-legged creature, her body clear, her organs visible within. She was already moving toward Kogan, deliberately picking her way along the lines that were safe for her to grasp with her cruel claws. The creature chittered in anticipation as the dwarf struggled against the webs.

===(20 September 2007)===

<pre>*###*****##**
#*#*##*##**##
##*#*****#*##
#*#*##*##*#*#
#*#*#####*#*#
#*#*#*#*S*#*#
#*##*###*@!!!
##**#***##*##
#*#*******#*#
*###########*</pre>

The spider was upon him. With what little motion Kogan had in his arms, he tried to bring the wings between himself and the voracious beast. He flailed helplessly, marshalling a defence that would embarrass even a child of his people.

Yet the spider stopped. She looked upon him with her many emotionless eyes. The dwarf could discern nothing. The spider's head bobbed up and down slowly, and she lifted several of her legs and waved them in simple patterns above the web.

A sudden realization struck Kogan -- the spider legs in the wing frames. She thinks I'm trying to speak to her! Kogan continued to wave his arms around as best he could, and she responded in kind. Giant cave spiders are solitary creatures, Kogan thought, so it must be a mating ritual. "But giant spiders eat their mates after breeding with them," Kogan muttered in horror. "I can't think of a worse way to die!"

===(13 November 2007)===
<pre>+g++%@%%+</pre>

The movement of the spider's legs had ceased. Now she simply looked
upon Kogan with her cold, glassy eyes. Her sinews tensed -- she was
ready to pounce! To what end, none dare say, though many a gruesome
and unseemly scenario had played themselves out in the recesses of
Kogan's strained mind.

A moment passed, and the bloated thing leapt forward! As she landed
on Kogan with the full weight of her body, the dwarf felt himself tear
free, and the web and spider passed up and beyond his sight as he
plummeted downward. Oh, what happy chance is this! Kogan thought.
He was free from fear now. If his body was broken into a thousand
pieces on some protruding rock, what would matter? At least he would
no longer sire an army of evil.

Soon enough, Kogan sensed that the walls were closing in. He could
not see well enough in the oppressive darkness of this deepest part of
the earth, but he felt their nearness. The dwarf said a prayer to the
Lordaxe to grant him a swift death.

Kogan felt his bottom smack hard into a smooth slope and he slid
disoriented into a twisting tunnel. The friction burned, but his
descent was slowed, and Kogan found himself gliding down an obsidian
tube. Out of a hatch he fell, landing face first in a pile of stone
trinkets. Uninjured, but sore, the dwarf stood. It still felt as if
the air was rushing by him, but he was teetering on solid ground.

The chamber was lit by torches. It was almost cheerful. The trinkets
were all finely crafted. It wasn't dwarven work, but each object had
its own peculiar charm. Kogan picked up a slate carving. It was a
rabbit wearing a jester's hat.

"Hey oh, what are you doing in the figure room?"

Kogan looked up. A mountain gnome was peering around a doorway. Only
its tilted head was visible.

"I fell," Kogan said, indicating the hatch.

"Oh my!" the gnome said with an equal measure of elation and surprise.

"You're our first visitor in years!"

"Visitor?" Kogan asked.

"Yes, my friend! I'm Largee Pottums! Welcome to Toy Land!"

===(27 February 2008)===
<pre>+g+@+%%%%+</pre>

"Toy Land," Kogan said flatly, utterly dumbfounded. The sheer
implausibility of the situation managed to drive all feelings of
hunger and thirst from his body.

"Yes, Kogan, it's Toy Land!" Largee Pottums exclaimed, jumping out
into full view. "Where do you think all of your toys come from? Your
crafts shops? Hoy hey! That would be the day!"

"Yes, our cr... wait, how did you know my name?" Kogan scratched his head.

"Do you remember the miniforge you got when you were six?" Largee Pottums asked.

"Th.. yes," Kogan finally resolved to think a little less about his situation.

"Gnomes!" Largee Pottums said proudly. "And the toy axe you got when
you were eight?"

"That too?!" Kogan exclaimed. He had such fond memories of the axe.
He used to beat his friends with it mercilessly.

"Gnomes," Largee Pottums replied, nodding in satisfaction.

"What about the puzzle box I got when I was nine?" Kogan asked.

"That was your uncle Dorol. And you just hated it didn't you? Oh
ho!" Largee said.

"Y... yes," Kogan said, disappointed. He had hoped to have somebody
to blame after all these years. At least he could confront Dorol
should he ever return home.

"Gnomes make the best toys!" Largee concluded. "Mountain gnomes for
the dwarves, garden gnomes for the humans, and dark gnomes for the
goblins. Toys, toys and more toys!"

"Gob... what about the elves?" Kogan asked, not knowing why he cared.
Like any able-bearded dwarf, he held elves in contempt.

"The elves? Hey oh! The garden gnomes used to make their toys. But
they're so finicky! One deer bone figurine and they found us out.
Humans can appreciate a deer bone figurine. The garden gnomes are
much happier now, if I do say so myself. And I do! Oo hoo!"

Kogan grunted in affirmation. He could emphathize with the garden
gnomes. Elves were nonsensical creatures.

"Now, my friend, it's time to talk to the Boss," Largee Pottums
announced, clapping his hands.

"The Boss?" Kogan asked.

"You can't make toys without a Boss. Let's go! We haven't had a
visitor in so long, he'll be excited to see you. Oh yes he will, sure
as sweet pods!" With that, Largee Pottums skipped through the
doorway, with Kogan following after him.

===(1 July 2008)===
<pre>##################
###.........%....#
###....%.......%.#
###..............#
gg@+++g+=g%g=%/=|#</pre>

"Now tell me, Kogan," said the white-bearded gnome from his plush
gaudy chair, "why you leapt into the chasm in the first place." The
Boss's coat was nearly bursting at the buttons; the red fabric made
his belly looked like one of his puffy cheeks.

"It was my dream. I wanted to fly," Kogan said sheepishly, "like a
bat, soaring through the still air free as a spark, but my
calculations failed."

"Ho ho ho," the plump gnome merrily laughed. "What a brave dwarf you
are! Now that you're here in our secret workshop, I was concerned
about letting you return home, but perhaps you wouldn't stay up above
very long before daring the chasm again."

"The chasm... the spider..." The dwarf shuddered at the memory.

"Largee! Largee Pottums!" the Boss of Toy Land shouted. "Our friend
Kogan needs some ease for his troubled mind. Why don't you show him
around Wimble Wizzer's workshop?"

"Hoo hey! Right away!" came the familiar voice from the doorway.
Kogan bowed awkwardly to the Boss and followed Largee out of the cozy
room.

--

Kogan was awestruck. It was like a scene out of his wildest
imaginings during one of those late nights at the drawing table.
Airborne contraptions looped and soared beneath the high stone ceiling
as gears turned and wings flapped or rotated according to the whims of
a particular design. Down below, three gnomes repaired and tinkered
with the devices on creaky wooden tables.

"Wimble-wee, Wimble-woo!" Largee shouted into the workshop. "I have
a guest for you!"

One of the gnomes inside turned toward the door and smiled weakly
while shaking his head, "Largee, my boy, who ever taught you to speak
in such a manner? Surely it was a gnome no less exuberant than
yourself."

Largee presented the still-stunned Kogan to the master of the
workshop. "This is Kogan, a dwarf, as you can see (hoo-ee!), and a
fellow maker of flying machines. The Boss has sent him down here to
have a look."

"Ah? So it's to be an inspection, is it?" Wimble replied gruffly.
"Well, you won't find these topside, but we're planning to sneak a few
of the truest models in during the next festival. The timetable is a
strict one, and we're still struggling with accidents." At this,
there was the sound of metal grinding on metal above as one of the
machines lurched and crashed into a table below. "The Boss is jolly
as they come, but he is also a grueling taskmaster."

"Ho ho ho," came the laughter from the doorway. "Wimble Wizzer, you
grumpus, is that the way to greet a new worker?"

Kogan turned toward the Boss, who was now standing beside him. A new
worker? The dwarf's eyes were wider than ever, and he turned slowly
back to the workshop, wearing a smile more full of unabashed joy than
any he had worn in his entire life.

"Well, you know, Largee," the Boss said, turning to the other gnome
standing at the door. "If he wants, we could just let him go back
home, if we found a way to make him forget all about Toy Land."

"We could bonk him on the head! Hee-whoa... bonk!" Largee yelled,
snapping his hand at the wrist.

"Ho ho ho," the Boss chuckled. "Don't you remember? Sometimes you
have to bonk them again and again, and they still won't forget!"

Kogan missed all of this banter, bent over the tables as he was,
looking over the damaged machine with Wimble and the others. After a
moment, Largee and the Boss slipped out of the room, leaving the new
worker to his workshop.

The End

==[[User:Darksaiyan|Darkie]]==
===(14 September 2008)===
<pre>,.,.O@T,...</pre>

Surrounded by a troll on one side and an ogre on the other, dwarf
master Alrin knew these could be the last seconds of his life. As he
gripped the handle of his axe he recalled the teachings of Azrom, god
of war. Matters of great importance should be given the slightest
thought. It was only the minor matters that must be given the most
delicate care. So, without conscious thought, Alrin slammed his axe
handle into the ogre's toe. Swiftly, the dwarf ran between the
monster's legs and delivered a swift kick to its backside. As the
ogre toppled over, the hairy troll launched over the fallen monster
and leaped toward Alrin. As time slowed in an adrenalin rush, Alrin
readied his axe.

==[[User:Draigh|Draigh]]==
===(13 Augustus 2008)===
<pre>.@@|,-.-.kk,k,.k,.</pre>

Malgar, warrior dwarf woman, fought on against the onslaught of
kobolds, her newborn baby still strapped to her back. She lifted her
shield to block another volley of poison darts. She had been hunting,
far from the entrance of the fortress, when she stumbled upon the
skulking trash, no doubt planning a cowardly raid on the fortress
vault. She had to warn the others. With one hand she held the bugle
to her lips, while with the other she parried another deadly strike.

==[[User:Minion21g|Minion21g]]==
===(28 December 2008)===
<pre>&||,g.g,gg....,.UU</pre>

Fiends pounded the trail, hunting Belmir and his thieving partner.
The two had stolen into the dark goblin tower in the dead of night and
taken the vial that held the demon king's essence. By destroying it,
they could stop the war and put an end to the demon forever. Why
destroy it, thought Belmir, when it obviously held so much value? He
and Gal would be rich men. Or, he thought, looking at Gal with
murderous intent, perhaps just me.

==[[User:NoNotTheBees|No Not The Bees]]==
===(29 December 2008)===
<pre>.M%,..U.,</pre>

The lonely cottage stood underneath a great hill of snow that had been
born of the great blizzard. Wind and sleet kept the pioneers indoors.
That, and the promise of hated predators searching for meat in the
frozen wastes. But as his family grew hungry, Fram knew that he must
join the hunters outside.

Almost immediately Fram saw the danger. Bloody footprints of a great
creature circled the cottage as if a monster sought a way inside.
Grimly, Fram gripped his spear. He must persevere lest his family
starve. He followed the monster's tracks away from his home as he
pulled his furs tight against the freezing winds.

Ahead he saw a shape, a black mound against an ocean of white.
Cautiously, Fram approached. It was the half eaten body of a black
bear. But what could kill such a large beast. As if to answer, a
monster loomed into sight, its body covered with long icicles. A
blizzard man!

==[[User:Scrollhaven|Scrollhaven]]==
===(28 December 2008)===
<pre>""@,.UE,."</pre>

With one mighty swing, Alfonso knocked away the prone elf's sword and
placed his boot on his wrist. Many moons had past since the vile
creature had killed poor Jim and ate him. Even now the elf looked up
in defiance. Finally, in these haunted woods far from home, vengeance
would be served. Alfonso held the tip of his sword over the
creature's heart, wondering vaguely if it had one.

"Back off, human," came a voice from behind, "this is my kill."

The human ranger turned to see a dwarf holding a crossbow. By the
state of his boots and armor, Alfonso could tell the dwarf too, had
been on a long quest. The elf saw its chance and snaked its way out
from between the ranger's legs and was off into the brush in an
instant. Alfonso cursed and charged after him, the dwarf close
behind.

==[[User:ToonyMan|ToonyMan]]==
===(16 January 2009)===
<pre>DDDDDDM,..@EU@@EU@UE,.</pre>

Sword and axe clashed again and again as the fighters struggled to
best each other in mortal combat. Arrows rained down on the field of
battle as man, elf and dwarf fought at once to win the day. Randar
took up the sword for the dwarves. With his mightiness he tried to
kill Giltra of the elves, but the champion was too fast. The battle
seemed endless. Roars of terror and pain were everywhere. Just then
a squadron of dragons appeared, lead by Madnar the Evil. Could there
be any hope?

===(14 January 2010)===
<pre>DDDDM,.,.s/\@.,.E@E@E@E</pre>

The combatants turned to face the dragons as they landed. Madnar dismounted his towering red monster, followed by a short stranger, his eyes dark and shining. Randar stroked his beard as he observed the young warrior. He carried a sword of strange design. Giltra would not wait. She notched an arrow and fired before anyone could blink. The young swordsman knocked it out of the sky before it could reach Madnar’s chest.

“Fools,” chuckled the villain, “allow me to introduce Lord Strider. His powers are unmatched in this world. Now you see there can be no hope.”

Randar set his heels and charged, sword raised. Lord Strider struck a martial pose and set out to meet his dwarven adversary. As they met, the sound of steel ripping steel echoed across the battlefield. As the dust cleared, the dwarf found himself gloating in victory. Strider lay broken and sullied, his weapon shorn in two. Madnar was horrified. Had his reign of evil come to an end?

===(18 February 2011)===
<pre>.,.M\@,.sssssEssss</pre>

The boy’s body churned and twisted, though cut in two. The dwarves watched, horrified as the two halves stood, bloody gore bubbling over their severed ends. Madnar cackled with glee. Sensing the danger, Giltra shouted, “Randar, quickly, or there will be two of them.” The evil king watched, amused, as the heroes rushed to do battle with the demon.

With passion, the dwarf and elf did damage to the multiplying demon. No matter how hard they fought, the army of demons kept growing, chop after bloody chop. That was when Randar saw Madnar giggling in his dragon-saddle. Without warning, the dwarf moved.

With one swing of his axe, the dwarf hero struck off the head of the dragon. He pushed off of the dragon’s neck with his boot, and in a second was in the saddle with the cowering Madnar. The dwarf pulled a knife from his boot and put it to the evil king’s throat. The army of bloody demons turned away from the elf and looked to their new master.

“Release the elf,” commanded Randar.

“I,” stuttered the king, “I lack the power.”

The dwarf saw the villain fiddling with a talisman around his neck. Randar took it from him, a blue jewel, the color as deep as the sea. With one mighty kick, Randar sent the king tumbling onto the battle field. Seeing what was to come, the elf backed away. Randar held the jewel high.

“Demon from the Underworld,” cried the dwarf, “devour that trembling sack of filth!”

==[[User:AbuDhabi|AbuDhabi]]==
===(5 February 2009)===
<pre>CCCCCCC,.,.,.|||@+@+></pre>

Fires burned at the edge of the vast grassland, holding back the
darkness before the dwarf fortress. All night baleful howls could be
heard on the plain, undead cows brought back to life by the evil
wizard Maxelman. He had allowed the dwarves to live in his domain of
evil, if they but bestowed on him one artifact a year. Nothing,
however, could measure the greed of a dwarf. Nothing, that is, save
his thirst for strong whiskey.

A dwarf stood atop the battlement, laughing drunkenly. "Get down
Twan," whispered his fellow guardsman. "The night-wings will snatch
you off the wall!" Twan threw his stein off the wall in defiance.
Such was his vanity that he thought that they only need live through
the night. Little did he know, the dawn would never come.

===(24 February 2009)===
<pre>DgDgg%@@%@~~++++++>>>>^+^+^+^+^%%%%%@</pre>

Twan held his helmet over his eyes and screamed. Fireballs smashed
into the walls, shot from the gullets of a dozen dragons circling in
the smoke-choked sky. Marksdwarves dove from the walls and smashed
into the courtyard below. "Stand and fight!" shouted Captain Krandle.
"Fear no devil!" Twan reached the courtyard just as the gate broken
open wide. Pike-wielding goblins poured through the opening. Captain
Krandle threw his great braided beard over his shoulder and called
forth his squad of elite axe-lords, The Chosen.

Pike and axe clashed again and again as Twan crawled between the legs
of the combatants. A head dropped onto the ground before him. It was
the head of Captain Krandle. Twan pressed on. He would not be
paralyzed with fear. It seemed that the power of Maxelman knew no
bounds, but not even he could breach the inner mines. Dodging the
deadly weapons, and slithering over the bodies, Twan made his way the
center of the fortress.

A dark tunnel lay beyond the entrance to the keep. Twan danced down
the corridor in the intricate steps that avoided the complex mass of
triggers and tripwires that guarded the entrance. Inside were the
mines, stocked with enough dwarven wine to keep them in the cups for
ten years. Twan reflected for a moment on those above who had died.
It wasn't important. He was alive, and would remain so, so long as he
avoided the king and any quests he might have in store.

===(13 May 2009)===
<pre>%@/%+++@+@@@</pre>

“That blasted wizard Maxelman,” came a booming voice. "He shall not
have my artifact staff!”

Curses, thought Twan from his hiding in the cellar, the king! The
dwarf lord paced back and forth, followed by a pleading train of
aristocrats, tears of rage streaming from his eyes. The staff, the
cause of all the suffering the dwarves now endured, was only ten short
steps away. In near berserker rage, the king threw the staff down,
startling the nobles. Twan saw his chance. He shot between the
nobles and snatched up the artifact.

“Scoundrel,” roared the king, “unhand the magic staff!”

Twan leapt onto a keg, holding the staff high.

“Maxelman will burn this fortress to the ground to gain this staff,”
said the rude dwarf. “I will have this power for myself!”

The king growled, plucking the gold rings from his fingers. He hurled
them at Twan, one striking the dwarf in the teeth. “Seize him!”
shouted the besieged ruler. Twan jumped from barrel to barrel as the
purple clad nobles chased him. As he ran from the cellar he heard
king’s cry, “Guards, guards!”

In the enemy camp, the vile wizard Maxelman puzzled over his battle
plans. A dwarf fortress is always a hard nut to crack. One of his
generals, a skeletal shade from the netherworld, summoned him from his
tent. The wizard straightened his aching back, brushed his long black
beard, and stepped to the door. There, standing between two fierce
goblin guards, was Twan, holding the king’s staff.

===(29 Aug 2009)===
<pre>+U+G-@+GG+</pre>

“You bring me the staff,” said the evil sorcerer, “as a traitor to your people?”

The dwarven rogue took a step back and leveled the staff at his arch-nemesis.

“You will have the staff,” said Twan. “Have it through your black
shriveled heart!”

The dwarf pressed a secret button and a blade emerged from the end of
the staff. The wizard called on his generals. The skeletal ghoul
drew his saber and charged. Twan spun with expert skill and took out
the phantom’s knees, such was the power that the staff bestowed. Two
more undead warlords entered the tent. Twan thrust the staff at
Maxelman but a undead general threw himself in front of the blade,
impaling himself and collapsed into dust.

The legless fiend below snatched Twan’s ankles and pulled Twan to the
floor. The staff spilled onto the ground. The dwarf felt his courage
suddenly fading. The wizard snatched up the artifact and cried out
with joy. The long campaign was finally at an end. The skeleton put
its bony arm around Twan’s neck and pulled him upright. The wizard
noticed the dwarf and walked toward him, pointing the staff.

“Nice try, dwarf,” said Maxelman. “Now feel the true power of the
artifact staff!”

Twan caught the thrust between his palms. As the wizard snarled, Twan
took the staff in one hand and with several quick motions, activated
the secret switches along its length. The dwarf released the staff as
saw blades swept out of the shaft and sliced off the wizard’s hands.
Twan jammed his helmet into the skull of the phantom general and
smashed all the bones in its face.

The dwarf picked up the blood covered staff and chased the wizard from
the tent. Dozens of goblins blocked his way, but he dispatched them
with mighty slashes of his weapon. Just as he came within a spear’s
throw of his enemy, a huge dust cloud blocked his way. Wind blew down
as a giant dragon landed before the dwarf. At last, thought Twan, a
worthy opponent.

==[[User:DaWarMage|DaWarMage]]==
===(8 February 2009)===
<pre>@@@@||~3--~~U~gUGUUG~~~</pre>

Dwarves howled as the gladiators fought and bled. They were men and
goblins, imprisoned since the great siege. Now, with the promise of
freedom, they fought. Hanson knew the goblins could not be trusted,
but he had included them in an escape plan with his fellow humans out
of necessity. The dwarves had been foolish to wait so long to condemn
them. It had allowed them to organize.

Once out onto the sand, the gladiators fell in behind Hanson. The
dwarves grew quiet. The Baron stepped to edge of his platform. "What
is the meaning of this?" cried the dwarven noble. Hanson took his
trident up and ran toward the platform, hurling the weapon with all
his might.

==[[User:.Jim|Jim]]==
===(29 December 2008)===
<pre>,.U\U,.....M,.UUH..</pre>

So unsteady was the rule of the land that no one walked the halls of
Castle Sanazar alone. It had become fashion for the lords to stab
each other in the back, or perhaps poison each other's beer steins.
Not even a squire was safe. Rumors of war spread as did the news of
Sanazar's weakness. The king called an audience of all the knights of
the realm. A quest was called for -- something to prove the kingdom's
legitimacy.

The tables of the great hall filled with mighty knights as squires
rushed back and forth filling cups. The king looked on silently
through sunken eyes, having recently lost his ability to speak. He
motioned his consort to stand forth to deliver his proclamation. She
was a handsome woman, recently bound to the king, from a kingdom far
to the north.

"The flower that is Sanazar," she said, "is wilting and sick. While
we fight amongst ourselves, hungry jackals vie for their part of the
carcass. What we need is a hero, and what better to prove a hero than
a mighty quest! Far to the east lays Forgotten Quilts, an ancient
dwarf fortress abandoned long ago. It is said that within can be
found Gilded Lunch, the golden artifact boot. Return with the boot,
and return a hero! Who will take the challenge?"

"I shall!" boomed a voice from the end of the hall.

Through the door came Bram, mighty barbarian warrior, a squire
following behind, eyes downcast. The hall erupted into Chaos. How
could this outsider be given the quest? The king's consort looked on
the barbarian, heart racing. "What makes you think you are up to the
task?" she said.

"May I know thy name Madame?" asked the barbarian.

"Scandala," said the consort, brushing a blond hair from her face.

"Lady Scandala," said Bram, "I have slain dragon, cyclops, and ogre.
There is nothing under the sky that I fear."

That same day, Bram found himself on a horse on the road to Forgotten
Quilts, his squire Dolphin on a mule trailing behind. The lords of
the realm had not taken it well. Without the Mandate of the King,
returning with the boot would be useless. Bram must die. No knight
knew this better than Crusier, cruel black night of Petoun. That very
night he left the castle with his squire, taking the fast roads to
arrive on the trail before the hero.

"Help!" cried the boy, "Oh help!"

"Don't trust it Bram," said Dolphin. "I recognize that boy, a squire
from the hall."

"A countryman in distress is just that," said the hero dismounting his
horse and drawing his sword.

As he approached, he found the boy laughing. "Let's see how fast you
can complete your quest without horses!" yelled the boy.

Bram spun around to see Crusier leap upon Dolphin and, a knife to the
boy's throat, ride away on Bram's horse. The evil squire laughed
until Bram turned and brought his sword across the boy's face, leaving
a deep gash in his cheek. "I have marked you," said the barbarian,
"for you are mine now. Lead me to your master's den. Know that if he
harms a hair on Dolphin's head, there won't be enough of you left to
fill your god forsaken tomb!"

== [[User:NobbZ|NobbZ]] ==
===(16 February 2009)===

<pre>@@$@,.~~@,..</pre>

The dwarven toughs stood around the curve in the corridor, taunting
the dwarf lasses as they passed. A particularly vicious young dwarf
fingered his crossbow as he saw a dwarf he knew.

"Hey, Moody," said a thug. "There's the dwarf that owes you that coin."

"Yes," said Moody, stepping up to the dwarf, pointing his weapon.

"You owe me," said Moody. "Hand over the purse."

"I don't have your money!" said the dwarf.

The dwarven outlaws piled onto the dwarf, beating him near to death.

"I'll be back," said the blood-soaked dwarf over his shoulder as he
ran. "I'll be back!"

"You're never coming back coward!" shouted Moody.

==[[User:crash2455|crash2455]]==
===(22 June 2009)===
<pre>"@++@>>>+++@gggggggggggg"</pre>

Torin felt the prick of blade in his spine. It was his curse to guard
the gate to the lower reaches. He had been chosen because of his
great size. The dwarf’s expansive belly was enough to block the
portal by itself. You were wrong, thought Torin. Someone braver must
protect us, not a fat waste of flesh like me. Sharp claws reached out
from the gate and pulled the heavy dwarf back inside. With a whimper,
Torin disappeared into the darkness.

“Where is that ogre of a dwarf?” asked Malak the guards-dwarf.
“Captain, Torin’s late again!”

The captain set his shiny metal cap forward on his head as he
descended the stairs. Another day begins in the fortress, and with
it, another failure in discipline. The captain brought his rod down
onto the table where Malak had been munching on a chicken leg. “See
to it, dwarf!” shouted the captain. “Are you a member of the castle
guard, or aren’t you?”

Malak descended the stairs to the dungeon, axe in hand. It wasn’t
like Torin to miss a meal. Below, in the darkness, were a dozen
shining red eyes. Goblins! The guard knocked a flying blade out of
the air with the hilt of his weapon. He reached for his whistle, but
before he could put it to his lips, they were on him, clawing, biting,
evil!

== [[User:Shzar|Shzar]] ==
===(July 16 2008)===
<pre>&D###ggggggg,.|@@</pre>

The demon king rode high on his dragon as his vast army assaulted the
dwarf fortress below. Catapults smashed the battlements with huge
balls of fire. Bolts and arrows filled the air in a deadly exchange
of fire. Armored trolls ran into the stone gates, smashing into the
rock and sending shards flying. Not one space above ground was safe.

"How could it come to this?" cried Durkan, hands over his ears.

"Courage," said the warrior dwarf Glamsfir.

Pebbles fell from the ceiling as another bombardment rocked the
fortress. Glamsfir stood and peered out of an archery portal. The
situation was fatal. He lifted his crossbow and put down a goblin
archer in an act of defiance, though it mattered little.

"We have not long to live," said Durkan, "do we Glamsy?"

"I told you not to call me that," said the dwarf hero.

==[[User:Kuroneko|Kuroneko]]==
===(29 October 2009)===
<pre>.,.UUOW.,</pre>

Thunder shook the crumbling shack as the old crone stirred the
steaming black cauldron. Across from her sat mighty warrior Johns,
resplendent in his shining armor. Behind and to the side squatted his
squire, Toolsman. The metal pot began to glow. Images began to form
above the bubbling stew. Fighters and monsters danced in the wispy
smoke. Toolsman gasped and took Johns’s arm. The knight lord drove
his elbow into the squire’s cheek. The warrior leaned close and
questioned the shriveled hag.

"Tell me of black knight Scroder,” commanded Johns, “as you promised to do.”

The witch woman raised her face to stare into Johns’s eyes.

“He waits for you,” she said, “in the Valley of Ultimate Despair.
You shall not live to see him though, for you are already betrayed.”

Toolsman looked fearfully to his master, but the crusader’s eyes were
ever on the crone. “It is you who betray!” shouted Johns as he seized
the old woman and forced her into the pot. Black smoke billowed forth
and the air was filled with wicked laughter. In the end only Johns
and Toolsman remained. There was no sign of the spiritual guide.

==Lord Herman==
===(Early 2009)===
<pre>=&]RR,...\@@@,.,.++++||\^^^^^</pre>

The chariot roared through the battle plain, towed by two giant black,
slathering rats and carrying the dread lord Sarumak, kingdom smasher
and orphaner of children. The dwarves held out the pikes but Sarumak
swept them aside with his cursed broadsword, Emilplec. So he reached
the gates of the dwarf fortress. The dark lord stepped down from his
chariot and surveyed the masterwork of architecture. The gates were
tall and wide, braced from behind, and no doubt rigged with dozens of
traps.

It wasn’t long before the dwarves were swept from the field. Now only
their citadel remained. Sarumak ordered his siege engines brought
forward. As they reached the wall the dwarves dropped down fiery
liquid and forced them back. The evil king was growing frustrated.
He ordered his sappers to dig under the wall. It was turning into a
long campaign, and his army of evil beasts wouldn’t hold together long
without a victory.

===(5 December 2009)===
<pre>,..,..@.@@@@@@@@@@@,.||+++++</pre>

“Eat lead goblin scum!” shouted dwarf warrior Joan as he overturned a
bucket of heavy metal blocks.

It would seem that terror would strike the hearts of dwarves like
Joan, now trapped in their fortress tomb. This was far from the
truth. Joan grew bolder the harder he was pressed. The deeper the
goblins forced their way in, the more horrible their deaths would be.
Joan’s father had devised most of the traps in the south market
burrow. A dwarf shouted in his ear and beckoned him to come off the
wall.

“The goblins have dug under the wall,” said the guard captain.

“That’s impossible,” said Joan, “The rock beneath the wall descends
into the root of the mountain. It would take hundred years to breach
that way.”

“None the less,” said the captain, “It is said that Sarumak has power
over giant moles and possesses the secret of dragon fire. We have
analyzed the threat, and there is a danger. We need an elite unit of
dwarven commandos to sally forth, determine the nature of the enemy’s
plans, and put an end to them.”

“You can count on me, Captain,” said Joan.

“Good show,” said the officer in command. “Assemble the squad before
the gate at the day’s last light.”

Torches and campfires sprang to life in the invader’s camp as the sun
sank behind the mountains. The captain passed in front of a line of a
dozen dwarves dressed in black, strapped with all manner of weapons.
They were a mixed bunch. A few were adventurers looking for glory.
Some were drunken toughs looking for a brawl. The rest were released
fresh from prison, where they were promised freedom if they fought for
the king. Joan stood at the end of the line, his right arm across his
chest.

“My axe is yours,” said Joan.

The captain looked at Joan, appraising the dwarf hero. “Keep it,” he
said. “You will surely need it before the night is through.”

The captain signaled the catapults to begin their barrage. The
raining balls of fire were just enough to distract the goblins as the
gate opened just enough to let a dozen dwarven soldiers out into the
night.

===(15 January 2010)===
<pre>[,.&]TT,..@,.</pre>

Silently the dwarves wound their way between the campfires around
which danced the goblins in their orgies of bloodlust. Ahead was the
grand tent of Sarumak, six-armed demon from the pit of Thamusula. Two
trolls guarded the entrance. Joan looked to his dwarf Hogan, a
professional soldier, just let out of prison for failing to meet a
noble’s mandate. Summoning him closer, Joan whispered his plan into
the warrior’s ear. Hogan stared into his leader’s eyes and blinked
once. They both understood the seriousness of the situation.

Hogan had been born the tallest of eight dwarven children. Freakish
in size, he was shunned by the others and spent all his spare hours in
the barracks, smashing sparring dummies. Now he stepped in front of
the enemy’s headquarters. Two giant furry trolls stared down at him.
Hogan threw down his helmet and shouted at the top of his lungs.

“Where is that coward Sarumak?” he said. “Dare he come forth and face
a true opponent!”

A huge black head appeared through the opening in the tent. Its
nostrils snorted fire. Hogan’s jaw went slack and he ran for his
life. The huge six-armed demon ran after him and the trolls ran close
behinds.

===(23 April 2010)===
<pre>++@@@+@/++@||</pre>

The dwarven commandos watched as the demon ran after the intruder, the
two troll guards following soon after. Joan ordered the dwarves into
the tent. Inside, the ceiling was hung with all manner of bones and
rotting meat. Joan stared at a pyramid of severed heads and wondered
if he had known any of them. A commando took him by the arm and
pointed to the table at the center of the tent. On it were Sarumak’s
battle plans!

“Master Joan,” said a scruffy looking commando, “what do we do with
this?” In the dirty ex-prisoner’s hands lay Emilplec, the infamous
broadsword of the demon prince.

Smiling Joan snatched up the blade. He was sure to be named Champion
now. With a great sweep of his arm, Joan gathered up the battle plans
and led the dwarves on a mad dash out of the tent. All around,
goblins cried out in alarm. Halfway on the slope, a runner joined
them. It was Hogan.

“How did you fare? Where is Sarumak?” asked Joan.

Hogan breathed hard and said, “Not far behind Sir! The mission, did
we succeed?”

Joan held up the sword and smiled. Hogan looked at him, questioning.

--

Stones fell from the ceiling of the great hall as the enemy
bombardment pounded on. It had been a relentless barrage ever since
the commandos returned. The dwarf king stared out into the empty
room, deserted save for the commandos and their captain. The old king
lifted his heavily lidded eyes and spoke.

“You have news, Captain Willard?” said the king.

“We have raided the enemy camp,” said the captain.

The king raised an eyebrow. “What have you brought me?” he asked.

Joan stepped forward and threw down the blade.

“We have captured Emilplec, hated sword of the enemy!” he shouted.

“Fool!” yelled the king. “Now he will never loosen his grip on our fortress!”

===(16 September 2010)===
<pre>##||+@/&+||##</pre>

Joan hung his head, deeply shamed. He wanted nothing more than to
sink into the cracks of the mountain, never to be remembered. He had
dealt the enemy a blow so humiliating now there was no chance of
peace. A dwarf at his side rose to his feet and stepped before the
king. The rest of the commandos watched in wonder. It was tall
Hogan.

“It matters not what we do,” shouted the dwarf. “Sarumak will come
for us all the same.”

“Who is this dwarf?” asked the king.

“Hogan Longstride,” said Captain Willard from his place at the king’s
side, “a common criminal. I shall cut him down, should you wish it.”

“No,” said the king. “We will hear what this young dwarf has to say.”

Hogan took a breath and fell to his knee, holding the dread sword
Emilplec out before him.

“To stay behind these walls is to die,” said Hogan. “Sarumak would
have us driven into the Underworld, living like goblins in the grimy
dark. We must attack! Drive this sword into the demon’s black
heart.”

“Joan?” asked the king. “Do you plan to lead this attack?”

It was certain death and Joan knew it. He had seen the enemy horde up
close and there was no way to win, but with the help of this fearless
dwarf, he now had a way to restore his honor. Grinding his teeth, he
took the sword from Hogan and stood before the throne.

“I will strike the demon dead.”

Great rocks and balls of flaming matter passed each other in the sky,
arching down and smashing tall towers and the siege works below. No
one even noticed when the commandos emerged from the front gate. Joan
looked up to see Sarumak atop one of his siege towers, directing the
barrage. The dwarves fought their way to the tower, cutting through a
host of unsuspecting goblins and trolls. One by one, the dwarves were
struck down. When they reached the tower, only Joan and Hogan
remained. The tall dwarf held off a dozen enemies while Joan climbed
the wooden structure.

“Burn them!” screamed Sarumak. “Burn them all!”

The demon turned to see a dwarf behind him, holding a long curved sword.

“That is mine!” cried the demon. “Give it to me!”

With a flick of the wrist, Joan brought the sword down onto the wrist
of an outstretched hand, lobbing it off in a bloody arch. But the
demon had five more and was said to be devious. This proved not to be
the case. In his bloody rage, Sarumak threw himself onto the
outstretched sword. Joan tore the blade from Sarumak’s stomach and
severed the demon’s head.

The tower began to shift and rock. Below, the magic creatures
disappeared in clouds of dust and bursts of flame. As Joan tried to
lower himself down the side of the tower, the headless body of Sarumak
grabbed him by the wrist. Joan lifted the demon sword, but it became
glowing hot. As he dropped it, the sword disintegrated in a spark of
flame. The claw released him, and Joan found himself plunging through
the air.

Hogan caught the hero as he fell. Together they made their way
through the army of fleeing goblins, back to the fortress gate. There
they were met by much fanfare. The war was over. Joan was indeed
crowned champion, and Hogan became Captain of the Guard, replacing
Willard, now recently retired.

===(24 December 2010)===
<pre>,.bb@bdbb@bb@ddbbb.,k,.</pre>

Ganagus ran as fast as he could, turning this way and that to throw
off the posse of dwarves tailing him. He was close to the kobold
nest, and if he didn’t stop them now, he would bring the dwarves right
to it. Looking down the trail, he could see the dwarves coming, their
blood hounds leading the way. Ganagus looked up into the canopy to
see if the old trap was set and hid behind a tree.

“She’s got him now!” said a dwarf. “Looks like a whole mess of them.
They’ll be sorry they ever stole from fortress Heartwears!”

The kobold chopped through the rope with his short sword. A hive of
bees fell from the sky, crashing amongst the dwarves. Ganagus leapt
out from behind the tree and began to chatter and cackle with glee.
One of the meaner dwarves saw him and charged out of the chaos,
brandishing an axe.

“Bacabadabis,” said Ganagus as he turned and fled, a wide grin across his fangs.

==Insanity Prelude==
===(1. I forgot, sometime in 2009)===
<pre>c@,.ccccccccccc@ccccc@ccc@cccccccccc</pre>
Kittens roamed through the halls, as dwarf tanner Kramer worked the
cat skins. It seemed his work would never end. The uncounted vermin
in the fortress made the cat bellies full, and they bred out of
control. Baron Zarkin issued a final order: “Suffer no cat to live.”
Death squads searched the corridors for felines, and brought the
bodies to Kramer. It was a tough job; Kramer admired cats for their
aloofness. Someone tapped him on the shoulder. It was cat-lord
Tainaria.

“Who are you?” asked Kramer.

“Who I am is not important,” said the beast-woman. “Don’t you feel
that what you are doing is wrong?”

“Yes,” said the dwarf, “but…”

===(2. December 10, 2009)===
<pre>cccc,c,.C@.</pre>

“Stomer,” said Tainaria, snapping her clawed fingers, “take him.”

An enormous walking cat emerged from the shadows. It was striped and
grey with a round golden belly. In its paws it held a large brown
sack. The cat people pounced on Kramer, tackling him to the ground.
They kicked and stomped him until he was knocked senseless. Tainaria
looked on as Stomer poured the dwarf into the sack.

Kramer awoke, suffocating in the damp confines of the sack that was
his prison. The sack bounced up and down as the cat ran. At last
Kramer was thrown down onto the mud. He peered out of the bag into
the nauseating sunlight. He felt a sharp kick to his ribs.

“Come out, killer!” shouted Tainaria.

The dwarf crawled out onto the mossy ground. He looked around as the
tall trees and thick green ferns.

“This is the elf forest,” said Kramer.

Stomer drew his lips back across his teeth in a grotesque mockery of a smile.

“You,” said Kramer, “you’re not going to leave me out here!?”

==Meto==

===(9th December, 2009)===
<pre>UUUU/UU/U#+!++@@@@</pre>

Dwarves hurled boulders down on the invaders as they advanced by
ladder. Sharkra smiled, for this meant they had run out of ammunition
for their war machines. She dodged out of the way as a human invader
plunged down past her to a rocky doom. Sharkra grimaced. Machines or
not, these dwarves would fight the death to save their blasted
mountain. At last she reached the battlements.

Battle master Sharkra was an evil genius of combat. It was rumored
she had sacrificed everything she loved for riches and lost it all
gambling the same night. Her very aura smelled of the underworld.
Now she soldiered for anyone who would pay her. Pay her and her elite
troop of mercenaries, the Unholy Band. This time is was rat-lord
Gomra that hired her.

Sharkra pulled herself onto the fortress wall. Members of the Unholy
Band leapt over the battlements, light on their feet. Together they
advanced on the dwarves. Sharkra wielded a giant mace, while the Band
pulled rapiers from polished sheaths.

“We have you,” said Sharkra. “Throw down your weapons and die quickly.”

Something sailed through the air and struck Sharkra in the face, a
glass flask filled with fuming liquid. The glass shattered sending
pain coursing through the evil woman’s body. She put her hand to her
face and it came back covered in slime. She straightened up and
looked around. The Unholy Band was laughing at her. Sadly, this
wasn’t the first time.

“What are you standing around for?” screeched Sharkra. “Kill them.”

The vain and evil Sharkra pulled a mirror from her pack which she
carried at all times. Her face was never much to begin with, but now
it was utterly ruined. Gomra, thought Sharkra, it is all his fault.
The warrior woman whistled and the Unholy Band followed her as she
retreated from the fortress.

“It is said,” intoned dwarf captain Duzelm, “that evil shall always
turn upon itself.”

“What is your plan master?” asked Bally, the dwarven squire.

“We shall follow this villain back to Lord Gomra,” said Duzelm “and
catch all the rats in the same trap. Go to the humans in Gelthtown,
they have the quick steeds we require.”

Before the day was through, the men of Gelthtown had assembled the
horses, along with master rider Jorna. She was blond and lean, draped
in the leathers of a Gelthtown tracker. The dwarves climbed onto the
horses and strapped themselves in.

“Are you sure you can keep up with the Unholy Band?” asked Captain Duzelm.

Jorna laughed. “Just pray I don’t reach Gomra before Sharkra does,” she said.

==Kittah_Khan==

===(12th January, 2010)===
<pre>,.,~E/~..,.@,..@g@@@</pre>

Doom approached with the morning light. At any moment, Thun expected
the elves to come along the high branch to his wooden cage. He had
been taken while drinking with his dwarves at a fortified position
along the southern front. The elves pounced on them like hungry lions
and disarmed them before they could fight back. Staring through the
bars of his cage at the ground so far below, Thun remembered how his
friends had been taken from the cage and dragged away, lost to hope.
The elves appeared before the cage bars. The door swung open and Thun
struck, spraying the air with a fine red mist.

Ninzul, he called it, the Wooden Axe of Freedom. Possessed by a
strange mood, Thun worked all night in the cage, carving the
master-work weapon from the wood of the bars with his fingernails.
With scant effort, Thun hacked his way through the elven guards. The
crazed dwarf swung from tree to tree, knocking arrows out of the air
with Ninzul. The elves close behind him. Something gave way, and
Thun looked up to see an elf cutting away his vine. Thun let out a
hoot as he plunged toward the forest floor.

“We must have him,” said the elf prince, “to lose him, after what he
has done, would disgrace us to the Forest Spirit.”

“Yes, Prince Altera,” said the elf woman.

The elf ruler called for his Jay. Two elves dragged the giant blue
bird from his pen. Altera mounted the great bird. His woman, elf
mistress Renere, leapt onto the saddle behind him. She held in her
hands Creneri, the bow of courage. Prince Altera knew there was no
hope for the dwarf but, not being the kind to leave things to chance,
he called for the chipmunk men.

Soon the tree was crawling with small, hairy creatures, vaguely humanoid.

“You will tell every animal person in the kingdom to hunt for this
dwarf,” ordered the prince. “Every needle of the forest will turn
against him.”

The heart in his chest felt as though it would beat right out of him.
His lungs burned like forge fire. He looked to his side to see a man
in green hopping along next to him. It turned to him revealing a
horribly distorted insectoid face. A grasshopper man. Thun skidded
to a halt and wielded the axe over his head.

“I yield, great warrior,” said insect in his clicking way. “I come,
show you not all creatures follow the elf prince.”

“What have you to gain from aiding my escape?” asked Thun, lowering his weapon.

“The dwarves in the south,” said the grasshopper man. “If you lead
them back this way, they will put an end to the elves?”

The dwarf looked down at his new green friend. “That,” he said, “I
promise you.”

--

Explosions rocked the southern fortifications as the giant hawks
dropped great boulders and bags of poison gas. Thun looked through a
slit in the fortress wall. The elf forest was only a ballista shot
away. Already the sky was traced with fiery shots from the siege
engines, slamming into the trees beyond. The dwarf warlord approached
the hero.

“It will take three more weeks before our fortifications are close
enough to strike the heart of the forest,” said the warlord. “I’m
told you could put an end to this contest.”

“I can lead your vanguard to the heart of the forest,” said Thun.

The dwarven leader looked at the legendary axe and back at Thun. He nodded.

The air was quiet as Thun and his dwarves approached through the tall
grass. The barrage had been called off to lure the elves into a false
sense of security. The smell was sweet with burning wood. The ground
was covered with smoldering craters where the elves had quenched the
dwarven fireballs. Further inside, the grasshopper man was waiting.

Through a dry creek the dwarves marched. They held their crossbows at
the ready. The grasshopper man signaled for them to stop. He pointed
with one of his arms. Thun saw them at once, five elves and a jaguar
man, waiting to ambush them. The dwarf did not fail to notice one of
the elf women was carrying a masterpiece bow of dwarven design.

The dwarves made their way up out of the stream bed and encircled the
elves. The jaguar man smelled them and tried to cry out but was
silenced by a dwarven bolt. Shots fired in all directions. The elves
split and fought to break away. Thun marked the elf leader’s bow and
ran after her. She turned and loosed an arrow at his face. He ducked
just in time and looked behind to see a young sapling torn in two by
the shot.

“You cannot defeat Renere,” said the elf.

Thun drew back the wooden axe and flung it at the elf’s head, but it
smashed into the tree behind her after striking off her ear.

“My ear!” cried Renere. “You will pay for this insult.”

The elf threw down the bow and yanked Ninzul out of the tree trunk.
The other dwarves filed into the clearing. Thun held up his hand.
The elf was his. Silently, the fighters circled. The dwarves never
wanted this war, just logs for the furnaces. Now, looking at this
bleeding fanatic, Thun knew that the feud could only end by final
victory.

==Angry Licker==

===(15th January, 2010)===
<pre>@@@@@@+++@/++@@@@@@@@@</pre>

The mad dwarf spun this way and that to confront his pursuers. He
held a knife, given to him by his father on his first day at the
carpentry shop. He could hear the sheriff shouting, the crowd closing
in. Tears rolled down his face. It felt good that it was over, but
all that was left was shame. Pike dwarves were filling into the room.
Soon they would subdue him, and bring him to the hammerer, to be
forged anew. He didn’t really believe that. He doubted any dwarf
did. When he went out, he wouldn’t go out like a dwarf. He would die
like an animal. A new fire glowed in his eyes. With a savage howl,
the dwarf charged.

==Flying Olm==

===(30th January, 2010)===
<pre>TTT,.""".,@@@@@,"".TTTPETTT</pre>

The elf watched from above as the dwarves passed below. One by one,
the saplings fell to the dwarven machetes. Let them come in a little
further, he thought. The bush would close in behind them, sealing
them in, away from their kins-dwarves. Then the forest would claim
them, lost forever beneath the green of the treetops. The black
panther woman drew back her teeth in a snarl. She turned her body on
the high branch to address the elf.

“Master Elekain,” it said, “we should kill them now and gnaw on their bones.”

The elf felt the hunger in his teeth. His temples pulsed with rage.
His eyes traced the dwarves’ path back to the edge of the forest. A
troop of warriors gathered there, bidding their country-dwarves
farewell. Elekain drew his blade, a dagger of hardened wood,
magically sharpened by the river pebbles of the Forest Spirit. He
pricked his fingertip and let the blood fall.

The dwarf slapped his neck with a gauntlet and pulled it back to see a
small smear of blood. He stepped out of line and scanned the
treetops, pointing his pike. Grimacing, he trotted to the front of
the column. Captain Dumple didn’t like to be bothered with useless
reports, but he had a feeling about this. He stepped up behind the
head dwarf.

“Speak, Lt. Garndel.”

Captain Dumple was twice as tall as the greatest dwarf warrior. It
was rumored that he was sired by a man. His beard was dark and thick,
his eyes fierce and flashing. He had seen a dozen battles and had
come out without a scratch. He was a harsh master but was respected
for he brought victory. Garndel swallowed his fear.

“Captain,” said Garndel, “the elves are upon us.”

==Schmi==

===(16th March, 2010)===
<pre>EHEHEHEHEHE#####||@+@@@@+||==O|TTTOTTO+></pre>

Magic flying horses galloped through the sky carrying the elf warriors
on bolts of enchanted lightning. It was war, oh war, that brought the
warriors hence. The evil dwarf fighter stood atop the tower of the
dwarf fortress waiting for them to come. In his arsenal were a dozen
flame-throwing catapults ready to spring into action. Giant trolls
dragged the ammunition up from the mines. The dwarf raised his hand.
A hundred marksdwarves aimed their crossbows. Rainbows filled the sky
as the elves approached. With a final snort, the dwarf let his hand
drop.

===(23 April, 2010)===
<pre>~~/~~U~~~~</pre>

When it was over, not a good thing lived. With the failure of the
sacred band all hope was lost. The trees of the forest were swept
from the earth, and those luckless beings that lived were enslaved to
the evil dwarf fortress. The dwarves delved deep into the earth and
released onto it, the horrors of the underworld. Fed up with the
world, the gods turned their back on it, leaving only Armok, the blood
god, to rule alone.

Peasant farmer Alan heard a whistling noise from above and turned his
head to the blood red sky. He leapt to the side as a huge broadsword
landed at his feet. Alan scratched his head. The gods ask too much,
he thought. All of his ancestors had fought and died in elongated
wars. What can he give but his weak life?

==[[User:Hazmat|Hazmat]]==
===(24 April 2010)===
<pre> ||U+++WWWbbbbWb </pre>

Night, thief of all cheer. When has the sun set on a happy soul in
Bonverland? Everyone knows the terror that lurks behind every shadow,
ever since the evil knight Galrod took up residence in Highthorn
castle. Werewolves and blendecs were at his command. It was said
that only one thing could end his cursed life, the Golden Shank of
Allmine. The people wailed with misery, for the shank was said to be
in the deep dungeon of a dwarf fortress many leagues to the east. It
was a time of mass panic. That was until the hero Mandack arrived.

==[[User:Kaltor|Kaltor]]==
===(30 April 2010)===
<pre> ,E..U~~~ </pre>

Ash rained from the sky for ten years. Few were alive that could
retell the story of that dreadful day, the day the dragon came.
Through the dusty haze of the burned forest, one could often see elves
moving about, hopelessly searching the ground for seeds of the sacred
trees. Death ruled that mirthless place, and all who dwelt there did
so in mourning and at the mercy of the dragon.

It was then, ten years since the massacre, that the hero Brandish
arrived. He followed the clear stream from the mountain into the
ravaged valley. It was then that he stopped to fill his jug. He
found the stream water had a strange taste. It was not water -- it
was tears.

“What are doing in this wasted valley?” came a voice.

Brandish turn to see an elf girl, starving and covered in rags.

“I come to slay the dragon,” said the hero.

==Kaelis Ebonrai==
===(22 June 2010)===
<pre>###UH/###,.,..UH,g.gg,g.ggggg</pre>

The fierce warrior brushed the feathers out of his face as the battle
hawk circled for another dive. He slapped the neck of his winged
steed and leaned low, one hand on the reins, the other on his deadly
javelins. Since the time of the first legends, Geldrix and his men
had been bird riders. The ground rushed by as the hawk dove. The
goblins never knew what hit them. Spears fell from the sky like rain.
Talons tore and beaks pecked. Seeing the enemy commander, Geldrix
took the dagger from his teeth and launched from his saddle.

The enemy general rode proud in the saddle. His dark metal armor was
festooned with black roses. Geldrix tackled him off his horse with
the force of a meteor. Sitting astride the evil knight, Geldrix
marked the spot for the death stroke. As his knife plunged toward the
knight’s neck, a gauntlet seized him by the wrist. Geldrix smiled.
There is still some fight in this one, he thought. He flipped back
the enemy’s visor and was shocked by what he saw.

Beneath him lay by far the most beautiful woman in the world. Pain
shocked Geldrix’s system as he suffered a blow to the lower body. He
rolled to the side, his eyes shut tight in pain. He could hear the
woman knight curse him as she kicked him about the neck and head.
Others came, and he was bound. He opened his eyes and found himself
lashed to the back of a horse. There was nowhere they could take him
that the hawkmen could not find him, but would he be whole when he was
found?

===(6 September 2010)===
<pre>+u~+U++U+UUUUUU</pre>

Geldrix returned to Hawkvir half a man. Something was missing. He
moved like a shadow, avoiding the company of his fellow warriors. A
fair lass came to him, offering a cup of wine. He knocked it away,
spilling dark liquid onto the carpet of the royal hall. All went
silent as the king rose from his throne. Geldrix hid his face with
his cloak, staring at the king with a single maddened eye as he
approached. The guards opened a door and the king ushered Geldrix
outside, into a narrow passage. Once they were alone, he spoke.

“What happened to you out there?” asked the king. “What was it like
to be a prisoner of the goblins?”

“I was defeated,” said Geldrix, sobbing. “I can never be a hawk rider
again. I did not escape, as I told the others. I was traded to the
dwarves for a crate of dimple-dyed cloth.”

The king looked down on the broken man that was once captain of the
riders and shook his head slowly.

“Surely there is something you can live for,” shouted the king.
“Revenge, perhaps?”

Geldrix found it difficult to take the saddle, having spent so long on
the earth. Now in the air, he watched the trails for Zona, warrior
princess of the goblins. It was all her fault, he kept telling
himself. He would strike her down and his manhood would be restored.
His hand trembled at the reins. Memories of his time underground came
flooding back. Then his eye caught something on the road below, two
riders heading for the dark mountain.

===(26 September 2010)===
<pre>.,.".,"~~,.".,.@,.g||,.</pre>

Flying low over the road, Geldrix pulled the hood over his head. With
a double flip, he launched through the air and landed before the
riders. The two goblins sat upon their beak dogs glancing at each
other. Geldrix drew his sword and turned his head to the side,
staring out of the hood with one hateful eye. The goblins dismounted
and took up their heavy iron spiked clubs. One of the goblins stepped
forward.

“Show your face,” it said, “so we can tell tales of which mighty hero we slew.”

Geldrix’s face burned with anger and shame.

“Coward?” said the mocking goblin. “Is that it?”

At last, he could take it no more. He threw back his hood, his blond
curls blowing in the wind.

“Geldrix?” laughed the goblin. “You have a lot of nerve showing your
face around here.”

“Boo!” shouted the goblin. Overwhelmed by fear, Geldrix dropped his
sword and ran. His hawk landed before him but died instantly as a
crossbow bolt struck its eye. Geldrix collapsed onto the carcass,
openly weeping. The goblins approached, chuckling and calling out
cruel jokes. Geldrix screamed out to the heavens. He stood, ripping
out two handfuls of feathers. When the goblins reached him, he threw
the feathers in their faces and ran, to where the gods only knew.

Breaths came hot and stinging, his boots ankle deep in the forest
swamp. Geldrix felt his extreme shame. He was not a warrior, not
even a man. He was the ultimate traitor to all the hawk men, his
cowardice now a thing of legend. He planted his butt in a muddy
puddle and looked up to see a gremlin sitting on a high tree branch.

“Don’t worry, son,” said the creature. “We all have a little rabbit in us.”

==Robert 'Brightgalrs' Schultz==
===(31 June 2010)===
<pre>,.Wk,.. //####||@++>||###</pre>

No lock was safe from the kobold master thief, Macabis. The last year
he broke into the thick-walled castle Varnus. And only two weeks ago
he had robbed the goblin dungeon under the Blood Mountain. But
Macabis shared the failings of all of his kind. For to a kobolds
there was no difference between a rough diamond and a piece of
shattered glass.

“You, go here,” said the wizard, pointing at a map scrawled in the dirt.

“Bring me this.” The wizard produced from his robes a metal cup. The
kobold blinked, its yellow eyes seemed to search for meaning and
quickly gave up. The wizard reached into his other sleeve and
produced a drinking horn. The kobold screeched and grabbed it with
both hands. The humans always had the best drink. Macabis knew what
the scratchings on the cup meant. It was the dwarf fortress of
Antguard. He yanked away the horn and slung it over his back. There
would be many more such drinks once the wizard had his cup.

Aliz still felt a little queasy as the sun broke over the mountains.
He had been on tower duty for two months, punishment for staring too
long at the beautiful queen. Had they only know the true subject of
his avarice. It was the artifact cup from which she drank. It had
the power to make any liquid taste like the finest wine. As he
daydreamed, a shadow passed under the castle gate.

==markpank==
===(27 November 2010)===
<pre>,""."".,UU,..,."",."||W+++||</pre>

Power. That was all that mattered. Evil wizard Marcon commanded a
legion of vampires and all manner of night creatures. It was the
daylight that was his greatest weakness. When all his creatures
crawled back into their graves, there he was, nothing but a lonely old
man in a crumbling tower. The peasants of the village knew to stay
away from the ugly building. It was rumored you could see a mournful
eye staring out of the highest window, resenting all that lived.

Young page Allen took the hand of his best girl Mandy and raced
through the dawn village on a lover’s tryst.

“Where are we going, my love?” asked Mandy.

“To Marcon tower,” said the boy. “They will never look for us there.”

“No!” cried Mandy. “A thousand times no! That place is haunted.”

“What’s a matter Mandy?” mocked Allen. “Are you afraid of the bogeyman?”

===(18 December 2010)===
<pre>,.||>W>+UU||,.</pre>

Shafts of light from the failing sun shone through the high windows
and fell on the lovers as they lay on the grassy floor. As Allen
looked up at the inside of the crumbling building, he did so with the
eyes of a boy who knew he was now a man. Somewhere in the distance a
coyote howled. Night was falling. Not even Allen was stupid enough
to stay in Marcon tower after dark. He tried to sit up, but Mandy
lay across his arm and would not stir.

With wondrous motion the tower began to transform. Torches appeared
on the walls. Cold stones replaced the grass on which Allen lay.
Planks of wood sprouted from the walls and unfolded into a great
spiral stairway. Chill gripped Allen’s heart as he heard steps
resounding down the stair. He tried to pull his hand free but Mandy
lay still and cold to the touch. With horror, the young man watched
as the wizard descended, cloaked and menacing.

“All hope is for naught,” said the wizard. “The fruit of your deed is
death eternal.”

===(06 January 2011)===
<pre>,.,||U*+++=U=++||,.,o,.,.</pre>

Mandy rose from her place with the jerking movement of a marionette.
Allen cried out and crawled backward across the floor. Naked, he ran
from the tower, the wizard’s evil laughter ringing in his ears. He
ran in fear, faster even than the bogeymen the wizard sent to chase
him. Finally, his body cut up, bleeding, and exhausted, he collapsed
on the steps of the temple.

“I pity you Allen,” said the priest, “for it takes such a disaster to
bring you to the temple of Domon.”

The boy cried and told his tale of terror and woe. The priest shook
his head and told him there was little hope for Mandy now. He handed
Allen a small gem -- the Eye of Domon. It was said to pierce all
darkness.

“You must return to the tower tonight,” said the priest, “lest Mandy
fall forever.”

That night, Marcon was preparing for the ceremony, giggling like a
little girl. Mandy was laid out before him on a stone slab. Just as
he raised the dagger for the death stroke, Allen kicked in the door.
Marcon made to spit out a curse when the boy raised up the Eye of
Domon. With a shriek, Marcon transformed into a barn owl and escaped
through the open ceiling.

===(02 April 2011)===
<pre>|++UuU++++U|N.,.</pre>

“There is nothing we can do for her but wait,” said the priest.

Allen paced the length of the church, stealing glimpses of Mandy’s
body splayed out on the altar. He remembered the wizard’s curse. His
hand gripped the jewel as he prayed to Domon for mercy. Mandy cried
out. The priest put his hands on the girl’s body and forced her down.

Allen’s eyes went to the windows where candles flickered and went
out.

“This girl is with child,” growled the priest. “Where is the father?”

A knock came at the door. Allen looked to the priest, eyes wild with
fear. “Go,” said the priest, turning back to the writhing girl. The
frightened boy picked up a torch and made his way to the front of the
darkened church. Behind him, the girl was screaming between gurgling
coughs. He dare not look now.

The door swung open to reveal a terrible phantom. It wore a tattered
black robe and its head was a bare skull. “My master Marcon has sent
me to take what is his,” it said. Allen was paralyzed with fear. The
girl’s screams had stopped. Allen turned to see the priest, covered
in blood. In his hands he held a baby, squirming and alive, but
silent as death itself.

===(14 November 2011)===
<pre>,.U/|++++U|.</pre>

The air was still, and not an insect stirred in the cursed village.
It was here that evil was born, and it was here evil would die. Sir
Ramet looked to the most pathetic cottage and made his way to the
door. When no one answered, he knocked the door off its hinges with a
blow from his hammer.

He walked through a cloud of dust to see the body of a white haired
old man, half starved to death. Ramet put his foot on the man’s
shoulder and jostled the body. It was then that he saw that it was
not a man, but a boy, his hair as white as snow.

“Allen?” said Ramet. “Know that your treason has cause many a soldier
to lose his life, and while your son walks the earth, no one is safe.”

“Son?” said Allen to the darkness. “I have a son? My poor Mandy.”

Ramet lifted his hammer and Allen seemed suddenly to come to life.

“Wait!” shouted the wretch. “I hold something which is your only salvation.”

The knight watched as Allen held up a small jewel.

“The Eye of Domon?” asked Ramet, unbelieving.

The two left the cottage and turned toward Marcon’s tower. The
crumbling building cast a shadow across the village, the sun hiding
behind its upper reaches. It was deserted, but both men knew what
would happen after sundown, only a few short hours away.

==suntorvic==
===(13th December, 2010)===
<pre>s,.s.C,..@,.,//%%%%%</pre>

Dwarf hero Ulkram walked right up to the cyclops's lair. It was a
shabby place, just a cave under a grassy hill. Here and there, stray
sheep wandered hither and fro, nibbling on the wet grass. Not a
stranger to herohood, Ulkram barged inside, axe held high. Inside, he
was met with all manner of foul smells. Dwarven skins lined the walls
and on the floor was a pile of bearded skulls. Ulkram was rendered
senseless by the unimaginable evil. He went outside to wretch.

“My home is not to your liking?” came a deep voice.

The cyclops was enormous. In its mighty fist was a shepherd’s cane.
The monster dropped to one knee. Ulkram could barely keep his axe
steady.

“Tell you what,” said the monster. “How about we play a game? You
ask me what I’m thinking, then I you. If I can’t answer, I let you
go. If you can’t answer, you go in my pot. Agreed?”

Having no other choice, Ulkran nodded his head in agreement.

==Japa==
===(27th December, 2010)===
<pre>llllllllllllllllllll,.@,.@@@@@@@@@@@@</pre>

There was a beast called the Strangler that lived deep in the forest.
No one knew what forces woke it, but one night it scaled the walls of
the dwarf fortress with its four long arms and caught the dwarf king
as he was star gazing on the royal balcony. Without a moment’s
hesitation, the monster pitched the king over the side to meet a
violent death at the base of the mountain.

At dawn’s light the dwarves set out in search of the creature.
Captain Aliz, who had been trusted with the safeguarding of the king's
life, now sought vengeance. He lead his posse of a dozen dwarves,
with twenty gray langurs leading the way. As they entered the forest
Aliz pounded his chest and prayed the Forge Father for victory.

===(4th February, 2011)===

<pre>lllllTS-@,lllll,.@@@@</pre>

At the base of an ancient tree, a langur called out. As the dwarves
came rushing, swords drawn, more gray langurs scaled the tree. The
strangler stirred from its den. Its four muscular arms flexed as it
crawled from the knot in the tree. It blinked its three black eyes
and gave out a loud hoot through its shark-like teeth.

The monkeys pounced one after another and the strangler knocked them
away. They kept coming and even the four hands of the monster were
not enough to swat them all. The langurs grabbed onto the monster's
legs. Others mounted the strangler's head and poked its eyes as the
dwarves cheered below.

Branches cracked and snapped as the strangler fell. With a mighty
crunch, the monster slammed into the forest floor. As the dwarves
closed in, the strangler coughed up blood, clearly dying. Aliz
prodded his sword under the creature’s chin.

“Who sent you?” demanded the dwarf.

“You know very well who,” said the monster as it died.

===(23th May, 2011)===

<pre>++Ao@++</pre>

It could only be Malfacto, the evil necromancer. Once Malfacto was a
greedy dwarf with his eyes on the throne. Universally loathed, the
wretched dwarf wandered the wilds, finding that not even the animals
would tolerate him. He wasted his days away, scavenging meat like a
jackal and playing with bare bones.

It was at the depths of his insanity that a vision came to him. It
was an angel clothed in darkness, a spirit of some foreign religion.
It beckoned to him and he came, through the jungle and to a lost
temple. As he neared the temple’s entrance he had to do his best to
avoid stepping on the human bones that littered the ground.

The entire time he was in the temple, Malfacto couldn’t shake the
feeling that the ever-present skulls turned to watch him. The shade
lead him to the altar at the center of the ossuary. On top was a
table marked with dashes and dots, some alien language. The angel
moved its hand over the markings and they became words in the dwarven
tongue.

Such were the beginnings of Malfacto, and Aliz knew he had to stop
him. No dark wizard would sit on the throne. He ordered the monkeys
made ready. There would be more than jungle monsters to hunt tonight.

==Alluvian_Est-Endrati==
===(19th December, 2010)===
<pre>~~~~..pppp.,.,@,..,.,.</pre>

In the frozen wastes far to the south, the dwarves toiled to construct
a mighty fortress out of glacial ice. Beyond the frozen walls, at the
edge of the snowy island, penguin men watched with fascination. At
the center of the iceberg, an underwater volcano rooted the floating
ice in place. It had not erupted in a hundred years, but the dwarves
tested the mountain’s patience with their constant digging. Arud the
penguin man leaned toward his friend and whispered.

“I think these creatures may be more trouble than a pack of leopard
seal,” he said.

The wind blew harsh, clouding their view. A small man appeared
through the blizzard. His beard was frozen and his skin was blue with
cold. In his hand he held an iron pick. The penguin men looked at
each other and clucked. The dwarf reached them, leaned on his pick
and spoke.

“You must help us,” he said.

===(20th February, 2011)===
<pre>~~~~ppp,,,.,.,p,.!@!,.,.</pre>

A red light shone from further up the iceberg. Seconds later the trio was rocked by a wave of hot gas. The penguins fell to their bellies and slid toward the relative safety of the sea. At the last minute, Arud turned to see the dwarf thrashing on the icy slope, his coat on fire. Arud turned and jumped to his feet, leaving his puzzled friend behind.

“Come friend,” said the penguin man, slapping the flames from the dwarf’s coat, “we must leave this island.”

“You don’t understand,” said the dwarf. “This island was chosen. At the heart of the mountain is the Fire Star, a jewel so powerful it could turn night to day. Please, Forge Father, forgive our tampering. We sought to take it for our own and it became misaligned. Look there!”

A ray of light shot up from the volcano. Arud felt the heat on his face. The jewel’s power caused clouds to burst into flame and burned its signature into the blue vault of the sky. The penguin man did not understand, but he knew he must act. He pulled the dwarf to his feet with his flipper and together they ran into the smoking ruin.

===(10th August, 2011)===
<pre>UW||UUUUUUUU,.\U,..UUUUUU</pre>

The hanging bodies twitched against the wall of the evil castle.
Thalfor had heard of the witch’s power. That was why he allowed
himself to be taken prisoner. The others around him looked far worse
off. They trembled as they passed under the menacing gate.
Everywhere were the sounds of screaming men. Behind, zombies with
whips drove the crowd into the blood-soaked courtyard.

Before the prisoners, at the top window of the keep, stood Camestra
the Wicked. One could say she may have been beautiful once, but now
she was sickly and pale. Behind her stood a brawny zombie, tall and
menacing.

“Now you shall all die,” said the witch. “But one of you shall be my
new body servant. Old Donus is beginning to give off a nasty odor.”

The prisoners began to panic. Armed zombies closed in for kill.
Thalfor reached to his inner thigh and pulled out a hidden blade. One
by one he cut down the zombies. Camestra brought her hand to her
mouth and Donus let out a low groan.

“No one will die today,” said Thafor, “that hasn’t died before.”

==[[User:Vattic|Vattic]]==
===(27th December, 2010)===
<pre>kBkBkBkBkB"",."".,\U\U\U\U</pre>

Thunder across the midnight plain. Captain Gilroy and his men had
been marching all day in the driving rain, all to bring news of the
defeat at Tradalfadad. If they did not reach the castle soon, the
king’s legions would be unready to face the enemy already at their
doorstep. Gilroy looked at the thick grass to the sides of the
trail. Something charged out of the grass behind him, knocking one of
the soldiers senseless.

“Bacabadabis!”

“Kobolds,” shouted Gilroy. “Make ready!”

The knights drew their swords as out of the grass charged a dozen
menacing beasts, kobolds on their backs. Keebis Clan, thought Gilroy,
the boar riders. The head kobold was a mean-looking creature, not
cowardly like the rest. Gilroy took aim at him and lowered his visor.
He set his leg and charged, sword raised over his head. Unflinching,
the kobold kicked the sides of his wild boar and held his spear for
the kill.

==[[User:Zai|Zai]]==
===(19 December 2010)===
<pre>,.,CT,.,.</pre>

The mining of the dwarves was as an irritating vibration in the bronze giant’s head. For five hundred years he had struck a heroic pose. Now his anger was so great, he must act. Stiffly at first, the colossus dismounted his pedestal. A jungle had grown up around his temple since he had been placed there. Where were those who worshiped at the shrine? Dead, while the dwarves lived? There would be nothing left of their mountain but rubble.

As he passed through many lands, his anger would not fade, for it was as large as he was. He did not usually care for what he stepped on, but this time was different. He stopped for a moment and looked below. Underneath his foot was a tiny speck. He pinched it up and held it before his eyes. It was a giant tortoise.

==[[User:CharlesPeter|CharlesPeter]]==
===(6 January 2011)===
<pre>UU,.~U~,.\b,.</pre>

The adventurers made their way into the hive. Long had the bee women
tormented the people of Bodarga. Bram would put an end to this
nonsense. The adventurers entered the huge structure through a large
hexagonal door. The tunnel turned and twisted at strange angles.
Everywhere was the ever-present buzzing of the enemy. Suddenly a bee
woman appeared, wielding a stinger spear. Bram let out a warrior cry
and charged at her, brandishing a sword. Suddenly his feet sank into
the floor. A honey trap!

==[[User:Sowelu|Sowelu]]==
===(6 January 2011)===
<pre>ccccc,.,.||,.,@,.,.@,..c||sssss||</pre>

Like wild banshees, the calls of the coyotes went on all night,
disturbing the dwarf outpost and all within. Watch-dwarf Aliz took up
his torch and scaled the stairs of the wooden tower that stood at the
gatehouse of their wooden palisade. Nothing. Nothing, but the hated
forest that stood upon the rolling hills on which their wooden
fortress sat. It was risky to mine out in the wilderness, away from
the mountains. But without risk there is no profit, and danger is its
own reward.

They kept sheep behind that wooden fence. Nali could smell them. The
short hairy man things look easy enough to outrun, but they were like
men, they would have weapons, and fire. But Nali’s charge were
hungry. A coyote nipped at Nali’s hairy leg. Nali tussled the
coyote’s head. It would be tonight.

The coyotes howled from the woods in front of the gate whilst Nali
made his way around the back of the fortress, clutching a pair of
spears. When he reached the darkest spot, he wedged a spear against
the wall and used it to lift himself over the side. He made his way
carefully past the drunken dwarven guards to the place where the sheep
were penned. Just as he was about to open the gate, he froze.

“Coyote man!”

==[[User:Usurper|Usurper]]==
===(7 January 2011)===
<pre>~~~~~~~@,...,.,</pre>

The calls of the loons echoed across the misty lake. Aliz had come
here from the mountain to seek answers, and as he looked up to the
hills leading down to the water, his heart still felt sorrow. He was
cursed, you see. Every weapon he made would break, and every
foundation he laid would falter. This was an ill fate for a dwarf.
Aliz fell to his knees at the water’s edge and prayed to the faeries
that dwelt there.

“Why do you cry, Aliz?” said a resounding voice.

“All the work I do is of dust,” cried the dwarf. “Why do the gods let me live?”

“But your weapons are destined to bring down giants,” said the voice,
“and your works to last till the end of time.”

==[[User:Gunslinger|Gunslinger]]==
===(7 January 2011)===
<pre>aa,.a,.W,.%,%%,.T</pre>

The wizard walked barefoot along the sandy lake bottom, schools of
axolotls swimming around his toes. Through the murky water, the
wizard could see the remains of a wrecked ship. The salamanders
guided him through a hole in the wooden hull. In the darkness the
wizard noticed the faintest light. It was coming from a chest half
buried in the sand.

Before the wizard could open the treasure chest a shock wave shot
through the water, knocking the wizard flat on his back. The ship
tore in half revealing a huge monster covered in waving aquatic
plants. It was the titan of the lake. The axolotls scattered in all
directions. The wizard scuttled backward. He could not speak, making
his charms useless. It was to be a battle of flesh and steel.

==[[User:Haggle|Haggle]]==
===(18 January 2011)===
<pre>@@@@++U+%++||,.,.MU,.MU,.MU</pre>

“Toward the light,” cried Sot, master of the moth riders. The
squadron descended in wild corkscrews, falling toward the dwarf
fortress. But Sot had dived too soon. Flaming arrows shot up from
the castle walls, confusing the giant insects. Sot’s mount took three
hits and died in mid air. The moth leader took the reins hard and
tried to pull the moth out of a death spiral. He hit the ground hard
and rolled across the paved stone, jumping up in a combat stance.
When he saw the two dozen dwarves that approached him, he took off his
chitin helmet, pointed at the closest dwarf and spoke.

“Let’s see what you’ve got, half-man.”

==[[User:Narushima|Narushima]]==
===(06 February 2011)===
<pre>||%@~+|++</pre>

“Tosid, Aliz, and Sedil watched with anticipation as the workers
chiseled through layer after layer of raw adamantine. The dwarves had
long imagined this moment, a reality of eternal wealth. There was a
scream, then another. The mineral vein on which they were mining fell
away into darkness.

Aliz awoke in the manager’s barracks. It had all been a dream, but
his hands were wet. He hopped off the top bunk and slid on a puddle
of liquid. It was blood. He stood up to see Tosid in the bottom
bunk, stone dead.

“Could I have done this in my sleep?” thought Aliz. “But I was just
at the mining ceremony. Where is Sedil? First things first. Where
do I hide the body?”

==[[User:Ves|Ves]]==
===(08 February 2011)===
<pre>,.@@@Ugg,..,.,?J?</pre>

Some say the world rests on the back of a giant tortoise. Only few would know for sure. The dark wizard Afbacam was fleeing from justice when he escaped through the cracks of the earth. Ramet followed him. He was hero to his tribe, and with all the villages’ money, he had hired a band of dwarves to take him through the darkest recesses of the world.

“The gorlak said he went that way,” screamed the dwarf, “so he went that way!”

It went on for hours like this. Ramet and the gorlaks watched inside the dark grotto as the dwarves fought and cussed. They had been traveling the dark roads underground for days. There was no sunshine, and the whiskey had long since run dry. Ramet took to his feet and sighed. Slowly he meandered toward the direction the gorlak indicated.

“Don’t venture there alone,” suggested the little yellow creature. “The Jabberer might get you.”

[[Category:Humor and stories]]

==[[User:Psitaylor|Psitaylor]]==
===(2 April 2011)===
<pre>,|++++|@,.U.,.T,.,.</pre>

The footstep of doom fell hard on Tiger Valley. Many of the elves and
dwarves that lived there peaceably watched with horror as Mount Ugath
erupted. Clouds of purple fog flowed down the sides of the mountain
and engulfed the valley. In a few days the dust settled. No one
thought anything was the worse for wear. Not at first.

“The Valley of the Waking Dead?” asked the poacher. “Aye, you are
headed in the right direction. Tiger Valley they once called it. But
you don’t want to go that way boy.”

The young man thanked the grizzled hunter and went on his way. Casser
was the eldest son of King Darek. With all his younger brothers
beginning to cast their eyes on his aging father’s throne, Casser knew
he had to prove his worth as a hero.

The entrance to the valley was a steep cliff following a tumbling
stream. Prince Casser bid his page return his horse to the castle and
descended into the valley alone. When he reached the bottom, he
looked up to see the green, glowing trees in the bright sun. There
was not a sound in the whole valley.

At long last he found the village. The fields were neatly kept, but
there was no animal in sight. Not one living being. Casser moved to
one of the thatch-roofed huts. He put his gauntlet to the door and it
swung open. Inside the furniture was all in order. Dinner places
were set at the table.

There was no food. No people. Casser was taken by a sudden hunger.
He looked in his pack and found it empty. His servant had forgotten to
fill it. He grew angry, but his frustration vanished when he spied
it. An apple hung low on a tree just outside the house. He emerged
from the cabin and reached out for the fruit.

“Don’t do it,” said a voice from deeper in the village.

Casser looked to see a dwarf girl, strangely glowing with some fell
light. Casser brought the apple away from his lips and spat. What
had happened to this place? He looked away from the strange phantom
and up at the mountain. It was said a dragon lived there.

“Had you taken one bite of that apple, you would be ‘stone dead’ as
you humans are fond of saying,” said the dwarf. “Not now. Not days
from now. But soon. This whole valley is poisoned. Its only
inhabitants are the dead. You must save us.”

The prince retreated as the girl approached. Other spirits began to
appear from the houses.

“You must kill the dragon,” she said, “and end the curse. You have no
choice. You have already breathed the air of the valley. Your fate
is sealed, along with all of ours.”

Running back toward the waterfall, Casser knew he had failed the test
of manhood. He climbed and climbed, not stopping till he breathed the
sweet air of the real world. One of the lord’s squires was there.
“That didn’t take very long,” said the smart ass. “The underworld
must not sire demons like it used to.”

On the ride home, Casser felt an itch under his gauntlet. He removed
the metal glove and found his hand red and inflamed. He poked at his
blackened fingernail and it fell away. Underneath was a thin,
razor-like talon. Casser gagged into his mouth, a tear falling from
his eye.

“Problem, sire?” asked the squire.

They rode in silence to Red Castle, where King Darek awaited them.

==[[User:USP45|USP45]]==
===(23 May 2011)===
<pre>gBgB,.,,,.,,..,@,.e.e</pre>

The beak-dogs could not hunt by smell. It was with their bulging
black eyes that they could see through any disguise. On their backs
the goblins rode. They were chasing escaped prisoners, two elves and
a dwarf. The dwarf couldn’t get far. Not as far as the elves. Not
in this country.

“Hurry up short-stuff,” said the elf. “I can hear the beak-dogs chirping.”

Aliz the dwarf thought it might be better if they did catch him.

==[[User:mux951|mux951]]==
===(13 June 2011)===
<pre>~~~~++@||.,,..,.,gggDDggDDggggDggDgg</pre>

Night and day were the same, months of black darkness, punctuated by
jets of fire from the many wingless dragons that crawled in the valley
below. Goblins were everywhere, picking off careless dwarfs with
well-placed arrows. One dwarf remarked that it was like living each
waking moment in the shadow of the hammerer.

Alnar was not one to give up so easily. He vowed, though only a
blacksmith’s apprentice, to save the fortress singlehandedly. He
would build a tube from the lip of the volcano to the goblin horde and
fry them forever. If only he had the king’s permission. Best to ask
later.

===(04 December 2011)===
<pre>++++|++@\o|</pre>

As the enemy surrounded the fortress and all seemed lost, the dwarven
king did an inexplicable thing by granting an audience to a lone idiot
dwarf. A pair of royal guards dragged Alnar into the feast hall. His
eyes were blackened as the guards had beaten him up a taste for his
insolence. They dumped him before the king and he sneezed, spraying
blood onto the king’s slipper.

“Speak,” hissed the king.

Alnar crawled to the side of the throne and pulled away a plain white
sheet revealing a crimson handled lever.

“One pull of this lever and you will unleash the fury of Red
Mountain,” said Alnar, “and bathe the enemy in a lake of fire.”

“You did this without my knowledge or consent?” asked the king.

Alnar swallowed and slowly nodded his head.

“Lock him in his quarters,” said the king, “to await the hammerer.”

As he heard the lock slide in, Alnar walked to the corner of his tiny
room. Silently, he slid his cabinet away from the wall, revealing a
second red lever.

==[[User:Met|Met]]==
===(June 2011)===
<pre>||~@++%||@++++</pre>

“I am innocent of these crimes!” cried Fuglin as he was dragged away. Sitting in the dungeon cell, he could recall the cheers of the dwarves as the judge pronounced the verdict. It wasn’t fair. The adamantine wasn’t his. He was just holding it for somebody. Now in prison, he was left to rot. A guard stopped by his cell and poured a cup of gruel on the cold stone floor. Anger and despair were all he felt now. From now on he dared not hope.

--

It had begun as such a small thing. Fuglin and the goblin had known each other since the construction of the fortress. Fuglin was young then.

One day Fuglin visited the goblin, this time locked in the stockade.

“You know the path through the stone?” said the goblin. “The one we built as children? You must go there and bring me what you find. It is the key to my release.”

===(July 2011)===
<pre>,.,.,.,.,@|#######&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&</pre>

The space was not built for more than a child, a narrow, twisting tunnel winding its way through the foundations of the fortress. At the bottom, Fuglin saw a light, a silvery glowing rock at the end of the tunnel. This must be it, thought Fuglin, a bribe to set the goblin free. Hastily, Fuglin took up his pick and chiseled off a piece of the silver metal.

Something lay beyond the tunnel. A hole the size of a dwarf’s fist opened where Fuglin struck. He could hear a strange howling within, no doubt another subterranean jungle. The dwarf didn’t stay to find out. He squirmed as fast as he could, finally reaching the exit where he found the goblin, free from his bonds.

“You survived,” said the goblin. “Keep the adamantine as a token of our friendship.”

“Wait!” cried Fuglin, but the goblin had disappeared.

===(October 2011)===
<pre>@@@@@,.,o@,..##||#&#&#&&&&#&</pre>

What happened next was hard to say. There was a lot of smoke and fire. Dwarves ran screaming through the fortress. Captains shouted orders to soldiers they could not see through the clouds of burning vapor. Fuglin was scared beyond reason. He tried to follow the others, ducking when the monsters swooped down.

It seemed it would never end, then Fuglin came rolling out of the fortress gate just as another fire blast rocketed overhead. As it was, the demons could not, or would not set foot outside the fortress. What few dwarves that were left gathered at the hills below. Fuglin recognized a blacksmith which with he had apprenticed. Before he could speak the blacksmith pointed his finger.

“He is the one!” the dwarf cried. “Look! He still has the rock in his paw!”

Fuglin looked down, having until now forgotten the adamantine in his hand.

==[[User:Rhazak|Rhazak]]==
===(19 July 2011)===
<pre>+++@@++++@||</pre>

Terror! Badru cried defiantly as he was shaved. The evil dwarves
held Badru down as dwarven bandit lord Ukros worked his knife against
the victim’s beard.

“You look better this way, Badru,” said Lord Ukros. “More like an elf.”

The villain left Badru upon the hillside in the shadow of the dwarf
fortress. He was sore and beaten, and his leg was most likely broken.
The guards were sure to find him soon. He pulled his scarf up to his
nose. The sign of his shame couldn’t be seen by his underlings.

“What happened to you, Badru?” asked the king. “And why are you
wearing that ridiculous mask?”

Badru withdrew the mask from his shaven face and the guard holding him
cried out and dropped the dwarven hero to the floor.

===(11 August 2011)===
<pre>||+++@@|+++</pre>

“They are no more dwarf than you,” said Badru’s woman. ”They may have
beards it's true, but they live outdoors, squatting in the grass like
rabbits. You will find them, and return them to the hammerer, dead or
alive.”

Metal clanked against stone as Badru rose. His limb was now more
machine than leg. He scratched at the bristling hairs of his chin.
From the wall, he took his trusty axe. As he walked from the room,
his woman embraced him from behind. “Kill them,” she said. “Kill
them all.”

Badru strode before the recruits, his metal leg creaking, a scarf over
his mouth. “Alright daisies,” he said. “Our target is a worthless
bandit named Ukros. If you see him, leave him be. That elf-spawned
toadstool is mine.”

==[[User:Haedrian|Haedrian]]==
===(11 August 2011)===
<pre>++@=@++++</pre>

Inside or outside, the dwarf fortress was an ugly place. Black smoke
rose from its misshapen stacks, and beneath the menacing gatehouse,
poor hill-dwarves moved under armed guard to bring their offerings to
Count Agak.

The Count had long been allergic to light. His case of cave
adaptation was more pronounced than any ever known. His skin was pale
and shot through with spidery veins. His eyes were red and bloodshot.
Even in the dark, he looked sickly, and he never touched a morsel on
the feast days.

“The Count is a vampire,” said Roder.

“Silence,” said fair Nel. “What if the guards hear you?”

“Tell me you aren’t suspicious,” said Roder. “Have you ever seen the
Count eat or drink? Or his guards? I don’t know if I would even
recognize them underneath their plated armor. No. We need proof.
Then we need deliverance.”

==DreamThorn==
===(11 August 2011)===
<pre>"aaaaaa,.,..,@|@@,.,.aaaaaaa"</pre>

“This is it,” said Thash. “This is where it happened.”

The other dwarves looked around the cavern. They had followed an
ancient map through the bowels of the earth, crisscrossing through
leagues of twisting tunnels. They had fought crundles, run from
jabberers, and followed ridiculous advice from well-meaning gorlaks.
All for this. All to reach this point.

“That’s it?” asked Aliz. “That sword sticking in the floor is all
that’s holding back the tentacled ones?”

“Yes,” said Thash, “and that is why we must protect it.”

Somewhere above there was a chittering sound.

“Ant men!” cried Aliz.

==[[User:freeformschooler|freeformschooler]]==
===(3 July 2011)===
<pre>@@@@||g??????????????</pre>

A fierce dry wind blew up from the valley. Wandros and his dwarves
lay behind cacti and sharpened their knives. After a time the goblin
came. The dwarves were dead quiet as it passed them by, oblivious.
As the creature moved toward the rocks, Wandros stood and beckoned his
dwarves to follow.

The Valley of Gold was a real place. Wandros knew it was, and the
goblin would show him where it was. Right, then left, then right
again the goblin made its way around the canyon walls. There at last
was the door. The goblin bent and walked inside, closing the door
after him. Wandros took the doorknob in his hand.

“What’s the password?” said a voice from inside.

==[[User:Tharwen|Tharwen]]==
===(17 October 2011)===
<pre>g,.-,.\@@,.</pre>

“He’s not worth it, Gatal,” said the dwarf woman.

Gatal lowered his crossbow. The goblin looked pathetic and beat-up.
All his fellow thugs were dead. Still, there was no reforming their
kind. The best thanks he could hope for was a dagger between the
ribs. He raised the sights of the crossbow to his eyes.

“No!” cried the goblin.

The bolt barely missed the goblin’s ear. He scrambled up and ran into
the woods. The dwarf woman took her hand off Gatal’s crossbow.

“I told you he wasn’t worth it,” she said.

“And how do you know such things?” grumbled Gatal.

The dwarf woman snapped her fingers and it began to rain.

==Eagleon==
===(17 August 2007)===
<pre>,o.o@,.P.</pre>

Doran rolled the gray-green schist around slowly in his fingers, examining it closely. A deep red almandine garnet stared back at him from one side of the stone. Truly a fine specimen, he thought. Perhaps this mine isn't a total loss.

The dwarf stood, brushing the dust from his trousers. Now was as good a time as any for some whiskey. Upon turning to the south corridor, he found himself face to face with a sleek velvet figure, terrible and beautiful. A pantherman, here in the mines?! The dwarf stood completely still. The creature could kill him at will. Doran's only hope was that it did not wish to eat him. Its yellow hunter's eyes gazed into his, unblinking, betraying no intention. The finely toned muscles of its body rippled as it positioned itself. To pounce? To bound away? Doran was at the mercy of the beast.

===(23 November 2008)===
<pre>"TW"."".EEEE</pre>

The only sound that the wizard heard was the breathing of the beast.
The trees of the forest rushed by as the giant tiger bounded over rock
and branch, the wizard clinging to its back. Muscles rippled through
the great cat's shoulders as they thundered on. Soon they would reach
the place of magic, the home of the forest spirit. The wizard leapt
from the creatures back and turned, throwing his staff. The tiger
stretched back onto its hind legs and caught the staff in its claw,
now the shape of a hand. The creature snarled and spoke in an animal
language few, save the wizard, understood.

"Alavaster," it said, "we near the sacred grove. Know that is
swarming with treacherous elves. We must use caution."

The wizard looked down at the thick hair bristling on the back on his
hand. Nothing save the spring of the forest spirit could cure his
lycanthropy. No elf would stand in his way. Together, the companions
walked along the natural path, carved by a hundred animals seeking an
audience with the spirit. The tiger's tail began to wag from side to
side. "Do you smell them?" it said.

The wizard took a deep breath through his wolf's muzzle. There was
the odor of the enemy, those who would bar him from his only chance to
return to human form. Elves. Shadows across the trail. They came
on, one after another in a single file line. Their animal instincts
proved true. The lead elf stopped when he saw the creatures.
Alavaster and the tiger stood firm.

"Animal people!" cried the elf. "Shoot them down!"

Donation

2011-12-15T17:18:40Z

Kogut:

If you feel like supporting Bay 12 Games for making this awesome game, there is a PayPal link on the [http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/ official website].

Donators might receive an [[ASCII Art Reward]] or a unique drawing, most likely in crayon.

Dwarf Fortress Wiki talk:Centralized Discussion

2011-12-15T17:14:30Z

Kogut: /* crayon art rewards-donation drive to illustrate the wiki */ new section

== C++ Symbols ==
Hi, Im try using "windows debugging tools" to get some useful information about some crashs since windows 7 doesnt have the so called "dr watson" anymore (which creates a dump useful for toady).
For the debug info to be more useful, there is an option to use symbols file (*.pdb)
I found some c++ symbols in the wiki but is it possible to make a real pdb file out of that?
copypasta into a new txt file and renaming the extension doesnt seem to work.

== Clarification on "Verification" of content ==
The policy is that all content from 40d must be verified before making it to the 2010 namespace. Whould confirming with the changelog that something hasn't changed be good enough to meet this requirement? If not, does this means that each feature must be tested in game? [[User:bongotastic|bongotastic]] #11:05, 27 May 2010 (UTC)
:In general the changelog is not sufficient. For example, the changelog doesn't say that the [[DF2010:Archery Target]] is now broken, but if you tried it out personally before moving it then you would know that simply copy-pasting this is a bad idea. Not a small task I know, but long-term this is far more valuable. Any article in particular you were thinking about? [[User:Mason11987|Mason]] ([[User talk:Mason11987|T]]-[[Special:Contributions/Mason11987|C]]) 12:45, 30 May 2010 (UTC)

== Thoughts? ==
Any thoughts on this page? Any potentially useful organizing ideas? [[User:Mason11987|Mason]] ([[User talk:Mason11987|T]]-[[Special:Contributions/Mason11987|C]]) 16:58, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
:I think this is a great idea. --[[User:Briess|Briess]] 17:03, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

== Missing discussions? ==
Are there any important discussions I've missed, or anything you'd like to discussion that you'd like a location to discuss? [[User:Mason11987|Mason]] ([[User talk:Mason11987|T]]-[[Special:Contributions/Mason11987|C]]) 16:58, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
:Will any articles be pruned away or merged? In the jump from 40D to v31 a lot of articles that used to be served well by tables seem to have become their own articles, which really clutters the place up and scatters information all over unfindably. Stones, ores, and gems are the most obvious, they really only need three tables instead of hundreds of articles. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 19:53, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
::Might I suggest responses go to the just created [[Dwarf Fortress Wiki talk:Article Consolidation|Dwarf Fortress Wiki:Article Consolidation talk page]]. I think this is a big issue worth discussing, and so it deserves to be discussed there. [[User:Mason11987|Mason]] ([[User talk:Mason11987|T]]-[[Special:Contributions/Mason11987|C]]) 21:34, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
:I wonder, is there a place here for a Future Versions Ideas page? I have many ideas for things that could be used in future versions of Dwarf Fort, but there's no way to get the word to Toady that I'm aware of, aside from straight e-mailing him...--[[User:Aescula|Aescula]] 20:55, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
::I'm not really sure if the wiki is the right place for something like that. I mostly say that because I don't think that he will look at what we set up for the wiki either. There is a [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?board=5.0 Suggestions Forum] that seems to be the best place for that kind of thing. I imagine if he looks anywhere he looks there. [[User:Mason11987|Mason]] ([[User talk:Mason11987|T]]-[[Special:Contributions/Mason11987|C]]) 19:53, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

== Template madness ==
Okay I was looking at [[DF2010:Native platinum]] and wanted to make the changes but the arrangement of templates make editing the sidebar incredibly complicated even for the fairly good amount of knowledge I have of the wiki.

This really doesn't need to be this complicated. Could someone explain how it works and more importantly why it needs to be so complicated. [[User:Mason11987|Mason]] ([[User talk:Mason11987|T]]-[[Special:Contributions/Mason11987|C]]) 21:12, 24 April 2010 (UTC)
:I agree, we need a short tutorial on templates. This is shutting out IPs (and probably the majority of editors) through the backdoor. --[[User:Birthright|Birthright]] 00:32, 7 May 2010 (UTC)
::[http://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Help:Template Here] [http://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Help:Parser_functions you] [http://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Help:Parser_functions_in_templates go.] [[User:VengefulDonut|VengefulDonut]] 14:20, 7 May 2010 (UTC)
:::Right. You make it obvious that excessive use of templates will make the wiki unusable for all but a small aristocracy. Plus we would still need a central place frequently visited by editors that links to those pages. Maybe link to the -still missing- ''short'' tutorial next to every template in the articles? --[[User:Birthright|Birthright]] 20:57, 7 May 2010 (UTC)
::You seem confident that you will get what you want. [[User:VengefulDonut|VengefulDonut]] 23:52, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

== Magmawiki skin feedback ==
I just decided to try out the new skin. I am using it for ten minutes and I already can't imagine using anything different, it's great!--[[User:SanDiego|SanDiego]] 13:54, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

== If not consolidation, then what? ==

I don't seem to have a lot of support for article consolidation, and have abruptly been relieved of the time I had to try and help. Fine. I still insist the clutter of pages remains troublesome. Whenever your search is slightly off, instead of returning few to no results, it returns hundreds of irrelevant results. When I search for BODY_SIZE I don't want creature_standard.txt, grimeling size, mud man size, olmman size, fire man size, insert-material-here-man size or anything else's tags, I'm looking for info on the tags themselves. Same when I search "raws", I don't mean those of beetles, whales, walruses, sturgeon, stingray, etc, etc, etc. Redirects won't fix this until we redirect every possible thing that needs to be redirected, at all, ever, but that seems an even more exhaustive task than tables.

Is it possible to prevent the search from indexing these stub articles, or at least giving them less priority? The 'whale' page is going to be irrelevant to anyone not searching for whales... --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 17:02, 1 May 2010 (UTC)
:I agree with you that there isn't the support for consolidation. I do understand what you're saying. It seems like there are two possible solutions to your problem.
:*Better organization: This is entirely possible, but very complicated. I've been trying to improve this but it is very difficult. If you don't have the time to work on this and improve it you'll have to rely on my inconsistent free time to make some improvements. If you have some good ideas besides "make it better" I'm all ears.
:*Better search: This is much more difficult, and probably not exactly possible given the extreme constraints that is the mediawiki software. You'd be pleased to know that we ([[User:Briess]] and [[User:Emi]]) are working on developing a new wiki software specifically for DF. Details can be found [[Dwarf_Fortress_Wiki:Magmawiki|here]] and [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=55613.60 here]. I can only assume that they will make sure to provide improved searching as one of their goals, but if you want to post in the forum thread your wishes that would probably be useful.
:[[User:Mason11987|Mason]] ([[User talk:Mason11987|T]]-[[Special:Contributions/Mason11987|C]]) 20:10, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

::Yeah, it's not the wiki that sucks, the search function is limited. You are simply asking too much. --[[User:Birthright|Birthright]] 00:29, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

== Gamelog Template? ==
We should add a "gamelog" template, so that bored players (like me) can easily locate other player's gamelogs about the fun adventures they are getting up to. I'd do it myself, but I have no idea how to. -[[User:Romeofalling|Romeofalling]] 21:25, 18 August 2010 (UTC)

I don't know about a template, but I have been wanting a way to find other users who are "logging" their games on the wiki for weeks. Can we have a page listing such things, and feature a link to that page on the Main page? -- [[User:Maunder|Maunder]] 21:49, 18 November 2010 (UTC) (now heading to look at Romeofalling's page)

Okay I added a [[Stories#Game_Diaries|new section]] to [[Stories]]. Anyone who is chronicling their fortress on the wiki, please add a link to your story [[Stories#Game_Diaries|here]]! -- [[User:Maunder|Maunder]] 22:27, 18 November 2010 (UTC)

== Bloodline ==
Currently there is a [[bloodline|bloodline page]], a [http://df.magmawiki.com/index.php/Bloodline_games bloodline category] and a [http://df.magmawiki.com/index.php?title=Special:PrefixIndex&from=&namespace=100 bloodline namespace]. I understand that community stuff is currently lower priority than getting the other content ready for players, but this should all be consolidated and made easily accessible. I'd be willing to do it, but should we go with the category or namespace? [[User:Calite|Calite]] 00:36, 9 October 2010 (UTC)

== Community Portal ==

Why was the [[Dwarf Fortress Wiki:Community Portal|Community Portal]] link dropped from the sidebar? We kind of need to have a '''reachable''' list of editing guidelines, especially given the "dwarfs/dwarves" conflict that's going on (where said page states that the proper term would be "dwarves" due to being used in-game). --[[User:Quietust|Quietust]] 17:16, 13 June 2011 (UTC)

== crayon art rewards-donation drive to illustrate the wiki ==

I found [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=77360.0 this topic on forums] and as experiment added image to [[DF2010:Gorlak]]. Is it a great/good/acceptable idea? Is it possible that there is certain licence problem? Maybe it should go to infobox? I prefer to ask before uploading 30+ images. [[User:Kogut|Kogut]] 17:14, 15 December 2011 (UTC)

v0.31:Gorlak

2011-12-15T17:07:39Z

Kogut: thumb - image added (crayon drawing)

{{quality|Fine|02:41, 27 February 2011 (UTC)}}
{{Creaturelookup/0
|wiki=no
|contrib=no
|death=nobutcher
}}
{{av}}
{{creaturedesc}}

'''Gorlaks''' are small humanoids encountered in cavern areas. Despite their appearance they are mostly harmless, although will prove to be an annoyance due to spamming cancelled jobs, and occasional weak attacks against animals or sleeping dwarves. Easily dispatched by even a novice military dwarf and/or most civilians.

[[File:Gorlak.jpg|thumb|left]]

{{gamedata}}
{{Creatures}}
{{Category|Humanoids}}

File:Gorlak.jpg

2011-12-15T17:06:21Z

Kogut: Image provided by Appelgren. http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=77360.msg2833510#msg2833510

Image provided by Appelgren. http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=77360.msg2833510#msg2833510

Talk:ASCII art reward

2011-12-07T14:36:56Z

Kogut: ~ [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=97292.msg2813096#msg2813096 Forum thread]

[http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=97292.msg2813096#msg2813096 Forum thread] [[User:Kogut|Kogut]] 14:36, 7 December 2011 (UTC)

Talk:ASCII art reward

2011-12-07T14:36:47Z

Kogut: [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=97292.msg2813096#msg2813096 Forum thread]

[http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=97292.msg2813096#msg2813096 Forum thread]

v0.31 Talk:Exploratory mining

2011-12-01T18:03:08Z

Kogut: /* Waterskins */ :It is impossible due to bugs ~~~~

Come now, why are we italicizing Fun? Getting your dwarves mauled by (spoilers) is great fun to watch. "Fun" is fun, and no other page on the wiki pretends otherwise. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 17:30, 2 April 2010 (UTC)

== 7x7 ==

Should be worth mentioning that 7x7 blocks are also very easy to convert to a matrix of 3x3 rooms (centering a 3x3 on each intersection).. perfect for building a workshop network.[[Special:Contributions/202.156.10.234|202.156.10.234]] 13:41, 1 September 2010 (UTC)
::added [[Special:Contributions/202.156.10.234|202.156.10.234]] 05:48, 12 October 2010 (UTC)

== Waterskins ==
Current version suggests giving waterskins to miners. How? --[[User:Romeofalling|Romeofalling]] 03:02, 28 September 2010 (UTC)
:There are more streamlined ways but this should be OK. 1) Go to [n]nobles screen and appoint one of your miners as militia commander or militia captain. Go to [m]military screen and then to [n]Uniforms.2) Create new uniform, name it "Miner" and either leave everything blank or customize your civilian clothing (and don't forget to check "replace clothing" in this case) however you like; I recommend adding picks (foreign??? - ha-ha) and shields to increase survivability. 3) Go to [p]positions and [c]create squad with your commander. Add every other miner to that squad (You don't have more than 10 miners, right? :) ). When creating the squad - choose your uniform. 4) Go to [u]Supplies and set appropriate levels for your squad or leave as is. You may go to [s]Schedule and make sure that [u]"Inactive = Uniformed" for that squad. Do not ever activate this squad and do not assign any barracks for [t] training if you don't want them to train in their free time. Caveat is that every miner will also grab a free backpack, I think, even if his squad is set to not carry any food.{{verify}} A variation of this can be quite useful: general civilian uniform, all civilians in "inactive" squads and always carrying at least a weapon. If you don't care about their speed and have the resources - full metal plate armor. Maybe someone will generalize this advice a little and copy it to an appropriate article?--[[User:Another|Another]] 21:43, 28 September 2010 (UTC)
:It is impossible due to bugs [[User:Kogut|Kogut]] 18:03, 1 December 2011 (UTC)

== Ladder Rows ==

Can you remove the section? I did the math and noticed that it's no more efficient then rows, even though intuitively it seems like it should be. I attempted to remove it shortly after adding it, but was not successful. I think the software blocks anon editors from removing content. [[Special:Contributions/76.20.35.236|76.20.35.236]] 14:41, 25 October 2010 (UTC)
:It is much more easily reusable later in the fortress than rows.--[[Special:Contributions/65.30.6.90|65.30.6.90]] 23:42, 6 December 2010 (UTC)

== Rows ==

The utility of plain ol' rows is a lot better than this page makes out. Rows of 3x3 rooms are trivially easy, and rows of 4x4, 5x5, or 6x6 are possible if you don't mind oddly-placed and redundant doors. 5x5 rooms can give you 100% usage of the space (i.e. don't leave pointless 1-wide corridors like 3x3s would), and other sizes can be used in combinations (e.g. alternating 3x3 and 4x4 rows) to give 100% usage as well. [[Special:Contributions/218.186.8.11|218.186.8.11]] 06:07, 10 August 2011 (UTC)

v0.31:Miasma

2011-11-27T16:38:38Z

Kogut: It does not pass through dwarves.{{verify}} -> It does not pass through doors

{{quality|Fine|06:14, 1 April 2011 (UTC)}}
[[File:Dwarf fort tut miasma.jpg|500px|right]]
{{av}}

'''Miasma''' is a cloud of purple stench that makes your {{l|dwarves}} unhappy. It only occurs in subterranean areas, and is caused by rotting items. It does not pass through doors.

== Rotten Items ==

A '''rotten''' item is a corpse, body part or an item of food that has spoiled, either from not being in a stockpile (if food) or just over time (if a corpse/body part).

Often a job in a {{L|kitchen}}, {{L|still}} or {{L|farmer's workshop}} will be canceled with the announcement "''...needs '''unrotten''' (item)''". That doesn't mean you only have rotten ones, it means there is not an appropriate item that is available. Items that are {{L|forbid}}den, marked for {{L|dump}}ing, or that have no {{L|path}} will be disregarded for workshop tasks.

Body parts of living dwarves may also be marked as "rotten". This has been observed to occur after exposure to the blood of certain forgotten beasts. The afflicted body part produces miasma from time to time.

== Avoiding Miasma ==

To avoid miasma, either keep anything rotten outside or alternatively have an inside {{l|refuse}} pile on its own in a room with several {{l|door}}s; this should halt the miasma's advance (although the room itself will still stink up). It will also not spread diagonally, so one possible solution is to have the only entrance be diagonal.

Another option is to have a long garbage chute where refuse is {{l|dump}}ed down. If it is long enough the miasma will not be able to reach all the way to the top, preventing your dwarves from getting unhappy thoughts.

A creative way of constructing garbage chutes is to separate the garbage area and dumping area (where dwarves are) with {{l|hatch}}es linked to a {{l|pressure plate}}. That way garbage will land on the hatch, which will open (triggered by dwarf returning to his duties stepping on a plate), letting it fall down and then close, keeping all the miasma inside. This allows one to construct a short, yet non-smelly chute.

Another option for a short non-smelly chute is to let the chute be seperated diagonally from the dumping square(s). Since miasma does not travel
across corners, this allows a chute stretching across 2 z-levels to be completly miasma free, without needing additional mechanisms.

Example #1

WWWWWWW W=Wall
WWWWWOW .=Floor
....-WW O=Channel
WWWWWWW -=Floor with dumping zone

Example #2

WWWWWWW W=Regular Wall .=Regular floor
WWWWMQW M=Wall with dumping zone
....--W Q=Channel with dumping zone
WWWWWWW -=Floor with dumping zone

== Related Bugs ==

Note that dwarves interrupted in the middle of a meal will abandon their food. Food abandoned in this manner can never be interacted with (picked up, stored, or dumped) by any dwarf ever again, including the dwarf who abandoned it. {{Bug|1299}} If the food is abandoned underground, it will eventually rot and generate miasma. This is an especially frequent occurrence with soldiers, who will often be interrupted while consuming their rations when a training class begins. One workaround for soldiers is to use the military supplies tab to prevent them from carrying food.

The utility {{L|Utilities#DFHack|DFHack}} includes a command line tool, dfcleanowned, to clear ownership and dump all owned items that are on the floor or rotting. This can help if you're dealing with miasma from this bug.

v0.31:Ghost

2011-11-24T20:44:53Z

Kogut: /* Science on Ghosts */ -bad joke

{{Buggy}}
{{quality|Fine|21:27, 22 November 2010 (UTC)}}{{minorspoiler}}

After the death of an intelligent creature or a dwarf, its soul may occasionally come back as a '''ghost'''. In a Dwarven fortress, dead dwarves have a chance of returning as ghosts if they are not properly {{L|coffin|buried}} or {{L|memorial|memorialized}} after their death. Ghosts often take to haunting their relatives and friends, following them around on the same tile, as well as lingering wistfully near areas they frequented in life or the spot they died. However, not all ghosts bear their anguish calmly.

Even babies can become ghosts and there are currentv31.18 reports that ghosts can [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=75255.0 grow up] and even [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=75255.15 die of old age].

Ghosts are able to pass through walls and cannot be harmed by {{L|Dwarven Atom Smasher|atom-smashing}}. They can be targeted in the Squad kill screen ({{K|s}},{{K|k}}) even though they won't actually be attacked. Ghosts can be dismissed by burying the remains or by building engraving rock slabs in memory of the deceased.

==Paranormal Activity==

Ghosts haunting the fortress will occasionally perform some of the following actions, based on their temperament:
* <ghost> sucks the wind out of <dwarf>
* <ghost> raises a high fever in <dwarf>
* <ghost> makes <dwarf> convulse and retch
* <ghost> inflicts excruciating pain upon <dwarf>
* <ghost> causes a spell of dizziness in <dwarf>
* <ghost> paralyzes <dwarf>
* <ghost> stuns <dwarf>
* <dwarf> is throwing a tantrum, possessed by <ghost>
* <ghost> has risen and is haunting the fortress!
* <ghost> is following <dwarf>
* <item> has been misplaced. No doubt <ghost> is to blame!
* <ghost> is throwing objects around the fortress!
* <ghost> can be heard howling throughout the fortress!

The ghost's activities will in large part be determined by the nature of its death. The following table summarizes the different types of ghosts.

{| class="wikitable" width="70%" align="center"
! scope="col" align="left" width="17%" | Type
! scope="col" align="left" width="17%" | Cause
! scope="col" align="left" width="66%" | Effect
|-
|Murderous Ghost
|Berserk
|Murders dwarves.
|-
|Sadistic Ghost
|Berserk
|Batters, scares and paralyses dwarves. Capable of scaring a dwarf to death.
|-
|Violent Ghost
|Berserk
|Batters dwarves.
|-
|Angry Ghost
|Berserk
|Batters dwarves.
|-
|Moaning Spirit
|???
|Troubles one unfortunate dwarf at a time.
|-
|Howling Spirit
|???
|Makes sleeping difficult.
|-
|Secretive Poltergeist
|???
|''Misplaces'' Items.
|-
|Energetic Poltergeist
|???
|Topples furniture, such as chairs.
|-
|Troublesome Poltergeist
|???
|''Misplaces'' items, may topple furniture and pull levers.confirm?
|-
|Restless Haunt
|Troubled life history.
|Drifts around place of death and frequented locations. Also haunts dwarves, causing unhappy thoughts.
|-
|Forlorn Haunt
|"Accidental" death
|Drifts around place of death and frequented locations.
|}

== Science on Ghosts ==
Cave-ins do not kill ghosts, perhaps because they can walk through walls already.

Ghosts are put to rest when any part of their body is put in a burial receptacle. For example, should a dwarf lose a toe in a fight before dying, the toe can be recovered to put its ghost to rest.

== Bugs ==
Some ghost names can't be engraved on slabs, and some slabs can be engraved for nameless creatures. {{bug|3708}}

v0.31:Door

2011-11-24T12:42:24Z

Kogut: {{Buggy|withoutbugsection=1}}

{{quality|Exceptional|18:03, 8 November 2010 (UTC)}}{{av}}
{{Buggy|withoutbugsection=1}}
[[Image:Doors!.png‎|thumb|right|It is important to have many doors, but don't get carried away.]]
'''Doors''' are a piece of {{L|furniture}} used mainly to control the movement of dwarves, {{L|pet}}s and liquids and define the exits of {{L|room}}s. A door must be built next to a {{L|wall}} or other form of support. A door is not capable of providing support to another door.

There is a way to place 3 doors side by side though. (X = Wall, o = Door, _ = Empty Tile) Build 2 walls, with 2 spaces inbetween, (X__X) build doors inside those spaces,(XooX) and delete one wall,(Xoo_) construct a wall beside the wall you destroyed,(Xoo_X) and place a door between the other 2 doors and your new wall. (XoooX)

==Materials==
Doors can be made of {{L|stone}}, {{L|metal}}, {{L|glass}}, and {{L|wood}}. Artifact doors can be made out of just about anything. A glass door is called a '''portal'''.

While {{L|stone}}, {{L|wood}}, and {{L|glass}} doors require only a single building material, {{L|metal}} doors are intended to require 3 {{L|bar}}s; due to a bug, however, they only require one bar{{bug|130}}.

==Usage==
A door has three main settings:
*'''Forbid Passage''': The door can not be passed unless it is permitted again or destroyed. {{L|Dwarf|Dwarves}}, {{L|animals}}, both wild and tame, and most {{L|invader}}s will all be unable to pass ([[DF2010:Thief|thieves]] can pick the locks of forbidden doors and pass them that way.)
*'''Keep tightly closed''': Animals will not be able to pass though the door, but dwarves and invaders will not be hindered. (A dwarf that passes through the door can accidentally let in the animals... {Or say a goblin that just so happened to be one of the 50 goblins that ambushed you was to open this door and let out these 500 ravenous {{L|Dog|Wardogs}}.}) This setting has been known to cause game lag{{bug|797}}.
*'''Set as internal''': When designating rooms, a door set as internal will not block room expansion.

Doors can also be connected to {{L|lever}}s or {{L|pressure plate}}s to open on command. Doors also halt the movement of liquids in the manner of {{L|floodgate}}s, and can be used in the same ways if a passageway is narrow enough.

==Notes==
Any item on the same tile as a door will cause the door to be propped open, which makes it impossible to lock and will allow fluids in. Such will also jam mechanically linked doors, needing to be cleared out and the lever or pressure plate triggered again to shut.

Doors destroy any fluid on their tile when they close.

If invaders move past a door, they "take" the door and you have to move a dwarf onto the door to be able to forbid it again.

See also: {{L|Floor hatch}}

{{buildings}}

v0.31:Losing

2011-11-21T17:43:19Z

Kogut: /* Failed Modding */ -> Crashes, failed modding

{{Quality|Exceptional}}
{{D for Dwarf}}
{{av}}

Losing is fun!

Either way, it keeps you busy.

There is no internal end point, single goal, final Easter egg or "You Win!" announcement in Dwarf Fortress. Therefore, eventually, almost every fortress will fall. The only ones that don't tend to be very conservative and very boring—and what fun is that? Therefore, DF = losing /\ DF = fun => losing = fun, and that's okay! It's a game philosophy, so embrace it, own it, and have ''fun'' with it!

Most new players will lose their first few forts sooner rather than later; when you lose a {{l|fortress}}, don't feel like you don't understand the game. Dwarf Fortress has a steep learning curve, and part of the process (and fun!) is discovering things for yourself. However, this Wiki serves as an excellent place to speed up the learning process.

If you lose, you can always {{l|reclaim fortress mode|reclaim fortress}} or go visit it in {{l|adventurer mode}}.

If you're looking for more ways to test yourself, try either the {{l|mega construction}} or the {{l|Challenges}} articles.

[[File:FunComic.png|thumb|right|Fun in Dwarf Fortress]]

== Autopsy, or why your fortress died ==

Various common things can cause the death of a fortress. Let's examine some together...

===Dwarf vs. Nature===
Sometimes the wilds take you out.

====Local Wildlife====
Goblins aren't the only creatures that want you dead. The obvious threats aside, some {{L|creature}}s with benign names or descriptions can be surprisingly deadly. A sudden wildlife attack can quickly cripple or destroy an unprepared fortress. Before you unpause a new game for the first time, hit {{k|u}}nits, and scroll down to see what's sharing your map. Learn to do this regularly—new creatures will frequently migrate onto your map and then off again to be replaced by others.

Consider arming up and thinning out any predictable threats.

Outdoor titans and megabeasts are a later stage hazard.

====Underground Life====
Underground life can be even more dangerous than surface life. Dig down to a cavern, and expect to be fending off hordes of smaller, weaker creatures as well as larger, more solitary creatures like [[Giant Cave Spider]]s and [[Blind Cave Ogre]]s. Arming up helps a lot, as there is usually only a small entrance they can get in by. A row of cage traps is exceptionally powerful there.
Underground Forgotten Beasts and semimegabeasts are a later stage hazard—and one that cage traps will offer very little protection against. Even if all the other creatures in the cavern are stopped by your cage traps, don't allow yourself to get complacent.

====Magma and its denizens====
Magma by itself is dangerous enough to destroy a fortress that fails to use it properly without factoring in the fact that magma sources are the home to many dangerous creatures that can destroy buildings and spread out through your fortress. A way to avoid this from happening is to build {{L|fortification}}s before using the magma for other purposes; however, in these instances, the depth of the magma must never be permitted to reach 7/7, otherwise creatures will be able to swim through them.

===Dwarf vs. Dwarf===
Sometimes you bring it on yourself.

====No Food====
A serious danger, generally in the more inhospitable {{L|climate}}s, is the loss of your {{L|dwarf|dwarves}} due to starvation. As dwarves begin to starve, they will become {{L|hungry}}, then {{L|starving}}. This will cause them first to slow down all work, and then to become very {{L|unhappy}}. When they die, their friends will become upset and will become even more unhappy, potentially causing the remainder of your fortress to break out in a {{L|tantrum spiral|terminal hissy fit}}.

Don't forget your alternative sources of {{L|food}}. If your {{L|farm}}s aren't doing the job and a {{L|caravan|trade caravan}} is months away, try {{L|butchering}} your {{L|domestic animal}}s, {{L|plant gathering|gathering plants}}, or resorting to the {{L|hunting}} of local wildlife.

====No Booze====
Equally as bad is no {{L|alcohol}}, which dwarves ''require'' to be happy and productive. Some alcohol can be acquired from {{L|caravan}}s, but not enough for an entire fort until the next caravan arrives. You must gather or {{L|farm}} certain plants to then {{L|brew}} those in a {{L|still}} with an empty {{L|barrel}}—it's just part of being a dwarf. Be sure to make lots of barrels. Often a shortage of barrels is just as bad as a shortage of beer. A dwarf would rather die than lower themselves to drinking from a [[mug]] (though it doesn't stop them being produced by the tonne in your [[workshops]]).

====Water====
Sometimes you just can't help but take a drink, and when you think it's safe, CHOMP. Watch out for {{L|Carp}}.
=====No water=====
Healthy dwarves will not die of thirst as long as they have alcohol, which in the current version can be {{L|Brewing|brewed}} without the use of water. However, injured dwarves must be given water, not alcohol, or they will die of dehydration.

{{L|Rain}} will refill stagnant {{L|pool}}s of water slowly. In a hot {{L|climate}}, this may evaporate almost immediately. What's more, if the map is in a dry {{L|climate}}, such as a desert (hot or cold), then there can be long periods of time with no water anywhere - in extreme cases, none ever. Snow will not refill pools, so you can also have a lack of water in very cold {{L|climate}}s. Also, if weather has been turned off in the {{L|init.txt}} file then there will be no rain and no water will accumulate, though it may be there at the beginning of the game.

If all else fails, the {{L|caverns}} may contain water somewhere, so you can put down a {{L|well}}. Watch out for {{L|Giant toad|other}} [[:Category:DF2010:Humanoids|sources]] {{L|Cave crocodile|of fun.}}

=====Too Much Water (aka "Flooding accidents")=====
The opposite side of the dehydration spectrum is having too ''much'' water. Remember that water can {{L|flow}} in 10 directions (the 8 horizontal ones as well as up and down, to the level of its source.)

If your fortress is beginning to flood from {{L|Water#Sourced Water|sourced water}}, abandon all of the levels the water can reach immediately—create a civilian alert and order your dwarves to a burrow upstairs. You will never be able to recover those areas unless you can manage to {{L|pump}} out the water faster than it floods in, which can take over a year or two of game time to establish a functioning automated pump system. Generally, a flooding accident spells doom for your fortress.

If the accident is causing your mine shafts to flood (those fishy diagonal flows into downstairs on the level below), you can sometimes save the dwarves that are working inside it: designate the highest level they can reach before the water reaches it with your civilian burrow. Try to dig your way up from there, since the water will take some time to fill the lower floors, and keep updating your burrow definition to the higher floors. Saving your valuable Legendary +5 Miners (and their picks) could be vital to your fortress.

Sometimes, a fortress is flooded with {{L|magma}}. This is even more {{L|fun}}, and even harder to recover from. Any shut door will stop magma, it doesn't rise as aggressively (via {{L|pressure}}) as water, and magma can be {{L|pump}}ed out with the right equipment. Read up on it. Good luck.

==== Inability to mine ("Diggor Mortis") ====
aka no {{L|pick}}s.

Diggor Mortis: ''when a Dwarf with a pickaxe decides that digging where they shouldn't is a bloody good idea.''

Simply put, you need {{L|pick}}s to mine {{L|ore}}, which is then {{L|smelt}}ed to make {{L|metal}} for items like more picks. If you are careless (or ignorant) of how to dig safely, and your {{L|miner}}s create a {{L|cave-in|collapse}} or flood and their equipment gets lost/destroyed/unrecoverable, ''and'' you have no materials to make more picks, you will be at a severe handicap until the problem is solved. Any dwarf can be given the {{L|mining}} {{L|labor}}, but without a pick they can do nothing. There is no way to get new metals or stone (clay excluded) for any purpose (except from foreign traders and smelting other items) nor any way to dig new rooms/tunnels unless you have picks.

If you have {{L|ore}} or {{L|bar}}s to create a {{L|weapons-grade}} metal, and a {{L|forge}} (and {{L|smelter}} if you need one), you can create new picks and continue. In a pinch, you can even {{L|melt}} other metal objects for metal. You might get lucky with a {{L|caravan}} - elves never carry picks, but humans sometimes have bronze ones, and dwarves generally bring some along. If the first dwarven caravan doesn't bring any, you can try to keep your fortress running long enough to request additional {{L|pick}}s from your Outpost {{L|Liaison}}, who will arrive with the next dwarven trade {{L|caravan}} in a year. Or you can {{L|abandon}} and try again.

If you have {{L|axe}}s and {{L|tree}}s available, then you can build {{L|construction|structure}}s, {{L|building}}s and {{L|furniture}} of {{L|wood}}, which is something.

Averting this fate is simple: stockpile at least one additional pick at the first possible opportunity, or some of the {{L|weapons-grade|raw material}} to make more, and away from current digging operations.

See also: {{L|Make your own weapons}}

===Dwarf vs Society===
Sometimes your traditions and morals conspire. Hell Is Other Dwarves?

====General Unhappiness====
Think it's no big deal to leave your dwarves with a mediocre {{L|dining room}}, no-{{L|quality}} bed and a generally inadequate fortress?

If there is little in a fortress to give your dwarves happy {{L|thoughts}} and enough to give them unhappy {{L|thoughts}}, then your dwarves will start to throw {{L|tantrum}}s, grow melancholy, and/or cause general chaos. In extreme (but sadly not ''rare'') examples, this can lead to a {{L|tantrum spiral}} and the loss of the entire fortress. As of DF 2010, dwarf marriage is much more commonplace, with several marriages often happening per year or even per season. This means that the loss of one dwarf is likely to lead to a very unhappy widow - and potentially a tantrum spiral. Unhappiness is more likely to occur if your fortress is suffering other kinds of downfall as well, so try to keep all the bases covered.

Another problem is if you don't have a justice system in place at the time of a spiral and manage to recover. If you later implement the justice system, the hammerer may kill the former tantrum throwers, starting another tantrum because of their deaths.

====Mandates====
While it doesn't happen often, those {{L|Noble}}s' mandates can occasionally cause your fortress to come to a halt, especially if they decide to imprison a dwarf that's fairly essential to your fortress, or if they for some reason decide that a dwarf deserves a hammering. This can lead to your dwarf's death, which, as noted above, can cause a tantrum spiral.

Then, there's also points at which, when trying to fulfill a mandate, you run into some rather nasty problems. This could lead to any of the other problems, such as a cave in killing your miner (If you're not paying attention!) running into HFS, or accidentally mining out a new tunnel to the surface that you don't close, and lets in a horde of goblins.

===Dwarf vs Goblins, Humans, Elves...===
Seizing goods from a friendly caravan will often lead to large shipment of fun next time the traders visit. Remember, it's not paranoia if they ''are'' out to get you.

====Ambush====
Goblin and elven ambushes alike will charge into your fortress after they are discovered. They still retreat after suffering enough casualties. Goblins still arrive with caravans, and elves can attack at any time. Even if your dwarves do not venture onto the surface, caravans will eventually trigger the ambushes.

See Also:
:* {{L|Defense guide}}
:* {{L|Defense design}}
:* {{L|Trap design}}
:* {{L|Military design}}

====War====
War never changes.

See [[#Ambush|Ambush]].

====Siege====
{{L|Siege}}s can be quite devastating to a fortress, but unlike most of the other ways of losing, they are unlikely to occur early on, even if you do something stupid to piss off another civilization.

Should hosts of goblins besiege your gates and drive your peasantry inside, trolls beat down your doors and force you to seal off from the outside world, you may have already lost the game. Even if you have built an utterly impenetrable fortress with drawbridges and moats, a sieging army may stick around for a long time. Although a dwarven fortress can be made self-contained, with {{L|list of crops|crops}}, {{L|metal}} and {{L|fuel}} readily available, underground {{L|tree farm|wood source}} and your own {{L|livestock}}, a fortress may not be able to sustain such a state indefinitely.

For example, {{L|trade}} with the outside world has now been shut off, leaving you only what {{L|ore}}s are on your map for the production of mandated goods. In the (very) long run even those will run out. This can result in a breakdown of social order if you do not prevent your {{L|Hammerer}} from killing or maiming your dwarves. {{L|Shell}}, {{L|bone}} and {{L|leather}} commonly acquired by {{L|hunting}} and {{L|fishing}} need to be supplied by previously established livestock and access to suitable water. If these resources are no longer available to your workers, moody {{L|craftsdwarf|craftsdwarves}} will be driven into suicide or worse. Rotten {{L|vermin}} {{L|corpse}}s begin to heap in your food supply, forcing you to dump these into inside {{L|refuse|refuse pile}}s, generating {{L|miasma}}. Better build indoor refuse piles away from trafficked areas. Unless an {{L|well|interior water supply}} was established (or you find water in caverns) your wounded will die of dehydration.

With all these critical industries unproductive, dwarves dying, and friends mourning over the rotting heaps of slain loved ones, it's important to remember your dwarves have nothing to do but throw funeral receptions, hold grief counseling sessions and host the occasional keg stand. This means they've all become one big happy family of friends, manically depressed from the loss of any dwarf.

In short, the attacking army can simply wait until your dwarves emo themselves to death.

====HFS====
''(Hidden Fun Stuff)''

===Crashes, failed modding ===
Mod too much and the human caravan that comes in could spontaneously combust. Or just crash your game.

If you don't want {{L|Hidden Fun Stuff|spoilers}}, trust us: you'll ''know'' when you've found it. It's a great deal of ''fun''.

{{Category|Guides}}

v0.31:Losing

2011-11-21T17:41:12Z

Kogut: /* Leaving the game unpaused overnight */ -section, as it only results in one of real causes, moreover game will soon autopause

{{Quality|Exceptional}}
{{D for Dwarf}}
{{av}}

Losing is fun!

Either way, it keeps you busy.

There is no internal end point, single goal, final Easter egg or "You Win!" announcement in Dwarf Fortress. Therefore, eventually, almost every fortress will fall. The only ones that don't tend to be very conservative and very boring—and what fun is that? Therefore, DF = losing /\ DF = fun => losing = fun, and that's okay! It's a game philosophy, so embrace it, own it, and have ''fun'' with it!

Most new players will lose their first few forts sooner rather than later; when you lose a {{l|fortress}}, don't feel like you don't understand the game. Dwarf Fortress has a steep learning curve, and part of the process (and fun!) is discovering things for yourself. However, this Wiki serves as an excellent place to speed up the learning process.

If you lose, you can always {{l|reclaim fortress mode|reclaim fortress}} or go visit it in {{l|adventurer mode}}.

If you're looking for more ways to test yourself, try either the {{l|mega construction}} or the {{l|Challenges}} articles.

[[File:FunComic.png|thumb|right|Fun in Dwarf Fortress]]

== Autopsy, or why your fortress died ==

Various common things can cause the death of a fortress. Let's examine some together...

===Dwarf vs. Nature===
Sometimes the wilds take you out.

====Local Wildlife====
Goblins aren't the only creatures that want you dead. The obvious threats aside, some {{L|creature}}s with benign names or descriptions can be surprisingly deadly. A sudden wildlife attack can quickly cripple or destroy an unprepared fortress. Before you unpause a new game for the first time, hit {{k|u}}nits, and scroll down to see what's sharing your map. Learn to do this regularly—new creatures will frequently migrate onto your map and then off again to be replaced by others.

Consider arming up and thinning out any predictable threats.

Outdoor titans and megabeasts are a later stage hazard.

====Underground Life====
Underground life can be even more dangerous than surface life. Dig down to a cavern, and expect to be fending off hordes of smaller, weaker creatures as well as larger, more solitary creatures like [[Giant Cave Spider]]s and [[Blind Cave Ogre]]s. Arming up helps a lot, as there is usually only a small entrance they can get in by. A row of cage traps is exceptionally powerful there.
Underground Forgotten Beasts and semimegabeasts are a later stage hazard—and one that cage traps will offer very little protection against. Even if all the other creatures in the cavern are stopped by your cage traps, don't allow yourself to get complacent.

====Magma and its denizens====
Magma by itself is dangerous enough to destroy a fortress that fails to use it properly without factoring in the fact that magma sources are the home to many dangerous creatures that can destroy buildings and spread out through your fortress. A way to avoid this from happening is to build {{L|fortification}}s before using the magma for other purposes; however, in these instances, the depth of the magma must never be permitted to reach 7/7, otherwise creatures will be able to swim through them.

===Dwarf vs. Dwarf===
Sometimes you bring it on yourself.

====No Food====
A serious danger, generally in the more inhospitable {{L|climate}}s, is the loss of your {{L|dwarf|dwarves}} due to starvation. As dwarves begin to starve, they will become {{L|hungry}}, then {{L|starving}}. This will cause them first to slow down all work, and then to become very {{L|unhappy}}. When they die, their friends will become upset and will become even more unhappy, potentially causing the remainder of your fortress to break out in a {{L|tantrum spiral|terminal hissy fit}}.

Don't forget your alternative sources of {{L|food}}. If your {{L|farm}}s aren't doing the job and a {{L|caravan|trade caravan}} is months away, try {{L|butchering}} your {{L|domestic animal}}s, {{L|plant gathering|gathering plants}}, or resorting to the {{L|hunting}} of local wildlife.

====No Booze====
Equally as bad is no {{L|alcohol}}, which dwarves ''require'' to be happy and productive. Some alcohol can be acquired from {{L|caravan}}s, but not enough for an entire fort until the next caravan arrives. You must gather or {{L|farm}} certain plants to then {{L|brew}} those in a {{L|still}} with an empty {{L|barrel}}—it's just part of being a dwarf. Be sure to make lots of barrels. Often a shortage of barrels is just as bad as a shortage of beer. A dwarf would rather die than lower themselves to drinking from a [[mug]] (though it doesn't stop them being produced by the tonne in your [[workshops]]).

====Water====
Sometimes you just can't help but take a drink, and when you think it's safe, CHOMP. Watch out for {{L|Carp}}.
=====No water=====
Healthy dwarves will not die of thirst as long as they have alcohol, which in the current version can be {{L|Brewing|brewed}} without the use of water. However, injured dwarves must be given water, not alcohol, or they will die of dehydration.

{{L|Rain}} will refill stagnant {{L|pool}}s of water slowly. In a hot {{L|climate}}, this may evaporate almost immediately. What's more, if the map is in a dry {{L|climate}}, such as a desert (hot or cold), then there can be long periods of time with no water anywhere - in extreme cases, none ever. Snow will not refill pools, so you can also have a lack of water in very cold {{L|climate}}s. Also, if weather has been turned off in the {{L|init.txt}} file then there will be no rain and no water will accumulate, though it may be there at the beginning of the game.

If all else fails, the {{L|caverns}} may contain water somewhere, so you can put down a {{L|well}}. Watch out for {{L|Giant toad|other}} [[:Category:DF2010:Humanoids|sources]] {{L|Cave crocodile|of fun.}}

=====Too Much Water (aka "Flooding accidents")=====
The opposite side of the dehydration spectrum is having too ''much'' water. Remember that water can {{L|flow}} in 10 directions (the 8 horizontal ones as well as up and down, to the level of its source.)

If your fortress is beginning to flood from {{L|Water#Sourced Water|sourced water}}, abandon all of the levels the water can reach immediately—create a civilian alert and order your dwarves to a burrow upstairs. You will never be able to recover those areas unless you can manage to {{L|pump}} out the water faster than it floods in, which can take over a year or two of game time to establish a functioning automated pump system. Generally, a flooding accident spells doom for your fortress.

If the accident is causing your mine shafts to flood (those fishy diagonal flows into downstairs on the level below), you can sometimes save the dwarves that are working inside it: designate the highest level they can reach before the water reaches it with your civilian burrow. Try to dig your way up from there, since the water will take some time to fill the lower floors, and keep updating your burrow definition to the higher floors. Saving your valuable Legendary +5 Miners (and their picks) could be vital to your fortress.

Sometimes, a fortress is flooded with {{L|magma}}. This is even more {{L|fun}}, and even harder to recover from. Any shut door will stop magma, it doesn't rise as aggressively (via {{L|pressure}}) as water, and magma can be {{L|pump}}ed out with the right equipment. Read up on it. Good luck.

==== Inability to mine ("Diggor Mortis") ====
aka no {{L|pick}}s.

Diggor Mortis: ''when a Dwarf with a pickaxe decides that digging where they shouldn't is a bloody good idea.''

Simply put, you need {{L|pick}}s to mine {{L|ore}}, which is then {{L|smelt}}ed to make {{L|metal}} for items like more picks. If you are careless (or ignorant) of how to dig safely, and your {{L|miner}}s create a {{L|cave-in|collapse}} or flood and their equipment gets lost/destroyed/unrecoverable, ''and'' you have no materials to make more picks, you will be at a severe handicap until the problem is solved. Any dwarf can be given the {{L|mining}} {{L|labor}}, but without a pick they can do nothing. There is no way to get new metals or stone (clay excluded) for any purpose (except from foreign traders and smelting other items) nor any way to dig new rooms/tunnels unless you have picks.

If you have {{L|ore}} or {{L|bar}}s to create a {{L|weapons-grade}} metal, and a {{L|forge}} (and {{L|smelter}} if you need one), you can create new picks and continue. In a pinch, you can even {{L|melt}} other metal objects for metal. You might get lucky with a {{L|caravan}} - elves never carry picks, but humans sometimes have bronze ones, and dwarves generally bring some along. If the first dwarven caravan doesn't bring any, you can try to keep your fortress running long enough to request additional {{L|pick}}s from your Outpost {{L|Liaison}}, who will arrive with the next dwarven trade {{L|caravan}} in a year. Or you can {{L|abandon}} and try again.

If you have {{L|axe}}s and {{L|tree}}s available, then you can build {{L|construction|structure}}s, {{L|building}}s and {{L|furniture}} of {{L|wood}}, which is something.

Averting this fate is simple: stockpile at least one additional pick at the first possible opportunity, or some of the {{L|weapons-grade|raw material}} to make more, and away from current digging operations.

See also: {{L|Make your own weapons}}

===Dwarf vs Society===
Sometimes your traditions and morals conspire. Hell Is Other Dwarves?

====General Unhappiness====
Think it's no big deal to leave your dwarves with a mediocre {{L|dining room}}, no-{{L|quality}} bed and a generally inadequate fortress?

If there is little in a fortress to give your dwarves happy {{L|thoughts}} and enough to give them unhappy {{L|thoughts}}, then your dwarves will start to throw {{L|tantrum}}s, grow melancholy, and/or cause general chaos. In extreme (but sadly not ''rare'') examples, this can lead to a {{L|tantrum spiral}} and the loss of the entire fortress. As of DF 2010, dwarf marriage is much more commonplace, with several marriages often happening per year or even per season. This means that the loss of one dwarf is likely to lead to a very unhappy widow - and potentially a tantrum spiral. Unhappiness is more likely to occur if your fortress is suffering other kinds of downfall as well, so try to keep all the bases covered.

Another problem is if you don't have a justice system in place at the time of a spiral and manage to recover. If you later implement the justice system, the hammerer may kill the former tantrum throwers, starting another tantrum because of their deaths.

====Mandates====
While it doesn't happen often, those {{L|Noble}}s' mandates can occasionally cause your fortress to come to a halt, especially if they decide to imprison a dwarf that's fairly essential to your fortress, or if they for some reason decide that a dwarf deserves a hammering. This can lead to your dwarf's death, which, as noted above, can cause a tantrum spiral.

Then, there's also points at which, when trying to fulfill a mandate, you run into some rather nasty problems. This could lead to any of the other problems, such as a cave in killing your miner (If you're not paying attention!) running into HFS, or accidentally mining out a new tunnel to the surface that you don't close, and lets in a horde of goblins.

===Dwarf vs Goblins, Humans, Elves...===
Seizing goods from a friendly caravan will often lead to large shipment of fun next time the traders visit. Remember, it's not paranoia if they ''are'' out to get you.

====Ambush====
Goblin and elven ambushes alike will charge into your fortress after they are discovered. They still retreat after suffering enough casualties. Goblins still arrive with caravans, and elves can attack at any time. Even if your dwarves do not venture onto the surface, caravans will eventually trigger the ambushes.

See Also:
:* {{L|Defense guide}}
:* {{L|Defense design}}
:* {{L|Trap design}}
:* {{L|Military design}}

====War====
War never changes.

See [[#Ambush|Ambush]].

====Siege====
{{L|Siege}}s can be quite devastating to a fortress, but unlike most of the other ways of losing, they are unlikely to occur early on, even if you do something stupid to piss off another civilization.

Should hosts of goblins besiege your gates and drive your peasantry inside, trolls beat down your doors and force you to seal off from the outside world, you may have already lost the game. Even if you have built an utterly impenetrable fortress with drawbridges and moats, a sieging army may stick around for a long time. Although a dwarven fortress can be made self-contained, with {{L|list of crops|crops}}, {{L|metal}} and {{L|fuel}} readily available, underground {{L|tree farm|wood source}} and your own {{L|livestock}}, a fortress may not be able to sustain such a state indefinitely.

For example, {{L|trade}} with the outside world has now been shut off, leaving you only what {{L|ore}}s are on your map for the production of mandated goods. In the (very) long run even those will run out. This can result in a breakdown of social order if you do not prevent your {{L|Hammerer}} from killing or maiming your dwarves. {{L|Shell}}, {{L|bone}} and {{L|leather}} commonly acquired by {{L|hunting}} and {{L|fishing}} need to be supplied by previously established livestock and access to suitable water. If these resources are no longer available to your workers, moody {{L|craftsdwarf|craftsdwarves}} will be driven into suicide or worse. Rotten {{L|vermin}} {{L|corpse}}s begin to heap in your food supply, forcing you to dump these into inside {{L|refuse|refuse pile}}s, generating {{L|miasma}}. Better build indoor refuse piles away from trafficked areas. Unless an {{L|well|interior water supply}} was established (or you find water in caverns) your wounded will die of dehydration.

With all these critical industries unproductive, dwarves dying, and friends mourning over the rotting heaps of slain loved ones, it's important to remember your dwarves have nothing to do but throw funeral receptions, hold grief counseling sessions and host the occasional keg stand. This means they've all become one big happy family of friends, manically depressed from the loss of any dwarf.

In short, the attacking army can simply wait until your dwarves emo themselves to death.

===Failed Modding===
Mod too much and the human caravan that comes in could spontaneously combust. Or just crash your game.

====HFS====
''(Hidden Fun Stuff)''

If you don't want {{L|Hidden Fun Stuff|spoilers}}, trust us: you'll ''know'' when you've found it. It's a great deal of ''fun''.

{{Category|Guides}}

v0.31:Bedroom

2011-11-21T17:39:47Z

Kogut: families -> spouse

{{av}}
{{Quality|Exceptional|06:22, 15 July 2010 (UTC)}}

A '''bedroom''' is a {{l|room}} defined from a {{l|bed}}. Bedrooms are automatically claimed by {{l|dwarves}} (or spouse of dwarves); or they may be manually assigned to a dwarf. Once a bedroom has an owner, it becomes the private quarters for that dwarf, where he/she will {{l|sleep}},store any belongings that are not carried, and hang out in if there is no {{l|activity zone|meeting area}}. Alternatively, a bedroom may be designated as a {{l|barracks}} or {{l|dormitory}}.

==Setup and ownership==
To create a bedroom, you must first craft a {{l|bed}} in a {{l|carpenter's workshop}}, then {{k|b}}uild it. Dwarves will not sleep in beds which have been produced in a workshop until they are placed via the build menu. Dwarves will sleep in beds that are built, but will not claim them until they are properly designated as a bedroom. To turn a bed into a bedroom, you must {{k|q}}uery the bed, make a bed{{k|r}}oom out of it, and set it to the desired size.

A dwarf with no bedroom will automatically claim an unowned bedroom upon sleeping in it. The player can also manually assign bedrooms or change the ownership from one dwarf to another. Married couples have joint ownership of a single bedroom and sleep in the same bed; {{l|children|babies}} will also share a bedroom with their mother until they grow into children. A single dwarf may be assigned multiple bedrooms.

===Other furniture===
Turning a bed into a bedroom makes all other pieces of {{l|furniture}} in the room (such as {{l|cabinet}}s and {{l|container|coffer}}s) usable by the dwarf that owns the bedroom. Owning furniture (especially high-quality furniture) gives dwarves happy {{l|thought}}s, and cabinets and coffers give them a place to store their possessions.

To remove a bedroom, {{k|q}}uery the bed that the room comes from and {{k|f}}ree it. The bedroom will be removed, and the bed will become a normal, constructed bed.



==Design tips==
[[Image:Dwarven_Housing.png|thumb|right|A true dwarf does not care for pretty designs or "privacy". For a dwarf, a bedroom is a hole where he dumps his body for rest and his {{l|Useless crap}} for storage, to never touch again.]]
{{main|Bedroom design}}
The living quarters of a fortress can take up a very large area, and since there will be constant {{l|traffic}} of dwarves going to and from their bedrooms, it is important to put some thought into the placement of the bedrooms. Simply making a long hall with rooms branching off from it is a simple method, but dwarves living at the end of the hall will have to travel a long time, and there will be a lot of dwarves bumping into each other at the entrance of the hall. Making multilevel living complexes can dramatically reduce the amount of time it takes for dwarves to travel to their bedrooms.

There is no need to build massive palaces for the average dwarf. They will get happy {{l|thoughts}} just from having a bedroom to claim as their own, though bigger and shinier ones will make them happier. Three tiles gives enough room for a {{l|bed}}, a {{l|cabinet}}, and a {{l|chest}}, everything a dwarf needs. These pieces of furniture do ''not'' block movement.

{{Buildings}}
{{Category|Rooms|Bedroom}}

v0.31:Trading

2011-11-16T08:46:10Z

Kogut: /* Bugs */ -''Sometimes''

{{quality|Exceptional|07:56, 19 January 2011 (UTC)}}{{av}}
{{Buggy}}

'''Trading''' in Dwarf Fortress first occurs in the first {{L|Calendar|autumn}} after establishing your fortress, with the arrival of the {{L|dwarf|Dwarven}} {{L|Trading#Caravans|caravan}}. Trading is a good way to acquire resources that are not available or are rare in the local area. It also allows for more freedom in selecting starting gear or purchase of additional skills for the expedition party, because items can always be obtained through trade later.

'''Trader''' is the term used at your Trade Depot to refer to your fortress {{l|Broker}} when dealing with merchants in a visiting caravan ({{key|r}} - "''Trader requested at Depot"''). As a {{L|profession}}, the term usually only applies to visiting merchants, or to a dwarf whose highest {{L|skill}} is {{L|Appraiser}}.

== Trade Depot ==
Building a {{L|Trade depot}} is a requisite for trade with caravans that arrive at your fortress.

While it may be convenient to build a Trade Depot outside at first, it is usually a really good idea to move it inside or build walls, bridges and other fortifications around it to protect caravans and your goods from animals (guzzlers), {{L|thief|thieves}} and {{L|goblin}}s.

Everything that is on your map belongs to you, except:
* the items of non-fortress members (only if they are alive, when they are dead they belong to you if you claim the items),{{Verify}}
* the items that are on merchant animals{{Verify}}
* the items that are on the trade depot (they belong to the caravan until they are moved out of it)

See the {{L|Trade depot}} article for more information on how to interact with it.

==Trading Flowchart ==
{{:Trading/Flowchart}}
After entering the trade menu, select the items to offer from the right, and the desired items from the left. All caravans have a weight limit which cannot be exceeded, and the allowed additional weight is displayed in the lower right corner. If the acting broker has at least Novice or better {{L|Appraisal}} skill, the value of all items will be displayed. Once the proposal is ready, press {{K|t}} to propose the trade, but merchants will not agree unless they make adequate profit. Be sure to use '''trade''', not '''offer''' {{K|o}}, as this will make a gift of the selected items. The amount of acceptable profit is determined by the broker's {{L|Broker skills|skills}} and the merchant's mood, described below. Merchants may attempt to propose counteroffers if they do not accept the proposal, which can then be accepted, rejected, or further amended by the broker.

With more experienced brokers or pleased merchants, even marginally profitable trades can be successful, and counterproposals can be rejected safely, offering the same trade again. Note however that a low profit margin for the traders may not be desirable - it has been suggested that both export and profit numbers influence the size of next years caravan and, in the case of the dwarven caravan, immigration numbers.{{Verify}}

Goods brought by caravans do not have base quality higher than superior, but decorations on a good may be of any quality.{{Verify}}

== Trading cue colors ==

* '''Brown''' Items have been created (or modified) by your fortress. They can be traded away or offered as a gift.
* '''White''' Items were created by another source. They can be traded, but if one of these items has been selected, the entire selection cannot be offered as a gift.
* '''Purple''' Items are under a no-export mandate. If they are traded away it will result in disciplinary action (see [[justice]]) against the dwarf that brought the item to the depot.{{Verify}}
* '''Green''' Items have just been gifted to the caravan and they will not trade it back.
* '''Red''' Items have been seized from another caravan and cannot be traded as is; you will need to decorate them or turn them into other items for them to become "valid" trading items. However, a caravan from a different civilization ''may'' accept stolen goods without changing them first.{{verify}}

Note that containers (barrels, bins, etc) will be displayed according to the origin of the container, not the contents. So a foreign barrel holding locally-produced beer will display as foreign (white). Once you {{k|v}}iew the container, the locally-made contents are displayed as local (brown).

== Merchant mood ==
If your broker has Novice or better {{L|Judge of intent}} skill, there will be a line added below the merchant's dialogue describing the caravan's attitude. Their attitude rises with successful trades (especially if they get lots of profit) and falls when you propose deals they don't like.

* (trader) seems ecstatic with the trading
* (trader) seems very happy about the trading
* (trader) seems pleased with the trading
* (trader) seems willing to trade (Default, at least for humans)
* (trader) seems to be rapidly losing patience
* (trader) is not going to take much more of this
* (trader) is unwilling to trade

The happier you make a merchant, the less profit margin he will demand in a trade. If merchants reach the lowest level, no further trade will be possible, and they will immediately pack up and leave your depot. Since annoyed traders are more likely to reject deals, you should be generous in initial negotiations. Skilled negotiators seem less likely to offend traders with unsuccessful deals.

An easy way to capitalize on this mood system is to perform several partial trades. First trade for a few items, offering goods twice the value of the items you ask for (eg, offer 2000☼ for 1000☼ of his stuff). This will likely make the merchant ecstatic about trading with you. Exit the trade screen, unpause briefly, and then return to trading with a vengeance. With the merchant in such a good mood, he is more likely to counteroffer than reject a trade outright.

== Seizing items ==

Pressing {{K|s}} from the trade menu will seize the selected items of the merchant's. If you seize goods from a caravan, the merchant will respond "Take what you want. I can't stop you." and then leave immediately without the seized goods. Items cannot be seized from the dwarven caravan, and other races will not buy goods stolen from one of their caravans (then marked in red) unless they are tricked into asking for them via counteroffer, or the items are "laundered" by decoration or used to create other goods. Seizing goods will hurt diplomatic relations, but is not grounds for an automatic {{L|siege}}.{{Verify}}

Pressing the seize button while no goods are selected will result in the merchant interpreting your seizure as a joke. This apparently does nothing to benefit or hinder your trading.{{Verify}}

As a side note, if you deconstruct your trade depot with a caravan in it, all the caravan's items will drop to the ground, to be readily hauled away by your Dwarves. This does not mark the items as stolen, and the caravan will leave. However, ''next'' year's caravan is partly based on the profits from the previous year - so if you are relying on that race's caravans for needed items, you're hurting yourself in the long run.{{Verify}}

Another way to steal without marking as stolen is to forbid the trade depot just before they leave, causing them to leave their goods at the depot.{{Verify}}

Note that the civilization attached to a particular caravan will keep track of the value of items the caravan was carrying when they set out to trade, and they will compare this value with the value of items they return home with. Regardless of what method you use to confiscate items from a caravan, even if you came to possess the goods through no fault of your own (an {{L|ambush}} killed the caravaners, for example) the parent civilization may decide that you stole from them and send a {{L|siege}} instead of a caravan the following year. It is prudent to take measures to protect caravans visiting your lands!{{Verify}}

==Offering items==

{{key|o}} You can also give away items, as gifts to the leaders of the {{L|civilization}} you are trading with. This presumably helps relations between yourself and the other faction, though there is not yet a clear correlation between the value of the offerings and the improvement to relations. The exact effects of offerings on trading are unknown but it is believed due to the offerings' net trade value being counted towards the traders' profit, possibly with a modifier (possibly a multiplier of more than 1 as a bonus or less than 1 to compensate for the improved relations){{Verify}}, which in turn increases the quantity and variety of trade goods brought by next year's caravan. Also the {{L|King}} requires offerings to be made before his arrival.(5,000 in 0.31.25) You cannot offer items that were not made at your fortress; the traders do not want your spare goblin harvest clothes.

'''''Note:''' There are currently no benefits to offering goods to your king; the game developers have stated that this is to be changed in future versions.'' ("''Req174, REASON FOR OFFERING, (Future): There's no point of offering goods to your own king right now.)"''

Unless you are looking for [[fun]], under no conditions should you offer or trade items which are wooden or used wood in their creation (glass, for example) to [[elves]], as this will insult the traders, and may cause them to leave or even damage relations enough to provoke a war between you and the elven civilization you traded with. They will be equally insulted by you trading back their wood-related items - their refusal to accept back their wooden items is probably a bug which will be removed in a later release, though this has not been verified. It is also worth noting that in-game the only way to acquire wood is by chopping down trees, so it is likely that the elves have developed a method of growing and acquiring wood without killing trees which will be included in later development (unless they are just cutting down trees that have already died naturally).

== Miscellaneous Trading Advice ==

* Several small trades, exiting the trade window each time, '''no longer''' increases the Broker's relevant skills during the early game. {{Verify}}
* Food inside the Trade Depot can go bad. Have a food stockpile nearby so you can quickly haul goods inside.
* Thieves and thieving critters tend to follow caravans. Expect assaults and intruders.
* Be careful about asking traders to bring lots of individual lightweight items (such as meat and fish) as it can result in traders taking a very long time to unload their goods. Unless the path to your depot is extremely long, though, this is unlikely to cause significant problems.{{Verify}}
* Create your trading depot inside your fort, preferably in the beginning. Place a 3-tile wide path (which must be free of obstructions such as stairways) to the entrance of the fort and line this with traps; this will help to protect the traders and keep the depot close to your supplies.
* All caravans will bring extra food (meat and edible plants) and wooden logs if the supplies of your fortress are low enough, independent of whether or not you requested them. This does not apply in the case that the weight limit is exceeded by (other) items you requested. The supply situation, as observed by traders, is based solely on the number of unforbidden items in your fortress, whether stockpiled or utilized in buildings (such as wooden axles, water wheels, windmills, or workshops); thus, it is possible to trick caravans into thinking your supplies are low by {{L|forbid}}ding all of your relevant stocks immediately prior to their arrival.  This also seems to apply to elven caravans bringing {{L|cloth}} (except that cloth that's turned into {{L|clothing}}, {{L|bag}}s or {{L|rope}} isn't counted). So if you want elven caravans to ''stop'' bringing cloth, buy up all the cloth that the first few caravans bring and stash them somewhere.
* Define your trade depot as a burrow. When traders arrive, you can add your broker or another dwarf, perhaps one you want to train in trading, to the burrow. They will head to the depot immediately, and stay there until you remove them from the burrow.
* Elves will trade [[Tame]] exotic creatures; '''however,''' once purchased, these creatures will not show up on the Animal section of the [[Status]] screen if you do not have a [[Dungeon Master]] (a noble position that is currently bugged).

== Caravans ==
Each friendly race will send a caravan per year, linked to one season, which is autumn for dwarves, summer for humans, spring for elves. In rare cases, goblins will show up in winter.{{verify}} However, in the first year only a dwarven caravan will arrive, although it will tend to arrive later than mid-autumn, unlike previous versions {{verify}}. Caravans will only show up if that race considers the fortress site accessible (as denoted on the embark screen), with the exception of dwarves, who always arrive unless they are extinct.{{verify}} Caravans appear to enter the map from a random direction which does not coincide with the relative direction of the originating {{L|civilization}}, and they may appear from different directions or z-levels each year. Caravans may leave without trading if it takes too long to reach the trade depot. Caravans will embark on their journey back exactly one month after their arrival, whether they have succeeded in reaching the depot or not.{{Verify}}

Note that if traders or their animals are prevented from leaving, they will eventually go {{L|insane}}.

Also worth mention is the pathing behavior of the entire caravan. If one member of the caravan reaches a block in their chosen path (ie. a raised drawbridge that was lowered when they entered the map) the entire caravan will re-path, instead of encountering the obstacle one by one.

== Liaisons ==
{{L|Liaison}}s may be sent with caravans to speak to important dwarves (and they ''will'' speak to those dwarves, even if they have to wait at their bedside in the hospital for months after the caravan has left). Liaisons allow you to choose the type of items that your fortress is interested in, and will focus on bringing more of that kind of item on the next caravan (however, those items will also be more expensive). In turn, they will present a list of the items they're willing to pay more for, which will be effective upon their next arrival.

Trade agreements can be viewed at a later time through the Civilization menu ({{k|c}}). These trade agreements are cleared when a liaison of the corresponding civilization enters the screen, so they are generally not accessible after the caravan has arrived.

If a liaison is prevented from leaving, they will eventually go {{L|insane}}. {{Verify}}

==== {{L|Dwarves}} ====
:''"Our fortunes rise and fall together"''

The dwarven caravan:
* arrives in {{L|Calendar|autumn}}.
* carries metal bars, {{L|leather}}, weapons and armor, food and booze, and more. Dwarves alone may bring {{L|steel}} and steel goods. They can still bring steel (and steel goods) and {{L|pig iron}} bars even if they do not have access to {{L|iron}}, but will not bring iron products.
* is well guarded.
* sends a liaison who will speak with the {{L|Expedition leader}}, {{L|Mayor}}, {{L|Baron}}, {{L|Count}}, or {{L|Duke}} to negotiate an import-export agreement (unless the {{L|Monarch}} is present).
* influences the number of immigrants received (if the caravan leaves intact).{{verify}}
* will not cause sieges when repeatedly destroyed or lost.
* is the only caravan to arrive during a fortress' first year.
* always arrives regardless of embark location, as long as the dwarven civilization is not extinct.{{verify}}
* cannot have its goods seized from the trade menu.
* may not arrive if your civilization lacks any notable figures.

==== {{L|elf|Elves}} ====
[[Image:Evil_elves.png|thumb|400px|A typical elven caravan.]]

The elven caravan:
* arrives in the {{L|Calendar|spring}}.
* carries {{L|cloth}}, {{L|rope}}s, various above-ground seeds, {{L|plant}}s and their byproducts, {{L|log}}s, {{L|wood}}en goods & {{L|weapon}}s, clothing and {{L|armor}}, and may carry tame exotic {{L|creature}}s.
* is unguarded.
* does not accept some items in trade:

Elven traders do not like to be offered any tree byproducts. Forbidden items include:

* {{L|Wood}}en items (including subterranean mushrooms such as {{L|tower-cap}}s)
* Items derived from wood - {{L|ash}} and {{L|charcoal}}, as well as {{L|lye}}, {{L|potash}}, and {{L|pearlash}}
* Items made from clear and crystal {{L|glass}} (due to the {{L|pearlash}} used) - green glass appears to be perfectly acceptable
* Items {{L|decoration|decorated}} with any of the above materials
* {{L|Obsidian}} shortswords (since they have wooden handles)
* {{L|Soap}} (made with {{L|lye}})

Offering or trading forbidden items will cause the mood of the trader to drop rapidly, causing them to refuse to trade any more that season and leave immediately. Additionally you will be called uncouth, crude, and barbaric for not understanding their customs.

However, {{L|stone}} and {{L|metal}} items, even when {{L|charcoal}} is used in production, are acceptable. Items made from {{L|silk}} are acceptable, as are all non-wooden plant-derived products such as {{L|cloth}} and {{L|thread}}. Items made of bone (totems too), horn, shell or leather are acceptable, so are meat and fish. You can also transport your goods to the {{L|trade depot}} in a wooden {{L|bin}}, as long as you do not try to sell the bin. Living animals are acceptable, as long as the {{L|cage}} or {{L|trap}} is not made of {{L|wood}}.

Be especially careful with reselling decorated items from other caravans, as non-wood/glass items may have decorations of wood or clear/crystal glass. All such items that elven caravans sell are also unacceptable to sell back to elves, as the dwarves have no means of proving that they were made in an "elf kosher" way — and all dwarves know that elves have terrible memory.

==== {{L|Human}}s ====
The human caravan:
* arrives in {{L|Calendar|summer}}.
* carries metal bars, sand, {{L|leather}}, cloth, wood, food and booze, ropes, waterskins, quivers, backpacks, metal weapons and clothing and armor, cages and a few domestic animals.
* is moderately guarded.

==== {{L|Goblin}}s{{Verify}} ====
A goblin caravan ''may'' arrive if your civilization is at peace with the goblins.

The goblin caravan:
*will arrive every season, four times per year{{verify}}
*unguarded
*brings mostly food and cloth
*does not send a liaison or a guild representative
*does not make import/export agreements

== Destruction ==
If caravans are destroyed (intentionally or unintentionally), the items may remain for use. Traders caught in a {{L|cave-in}} will flee as if they were attacked, but will leave all the items dropped by the caravan behind. Pack animals carrying items are affected just like a normal tamed {{L|mule}} and must be killed in the cave-in for them to drop items on the ground. It is however much more likely that the pack animals will only be stunned or rendered unconscious, and flee shortly after recovering from the hit.

While caravans can defend themselves, they don't like being ambushed. An encounter with unfriendly creatures resulting in the death of any merchant or pack animal will cause them to retreat and forget about trading with you for the season. Repeated caravan destruction (intentional or unintentional) will strain diplomatic relations and may result in a {{L|siege}}.

== Caravan Delay ==
If a caravan has arrived at your trade depot and is unable to leave for about six months after they arrived, the merchants and animals will go insane. This can result in a bunch of merchants attacking your dwarves, or just standing around moping until they starve to death. It is not known for certain if this hurts diplomatic relations, but most likely it's the same as any case where the entire caravan fails to return home.{{Verify}}

If you have locked the caravan into your fortress to hold out against a siege, it's a good idea to station a squad of soldiers near the trade depot in case the merchants {{L|Insanity#Types|go berserk}}. You may also want to make the depot a restricted area to encourage civilians to go around it. Alternatively, you can design the trade depot using drawbridges, so that it can be sealed off from the rest of the fortress during a siege.

If you want the merchants to leave safely, you can build four or more tunnels to each corner of the map, connected to your fortress only by drawbridges. As long as there is no other way to enter and exit your fortress, invaders and merchants will both go towards any tunnel that you activate. You can lock the merchants into the trade depot, and then open a tunnel entrance on one side of the map to make the invaders head towards that tunnel. When they get close to it, you can close it, and then open the entrance on the other side of the map, and let the traders out of the depot. If your fortress and depot are in the middle of the map, this will give the traders quite a head-start to get away.{{Verify}}

Merchants can leave the map from any map edge-- including underground map edges. If an unobstructed path through your fortress reaches an edge, then blocking an overland path will cause the merchants to travel underground. This can be useful, if you're suffering a prolonged siege; it can also be dangerous, if your underground regions are less secure than your surface.

Caravan guards cannot be starved, dehydrated, or driven to insanity if prevented from leaving, their employers and animals will however.

== Bugs ==

*No one brings wagons, even if there is a clear path to your depot. {{bug|197}}
*Wild animals cannot be traded; when a dwarf attempts to move the caged animal to the Depot, the creature is set free.Only aggressive animals?
*If your {{L|hospital}} isn't already stocked with the specified amount of thread/cloth, your dwarves will carry off as much from the caravan as they need to fill it. {{Bug|66}}
*Caravans show up very late in the season. {{Bug|1756}}

== Loyalty cascade ==
*If you order your military to kill merchants from your own civilization, your soldiers will simultaneously become members ''and'' enemies of your civilization, resulting in a civil war within your fortress. When this happens, all current members of the fortress (excluding incoming migrants) will turn on each other yet they will still be seen as normal working dwarves in the status screens. This will only last for those who were alive ''during'' the attack, they will always be hostile to everyone including incoming migrants (yet they still do their jobs/ follow military orders and work as dwarves although they will interrupt other's work. They will not be shown as enemies in the Units screen).

== Exploits ==

*If you destroy the Depot while they are unloaded you will get the leaving message but they will leave before the building is completely destroyed, so they will not reclaim any of their stuff because it is not available until the building is fully deconstructed. However any animals they had caged will only become friendly, you won't actually own them.

If you wait some time (2-3 months{{verify}}), you can "claim" animals by linking a lever to the cage and opening it, the animals will be released in a tamed state. Check the 'u'nit screen before releasing them; if the creatures still show as Merchant creatures, they will wander off the map when released; if they show as Tame creatures, they will stay once released.

Main Page/Quote

2011-11-15T08:55:05Z

Kogut: fix rand

<noinclude>
Please limit quotes to ~135 characters or less (longest below are longer than that, but remain as "legacy" from Toady etc.). Longer quotes may be deleted.

Do not use equals signs or vertical bars in your quotes or they will break.

When adding a quote, be sure to update the {{tl|rand|###}} number.

[[Category:Humor and stories]]
----
</noinclude>{{#switch:{{rand|132}}|
|1=I can't put my finger on it. Something about this [[Fire|‼]]Cat tallow roast[[Fire|‼]] tastes funny.
|2=Toady withdraws from society. Toady has begun a [[Strange mood|mysterious]] construction!
|3=Let us never forget the last words of Inod the Stoker, [http://archive.dwarffortresswiki.net/index.php/Fortress_Paintrag#1056 "Aaah! Gorillas!"]
|4=[[Children|Newborn]] Zuglar Baldnessgranite prefers to consume Gorilla. A sure sign of his unparalleled strength!
|5=[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-image.php In an unrelated article] - I had no idea elephants could bounce that high!
|6=[[Toady]] looses a roaring laughter, [[Fey|fell]] and terrible! Toady has butchered a spammer!
|7=The critical question is this: do elf bones yield more crossbow bolts than the average number of bolts necessary to kill an elf?
|8="Dwarf Fortress" ... "Like chess, only with short people that can catch on [[fire]] like [[clothing|rags]] soaked in tar, and lots of [[booze]]." ... "Like chess."
|9=Dwarf Fortress has taught me that all the world's problems would be substantially reduced had our parent civilizations never minted more than four stacks of [[coins]].
|10=[[Booze]] does all the work in forts. Dwarves are just booze exoskeletons.
|11=My unconscious and bleeding [[mayor]] just mandated the construction of some goods.
|12=I can just imagine a wagon throwing a tantrum and tossing all its contents at people.
|13=Döbesh Udosdeb has been ecstatic lately. He was forced to eat a friend to survive. He enjoyed a truly decadent meal.
|14=Iron [[screw pump]] exercise equipment. Pump iron and get superdwarvenly strong!
|15=The violence, aggression, pain, madness, sadness of the ASCII characters never ceases to amaze me...
|16=Wait, you're MAKING animals? —''Torak'' At this moment, yes, I am smelting cows. —''Spiders Everywhere''
|17="Didn't you read the manual? He he he he... the manual... ..." --[[Toady One]]
|18=(Compared to real-world years) Dwarven years are shorter. --Sowelu Very fitting to dwarves, I must add. --Sean Mirrsen
|19=[[Magma]] is not a [[water]] source. Dwarves can't drink it or supply it to their wounded. --[[User:AlienChickenPie|AlienChickenPie]]
|20="[B]oats are the enemy of tiles. And tiles are the enemy of boats." --[[Toady One]]
|21="I went through and fixed a few places where forbidden/on fire weren't being respected for next time. Burning milkable creatures were still a problem for example." --[[Toady One]]
|22="You have been processed! Go forth, now, and edit!" --[[User:Savok|Savok]]
|23="What happened in 1048?" "Jreengus occurred."
|24=Making rock instruments isn't nearly as awesome as it sounds --Shandrunn
|25=The cyclops I was quested to kill had a thousand year history of badassery, and all of that without the leg it lost in the Year 3 (a dwarf bit it off... I should probably deal with that). --[[Toady One]]
|26=[FIREIMMUNE] makes them think that [[magma]] is safe but doesn't actually make them fireproof. This can lead to some rather interesting results.
|27=Endok Cerolneth has begun a mysterious construction! Endok Cerolneth, Planter has given birth to a girl.
|28="Incendia sunt socia vestra, armaque vestra, fortesque Montis Domi." "Magma is your ally, your weapon, the strength of the Mountain-Home." --Eita
|29="Stopped people from giving quests to kill themselves." --[[Toady One]]
|30="...And I simply doubt we have a need for 7 fishery workers. On top of that, a second soap maker. The hell IS soap?!" --Zero
|31="This is a terrible pun. All craftsdwarfship is of the poorest quality." - [http://tinyurl.com/6yruly Soup_alex]
|32="The default mental state of a dwarf is madness. Sanity is a temporary condition - a PRIVILEGE you have to EARN!" --[[User:Fedor|Fedor]]
|33="Why get normal cats? I buy lolcats in the embark screen. Much more fun to engrave about them." --Yanlin
|34="Dwarf Fortress taught me it was okay to make a suit out of my neighbour's skin, as long as I gave it a name."
|35="Got rid of world gen crash during succession after death of prolific long-standing position holders with inbred descendants" --[[Toady One]]
|36="There was a typo in the siegers' campfire code. When the fires went out, so did the game." --[[Toady One]]
|37="Hey, what does that flashing red and orange text mean? What? Why is there smoke everywhere? Oh god, are those BABIES on fire?" --[[User:StrawberryBunny|StrawberryBunny]]
|38="It's never 'just a game' when you're losing." --George Carlin (if he played Dwarf Fortress)
|39=Not that building a bridge out of soap makes much sense to begin with anyway.
|40=Note that while you cannot milk larger animals yourself, civilizations can still milk animals "off screen" for your benefit.
|41=Tosid Idenarzes likes tentacle demons for their corrupt intentions. "There! Now we've covered all of the seven deadly sins."
|42="Litast Idenudesh, baby, is throwing a tantrum! Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has lost consciousness. Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has bled to death."
|43="Known bug #780: Town guard becomes a criminal after getting an adventurer's stolen weapon stuck in his body."
|44="Udib Toblumaid, Axedwarf, cancels sparring in Barracks: too insane." [[User:Ben jamm1n|Ben jamm1n]]
|45=Kosoth Cilobonol, Bone Carver cancels Drink: Unconscious.
|46=Sizir the Snail of Bait is a deity of The Fresh Towers. Sizir most often takes the form of a female dwarf and is associated with jealousy.
|47=Sibrek Tanbim likes Limestone, Tin, Smoky Quartz, the color crimson, bolts, scepters, anvils, and rock blocks for their lack of quality levels.
|48=There are 5 articles in category Lore: Armok, Cave Adaptation, Elephant, Philosopher, and Vomit.
|49=There is nothing to catch in the magma pipe.
|50=Bug #563: mayor ordered himself beaten for failing to make crystal glass objects
|51=If cow cheese is made from cow's milk, what is dwarven cheese made of?
|52=Bugs are opportunities to cause unprecedented amounts of destruction. --Zorgn
|53="You know, Urist, you've got a mind like an +Ash Trap+."--[[User:Destor|Destor]]
|54='''Zander J:''' "Is there a way to stop immigration without setting the population cap?" '''Yanlin:''' "Magma."
|55=An animal trainer just suddenly stopped working and hid himself in a workshop. He's probably going to make a wardog out of rock and goblin skulls.
|56=Bug #597: Flying creatures give birth in midair, leading to tragedy.
|57='''Urdim Kutamèrith, Pump Operator, has created Rakusttenshed, a Glumprong blowgun!''' Urdim, you are a freaking idiot.
|58=<Forkez> I don't get the game, but I do get that tunnels flooded with water is a bad thing.
|59="If you give a dwarf a fire, he will be warm for a night. If you set a dwarf on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life."
|60="Since the Elves said they won't let me cut down any trees, I bought 50 of their logs instead."
|61=Do not make a trading race that breathes fire. I REPEAT, DON'T!! EVER!!
|62=Dwarf Fortress: Because burning elves are funny.
|63=The carp has drowned.
|64=There's one thing a dwarf needs, and that's stones. And alcohol... and magma... but mainly stones.
|65="I swear to god once I saw a dwarf who was labeled as being Strong, Very Agile, Very Tough... and ''Clean''. But it was probably just a bad dream."
|66=Urist McRandy has been ecstatic lately. He brought somebody to bed lately.
|67="Dwarven children kidnapped and incorporated into goblin society might sh... shave." --Toady One
|68=Bug #871: babies fall to death when born on stairs
|69=Bug #1031: a merchant pack animal caught at an old dwarf site during adv mode was wearing a full set of clothes
|70="[[Magma]] solves everything. [[Fire]] just ruins the [[booze]]." -sonerohi
|71=You can't yet strangle people with the exposed guts, though I suppose that's now within reach. --[[Toady One]]
|72=Look, there are roving clumps of sentient lava outside, ... This isn't going to get better. --PTTG??
|73=...and the only surviving dwarf is a noble who has mandated the construction of crowns and clear glass items to the empty halls. --PTTG??
|74=Adil Idenlocun is conflicted: "When possible he prefers to consume purring maggot, Dwarven ale and Dwarven syrup. He absolutely detests purring maggots."
|75="I had to leave just before I tested the dwarf with the boiling gold blood." -- Toady the Great One
|76=Urdim Zatinod has been quite content lately. She has lost an annoying friend to tragedy lately.
|77=I added two levers. One opens the magma. The other sets free all the cats. --Someone in Headshoots
|78="As Manbaspecut, Human Merchant is stricken by melancholy!" "Muskox has gone stark raving mad!" I think something is wrong with the human caravan...
|79="Somebody needs to build an active volcano inside a fortress inside an active volcano." --Boksi
|80=It has stats. It can be killed.
|81=Bug #432: Bones pop out of coffins.
|82=Thanks. I wish I had known that about three forts ago.
|83=If I ''remembered'' what the damn lever did, I'd ''pull'' it! <...pulls lever anyway...>
|84=Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine.
|85="So let me get this straight. We managed to destroy a dwarven civilization while only managing a single town??"
|86=Kara Mase, the Glory of Amusing: Engraved on the wall is an image of a dwarf and an elf. The dwarf is committing a depraved act on the elf.
|87=Once saw a water skin with red beryl spikes. I still wonder how you would drink from that.
|88=Watching a kobold thief be chased by batman is very satisfying.
|89=Kol Tölunimush has been ecstatic lately. He killed somebody by accident while sparring recently. He took joy in slaughter lately. He has lost a lover to tragedy lately. He has witnessed death. He had a satisfying sparring session recently.
|90=There was kind of a violent explosion of boiling human blood when I was testing a human vs a magma man in the arena... it was a little weird, but I guess that's okay. --[[Toady One]]
|91=Mew? Chop!
|92="If Dwarf Fortress geology is to be believed, then the Earth's core is made of microline and demons."
|93='They're firing arrows at us! Quickly! Raise the babies!!' -Urdim McSquadLeader, mother of 8
|94=It started raining, then all my dwarves outside started bleeding to death. On inspection their upper bodies were missing.
|95=It seems that a fresh recruit given a crossbow and a quiver with ammo in it will opt to run up to the enemy and bash them with the crossbow.
|96=Bug introduced in the latest version: Firemen can have their flames severed. These flames then just lie around the place.
|97=You stab Iron Man in the right leg from behind with your adamantine short sword, breaking away a piece of the gas and shattering the iron! The Beak Dog is caught in a burst of Iron Man gas! Beak Dog vomits into the Iron Man gas.
|98=Urist McDairy, Milker cancels store item in stockpile: handling dangerous creature
|99=Ildomushat, Fish Cleaner, cancels Clean Self: Could not find path.
|100=Losing is [[Fun]]!!! --The Motto of Dwarf Fortress
|101=I hate walking under dwarven archways. You never know how many mechanized crossbows they have hidden underneath those damn things.
|102="Bibo ergo sum. I drink, therefore I am." -- Dwarven Philosopher
|103=This is a menacing iron spike. This object menaces with spikes of iron.
|104=Kogsak is a deity of The Helpful Diamond. Kogsak most often takes the form of a dwarf and is associated with fortresses.
|105=The Forgotten Beast pushes The Wrestler in the head, bruising the muscle, driving the skull through the brain, and tearing apart the brain! The Wrestler has been struck down!
|106=Goblin Chops at the Diagnostician in the right leg, damaging the muscle! Urist McHouse is Unconscious!
|107=Limul Itebdesis, trader has been Possessed. Limul Itebdesis, trader has created Stodir Isethlolor, a Mortgage-Backed Security!
|108=The heart wound ended up being a guy getting shot in the arm, dropping his crossbow, running over to the opposing line, and jabbing his stack of bolts into somebody's chest.
|109=Giant mole has stolen a preserved prepared giant mole lung! ''"Hey, I want my grandfather back!"''
|110="You must construct additional barrels!" - [[User:Speed112]]
|111=All I want is a major river next to a volcano with flux, sand and bituminous coal.
|112=Do not taunt magma.
|113=I bury my pets in gold coffins and my nobles in wood coffins. Pets before people, I say.--[[KingAuggie]]
|114=[the cavern] is basically like the surface, except underground
|115=The fortress' randomly generated name was "Greatestfailure".
|116="You stab the Human Thresher in the mouth with your large copper dagger, tearing the left cheek!" "The large copper dagger has lodged firmly in the wound!"
|117="The best way to determine how dangerous a fortress is, is to make only one dwarf with the burial job, and nothing else: the lower his social skills, the more dangerous the fortress is - [[User:Rhenaya|Rhenaya]]"
|118="Before retiring in the evening, heed my words and give yourself to volcanos" - Ted Usmokatra, law-giver
|119=Upon coming of age, about 8, Urist McYoung Made an artifact, became mayor and promptly mandated the construction of slade goods.
|120=Dwarf Fortress: You've already lost.
|121=A sober fortress makes even a mental hospital seem like a pleasant place to live.
|122=A typical Dwarven nightmare consists of running out of booze or getting a beard lopped off in an accident.
|123=There are two ways of dealing with goblins in a tree. One is by marksdwarves. The other is by flooding the world with magma.
|124=Portal and Dwarf Fortress share a mystical trend. It is !!Science!!.
|125=The were-capybara is only one of the myriad lunatic monsters that terrorize the living. -- Threetoe
|126=The only time I ever saw the stupid thing fly, was to cross the aqueduct, to the beer hall. -- Fredd
|127=(On artifacts) I got a flint door, called The Noiseless Odors. -- Nyxalinth
|128=So apparently she became queen before becoming a twilight freak wife. Fascinating. -- Samuel
|129=The zombies in a necromancer's tower became suspicious after the necromancer failed to age -- Toady One
|130=Got a few barrels of beetle ichor and duck blood, gave some pig cheese in exchange. Made a present of three coffins to the queen.
|131=I'd have to look back to see if it wants the physical or metaphysical id on the corpse. -- Toady One
|132=The Sasquatch corpse has lodged firmly in the wound! The goblin has been struck down!
}}

Talk:Main Page/Quote

2011-11-15T08:46:32Z

Kogut: /* Game Features: How much you want? System Requirements: How much you got? */

'''BIG BOLD & UGLY WARNING: Extreme levels of stupidity makes the administrator step in. When the administrator steps in, pages disappear or get locked.''' --[[User:Briess|Briess]] 17:08, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

== How to add quotes: ==

* Go to the line of the last quote.
* Add a line immediately after it (this should be before the closing }} brackets)
* type "|YOUR-QUOTE-HERE" on that line
:(The quote number is not functionally necessary, but it allows keeping track of how many quotes there are without counting)
* Look at the first line of the template
:It should look something like this:
<pre>{{Choose|c={{rand|37}}</pre>
*Adjust the number that is in the place of the 37 to reflect the number of quotes in the list.
*Preview your reply to make sure nothing is broken (or someone will be able to see it on the main page before it gets fixed)
*Profit!
[[User:VengefulDonut|VengefulDonut]] 00:34, 27 February 2008 (EST)

== When to add quotes: ==

So. We have a small problem here. People add quotes, people remove quotes, people un-remove quotes, and people make edit war. Suggestion: 
:Rough guidelines for [[Main Page/Quote]]:
:*New quotes are freely added.
:*Those quotes are freely removed.
:*If <user> wants to get quotes re-added, <user> can make a section here stating that they should be and asking for opinion.
:*If consensus doesn't state "no, don't re-add them" for a while, the quotes can be freely added.
:*If <user2> wants to get quotes re-removed once the previous consensus is old, <user2> can make a similar section.
:*Etcetera.
--[[User:Savok|Savok]] 18:24, 7 March 2009 (EST)
::I approve. --[[User:Senso|Senso]] 18:53, 7 March 2009 (EST)
__TOC__

{{Archive|
# [[Talk:Main Page/Quote/archive1|Archive 1]]
}}

== Redirects in Quotes ==

Do you guys really think we should have [[]]'s in quotes? They mights help a bit, but it seems to take away a bit of the vibe. Thoughts about taking them down?
:I think the links are appropriate for drawing in and directing new users. --[[User:Briess|Briess]] 17:47, 10 October 2009 (UTC)

== Inappropriate Undo ==

While you are free to re-add a removed quote, removal is a call to review those quotes which were removed. Undo is a blatant violation of that, as it doesn't necessitate even *looking* at what was removed. As such, I am undoing the undo, and ask that if the person wishes to re-add any of the quotes that he deliberately re-add the ones he actually thinks are funny. (Do note I moved a couple around because it was easier instead of de-incrementing numbers). Also, re-adding necessitates a discussion on this page - please have one before re-adding. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 20:09, 16 October 2009 (UTC)
: I want them back, 4 of the 5 were funny as they were, and there's no need to trim them since they doesnt break the page layout. Actually, I find your undo of the undo annoying, since they were fine quotes. --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 20:48, 16 October 2009 (UTC)
::I deleted more than 5... =P And I moved some because it was easier than changing numbers. Which ones did you think were funny - I mean, we can have the discussion, but we need to have a discussion before they get re-added. (Also, the carp one is totally funnier with just the game quote) --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 23:50, 16 October 2009 (UTC)

== Seriously, Guys ==

I forget DF for a few months and you remove almost an entire kilobyte of quotes, along with the stupid goatse one which, while awful, was long since victorious in the protracted and bitter war over whether it should stay and in what form. Yes, it's quite clear you don't like some quotes. Yes, anyone is allowed to remove quotes but it's almost always the same very few people that do so, and the rules are clearly designed in your favor(delete anything you want with no justification, but add things only once unless you can change the deleter's mind). Would it kill you to at least '''add''' a little content to this page alongside removing so much? If I decided the main page was ugly and REMOVED IT wouldn't that still be a loss of content? Wouldn't it be rude of me to expect others to fill in holes I leave? --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:51, 25 October 2009 (UTC)

::Corona688, you have argued that the current system for deleting and undeleting quotes is bad. You have asked people who have removed quotes to be constructive instead. Let's turn this request around: when it comes to the issue of quote policy, please be constructive instead. I am sure you will be hard pressed to find anyone who disagrees with your complaints about the current system. They are all valid. However, despite these shortcomings, nobody has come up with a better one. If we decided the current policy was bad and just removed it without replacement, we would be worse off. "''Wouldn't it be rude of me to expect others to fill in holes I leave?''". [[User:VengefulDonut|VengefulDonut]] 00:19, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:::I have '''already''' suggested '''several''' things before. If you think I have no ideas, you haven't been paying attention. For the record, here are some I've suggested before:
::::Don't delete quote content if you can't put something else in its place!
::::Reverse the process -- make deleting harder than adding.
::::Utilize a '''little''' self-control to realize that your personal preferences don't define funny for the entire world.
:::How's that? --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 19:11, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

::::Could you be a little more specific? I'm not sure how you would go about actually implementing such a system. An example ruleset would help clear things up. [[User:VengefulDonut|VengefulDonut]] 14:22, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

:I didn't remove the goatsects one, and while i didn't find it funny, i did respect the consensus of the talk page regarding it. The one quote i did add was removed in like a month.
:However, removing stuff from this page is as important as adding stuff - both types of people are needed to ensure a quality page. Otherwise we end up either with lots of crappy quotes or very few quotes. So don't disparage one side of the equation - both are essential. That said, expecting the people adding things to be funnier wouldn't be too much to expect, would it? There's still a lot of not funny in the quote list, and a few that could be funny with a little editing. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 00:41, 26 October 2009 (UTC)
::Yes, we need both. Not many folks would bother adding quotes more than once as is though, so we're seeing a net loss of content. I don't think the primary deleters here represent the One And Only True Correct Sense Of Humor™®ⓒ, and the rules as is unfairly pit content creators against them. Almost nobody cares one way or another except about their own quotes, you can't expect a consensus to readd when a good one is deleted. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 16:57, 27 October 2009 (UTC)

:::We are not experiencing a net loss of content. [[User:VengefulDonut|VengefulDonut]] 00:19, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
::::Of course not. Which is why the file keeps getting smaller. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 19:07, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

== Ok, that's enough ==

Squirrelloid, you have your own humor, but don't try to impose it on other people. If you don't find something funny doesn't mean you have to remove it.

You removed these 3 lines with your last edit :
* had somebody shoot my toe off with a crossbow, which was cool... It just happened that the toe was narrow enough to be removed. -- Dev Log, 08/18/09
* Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine.
* Only in Dwarf Fortress would you try to catch a mermaid to butcher her and make trophies out of her bones.

The last one is taken from an epic forum topic, the second one is funny because of the focus the dwarf have on olivine. The first one is from the dev log...

By the way, where is it written than quote MUST be funny ? --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:27, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

::Re: Readding quotes
::One person is hardly consensus. Page policy:
:::"If <user> wants to get quotes re-added, <user> can make a section here stating that they should be and asking for opinion."
:::"If consensus doesn't state "no, don't re-add them" for a while, the quotes can be freely added."
::I certainly don't feel you've met the burden of that, and I certainly don't find those quotes funny.
::--[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 15:26, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

::: Make it two, with corona, there's no definite number of people needed AFAIK --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:35, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

::::Corona doesn't come down in favor of any particular quotes actually, nor did he contribute to the relevant discussion. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 15:40, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:::::By the time I find out about these massive content deletions it's usually weeks too late to do a darn thing. I'm not here continually. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:54, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

::Also, you can't just go re-instating an old version if there's multiple subsequent versions. You actually deleted new material.
::On those specific quotes. The Dev log quote sucks. The delivery is awful. There may be a good line with the same base material, but that is certainly not it.
::The second one is clearly not in-game, because its impossible to generate that, which severely detracts from its humor value.
::And I don't care how epic the thread was, the quote isn't at all interesting.
::--[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 15:31, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

Well, YOUR modification were not funny. So I removed them. If you want them back, you have to do a call for opinion :) --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:35, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

::Which, my new quote or my modification of the carp one? If you want to *remove* either, by all means, its your right. But to re-add the old material requires consensus on each and every individual quote, not just reverting. Its a violation of page policy. So stop. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 15:40, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:::Which you'll never, ever, ever get, and you know full well you'll never, ever, ever get. All it takes to break a consensus is you... The page policy is crafted carefully in your favor and you know it. Why don't YOU quit it? --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:54, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

== Request for opinion - Deleted quote ==

Since we have someone not funny at all who try to impose is humor, or lack of, on us, and since the guideline are there, even if they are not really clear or useful as stated by corona866... Here's a request for opinion on deleted quote.

Here's the list, just add under it if you want them back, or not. That way, no one is going to cry. In 2 weeks, enough time for the regular contributor to see this topic, we could add them back or not. --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
* ;-) --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

=== I had somebody shoot my toe off with a crossbow, which was cool... It just happened that the toe was narrow enough to be removed. -- Dev Log, 08/18/09 ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:no, don't re-add this --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. The language is confused, and the sentence after the ellipsis is redundant with the first part. (If its shot off, of course its removed...) Basically, this is a horrible mess of a line, and since its actually a direct quote it can't be modified (although it could be snipped - i could be convinced the line through the ellipsis is worth keeping, but i'd need to be convinced) --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
::This sentence actually makes perfect sense. He had his toe shot off. He comments that it was able to be shot off because it was just narrow enough. I found this dev log funny when I read it. I don't see any reason not to re-add this one. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:I don't get why toes being narrow lets you shoot it off with a crossbow. Not that funny I think. But, not terrible either. I wouldn't add it but I wouldn't kill it either. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 19:01, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

==="So let me get this straight. We managed to destroy dwarven civilization while only managing a single town??" --alway ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:no, don't re-add this --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. That's like every fortress ever? There is nothing surprising, interesting, or amusing about this quote --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Another one that actually has some humor at times. I mean, really, you can't expect all the quotes to be grade A funny. This one does have some hilarity to it because it actually is possible to have insane impact on the entire world despite only running a single fortress. Such as when suddenly the entire Elven population seems to have dwindled due to massive wars with your fortress. I think it's a nice one that should be in the quotes. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
::Actually, I can expect all the quotes to be grade A funny. That's the whole point of the page policy as it stands - bad quotes get removed and only the good ones remain. Fighting for quotes you know to be subpar defeats this purpose. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 01:17, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
:::See my reply to your other post. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 07:51, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
:I want this one in, obviously. The context is they'd killed their King by accident somehow, so they really did destroy all of dwarven civillization above and beyond what most games usually do. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:56, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

=== Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine. ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Want it back --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. Utterly boring, and clearly artificial since the game cannot generate that as a set of prefstrings. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:This is a good one. And Not artificial. This came from the dwarves that were generated randomly by ToadyOne to show off the new likes/dislikes/appearance/etc. It just so happened most of them liked olivine, a lot. Some liked it twice, and one crazy dwarf, Sarvesh, only liked it. And nothing else. I think it should be added back [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:Want it back. It's funny. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:57, 4 November 2009 (UTC)
:I like it [[User:Kogut|Kogut]] 08:44, 15 November 2011 (UTC)

=== Only in Dwarf Fortress would you try to catch a mermaid to butcher her and make trophies out of her bones. ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:no, don't re-add this --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. Boring, and are mermaids even butcherable? --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Not the best. One of the few I don't much see a use for. Mainly because it'd be funnier if the creature in question were a different animal. Like a cat. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:Don't like this one, myself. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:59, 4 November 2009 (UTC)
:I'd like to see this one back, along with a link to the page, or possibly another quote from that thread. Like the disturbing strategy to insure a constant supply of baby merpeople. --[[User:Nivm|Nivm]] 00:19, 27 January 2010 (UTC)
:This is from a hilarious thread. Here's the link to it: http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=25967.0 That is both the first page of the thread and the part with that particular quote. I also REALLY want that one. It's epic. --[[Special:Contributions/97.121.190.196|97.121.190.196]] 06:33, 21 February 2010 (UTC)

=== If I ''remembered'' what the &%^#*@! lever did, I'd ''pull'' it! <...pulls lever anyway...> ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Want it back --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. The material could be reworked, but the current presentation is crap. Would favor a reworded version of the same material. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:I'd only be okay with this one if it weren't so utterly annoying. "What the lever did" would work just the same and wouldn't look as stupid. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:It's funny. I'd like it back. And no, neutering it doesn't make it funnier Shardok... --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:57, 4 November 2009 (UTC)
::So it should instead say "If I ''remembered'' what the fucking lever did, I'd ''pull'' it!" Because plain and simple, what I am saying is that the &%^#*@! looks like shit. It's not to do with the Language. It's to do with that it uses a stupid way of presenting it by using the symbols instead. They look plain stupid and honestly shouldn't be necessary on the wiki. Even just normal * instead would look better, but I don't see the need to keep the symbols as they are. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 21:09, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

=== <nowiki>::facepalm::</nowiki> Thanks. I wish I had known that about three forts ago. ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Want it back --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. Don't see the value in posting something that every single player has probably thought at least 10 times. Its not noteworthy, much less funny or interesting. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:: I think it is a good quote just because every single player has probably thought at least 10 times... It´s typical DF. --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:16, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:::But why does that make it quote-worthy? It is neither especially witty, noteworthy, or interesting. I mean, there's lots of typical DF things that make for very poor quotes. You'll notice they *aren't on this page*. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:26, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
::::I think there are more poor quotes *on this page*, but I don´t think this one would be one of them. Just my opinion, let´s see what others think. --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:54, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:::::Ok, i definitely agree there are more poor quotes on the page. But every time i remove a handful someone throws a hissy fit. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 22:51, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
::::::If there's protest every time you delete... well... think about it! --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 19:35, 4 November 2009 (UTC)
:::::::Because some people just like to whine whenever something gets removed? I'd rather not see a 150 page quote list with maybe 30 that are worth keeping. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 01:15, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
::::::::And yet most people Would rather see more quotes, that aren't necessarily *great* quotes than to end up seeing the Exact same quotes over and over again. It gets boring when it shows the same ones you've seen day after day, even if each of them is a grade A quote. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 07:51, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
:::::::::There are 80 quotes on the page not counting these. At 1/day, 30 quotes gives you a full month of new material. 60 quotes would seem to trivially meet your standard. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 10:55, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
:This follows a common logic that many people start to notice. It's nice to warn users with the quotes and they don't all have to be jokes. I think it should be added in[[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:It's funny and true, so I think it deserves in. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:59, 4 November 2009 (UTC)
:Uninteresting [[User:Kogut|Kogut]] 08:45, 15 November 2011 (UTC)

=== Game Features: How much you ''want''? System Requirements: How much you ''got''? ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:no, don't re-add this --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. Boring. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Dislike. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:I liked this one. Not love, but liked. Let's have it back. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:58, 4 November 2009 (UTC)
:Uninteresting, unfunny [[User:Kogut|Kogut]] 08:46, 15 November 2011 (UTC)

== Greetings, earthlings ==

:Oh hai. I suggest that everyone take a deep breath and step outside for a moment. After breathing in a nice, fresh, cleansing lungful of air, come back inside and sit back down. No one here has crafted a page policy to deviously support their own views, and no one here is out to destroy the wiki.

:Name calling and insinuations are what I'd expect from a gradeschooler, and most definitely not from editors of this wiki. I'm not going to step into this discussion any more unless I feel I have to in order to keep things civil. --[[User:Briess|Briess]] 15:43, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

::Here's what's going to happen: the quote page will remain locked for 1 week. Figure out what the consensus is on policy for the quotes page. If a consensus is not reached within a week, it will be deleted and protected from recreation until a consensus is reached. I will not help form a consensus on policy on this page, since I am of the opinion that this page serves no useful purpose. --[[User:Briess|Briess]] 17:47, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

== Recently removed quotes ==

Karl is continually removing every quote I add to the page, apparently solely because i insisted on enforcing page policy regarding removed quotes. There's removing quotes because you thought they were bad, and removing quotes solely because of who added them. Needless to say, this behavior is inappropriate.
:If this is the case (Wertfreie Aussage / did not follow everything what happened), you are right, but it would NOT be against rules, so maybe rules schould be changed: Will we have to diskus every change (adding an removing) here? --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 20:59, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

Here I'm asking for consensus on re-adding the last 3 removed quotes (all of which are leaps and bounds better than those on referendum above). I might also add none of them are my work (one is from the wiki, 2 are from the forums). The quotes:

Kara Mase, the Glory of Amusing: Engraved on the wall is an image of a dwarf and an elf. The dwarf is committing a depraved act on the elf.
:readd (this one is cool) --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 20:59, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

'They're firing arrows at us! Quickly! Raise the babies!!' -Urdim McSquadLeader, mother of 8
:readd --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 20:59, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

...it was found that 40% of pioneer dwarves left the Mountainhome due to "framerate issues," with a margin of error of ±Booze. --Center for Dwarven Advancement

--[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:32, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

==Quote Page Policy==
I am of the opinion that the existing quote page works so long as editors edit with the motivation of improving the page.

The existing process is even working. Of the quotes i originally removed, 7 were called to a referendum, they each have 5 votes at this point:

(Toe shot off with crossbow): 2-2-1, move to re-add does not pass at present. 
(destroy dwarven civ): 3-2, move to re-add is currently passing. 
(Likes olivine): 4-1, move to re-add currently passing 
(butchering mermaids): 1-4, move to re-add does not pass at present 
(damn lever): 3-2, move to re-add currently passing 
(facepalm): 4-1, move to re-add currently passing 
(game features): 2-3, move to re-add does not pass at present 

Now, there's a week left to go, but if we were to stop now and act based on it, we'd see 4 should be re-added based on consensus, 3 failed to achieve consensus, (and ~1 wasn't even nominated for re-adding). Thus I don't think its the page policy that is a problem.

As to the purpose of the page being humor, well, the content of this talk page speaks fairly well to that, as does the nature of most of the existing quotes.

--[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 18:30, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

==New Quotes==
Since the page is currently locked, archiving some stuff I'd like to add:

:This is a masterfully designed image of a werewolf and a dwarf. The werewolf is giving birth to itself. The dwarf is screaming in terror. It menaces with rings of paradox.
:Dong was a deity that occurs in the myths of The Trim Worried Sin. Dong was most often depicted as a male orc and was associated with prgnancy, birth, and children.

--[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 15:59, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

== New quote policy ? ==
As we can clearly see, not a lot of people cares about quotes. Only one person responded to Squirrelloid after I deleted 3 quotes added by him. So it is clear that the policy right now is not working, it's easier to remove something, since no one is going to do the effort of adding it back.

Since everyone doesn't have the same sense of humor, I propose that we reverse the process, putting to a referendum the removal of any added quote instead. This way, we don't have to fight the lack of humor from a particular editor, with a vote that no one cares. If a quote is clearly not wanted, it will show by itself with a vote, since it is easier to remove stuff that add it back.

I would like to point out too, that it's written nowhere that quote must be grade A funny.--[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:25, 29 November 2009 (UTC)

== Context? ==
Removed a quote - "And then it crashed" -Toady - because it has absolutely no context. If someone cares to supply the context, and it fits within the character limit with that fragment, by all means re-add. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 18:25, 2 April 2010 (UTC)

:The 4/6/10, 2/3/10, or 2/2/10 dev log pages might have something that fits your needs. Personally, I find 4/6 (lots of bad, bad things) or 2/2 (bizzare dance) to probably be suitable. Formatting would be someone else's job, though. --[[User:Ryun|Ryun]] 19:21, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

== Are quotes broken? ==

More than a week I see the same quote on the main page, a one about Urdim and a glumprong blowgun. Am I the only person with that problem or something is really broken?

Talk:Main Page/Quote

2011-11-15T08:45:52Z

Kogut: /* ::facepalm::Thanks. I wish I had known that about three forts ago. */

'''BIG BOLD & UGLY WARNING: Extreme levels of stupidity makes the administrator step in. When the administrator steps in, pages disappear or get locked.''' --[[User:Briess|Briess]] 17:08, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

== How to add quotes: ==

* Go to the line of the last quote.
* Add a line immediately after it (this should be before the closing }} brackets)
* type "|YOUR-QUOTE-HERE" on that line
:(The quote number is not functionally necessary, but it allows keeping track of how many quotes there are without counting)
* Look at the first line of the template
:It should look something like this:
<pre>{{Choose|c={{rand|37}}</pre>
*Adjust the number that is in the place of the 37 to reflect the number of quotes in the list.
*Preview your reply to make sure nothing is broken (or someone will be able to see it on the main page before it gets fixed)
*Profit!
[[User:VengefulDonut|VengefulDonut]] 00:34, 27 February 2008 (EST)

== When to add quotes: ==

So. We have a small problem here. People add quotes, people remove quotes, people un-remove quotes, and people make edit war. Suggestion: 
:Rough guidelines for [[Main Page/Quote]]:
:*New quotes are freely added.
:*Those quotes are freely removed.
:*If <user> wants to get quotes re-added, <user> can make a section here stating that they should be and asking for opinion.
:*If consensus doesn't state "no, don't re-add them" for a while, the quotes can be freely added.
:*If <user2> wants to get quotes re-removed once the previous consensus is old, <user2> can make a similar section.
:*Etcetera.
--[[User:Savok|Savok]] 18:24, 7 March 2009 (EST)
::I approve. --[[User:Senso|Senso]] 18:53, 7 March 2009 (EST)
__TOC__

{{Archive|
# [[Talk:Main Page/Quote/archive1|Archive 1]]
}}

== Redirects in Quotes ==

Do you guys really think we should have [[]]'s in quotes? They mights help a bit, but it seems to take away a bit of the vibe. Thoughts about taking them down?
:I think the links are appropriate for drawing in and directing new users. --[[User:Briess|Briess]] 17:47, 10 October 2009 (UTC)

== Inappropriate Undo ==

While you are free to re-add a removed quote, removal is a call to review those quotes which were removed. Undo is a blatant violation of that, as it doesn't necessitate even *looking* at what was removed. As such, I am undoing the undo, and ask that if the person wishes to re-add any of the quotes that he deliberately re-add the ones he actually thinks are funny. (Do note I moved a couple around because it was easier instead of de-incrementing numbers). Also, re-adding necessitates a discussion on this page - please have one before re-adding. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 20:09, 16 October 2009 (UTC)
: I want them back, 4 of the 5 were funny as they were, and there's no need to trim them since they doesnt break the page layout. Actually, I find your undo of the undo annoying, since they were fine quotes. --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 20:48, 16 October 2009 (UTC)
::I deleted more than 5... =P And I moved some because it was easier than changing numbers. Which ones did you think were funny - I mean, we can have the discussion, but we need to have a discussion before they get re-added. (Also, the carp one is totally funnier with just the game quote) --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 23:50, 16 October 2009 (UTC)

== Seriously, Guys ==

I forget DF for a few months and you remove almost an entire kilobyte of quotes, along with the stupid goatse one which, while awful, was long since victorious in the protracted and bitter war over whether it should stay and in what form. Yes, it's quite clear you don't like some quotes. Yes, anyone is allowed to remove quotes but it's almost always the same very few people that do so, and the rules are clearly designed in your favor(delete anything you want with no justification, but add things only once unless you can change the deleter's mind). Would it kill you to at least '''add''' a little content to this page alongside removing so much? If I decided the main page was ugly and REMOVED IT wouldn't that still be a loss of content? Wouldn't it be rude of me to expect others to fill in holes I leave? --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:51, 25 October 2009 (UTC)

::Corona688, you have argued that the current system for deleting and undeleting quotes is bad. You have asked people who have removed quotes to be constructive instead. Let's turn this request around: when it comes to the issue of quote policy, please be constructive instead. I am sure you will be hard pressed to find anyone who disagrees with your complaints about the current system. They are all valid. However, despite these shortcomings, nobody has come up with a better one. If we decided the current policy was bad and just removed it without replacement, we would be worse off. "''Wouldn't it be rude of me to expect others to fill in holes I leave?''". [[User:VengefulDonut|VengefulDonut]] 00:19, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:::I have '''already''' suggested '''several''' things before. If you think I have no ideas, you haven't been paying attention. For the record, here are some I've suggested before:
::::Don't delete quote content if you can't put something else in its place!
::::Reverse the process -- make deleting harder than adding.
::::Utilize a '''little''' self-control to realize that your personal preferences don't define funny for the entire world.
:::How's that? --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 19:11, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

::::Could you be a little more specific? I'm not sure how you would go about actually implementing such a system. An example ruleset would help clear things up. [[User:VengefulDonut|VengefulDonut]] 14:22, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

:I didn't remove the goatsects one, and while i didn't find it funny, i did respect the consensus of the talk page regarding it. The one quote i did add was removed in like a month.
:However, removing stuff from this page is as important as adding stuff - both types of people are needed to ensure a quality page. Otherwise we end up either with lots of crappy quotes or very few quotes. So don't disparage one side of the equation - both are essential. That said, expecting the people adding things to be funnier wouldn't be too much to expect, would it? There's still a lot of not funny in the quote list, and a few that could be funny with a little editing. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 00:41, 26 October 2009 (UTC)
::Yes, we need both. Not many folks would bother adding quotes more than once as is though, so we're seeing a net loss of content. I don't think the primary deleters here represent the One And Only True Correct Sense Of Humor™®ⓒ, and the rules as is unfairly pit content creators against them. Almost nobody cares one way or another except about their own quotes, you can't expect a consensus to readd when a good one is deleted. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 16:57, 27 October 2009 (UTC)

:::We are not experiencing a net loss of content. [[User:VengefulDonut|VengefulDonut]] 00:19, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
::::Of course not. Which is why the file keeps getting smaller. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 19:07, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

== Ok, that's enough ==

Squirrelloid, you have your own humor, but don't try to impose it on other people. If you don't find something funny doesn't mean you have to remove it.

You removed these 3 lines with your last edit :
* had somebody shoot my toe off with a crossbow, which was cool... It just happened that the toe was narrow enough to be removed. -- Dev Log, 08/18/09
* Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine.
* Only in Dwarf Fortress would you try to catch a mermaid to butcher her and make trophies out of her bones.

The last one is taken from an epic forum topic, the second one is funny because of the focus the dwarf have on olivine. The first one is from the dev log...

By the way, where is it written than quote MUST be funny ? --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:27, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

::Re: Readding quotes
::One person is hardly consensus. Page policy:
:::"If <user> wants to get quotes re-added, <user> can make a section here stating that they should be and asking for opinion."
:::"If consensus doesn't state "no, don't re-add them" for a while, the quotes can be freely added."
::I certainly don't feel you've met the burden of that, and I certainly don't find those quotes funny.
::--[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 15:26, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

::: Make it two, with corona, there's no definite number of people needed AFAIK --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:35, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

::::Corona doesn't come down in favor of any particular quotes actually, nor did he contribute to the relevant discussion. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 15:40, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:::::By the time I find out about these massive content deletions it's usually weeks too late to do a darn thing. I'm not here continually. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:54, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

::Also, you can't just go re-instating an old version if there's multiple subsequent versions. You actually deleted new material.
::On those specific quotes. The Dev log quote sucks. The delivery is awful. There may be a good line with the same base material, but that is certainly not it.
::The second one is clearly not in-game, because its impossible to generate that, which severely detracts from its humor value.
::And I don't care how epic the thread was, the quote isn't at all interesting.
::--[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 15:31, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

Well, YOUR modification were not funny. So I removed them. If you want them back, you have to do a call for opinion :) --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:35, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

::Which, my new quote or my modification of the carp one? If you want to *remove* either, by all means, its your right. But to re-add the old material requires consensus on each and every individual quote, not just reverting. Its a violation of page policy. So stop. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 15:40, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:::Which you'll never, ever, ever get, and you know full well you'll never, ever, ever get. All it takes to break a consensus is you... The page policy is crafted carefully in your favor and you know it. Why don't YOU quit it? --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:54, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

== Request for opinion - Deleted quote ==

Since we have someone not funny at all who try to impose is humor, or lack of, on us, and since the guideline are there, even if they are not really clear or useful as stated by corona866... Here's a request for opinion on deleted quote.

Here's the list, just add under it if you want them back, or not. That way, no one is going to cry. In 2 weeks, enough time for the regular contributor to see this topic, we could add them back or not. --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
* ;-) --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

=== I had somebody shoot my toe off with a crossbow, which was cool... It just happened that the toe was narrow enough to be removed. -- Dev Log, 08/18/09 ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:no, don't re-add this --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. The language is confused, and the sentence after the ellipsis is redundant with the first part. (If its shot off, of course its removed...) Basically, this is a horrible mess of a line, and since its actually a direct quote it can't be modified (although it could be snipped - i could be convinced the line through the ellipsis is worth keeping, but i'd need to be convinced) --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
::This sentence actually makes perfect sense. He had his toe shot off. He comments that it was able to be shot off because it was just narrow enough. I found this dev log funny when I read it. I don't see any reason not to re-add this one. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:I don't get why toes being narrow lets you shoot it off with a crossbow. Not that funny I think. But, not terrible either. I wouldn't add it but I wouldn't kill it either. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 19:01, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

==="So let me get this straight. We managed to destroy dwarven civilization while only managing a single town??" --alway ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:no, don't re-add this --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. That's like every fortress ever? There is nothing surprising, interesting, or amusing about this quote --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Another one that actually has some humor at times. I mean, really, you can't expect all the quotes to be grade A funny. This one does have some hilarity to it because it actually is possible to have insane impact on the entire world despite only running a single fortress. Such as when suddenly the entire Elven population seems to have dwindled due to massive wars with your fortress. I think it's a nice one that should be in the quotes. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
::Actually, I can expect all the quotes to be grade A funny. That's the whole point of the page policy as it stands - bad quotes get removed and only the good ones remain. Fighting for quotes you know to be subpar defeats this purpose. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 01:17, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
:::See my reply to your other post. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 07:51, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
:I want this one in, obviously. The context is they'd killed their King by accident somehow, so they really did destroy all of dwarven civillization above and beyond what most games usually do. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:56, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

=== Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine. ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Want it back --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. Utterly boring, and clearly artificial since the game cannot generate that as a set of prefstrings. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:This is a good one. And Not artificial. This came from the dwarves that were generated randomly by ToadyOne to show off the new likes/dislikes/appearance/etc. It just so happened most of them liked olivine, a lot. Some liked it twice, and one crazy dwarf, Sarvesh, only liked it. And nothing else. I think it should be added back [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:Want it back. It's funny. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:57, 4 November 2009 (UTC)
:I like it [[User:Kogut|Kogut]] 08:44, 15 November 2011 (UTC)

=== Only in Dwarf Fortress would you try to catch a mermaid to butcher her and make trophies out of her bones. ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:no, don't re-add this --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. Boring, and are mermaids even butcherable? --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Not the best. One of the few I don't much see a use for. Mainly because it'd be funnier if the creature in question were a different animal. Like a cat. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:Don't like this one, myself. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:59, 4 November 2009 (UTC)
:I'd like to see this one back, along with a link to the page, or possibly another quote from that thread. Like the disturbing strategy to insure a constant supply of baby merpeople. --[[User:Nivm|Nivm]] 00:19, 27 January 2010 (UTC)
:This is from a hilarious thread. Here's the link to it: http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=25967.0 That is both the first page of the thread and the part with that particular quote. I also REALLY want that one. It's epic. --[[Special:Contributions/97.121.190.196|97.121.190.196]] 06:33, 21 February 2010 (UTC)

=== If I ''remembered'' what the &%^#*@! lever did, I'd ''pull'' it! <...pulls lever anyway...> ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Want it back --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. The material could be reworked, but the current presentation is crap. Would favor a reworded version of the same material. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:I'd only be okay with this one if it weren't so utterly annoying. "What the lever did" would work just the same and wouldn't look as stupid. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:It's funny. I'd like it back. And no, neutering it doesn't make it funnier Shardok... --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:57, 4 November 2009 (UTC)
::So it should instead say "If I ''remembered'' what the fucking lever did, I'd ''pull'' it!" Because plain and simple, what I am saying is that the &%^#*@! looks like shit. It's not to do with the Language. It's to do with that it uses a stupid way of presenting it by using the symbols instead. They look plain stupid and honestly shouldn't be necessary on the wiki. Even just normal * instead would look better, but I don't see the need to keep the symbols as they are. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 21:09, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

=== <nowiki>::facepalm::</nowiki> Thanks. I wish I had known that about three forts ago. ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Want it back --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. Don't see the value in posting something that every single player has probably thought at least 10 times. Its not noteworthy, much less funny or interesting. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:: I think it is a good quote just because every single player has probably thought at least 10 times... It´s typical DF. --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:16, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:::But why does that make it quote-worthy? It is neither especially witty, noteworthy, or interesting. I mean, there's lots of typical DF things that make for very poor quotes. You'll notice they *aren't on this page*. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:26, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
::::I think there are more poor quotes *on this page*, but I don´t think this one would be one of them. Just my opinion, let´s see what others think. --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:54, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:::::Ok, i definitely agree there are more poor quotes on the page. But every time i remove a handful someone throws a hissy fit. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 22:51, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
::::::If there's protest every time you delete... well... think about it! --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 19:35, 4 November 2009 (UTC)
:::::::Because some people just like to whine whenever something gets removed? I'd rather not see a 150 page quote list with maybe 30 that are worth keeping. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 01:15, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
::::::::And yet most people Would rather see more quotes, that aren't necessarily *great* quotes than to end up seeing the Exact same quotes over and over again. It gets boring when it shows the same ones you've seen day after day, even if each of them is a grade A quote. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 07:51, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
:::::::::There are 80 quotes on the page not counting these. At 1/day, 30 quotes gives you a full month of new material. 60 quotes would seem to trivially meet your standard. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 10:55, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
:This follows a common logic that many people start to notice. It's nice to warn users with the quotes and they don't all have to be jokes. I think it should be added in[[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:It's funny and true, so I think it deserves in. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:59, 4 November 2009 (UTC)
:Uninteresting [[User:Kogut|Kogut]] 08:45, 15 November 2011 (UTC)

=== Game Features: How much you ''want''? System Requirements: How much you ''got''? ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:no, don't re-add this --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. Boring. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Dislike. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:I liked this one. Not love, but liked. Let's have it back. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:58, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

== Greetings, earthlings ==

:Oh hai. I suggest that everyone take a deep breath and step outside for a moment. After breathing in a nice, fresh, cleansing lungful of air, come back inside and sit back down. No one here has crafted a page policy to deviously support their own views, and no one here is out to destroy the wiki.

:Name calling and insinuations are what I'd expect from a gradeschooler, and most definitely not from editors of this wiki. I'm not going to step into this discussion any more unless I feel I have to in order to keep things civil. --[[User:Briess|Briess]] 15:43, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

::Here's what's going to happen: the quote page will remain locked for 1 week. Figure out what the consensus is on policy for the quotes page. If a consensus is not reached within a week, it will be deleted and protected from recreation until a consensus is reached. I will not help form a consensus on policy on this page, since I am of the opinion that this page serves no useful purpose. --[[User:Briess|Briess]] 17:47, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

== Recently removed quotes ==

Karl is continually removing every quote I add to the page, apparently solely because i insisted on enforcing page policy regarding removed quotes. There's removing quotes because you thought they were bad, and removing quotes solely because of who added them. Needless to say, this behavior is inappropriate.
:If this is the case (Wertfreie Aussage / did not follow everything what happened), you are right, but it would NOT be against rules, so maybe rules schould be changed: Will we have to diskus every change (adding an removing) here? --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 20:59, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

Here I'm asking for consensus on re-adding the last 3 removed quotes (all of which are leaps and bounds better than those on referendum above). I might also add none of them are my work (one is from the wiki, 2 are from the forums). The quotes:

Kara Mase, the Glory of Amusing: Engraved on the wall is an image of a dwarf and an elf. The dwarf is committing a depraved act on the elf.
:readd (this one is cool) --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 20:59, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

'They're firing arrows at us! Quickly! Raise the babies!!' -Urdim McSquadLeader, mother of 8
:readd --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 20:59, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

...it was found that 40% of pioneer dwarves left the Mountainhome due to "framerate issues," with a margin of error of ±Booze. --Center for Dwarven Advancement

--[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:32, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

==Quote Page Policy==
I am of the opinion that the existing quote page works so long as editors edit with the motivation of improving the page.

The existing process is even working. Of the quotes i originally removed, 7 were called to a referendum, they each have 5 votes at this point:

(Toe shot off with crossbow): 2-2-1, move to re-add does not pass at present. 
(destroy dwarven civ): 3-2, move to re-add is currently passing. 
(Likes olivine): 4-1, move to re-add currently passing 
(butchering mermaids): 1-4, move to re-add does not pass at present 
(damn lever): 3-2, move to re-add currently passing 
(facepalm): 4-1, move to re-add currently passing 
(game features): 2-3, move to re-add does not pass at present 

Now, there's a week left to go, but if we were to stop now and act based on it, we'd see 4 should be re-added based on consensus, 3 failed to achieve consensus, (and ~1 wasn't even nominated for re-adding). Thus I don't think its the page policy that is a problem.

As to the purpose of the page being humor, well, the content of this talk page speaks fairly well to that, as does the nature of most of the existing quotes.

--[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 18:30, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

==New Quotes==
Since the page is currently locked, archiving some stuff I'd like to add:

:This is a masterfully designed image of a werewolf and a dwarf. The werewolf is giving birth to itself. The dwarf is screaming in terror. It menaces with rings of paradox.
:Dong was a deity that occurs in the myths of The Trim Worried Sin. Dong was most often depicted as a male orc and was associated with prgnancy, birth, and children.

--[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 15:59, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

== New quote policy ? ==
As we can clearly see, not a lot of people cares about quotes. Only one person responded to Squirrelloid after I deleted 3 quotes added by him. So it is clear that the policy right now is not working, it's easier to remove something, since no one is going to do the effort of adding it back.

Since everyone doesn't have the same sense of humor, I propose that we reverse the process, putting to a referendum the removal of any added quote instead. This way, we don't have to fight the lack of humor from a particular editor, with a vote that no one cares. If a quote is clearly not wanted, it will show by itself with a vote, since it is easier to remove stuff that add it back.

I would like to point out too, that it's written nowhere that quote must be grade A funny.--[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:25, 29 November 2009 (UTC)

== Context? ==
Removed a quote - "And then it crashed" -Toady - because it has absolutely no context. If someone cares to supply the context, and it fits within the character limit with that fragment, by all means re-add. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 18:25, 2 April 2010 (UTC)

:The 4/6/10, 2/3/10, or 2/2/10 dev log pages might have something that fits your needs. Personally, I find 4/6 (lots of bad, bad things) or 2/2 (bizzare dance) to probably be suitable. Formatting would be someone else's job, though. --[[User:Ryun|Ryun]] 19:21, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

== Are quotes broken? ==

More than a week I see the same quote on the main page, a one about Urdim and a glumprong blowgun. Am I the only person with that problem or something is really broken?

Talk:Main Page/Quote

2011-11-15T08:44:47Z

Kogut: /* Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine. */

'''BIG BOLD & UGLY WARNING: Extreme levels of stupidity makes the administrator step in. When the administrator steps in, pages disappear or get locked.''' --[[User:Briess|Briess]] 17:08, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

== How to add quotes: ==

* Go to the line of the last quote.
* Add a line immediately after it (this should be before the closing }} brackets)
* type "|YOUR-QUOTE-HERE" on that line
:(The quote number is not functionally necessary, but it allows keeping track of how many quotes there are without counting)
* Look at the first line of the template
:It should look something like this:
<pre>{{Choose|c={{rand|37}}</pre>
*Adjust the number that is in the place of the 37 to reflect the number of quotes in the list.
*Preview your reply to make sure nothing is broken (or someone will be able to see it on the main page before it gets fixed)
*Profit!
[[User:VengefulDonut|VengefulDonut]] 00:34, 27 February 2008 (EST)

== When to add quotes: ==

So. We have a small problem here. People add quotes, people remove quotes, people un-remove quotes, and people make edit war. Suggestion: 
:Rough guidelines for [[Main Page/Quote]]:
:*New quotes are freely added.
:*Those quotes are freely removed.
:*If <user> wants to get quotes re-added, <user> can make a section here stating that they should be and asking for opinion.
:*If consensus doesn't state "no, don't re-add them" for a while, the quotes can be freely added.
:*If <user2> wants to get quotes re-removed once the previous consensus is old, <user2> can make a similar section.
:*Etcetera.
--[[User:Savok|Savok]] 18:24, 7 March 2009 (EST)
::I approve. --[[User:Senso|Senso]] 18:53, 7 March 2009 (EST)
__TOC__

{{Archive|
# [[Talk:Main Page/Quote/archive1|Archive 1]]
}}

== Redirects in Quotes ==

Do you guys really think we should have [[]]'s in quotes? They mights help a bit, but it seems to take away a bit of the vibe. Thoughts about taking them down?
:I think the links are appropriate for drawing in and directing new users. --[[User:Briess|Briess]] 17:47, 10 October 2009 (UTC)

== Inappropriate Undo ==

While you are free to re-add a removed quote, removal is a call to review those quotes which were removed. Undo is a blatant violation of that, as it doesn't necessitate even *looking* at what was removed. As such, I am undoing the undo, and ask that if the person wishes to re-add any of the quotes that he deliberately re-add the ones he actually thinks are funny. (Do note I moved a couple around because it was easier instead of de-incrementing numbers). Also, re-adding necessitates a discussion on this page - please have one before re-adding. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 20:09, 16 October 2009 (UTC)
: I want them back, 4 of the 5 were funny as they were, and there's no need to trim them since they doesnt break the page layout. Actually, I find your undo of the undo annoying, since they were fine quotes. --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 20:48, 16 October 2009 (UTC)
::I deleted more than 5... =P And I moved some because it was easier than changing numbers. Which ones did you think were funny - I mean, we can have the discussion, but we need to have a discussion before they get re-added. (Also, the carp one is totally funnier with just the game quote) --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 23:50, 16 October 2009 (UTC)

== Seriously, Guys ==

I forget DF for a few months and you remove almost an entire kilobyte of quotes, along with the stupid goatse one which, while awful, was long since victorious in the protracted and bitter war over whether it should stay and in what form. Yes, it's quite clear you don't like some quotes. Yes, anyone is allowed to remove quotes but it's almost always the same very few people that do so, and the rules are clearly designed in your favor(delete anything you want with no justification, but add things only once unless you can change the deleter's mind). Would it kill you to at least '''add''' a little content to this page alongside removing so much? If I decided the main page was ugly and REMOVED IT wouldn't that still be a loss of content? Wouldn't it be rude of me to expect others to fill in holes I leave? --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:51, 25 October 2009 (UTC)

::Corona688, you have argued that the current system for deleting and undeleting quotes is bad. You have asked people who have removed quotes to be constructive instead. Let's turn this request around: when it comes to the issue of quote policy, please be constructive instead. I am sure you will be hard pressed to find anyone who disagrees with your complaints about the current system. They are all valid. However, despite these shortcomings, nobody has come up with a better one. If we decided the current policy was bad and just removed it without replacement, we would be worse off. "''Wouldn't it be rude of me to expect others to fill in holes I leave?''". [[User:VengefulDonut|VengefulDonut]] 00:19, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:::I have '''already''' suggested '''several''' things before. If you think I have no ideas, you haven't been paying attention. For the record, here are some I've suggested before:
::::Don't delete quote content if you can't put something else in its place!
::::Reverse the process -- make deleting harder than adding.
::::Utilize a '''little''' self-control to realize that your personal preferences don't define funny for the entire world.
:::How's that? --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 19:11, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

::::Could you be a little more specific? I'm not sure how you would go about actually implementing such a system. An example ruleset would help clear things up. [[User:VengefulDonut|VengefulDonut]] 14:22, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

:I didn't remove the goatsects one, and while i didn't find it funny, i did respect the consensus of the talk page regarding it. The one quote i did add was removed in like a month.
:However, removing stuff from this page is as important as adding stuff - both types of people are needed to ensure a quality page. Otherwise we end up either with lots of crappy quotes or very few quotes. So don't disparage one side of the equation - both are essential. That said, expecting the people adding things to be funnier wouldn't be too much to expect, would it? There's still a lot of not funny in the quote list, and a few that could be funny with a little editing. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 00:41, 26 October 2009 (UTC)
::Yes, we need both. Not many folks would bother adding quotes more than once as is though, so we're seeing a net loss of content. I don't think the primary deleters here represent the One And Only True Correct Sense Of Humor™®ⓒ, and the rules as is unfairly pit content creators against them. Almost nobody cares one way or another except about their own quotes, you can't expect a consensus to readd when a good one is deleted. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 16:57, 27 October 2009 (UTC)

:::We are not experiencing a net loss of content. [[User:VengefulDonut|VengefulDonut]] 00:19, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
::::Of course not. Which is why the file keeps getting smaller. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 19:07, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

== Ok, that's enough ==

Squirrelloid, you have your own humor, but don't try to impose it on other people. If you don't find something funny doesn't mean you have to remove it.

You removed these 3 lines with your last edit :
* had somebody shoot my toe off with a crossbow, which was cool... It just happened that the toe was narrow enough to be removed. -- Dev Log, 08/18/09
* Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine.
* Only in Dwarf Fortress would you try to catch a mermaid to butcher her and make trophies out of her bones.

The last one is taken from an epic forum topic, the second one is funny because of the focus the dwarf have on olivine. The first one is from the dev log...

By the way, where is it written than quote MUST be funny ? --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:27, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

::Re: Readding quotes
::One person is hardly consensus. Page policy:
:::"If <user> wants to get quotes re-added, <user> can make a section here stating that they should be and asking for opinion."
:::"If consensus doesn't state "no, don't re-add them" for a while, the quotes can be freely added."
::I certainly don't feel you've met the burden of that, and I certainly don't find those quotes funny.
::--[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 15:26, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

::: Make it two, with corona, there's no definite number of people needed AFAIK --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:35, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

::::Corona doesn't come down in favor of any particular quotes actually, nor did he contribute to the relevant discussion. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 15:40, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:::::By the time I find out about these massive content deletions it's usually weeks too late to do a darn thing. I'm not here continually. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:54, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

::Also, you can't just go re-instating an old version if there's multiple subsequent versions. You actually deleted new material.
::On those specific quotes. The Dev log quote sucks. The delivery is awful. There may be a good line with the same base material, but that is certainly not it.
::The second one is clearly not in-game, because its impossible to generate that, which severely detracts from its humor value.
::And I don't care how epic the thread was, the quote isn't at all interesting.
::--[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 15:31, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

Well, YOUR modification were not funny. So I removed them. If you want them back, you have to do a call for opinion :) --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:35, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

::Which, my new quote or my modification of the carp one? If you want to *remove* either, by all means, its your right. But to re-add the old material requires consensus on each and every individual quote, not just reverting. Its a violation of page policy. So stop. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 15:40, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:::Which you'll never, ever, ever get, and you know full well you'll never, ever, ever get. All it takes to break a consensus is you... The page policy is crafted carefully in your favor and you know it. Why don't YOU quit it? --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:54, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

== Request for opinion - Deleted quote ==

Since we have someone not funny at all who try to impose is humor, or lack of, on us, and since the guideline are there, even if they are not really clear or useful as stated by corona866... Here's a request for opinion on deleted quote.

Here's the list, just add under it if you want them back, or not. That way, no one is going to cry. In 2 weeks, enough time for the regular contributor to see this topic, we could add them back or not. --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
* ;-) --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

=== I had somebody shoot my toe off with a crossbow, which was cool... It just happened that the toe was narrow enough to be removed. -- Dev Log, 08/18/09 ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:no, don't re-add this --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. The language is confused, and the sentence after the ellipsis is redundant with the first part. (If its shot off, of course its removed...) Basically, this is a horrible mess of a line, and since its actually a direct quote it can't be modified (although it could be snipped - i could be convinced the line through the ellipsis is worth keeping, but i'd need to be convinced) --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
::This sentence actually makes perfect sense. He had his toe shot off. He comments that it was able to be shot off because it was just narrow enough. I found this dev log funny when I read it. I don't see any reason not to re-add this one. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:I don't get why toes being narrow lets you shoot it off with a crossbow. Not that funny I think. But, not terrible either. I wouldn't add it but I wouldn't kill it either. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 19:01, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

==="So let me get this straight. We managed to destroy dwarven civilization while only managing a single town??" --alway ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:no, don't re-add this --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. That's like every fortress ever? There is nothing surprising, interesting, or amusing about this quote --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Another one that actually has some humor at times. I mean, really, you can't expect all the quotes to be grade A funny. This one does have some hilarity to it because it actually is possible to have insane impact on the entire world despite only running a single fortress. Such as when suddenly the entire Elven population seems to have dwindled due to massive wars with your fortress. I think it's a nice one that should be in the quotes. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
::Actually, I can expect all the quotes to be grade A funny. That's the whole point of the page policy as it stands - bad quotes get removed and only the good ones remain. Fighting for quotes you know to be subpar defeats this purpose. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 01:17, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
:::See my reply to your other post. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 07:51, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
:I want this one in, obviously. The context is they'd killed their King by accident somehow, so they really did destroy all of dwarven civillization above and beyond what most games usually do. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:56, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

=== Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine. ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Want it back --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. Utterly boring, and clearly artificial since the game cannot generate that as a set of prefstrings. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:This is a good one. And Not artificial. This came from the dwarves that were generated randomly by ToadyOne to show off the new likes/dislikes/appearance/etc. It just so happened most of them liked olivine, a lot. Some liked it twice, and one crazy dwarf, Sarvesh, only liked it. And nothing else. I think it should be added back [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:Want it back. It's funny. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:57, 4 November 2009 (UTC)
:I like it [[User:Kogut|Kogut]] 08:44, 15 November 2011 (UTC)

=== Only in Dwarf Fortress would you try to catch a mermaid to butcher her and make trophies out of her bones. ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:no, don't re-add this --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. Boring, and are mermaids even butcherable? --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Not the best. One of the few I don't much see a use for. Mainly because it'd be funnier if the creature in question were a different animal. Like a cat. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:Don't like this one, myself. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:59, 4 November 2009 (UTC)
:I'd like to see this one back, along with a link to the page, or possibly another quote from that thread. Like the disturbing strategy to insure a constant supply of baby merpeople. --[[User:Nivm|Nivm]] 00:19, 27 January 2010 (UTC)
:This is from a hilarious thread. Here's the link to it: http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=25967.0 That is both the first page of the thread and the part with that particular quote. I also REALLY want that one. It's epic. --[[Special:Contributions/97.121.190.196|97.121.190.196]] 06:33, 21 February 2010 (UTC)

=== If I ''remembered'' what the &%^#*@! lever did, I'd ''pull'' it! <...pulls lever anyway...> ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Want it back --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. The material could be reworked, but the current presentation is crap. Would favor a reworded version of the same material. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:I'd only be okay with this one if it weren't so utterly annoying. "What the lever did" would work just the same and wouldn't look as stupid. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:It's funny. I'd like it back. And no, neutering it doesn't make it funnier Shardok... --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:57, 4 November 2009 (UTC)
::So it should instead say "If I ''remembered'' what the fucking lever did, I'd ''pull'' it!" Because plain and simple, what I am saying is that the &%^#*@! looks like shit. It's not to do with the Language. It's to do with that it uses a stupid way of presenting it by using the symbols instead. They look plain stupid and honestly shouldn't be necessary on the wiki. Even just normal * instead would look better, but I don't see the need to keep the symbols as they are. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 21:09, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

=== <nowiki>::facepalm::</nowiki> Thanks. I wish I had known that about three forts ago. ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Want it back --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. Don't see the value in posting something that every single player has probably thought at least 10 times. Its not noteworthy, much less funny or interesting. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:: I think it is a good quote just because every single player has probably thought at least 10 times... It´s typical DF. --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:16, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:::But why does that make it quote-worthy? It is neither especially witty, noteworthy, or interesting. I mean, there's lots of typical DF things that make for very poor quotes. You'll notice they *aren't on this page*. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:26, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
::::I think there are more poor quotes *on this page*, but I don´t think this one would be one of them. Just my opinion, let´s see what others think. --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:54, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:::::Ok, i definitely agree there are more poor quotes on the page. But every time i remove a handful someone throws a hissy fit. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 22:51, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
::::::If there's protest every time you delete... well... think about it! --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 19:35, 4 November 2009 (UTC)
:::::::Because some people just like to whine whenever something gets removed? I'd rather not see a 150 page quote list with maybe 30 that are worth keeping. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 01:15, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
::::::::And yet most people Would rather see more quotes, that aren't necessarily *great* quotes than to end up seeing the Exact same quotes over and over again. It gets boring when it shows the same ones you've seen day after day, even if each of them is a grade A quote. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 07:51, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
:::::::::There are 80 quotes on the page not counting these. At 1/day, 30 quotes gives you a full month of new material. 60 quotes would seem to trivially meet your standard. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 10:55, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
:This follows a common logic that many people start to notice. It's nice to warn users with the quotes and they don't all have to be jokes. I think it should be added in[[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:It's funny and true, so I think it deserves in. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:59, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

=== Game Features: How much you ''want''? System Requirements: How much you ''got''? ===
:Want it back --[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:53, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:no, don't re-add this --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 16:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Do not want. Boring. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:09, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
:Dislike. [[User:Shardok|Shardok]] 00:14, 30 October 2009 (UTC)
:I liked this one. Not love, but liked. Let's have it back. --[[User:Corona688|Corona688]] 18:58, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

== Greetings, earthlings ==

:Oh hai. I suggest that everyone take a deep breath and step outside for a moment. After breathing in a nice, fresh, cleansing lungful of air, come back inside and sit back down. No one here has crafted a page policy to deviously support their own views, and no one here is out to destroy the wiki.

:Name calling and insinuations are what I'd expect from a gradeschooler, and most definitely not from editors of this wiki. I'm not going to step into this discussion any more unless I feel I have to in order to keep things civil. --[[User:Briess|Briess]] 15:43, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

::Here's what's going to happen: the quote page will remain locked for 1 week. Figure out what the consensus is on policy for the quotes page. If a consensus is not reached within a week, it will be deleted and protected from recreation until a consensus is reached. I will not help form a consensus on policy on this page, since I am of the opinion that this page serves no useful purpose. --[[User:Briess|Briess]] 17:47, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

== Recently removed quotes ==

Karl is continually removing every quote I add to the page, apparently solely because i insisted on enforcing page policy regarding removed quotes. There's removing quotes because you thought they were bad, and removing quotes solely because of who added them. Needless to say, this behavior is inappropriate.
:If this is the case (Wertfreie Aussage / did not follow everything what happened), you are right, but it would NOT be against rules, so maybe rules schould be changed: Will we have to diskus every change (adding an removing) here? --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 20:59, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

Here I'm asking for consensus on re-adding the last 3 removed quotes (all of which are leaps and bounds better than those on referendum above). I might also add none of them are my work (one is from the wiki, 2 are from the forums). The quotes:

Kara Mase, the Glory of Amusing: Engraved on the wall is an image of a dwarf and an elf. The dwarf is committing a depraved act on the elf.
:readd (this one is cool) --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 20:59, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

'They're firing arrows at us! Quickly! Raise the babies!!' -Urdim McSquadLeader, mother of 8
:readd --[[User:Kami|Kami]] 20:59, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

...it was found that 40% of pioneer dwarves left the Mountainhome due to "framerate issues," with a margin of error of ±Booze. --Center for Dwarven Advancement

--[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 16:32, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

==Quote Page Policy==
I am of the opinion that the existing quote page works so long as editors edit with the motivation of improving the page.

The existing process is even working. Of the quotes i originally removed, 7 were called to a referendum, they each have 5 votes at this point:

(Toe shot off with crossbow): 2-2-1, move to re-add does not pass at present. 
(destroy dwarven civ): 3-2, move to re-add is currently passing. 
(Likes olivine): 4-1, move to re-add currently passing 
(butchering mermaids): 1-4, move to re-add does not pass at present 
(damn lever): 3-2, move to re-add currently passing 
(facepalm): 4-1, move to re-add currently passing 
(game features): 2-3, move to re-add does not pass at present 

Now, there's a week left to go, but if we were to stop now and act based on it, we'd see 4 should be re-added based on consensus, 3 failed to achieve consensus, (and ~1 wasn't even nominated for re-adding). Thus I don't think its the page policy that is a problem.

As to the purpose of the page being humor, well, the content of this talk page speaks fairly well to that, as does the nature of most of the existing quotes.

--[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 18:30, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

==New Quotes==
Since the page is currently locked, archiving some stuff I'd like to add:

:This is a masterfully designed image of a werewolf and a dwarf. The werewolf is giving birth to itself. The dwarf is screaming in terror. It menaces with rings of paradox.
:Dong was a deity that occurs in the myths of The Trim Worried Sin. Dong was most often depicted as a male orc and was associated with prgnancy, birth, and children.

--[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 15:59, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

== New quote policy ? ==
As we can clearly see, not a lot of people cares about quotes. Only one person responded to Squirrelloid after I deleted 3 quotes added by him. So it is clear that the policy right now is not working, it's easier to remove something, since no one is going to do the effort of adding it back.

Since everyone doesn't have the same sense of humor, I propose that we reverse the process, putting to a referendum the removal of any added quote instead. This way, we don't have to fight the lack of humor from a particular editor, with a vote that no one cares. If a quote is clearly not wanted, it will show by itself with a vote, since it is easier to remove stuff that add it back.

I would like to point out too, that it's written nowhere that quote must be grade A funny.--[[User:Karl|Karl]] 15:25, 29 November 2009 (UTC)

== Context? ==
Removed a quote - "And then it crashed" -Toady - because it has absolutely no context. If someone cares to supply the context, and it fits within the character limit with that fragment, by all means re-add. --[[User:Squirrelloid|Squirrelloid]] 18:25, 2 April 2010 (UTC)

:The 4/6/10, 2/3/10, or 2/2/10 dev log pages might have something that fits your needs. Personally, I find 4/6 (lots of bad, bad things) or 2/2 (bizzare dance) to probably be suitable. Formatting would be someone else's job, though. --[[User:Ryun|Ryun]] 19:21, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

== Are quotes broken? ==

More than a week I see the same quote on the main page, a one about Urdim and a glumprong blowgun. Am I the only person with that problem or something is really broken?

Main Page/Quote

2011-11-15T08:43:47Z

Kogut: Undo revision 154655 by 152.26.51.95 (talk)

<noinclude>
Please limit quotes to ~135 characters or less (longest below are longer than that, but remain as "legacy" from Toady etc.). Longer quotes may be deleted.

Do not use equals signs or vertical bars in your quotes or they will break.

When adding a quote, be sure to update the {{tl|rand|###}} number.

[[Category:Humor and stories]]
----
</noinclude>{{#switch:{{rand|131}}|
|1=I can't put my finger on it. Something about this [[Fire|‼]]Cat tallow roast[[Fire|‼]] tastes funny.
|2=Toady withdraws from society. Toady has begun a [[Strange mood|mysterious]] construction!
|3=Let us never forget the last words of Inod the Stoker, [http://archive.dwarffortresswiki.net/index.php/Fortress_Paintrag#1056 "Aaah! Gorillas!"]
|4=[[Children|Newborn]] Zuglar Baldnessgranite prefers to consume Gorilla. A sure sign of his unparalleled strength!
|5=[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-image.php In an unrelated article] - I had no idea elephants could bounce that high!
|6=[[Toady]] looses a roaring laughter, [[Fey|fell]] and terrible! Toady has butchered a spammer!
|7=The critical question is this: do elf bones yield more crossbow bolts than the average number of bolts necessary to kill an elf?
|8="Dwarf Fortress" ... "Like chess, only with short people that can catch on [[fire]] like [[clothing|rags]] soaked in tar, and lots of [[booze]]." ... "Like chess."
|9=Dwarf Fortress has taught me that all the world's problems would be substantially reduced had our parent civilizations never minted more than four stacks of [[coins]].
|10=[[Booze]] does all the work in forts. Dwarves are just booze exoskeletons.
|11=My unconscious and bleeding [[mayor]] just mandated the construction of some goods.
|12=I can just imagine a wagon throwing a tantrum and tossing all its contents at people.
|13=Döbesh Udosdeb has been ecstatic lately. He was forced to eat a friend to survive. He enjoyed a truly decadent meal.
|14=Iron [[screw pump]] exercise equipment. Pump iron and get superdwarvenly strong!
|15=The violence, aggression, pain, madness, sadness of the ASCII characters never ceases to amaze me...
|16=Wait, you're MAKING animals? —''Torak'' At this moment, yes, I am smelting cows. —''Spiders Everywhere''
|17="Didn't you read the manual? He he he he... the manual... ..." --[[Toady One]]
|18=(Compared to real-world years) Dwarven years are shorter. --Sowelu Very fitting to dwarves, I must add. --Sean Mirrsen
|19=[[Magma]] is not a [[water]] source. Dwarves can't drink it or supply it to their wounded. --[[User:AlienChickenPie|AlienChickenPie]]
|20="[B]oats are the enemy of tiles. And tiles are the enemy of boats." --[[Toady One]]
|21="I went through and fixed a few places where forbidden/on fire weren't being respected for next time. Burning milkable creatures were still a problem for example." --[[Toady One]]
|22="You have been processed! Go forth, now, and edit!" --[[User:Savok|Savok]]
|23="What happened in 1048?" "Jreengus occurred."
|24=Making rock instruments isn't nearly as awesome as it sounds --Shandrunn
|25=The cyclops I was quested to kill had a thousand year history of badassery, and all of that without the leg it lost in the Year 3 (a dwarf bit it off... I should probably deal with that). --[[Toady One]]
|26=[FIREIMMUNE] makes them think that [[magma]] is safe but doesn't actually make them fireproof. This can lead to some rather interesting results.
|27=Endok Cerolneth has begun a mysterious construction! Endok Cerolneth, Planter has given birth to a girl.
|28="Incendia sunt socia vestra, armaque vestra, fortesque Montis Domi." "Magma is your ally, your weapon, the strength of the Mountain-Home." --Eita
|29="Stopped people from giving quests to kill themselves." --[[Toady One]]
|30="...And I simply doubt we have a need for 7 fishery workers. On top of that, a second soap maker. The hell IS soap?!" --Zero
|31="This is a terrible pun. All craftsdwarfship is of the poorest quality." - [http://tinyurl.com/6yruly Soup_alex]
|32="The default mental state of a dwarf is madness. Sanity is a temporary condition - a PRIVILEGE you have to EARN!" --[[User:Fedor|Fedor]]
|33="Why get normal cats? I buy lolcats in the embark screen. Much more fun to engrave about them." --Yanlin
|34="Dwarf Fortress taught me it was okay to make a suit out of my neighbour's skin, as long as I gave it a name."
|35="Got rid of world gen crash during succession after death of prolific long-standing position holders with inbred descendants" --[[Toady One]]
|36="There was a typo in the siegers' campfire code. When the fires went out, so did the game." --[[Toady One]]
|37="Hey, what does that flashing red and orange text mean? What? Why is there smoke everywhere? Oh god, are those BABIES on fire?" --[[User:StrawberryBunny|StrawberryBunny]]
|38="It's never 'just a game' when you're losing." --George Carlin (if he played Dwarf Fortress)
|39=Not that building a bridge out of soap makes much sense to begin with anyway.
|40=Note that while you cannot milk larger animals yourself, civilizations can still milk animals "off screen" for your benefit.
|41=Tosid Idenarzes likes tentacle demons for their corrupt intentions. "There! Now we've covered all of the seven deadly sins."
|42="Litast Idenudesh, baby, is throwing a tantrum! Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has lost consciousness. Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has bled to death."
|43="Known bug #780: Town guard becomes a criminal after getting an adventurer's stolen weapon stuck in his body."
|44="Udib Toblumaid, Axedwarf, cancels sparring in Barracks: too insane." [[User:Ben jamm1n|Ben jamm1n]]
|45=Kosoth Cilobonol, Bone Carver cancels Drink: Unconscious.
|46=Sizir the Snail of Bait is a deity of The Fresh Towers. Sizir most often takes the form of a female dwarf and is associated with jealousy.
|47=Sibrek Tanbim likes Limestone, Tin, Smoky Quartz, the color crimson, bolts, scepters, anvils, and rock blocks for their lack of quality levels.
|48=There are 5 articles in category Lore: Armok, Cave Adaptation, Elephant, Philosopher, and Vomit.
|49=There is nothing to catch in the magma pipe.
|50=Bug #563: mayor ordered himself beaten for failing to make crystal glass objects
|51=If cow cheese is made from cow's milk, what is dwarven cheese made of?
|52=Bugs are opportunities to cause unprecedented amounts of destruction. --Zorgn
|53="You know, Urist, you've got a mind like an +Ash Trap+."--[[User:Destor|Destor]]
|54='''Zander J:''' "Is there a way to stop immigration without setting the population cap?" '''Yanlin:''' "Magma."
|55=An animal trainer just suddenly stopped working and hid himself in a workshop. He's probably going to make a wardog out of rock and goblin skulls.
|56=Bug #597: Flying creatures give birth in midair, leading to tragedy.
|57='''Urdim Kutamèrith, Pump Operator, has created Rakusttenshed, a Glumprong blowgun!''' Urdim, you are a freaking idiot.
|58=<Forkez> I don't get the game, but I do get that tunnels flooded with water is a bad thing.
|59="If you give a dwarf a fire, he will be warm for a night. If you set a dwarf on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life."
|60="Since the Elves said they won't let me cut down any trees, I bought 50 of their logs instead."
|61=Do not make a trading race that breathes fire. I REPEAT, DON'T!! EVER!!
|62=Dwarf Fortress: Because burning elves are funny.
|63=The carp has drowned.
|64=There's one thing a dwarf needs, and that's stones. And alcohol... and magma... but mainly stones.
|65="I swear to god once I saw a dwarf who was labeled as being Strong, Very Agile, Very Tough... and ''Clean''. But it was probably just a bad dream."
|66=Urist McRandy has been ecstatic lately. He brought somebody to bed lately.
|67="Dwarven children kidnapped and incorporated into goblin society might sh... shave." --Toady One
|68=Bug #871: babies fall to death when born on stairs
|69=Bug #1031: a merchant pack animal caught at an old dwarf site during adv mode was wearing a full set of clothes
|70="[[Magma]] solves everything. [[Fire]] just ruins the [[booze]]." -sonerohi
|71=You can't yet strangle people with the exposed guts, though I suppose that's now within reach. --[[Toady One]]
|72=Look, there are roving clumps of sentient lava outside, ... This isn't going to get better. --PTTG??
|73=...and the only surviving dwarf is a noble who has mandated the construction of crowns and clear glass items to the empty halls. --PTTG??
|74=Adil Idenlocun is conflicted: "When possible he prefers to consume purring maggot, Dwarven ale and Dwarven syrup. He absolutely detests purring maggots."
|75="I had to leave just before I tested the dwarf with the boiling gold blood." -- Toady the Great One
|76=Urdim Zatinod has been quite content lately. She has lost an annoying friend to tragedy lately.
|77=I added two levers. One opens the magma. The other sets free all the cats. --Someone in Headshoots
|78="As Manbaspecut, Human Merchant is stricken by melancholy!" "Muskox has gone stark raving mad!" I think something is wrong with the human caravan...
|79="Somebody needs to build an active volcano inside a fortress inside an active volcano." --Boksi
|80=It has stats. It can be killed.
|81=Bug #432: Bones pop out of coffins.
|82=Thanks. I wish I had known that about three forts ago.
|83=If I ''remembered'' what the damn lever did, I'd ''pull'' it! <...pulls lever anyway...>
|84=Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine.
|85="So let me get this straight. We managed to destroy a dwarven civilization while only managing a single town??"
|86=Kara Mase, the Glory of Amusing: Engraved on the wall is an image of a dwarf and an elf. The dwarf is committing a depraved act on the elf.
|87=Once saw a water skin with red beryl spikes. I still wonder how you would drink from that.
|88=Watching a kobold thief be chased by batman is very satisfying.
|89=Kol Tölunimush has been ecstatic lately. He killed somebody by accident while sparring recently. He took joy in slaughter lately. He has lost a lover to tragedy lately. He has witnessed death. He had a satisfying sparring session recently.
|90=There was kind of a violent explosion of boiling human blood when I was testing a human vs a magma man in the arena... it was a little weird, but I guess that's okay. --[[Toady One]]
|91=Mew? Chop!
|92="If Dwarf Fortress geology is to be believed, then the Earth's core is made of microline and demons."
|93='They're firing arrows at us! Quickly! Raise the babies!!' -Urdim McSquadLeader, mother of 8
|94=It started raining, then all my dwarves outside started bleeding to death. On inspection their upper bodies were missing.
|95=It seems that a fresh recruit given a crossbow and a quiver with ammo in it will opt to run up to the enemy and bash them with the crossbow.
|96=Bug introduced in the latest version: Firemen can have their flames severed. These flames then just lie around the place.
|97=You stab Iron Man in the right leg from behind with your adamantine short sword, breaking away a piece of the gas and shattering the iron! The Beak Dog is caught in a burst of Iron Man gas! Beak Dog vomits into the Iron Man gas.
|98=Urist McDairy, Milker cancels store item in stockpile: handling dangerous creature
|99=Ildomushat, Fish Cleaner, cancels Clean Self: Could not find path.
|100=Losing is [[Fun]]!!! --The Motto of Dwarf Fortress
|101=I hate walking under dwarven archways. You never know how many mechanized crossbows they have hidden underneath those damn things.
|102="Bibo ergo sum. I drink, therefore I am." -- Dwarven Philosopher
|103=This is a menacing iron spike. This object menaces with spikes of iron.
|104=Kogsak is a deity of The Helpful Diamond. Kogsak most often takes the form of a dwarf and is associated with fortresses.
|105=The Forgotten Beast pushes The Wrestler in the head, bruising the muscle, driving the skull through the brain, and tearing apart the brain! The Wrestler has been struck down!
|106=Goblin Chops at the Diagnostician in the right leg, damaging the muscle! Urist McHouse is Unconscious!
|107=Limul Itebdesis, trader has been Possessed. Limul Itebdesis, trader has created Stodir Isethlolor, a Mortgage-Backed Security!
|108=The heart wound ended up being a guy getting shot in the arm, dropping his crossbow, running over to the opposing line, and jabbing his stack of bolts into somebody's chest.
|109=Giant mole has stolen a preserved prepared giant mole lung! ''"Hey, I want my grandfather back!"''
|110="You must construct additional barrels!" - [[User:Speed112]]
|111=All I want is a major river next to a volcano with flux, sand and bituminous coal.
|112=Do not taunt magma.
|113=I bury my pets in gold coffins and my nobles in wood coffins. Pets before people, I say.--[[KingAuggie]]
|114=[the cavern] is basically like the surface, except underground
|115=The fortress' randomly generated name was "Greatestfailure".
|116="You stab the Human Thresher in the mouth with your large copper dagger, tearing the left cheek!" "The large copper dagger has lodged firmly in the wound!"
|117="The best way to determine how dangerous a fortress is, is to make only one dwarf with the burial job, and nothing else: the lower his social skills, the more dangerous the fortress is - [[User:Rhenaya|Rhenaya]]"
|118="Before retiring in the evening, heed my words and give yourself to volcanos" - Ted Usmokatra, law-giver
|119=Upon coming of age, about 8, Urist McYoung Made an artifact, became mayor and promptly mandated the construction of slade goods.
|120=Dwarf Fortress: You've already lost.
|121=A sober fortress makes even a mental hospital seem like a pleasant place to live.
|122=A typical Dwarven nightmare consists of running out of booze or getting a beard lopped off in an accident.
|123=There are two ways of dealing with goblins in a tree. One is by marksdwarves. The other is by flooding the world with magma.
|124=Portal and Dwarf Fortress share a mystical trend. It is !!Science!!.
|125=The were-capybara is only one of the myriad lunatic monsters that terrorize the living. -- Threetoe
|126=The only time I ever saw the stupid thing fly, was to cross the aqueduct, to the beer hall. -- Fredd
|127=(On artifacts) I got a flint door, called The Noiseless Odors. -- Nyxalinth
|128=So apparently she became queen before becoming a twilight freak wife. Fascinating. -- Samuel
|129=The zombies in a necromancer's tower became suspicious after the necromancer failed to age -- Toady One
|130=Got a few barrels of beetle ichor and duck blood, gave some pig cheese in exchange. Made a present of three coffins to the queen.
|131=I'd have to look back to see if it wants the physical or metaphysical id on the corpse. -- Toady One
|132=The Sasquatch corpse has lodged firmly in the wound! The goblin has been struck down!
}}

v0.31:Water wheel

2011-11-15T08:40:52Z

Kogut: -(violating basic principles of physics). It is game about world filled with vampires, dragons, ultimate cage traps etc

{{Quality|Exceptional}}
{{Machine_component|name=Water wheel|key=w
|construction=
* 3 {{L|Log}}s
|construction_job=
# {{L|Architecture|Architecture}}
# {{L|Carpenter|Carpenter}}
|power=Needs 10 power. Generates 100 power. Net gain of 90 power.
}}{{av}}

A '''water wheel''' is a {{L|machine component}} that provides {{L|power}} via water {{L|flow}}. To build a water wheel, select {{key|b}}uild menu and choose {{key|M}}achine components. It requires 3 {{L|wood}} and generates 90 net power, which can be used for operating one or more {{L|Screw pump|pumps}} or {{L|mill}}s. You can use {{L|axle}}s and {{L|Gear assembly|gears}} to distribute the power produced by a water wheel, or connect the machinery directly.

Waterwheels do ''not'' work with waterfalls, nor in magma - it takes water that is flowing according to the DF use of the term.

''For a basic overview of how the different machine parts work and work together, see {{L|machinery}}.''

== Construction ==
The {{L|Building_designer|architecture}} and {{L|Carpenter|carpentry}} labors are needed for the construction.

A water wheel occupies 3 adjacent tiles (N-S or E-W axis, no diagonals). It is the color of the first wood selected for it, so you could build a red wheel with one piece of goblin-cap and two of fungiwood.

Although it's ''possible'' to build a stable water wheel on solid ground, it won't provide any power. A useful water wheel is built in an empty tile that does not contain a floor, allowing the wheel to be powered by water in the tiles one {{L|Z-axis|z-level}} below. Floorless tiles are typically made by {{L|channel|}}ling away the floor. To support the water wheel, build it with its central tile orthogonally adjacent to a gear assembly, a horizontal axle, a screw pump, or the central tile of a pre-existing water wheel. Do not hang it from a gear assembly you wish to control with a switch, as a disconnected ("switched off") gear assembly can't support anything and will cause the waterwheel to deconstruct.

{{L|Power}} is generated from a water wheel as long as it has {{L|flow}}ing water at a depth of 4/7 or greater under at least one of its tiles. The easiest way to achieve this is by placing the water wheel over a {{L|river}} or {{L|brook}}. '''With a brook you must first channel through the surface''' since brooks have a floor of sorts over them.

==Designs==
'''Key:'''

'''#''' = '''Wall'''
○ = '''Millstone'''
+ = '''Floor'''
~ = '''Water'''
W = '''Water Wheel'''
* = '''Gear Assembly'''
═ = '''Axle'''

{|style="border: 1px solid #0b0; background: #dfd"
|+'''Basic watermill design'''
|- style="font-family: monospace; font-weight: bold; font-size: 135%"
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|#
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #07F; padding: 0"|~
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|- style="font-family: monospace; font-weight: bold; font-size: 135%"
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|#
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #07F; padding: 0"|~
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|- style="font-family: monospace; font-weight: bold; font-size: 135%"
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|#
|style="color: #333; padding: 0"|○
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #970; padding: 0"|W
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|- style="font-family: monospace; font-weight: bold; font-size: 135%"
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|#
|style="color: #333; padding: 0"|*
|style="color: #970; padding: 0"|═
|style="color: #970; padding: 0"|═
|style="color: #970; padding: 0"|═
|style="color: #970; padding: 0"|W
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|- style="font-family: monospace; font-weight: bold; font-size: 135%"
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|#
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #970; padding: 0"|W
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|- style="font-family: monospace; font-weight: bold; font-size: 135%"
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|#
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #7FF; padding: 0"|~
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|- style="font-family: monospace; font-weight: bold; font-size: 135%"
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|#
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #07F; padding: 0"|~
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|}
{|style="border: 1px solid #0b0; background: #dfd"
|+'''Dual watermill design'''
|- style="font-family: monospace; font-weight: bold; font-size: 135%"
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|#
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #07F; padding: 0"|~
|style="color: #07f; padding: 0"|~
|- style="font-family: monospace; font-weight: bold; font-size: 135%"
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|#
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #07F; padding: 0"|~
|style="color: #7FF; padding: 0"|~
|- style="font-family: monospace; font-weight: bold; font-size: 135%"
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|#
|style="color: #333; padding: 0"|○
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #970; padding: 0"|W
|style="color: #970; padding: 0"|W
|- style="font-family: monospace; font-weight: bold; font-size: 135%"
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|#
|style="color: #333; padding: 0"|*
|style="color: #970; padding: 0"|═
|style="color: #970; padding: 0"|═
|style="color: #970; padding: 0"|═
|style="color: #970; padding: 0"|W
|style="color: #970; padding: 0"|W
|- style="font-family: monospace; font-weight: bold; font-size: 135%"
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|#
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #970; padding: 0"|W
|style="color: #970; padding: 0"|W
|- style="font-family: monospace; font-weight: bold; font-size: 135%"
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|#
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #07F; padding: 0"|~
|style="color: #07F; padding: 0"|~
|- style="font-family: monospace; font-weight: bold; font-size: 135%"
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|#
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #777; padding: 0"|+
|style="color: #07F; padding: 0"|~
|style="color: #07F; padding: 0"|~
|}
This is by no means the limit of water power from one location, depending on the width of your river/brook/channel you can stack many waterwheels side-by-side (really big assembles will need to be artificial as there's a limit to how wide the game created water flows get). Just remember to make sure there's a support structure in place before you place the next wheel.

== Perpetual motion ==

Due to the relatively low power draw of a {{L|screw pump}}, a ''self-powering'' assembly can be made with a water wheel that still leaves plenty of excess power for other uses. This is arguably an {{L|exploit}} and possibly a bug.

To get it working, you must start the pump manually.*

:''(* Exceptions are {{L|aquifer}}s, which can sometimes have naturally occurring {{L|flow}}. This is sometimes a good thing, because then a wheel simply works by itself - or a bad thing, if, for example, you want the wheel to '''not''' provide any power while you build a pump adjacent to it. It's not clear what causes an aquifer to have flow and then keep it - it's difficult to replicate reliably, and can be lost with additional {{L|channel}}ing, so designs will have to be adapted if such are found.)''

It is good to have a ready source of water to refill the machine, as water tends to escape and evaporate. As the water level decreases, the water wheel may intermittently stop providing power; when the level falls below 4/7, the wheel stops providing power altogether.

'''*REMEMBER TO BUILD AN ORTHOGONAL PUMP, HORIZONTAL AXLE OR GEAR ASSEMBLY BEFORE THE WATER WHEEL*'''

===Dwarven Water Reactor===
====Key====
:{{Raw Tile|║ ═ ╝ ╚ ╔ ╗ ╣ ╠ ╩ ╦ O|7:0:1}} = '''Wall'''
:{{Raw Tile|+|7:0:0}} = '''Floor'''
:{{Raw Tile|W|6:0:0}} = '''Water Wheel''' with floor underneath
:{{Raw Tile|W|6:1:0}} = '''Water Wheel''' with water underneath
:{{Raw Tile|≈|1:0:1}} = '''Water''' on current level
:{{Raw Tile|≈|3:0:1}} = '''Water''' on level below
:{{Raw Tile|X|2:0:0}} {{Raw Tile|X|2:0:1}} = '''Screw Pump''' drawing from south

This compact design, once started, produces 170 surplus power (less additional power train). While the water reactor provides a perpetual source of mechanical power in abundant amounts, the use of several reactors can cause performance issues. When building your water reactor, it is recommended that you include a method for stopping the reactor once started.

<div style="float:right; margin:2ex 20ex;"> 
{|
!'''Lower Level'''
!
!'''Upper Level'''
|-
|
{| style="border-spacing:0;"
|-
|{{RT|╔|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|═|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|╦|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|═|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|╗|7:0:1}}
|-
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|{{H2O}}
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|{{H2O}}
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|-
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|{{H2O}}
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|{{H2O}}
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|-
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|{{H2O}}
|{{RT|O|7:0:1}}
|{{H2O}}
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|-
|{{RT|╚|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|╗|7:0:1}}
|{{H2O}}
|{{RT|╔|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|╝|7:0:1}}
|-
|{{RTB|0:0:0}}
|{{RT|╚|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|═|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|╝|7:0:1}}
|{{RTB|0:0:0}}
|}

|

|
{| style="border-spacing:0;"
|-
|{{RT|╔|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|═|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|═|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|═|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|╗|7:0:1}}
|-
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|W|6:1:0}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|W|6:1:0}}
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|-
|{{RT|╝|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|W|6:1:0}}
|{{RT|X|2:0:0}}
|{{RT|W|6:1:0}}
|{{RT|╚|7:0:1}}
|-
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|W|6:0:0}}
|{{RT|X|2:0:1}}
|{{RT|W|6:0:0}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|-
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|≈|3:0:1}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|-
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|}
|}
</div>

Dig the V-shaped channel and fill it with water (either from an outside source or by designating it as a {{L|pond}}). Meanwhile, construct the pump, pumping from the South. Construct the two water wheels. Start the pump manually ( {{k|q}}, {{k|Enter}} ) - if there is enough water*, the "reactor" will start immediately and the pump operator will leave. The water from the north end of the pump will spill over the top-most floor tile, filling that to 7/7 and the two tiles east and west of it to ~5/7, but will not overflow back past the water wheel to the walkway area. Note that for the upper level, no southern walls are shown as none are needed, unless you don't follow the design and do something to create water pressure.

*''(* Estimated minimum depth to prime the reactor is 3/7 to 4/7, though this is not guaranteed.)''
* The ideal amount of water in this design is apparently 43 units of water. In other words six tiles below in the V are full up to 7/7 and three more above are also full up to 7/7 which will generate reliable flow permanently without ever losing any of that water to evaporation. An easy way to do this is to simply leave your pond fill command on after the reactor activates. They will eventually fill it up to the optimal level and stop.

The reactor can be safely halted either by blocking the tile the pump draws water from or "overloading" the reactor (since drawing more power than the reactor supplies will stop the pump that keeps the cycle going until the load is reduced and the pump is manually restarted by dwarf-power), More drastically, the reactor will obviously be halted by deconstructing the pump. Deconstructing one wheel will cause a flood (and almost immediately cancel any job order to deconstruct the other components), and deconstructing the pump will cause both wheels to collapse (unless they are attached to {{L|machinery}} outside them, not shown).

{{L|Power}} can routed up from the pump or off to the side from a wheel; the bottom of the pump is difficult to access without danger of water escaping. Routing power from a wheel is typically safe in practice, but it's not impossible for a small amount of water to escape the reactor if it is temporarily overfilled. Power can also be routed out of the reactor via a gear or horizontal axle over the pump's intake tile; while this does not interfere with the pump's operation or present a danger of flooding, it makes it more difficult to shut down the reactor. In either case, it's typically wise to place a {{L|gear assembly}} linked to a {{L|lever}} early in the power train in order to allow disconnecting the power at that point, as opposed to needing to halt the entire reactor to stop the power supply.

Expanded versions can produce more power, and can be added later with minimal advance planning; such extensibility is easily attainable by placing disengageable gears on either side of the two water wheels, then attaching minireactors at your leisure, or halting the original reactor by other means. Alternatively, it may be easier to simply produce a second reactor, then connect to the power train at another location.

''Note: If created in an aquifer, there is a chance that the channeled tiles will have a natural {{L|flow|water flow}} - this will cause the pump to start the moment the first wheel is finished, flooding the work area for the second.''
*This can be countered by connecting something that consumes >90 power while building the waterwheels -19 {{L|gear assembly|Gear assemblies}} works

===Mini Water Reactor===

This even more compact design is quite similar to the original Dwarven Water Reactor, but can be used in tight spots that do not need more than 80 surplus power. This plan can also be considered an extension unit to the DWR, in that it can be added to one or the other side to provide an additional 80 power to the resulting power train. Safely constructing a mini reactor to add to a previously built reactor without potential flooding and/or loss of power is possible only if you first turn off the original reactor. Planning ahead is a much better option, so if you're going to need more than 170 power, build a larger reactor to start with.

As stated previously, the design below produces 80 surplus power (less additional power train).

{|
|'''Lower Level'''
|'''Upper Level'''
|-
|
{| style="border-spacing:0;"
|-
|{{RT|╔|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|═|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|╗|7:0:1}}
|{{RTB|0:0:0}}
|-
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|{{H2O}}
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|{{RTB|0:0:0}}
|-
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|{{H2O}}
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|{{RTB|0:0:0}}
|-
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|{{H2O}}
|{{RT|╚|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|╗|7:0:1}}
|-
|{{RT|╚|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|╗|7:0:1}}
|{{H2O}}
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|-
|{{RTB|0:0:0}}
|{{RT|╚|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|═|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|╝|7:0:1}}
|}

|
{| style="border-spacing:0;"
|-
|{{RT|╔|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|═|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|═|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|╗|7:0:1}}
|-
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|W|6:1:0}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|║|7:0:1}}
|-
|{{RT|╝|7:0:1}}
|{{RT|W|6:1:0}}
|{{RT|X|2:0:0}}
|{{RT|╚|7:0:1}}
|-
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|W|6:0:0}}
|{{RT|X|2:0:1}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|-
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|≈|3:0:1}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|-
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|{{RT|+|7:0:0}}
|}
|}

Construction of the mini reactor follows the same order as for the DWR, though the channel is slightly different and only one water wheel is needed. If this is an addition to a full size reactor or set of reactors, all channels will need to be fairly full with water to start the reactor.

v0.31:Challenges

2011-11-15T08:38:40Z

Kogut: Undo revision 154778 by 24.19.98.30 (talk) unfunny unexplained changes

{{av}}
{{Quality|Exceptional}}
==Pre-Embark Build Ideas==
Before you embark, you can optimize or sabotage your fortress from the very start, depending on how you distribute your points. After a few years, a well-developing fortress may or may not stabilize (depending on your idea of {{L|fun}}), leaving you to other challenges.

=== Diplomacy ===
* Six dwarves with only social {{L|skill}}s
* One skilled dwarf

Six courtiers of the king's court made some ill-advised remarks within earshot of the king, and as a result have been ordered to go found an outpost. They've hired you to make sure they survive. The six nobles only have social skills and refuse to do any work that is beneath them.

=== Minimalist/Survivalist build===

* 1 anvil
* 2 copper ore
* 1 ash (or stone)

Nothing else. From that alone, forge your pick and axe. (Figure it out yourself, or see the [[40d:DIY#Minimalist_challenge_build|40d Do it Yourself]] article for a step-by-step "how to".)

Alternatively, drop the second copper ore and use a wooden axe for your woodcutting needs.

===Peasantry===
* Spend 0 Points on embark

This challenge is moderately to very difficult, depending on the wildlife and outdoor food sources. Note that the three logs from the wagon are just enough to build a trade depot.

Sadly, the wooden axes of DF2010 make this challenge remarkably easy. All you end up with is a fort that decided not to dig until the first caravan. Of course, you could just choose not to use wooden axes (on the honor system, naturally).

=== Stranded Scout Squad ===
* Military skills
* Weapons, ammunition, armor, war dogs
* Picks are not weapons

Your civilian 'friends' promised a caravan in the fall as they left, laughing. Hopefully, you can survive until then with your forward scouts.

==Races==
Pretend to be another race! You can mod the game or just pretend that Elves have hair. It doesn't matter what you look like, just what you build, with what materials, and what's for lunch after we build it.

===Elves - The Ultimate Hippy Challenge===
Peace, man.
* Don't gather plants except those you plant yourself.
* Don't gather wood nor trade for it with humans or dwarves.
* Trade for plants and wood only with the elves; they understand your environmental code.
* Don't burn any {{L|fuel|coal}}. Do you know what that does to the environment, man?
**Magma-smelting is an option, but steel can't be had.
* Don't cause any creature's death, except in self-defense.
**No military, induced submerging, or lethal implementation of corkscrews.
* Only use cage traps, and either tame the creatures you catch, or release them back into the wild.
* {{L|Elf|Hippies}} prefer sunlight and wooded areas, with minimal use of rock (digging and building).

Bonus: Declare war on human and dwarven caravans that try to trade you wooden items.

For an extra challenge try this in an area with a cave.

===Hobbitton===
Forget about deep-delving adventures and armoursmithing. You're playing hobbits.

* You're not in a dwarf fortress. You're in a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
** Hobbit-holes are all on one level - store-rooms, wine-cellars, bedrooms and all.
** One family per hobbit-hole, though that may include the help. No underground connections between holes, either.
** Walls are to be lined with blocks of good polished wood, or clay bricks. Floors can be surfaced in stone or wood.
** Don't forget your glass skylights and brick chimneys over the kitchen! While you're at it, how about a greenhouse for those exotic plants?

* Your primary industries are farming and distilling. Trade primarily in these. Purchase all metals and avoid industrial mining.

* Hobbits are uninterested in machines more complicated than the odd water-mill - no traps of any sort, though a drawbridge, dogs and militia as a concession to safety may be acceptable. And, of course, a mill.

* Elves are your friends - always give them your preference as a trading partner. Go to the effort of storing your trade goods in barrels and large pots, so you can sell them your finest liquors for their valuable woodcrafts.

===Humans - Living Large and Standing Tall===
Pretend you're a filthy above-ground dwelling {{L|Human|human}}.
* Build a town wall.
** Only hovels and farms outside the town walls.
* House your dwarves in small town homes
** 5-10 dwarves per house (they had pretty big families back in the day)
** Upstairs bedrooms, small dining room, maybe a single level basement.
* House your workshops according to profession, not convenience.
* Build warehouses for stockpiles, and set guards outside them.
* Create a keep, with its own wall, barracks, treasury, etc.
** House your nobles within the keep.
* Create a market square.
* Create a main street from the town wall to the market square and/or keep. Well-paved blocks, statues and decorative shubbery are a must.
* No underground connections between different areas.
* For obtaining stone, metal, etc. a mine may be built, but must have separate entrance from other buildings. It can be outside the fortress, but must not connect to the interior, or vice versa.
** If you create a side hill mine, only carve large (at least 2 tiles) tunnels, and create shaft to the surface to allow air circulation.
** Or better than that, create an open pit mine / quarry, with ramps to access lower floors.
* BONUS: Miniproject: Build a large, multiple-z-level fountain complete with decorations.
* BONUS: Miniproject: Human Inn, containing your only booze stockpile and should be party-oriented.
* BONUS: Miniproject: Farm simulation, complete with crops and free-range livestock, etc.
* BOUNSL Miniproject: Have a series of canals for transport.
* BONUS: Easy Play: Embark on top of a Human Town.
* BONUS: Advanced Play: Modify the raws and actually use humans to make the fort.
* MEGABONUS: Build your entire fortress as {{L|mega construction|one huge arcology}}.
* MEGADWARFBONUS: Build your City in a giant, artificial cave. (or the caverns, if you can't manage that)

=="Humans"==
Make your dwarves pretend to be an ordinary, albeit short human village, to disguise the secret diggings below. Prepare to launch an invasion on the unsuspecting Big Folk.

* Embark as close to the human towns as possible.
* Construct a "manor house" to house your mayor and broker, with a stone-walled ground level containing office, dining room and kitchens, wood-block walls and windows above for the mayor's bedroom, and a large cellar with a discreetly concealed entrance to the Secret Fortress.
* Construct a walled village including a token number of shacks, barns and workshops, a mill and a blacksmiths' for that authentic touch.
* Surround the village with large fields, growing typical human crops.
* While all this is going on, excavate an extensive fortress underground, with a focus on a well-trained militia. If the map permits, build a secret training area for your army, perhaps hidden in the top of a large hill.
* Trade only raw crops to the human and elven caravans, in exchange for the minor needs of a human village.
* Lure the goblins underground before meeting them in battle - best to hide the evidence, you understand.

===Luddite===
Shun technology and contraptions. Who can really trust them, with those {{L|Gremlin|gremlins}} around. This may be challenging, as it forbids easy isolation/defense from attacks, all traps and wells. Irrigation is reduced to solid elbow grease and maybe a bucket or two. This challenge may be even harder combined with another challenge.
* No mechanics or {{L|mechanism}}s
* No {{L|machine}}s

** BONUS: Hey, wait, aren't crossbows machinelike?

===Earthworms===
Live constantly tunneling. Churn up the soil as you go and visit the surface only rarely to collect the stuff you need..
* Create one long tunnel. Dig forward at one end whilst sealing off (collapsing, building walls across) the other end.
* Workshops should be built directly behind the row of miners. When they reach the point where they would be destroyed, take them apart and rebuild back by the miners again.
* To make it easier, you can come up to the surface now and then.
* Try to keep the tunnel as short as possible.
* Like this: ||||||||==========> (| is walled off end section, = is tunnel and > is the miners.
* BONUS: Leave those pesky nobles walled in as you tunnel away from them!
* BONUS: Leave stockpiles of armour and weapons for any future diggers to find!
* MEGABONUS: Surprise a goblin siege by tunneling up underneath them!
* MEGABONUS: Leave a group of dwarves behind in a cavern farming. Carry no food, and return to the cavern to restock the dwarves.

=== Kill demons ===
Try to kill as many demons as possible. Use siege-engines and fortifications. Remember, that collapsing caves (use supports) kills everything.

===Eskimo===
Live like the Eskimo! Only try if you are expert
* Embark somewhere with tundra or glacial biome.
* Lot of fishermen, hunters and only a few diggers.
* Every dwarf is at least novice mason
* Build everything out of ice.
* Only spears and crossbows allowed in the military
* BONUS: Axes? what axes?
* BONUS: Only BONE crossbows, bolts and spears. Metal is for losers.
* BONUS: Embark near an ocean and create a floating ice fortress.

===Amazon dwarves===
*Kill or lock in somewhere all male dwarves, kids are allowed until they grow up.
*BONUS: military use only bows and spears.

Alternative :
instead of killing the male, use them as slaves and make them work for the females dwarves and put all the females in the military, no male noble allowed.

===The Oregon Trail===
Settle like those who traveled the (in)famous Oregon Trail.
*Optional: Wait to stop world gen until the year 1840.
*Embark in an area that has mostly grassland biome.
*Bring 10 food and 15 booze per dwarf.
*All dwarfs must embark as peasants.
*Bring a few rabbits along for skins.
*Bring a few chickens along for eggs, meat and skins.
*Bring 10 copper bars and three random rocks, but only one axe and pick.
*If points allow, bring some leather along.
*If points allow, bring some cloth along.
*Hint: You may want to find an area with clay.

Post-Embark:
*Set one miner, one woodhacker, one main farmer, one weaver/clothier, one potter/glazer, one metalsmith and one glassmaker/gem cutter if you have or found sand.
*All dwarves must plant their own crops, process their own plants, spin their own cloth and cook their own meals.
*Chop down enough of one tree to make one 4x5 inner-tile log cabin.
*Repeat the above step for the rest of the 6 dwarves you came with.
*Hint: Use a rock you brought with to make a kiln. Set a clay collection zone and set Collect Clay on repeat. Use the clay to make houses, instead.
*Dig your dwarves a 5x5 root cellar and place food stockpiles in them.
*Place a 10x10 farm plot by each dwarf's cabin.
*Dig a side hill mine for stone and ore, and make it go down 5 to 6 levels.
*BONUS: Make a huge 40x40 quarry and decrease size by 2 tiles for each level going down.
*Settler BONUS: Place 1x10 farm plots that all grow the same crop 1 tile from each other, channel between them, tap into a surface river, and voila. Western-style irrigation.
*See how long you can survive like this.
*Modding BONUS: Mod the raws and actually embark as humans.
*Naming BONUS: Name the fort 'Tombstone'.
*Modding BONUS: Mod the raws to make sentinents butcherable, cause a food shortage and just plain recreate the Donner Party.
*Modding BONUS: Add dysentary.

As you can see, this challenge is similar to the City-States challenge below. Try 'em both and see which one you like better!

==Utter Dwarfiness==
Need new ways to behave or new techniques to dip your toes into? Give any or all of your starting 7 some quirks to live up to. Want to try making your Boss a hell-bent, paranoid despot? Or establish a routine mass murder of small animals to provide your fort with raw meat by a vaguely intimidating, estranged butcher?

===Bandit Camp===
* Three or more Marksdwarves (perhaps with {{L|Ambusher|ambushing}})
* Embark site featuring places to hide

Attack and loot every enemy sentient creature you can find, such as goblins & kobolds. Develop sneaky and even horrific methods of trapping and 'processing' friendly sentients (merchants, diplomats, and even migrants). Take no prisoners and leave no evidence of foul play.

===City-States===
* All dwarves embark as peasants
* 7 or multiple of 7 of everything you bring (especially picks and axes)
* BONUS: Make one state for only nobles and force the other states to sustain it

At the start your dwarves split everything equally and move to 7 different locales that are not interconnected. They have to mine their own rooms, plant their own crops, use their own craft piles. This will probably require a bit of cross-fertilization until you get {{L|door}}s and can lock everyone in, but after that it is every dwarf for him/herself!

Burrows are very useful for this.

===Dwarftopia===
*Embark only with dwarves that have max skills, with no more than one miner; but bring extra copper picks.
*Separate the fortress into 2 parts: a vibrant city above, and a depressed slum below.
**BONUS: Reverse the order; elite dwarves get to live underground, while the poor have to scratch a living off the surface.
*Throw all low-skill immigrants into the pits, where they will spend the rest of their lives (unless called up for the draft).
*'''DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES''' let said immigrants socialize whatsoever with the Elite; so nobody (who matters) will be upset when they die.
**BONUS: Make it impossible for anybody to escape by using trapdoors to drop them in and bridge-a-paults for sending goods out (preferably with a carp-based sterilization system).
***MEGADWARFBONUS: Set it all up so that none of the 'elite' have to do any work; all their needs are met by the laborers. Watch what happens and laugh as the laborers die out and high society breaks down.
****MEGAUBERLITERARYBONUS: build the community from "The Giver", all dwarves keep all jobs they come with, 3-time troublemakers get "released" (spoiler alert) use magma instead of lethal injection, and remember, no death or pain! (mod the game for ultra control over marriage and jobs!)

===Equaland===
* No embark requirements
* Construct a successful fortress
* All dwarves are given equal attention regarding quarters, dining, armament and burial
* One dwarf elected to be "The Leader" commands a lever system capable of killing a single dwarf of your choice in their room, however you wish
* Allow the Leader (your id) free reign on his power, enforcing impossible and unannounced criteria on your other dwarves with death being the only punishment
* BONUS: Construct a large sickle-hammer at the fortress enterance to show the regime.

===Hermit===
* Spend points ONLY on ONE {{L|Pick}}

A well known and popular challenge. Kill off 6 starting dwarves and any {{L|immigrant|immigrants}} as they arrive, and try to make a living for the last dwarf. Turn away merchants. If they don't leave, kill them.

'''Variants'''
To moderate difficulty, feel free to allow these exceptions:
* Keep one male and one female dwarf as the Dwarven Adam and Eve.
* Keep your starting seven, but no immigrants.
* Selectively admit dwarves based on name, profession, etc.
* Embark with an anvil as well.
* Become a lone fisherman. The old man and the sea.

===Hunting Party===
* One Marksman+Ambusher
* One Cook+Farmer
* One Brewer+Farmer
* Four exclusively social dwarves
* Embark with no anvil, many hunting dogs, into a challenging biome (terrifying areas may have no supply of wood)

===Immigration and customs enforcement===
* One miner/mason/architect
* One woodcutter/carpenter/architect
* Five military dwarves
* Embark into a canyon or on a road
* Don't embark with an anvil

Spend the first year building fortifications to interdict traffic. Immigrants can build a town around you, but your original seven dwarves remain dedicated to their mission (purely military in purpose).

*BONUS: Make the two areas self-sufficent of each other, no resource-sharing.
*BONUS: Make the main construction capable of dispatching any interlopers into the main building through drowning.

==="Let Slip the Dogs of War"===
* No military Dwarves are permitted, including Fortress Guard.
* No weapons or armor may be forged, and any obtained from looting must be melted down.
* War dogs must be your only form of attack and defense.
** Bonus : No traps or defense mechanisms of any kind may be utilized, only dogs.

===28 Drinks Later===

*Embark at a terrifying biome(Scary Biome), make sure there are zombie somethings. Set up a five thick wall around your camp. Never leave the perimeters. All migrants would be wandering survivors, let them in or don't, as they might be infected.
*Bonus: If you have "reason" to believe the migrants are infected, sacrifice them to the Blood God. Remember, he loves Magma!
*Bonus: Only Marksdwarves for defense, You shouldn't get near the zombies, they tend to bite.If they are wounded, they must be quarantined, and shall therefore die.
*AdvancedPlay: Add zombie to the creatures list and set them as [EVIL].
**Bonus: Send one heroic guy to save the migrants from the zombies, like in 28 days later.
**Elf clothing anyone?
*Keep a diary from one of the characters perspectives, to be read when the world is repopulated.

===Master Of One===
Pre-Embark:
* All starting dwarves must have only one skill

Post-Embark:
* No changes are allowed on any dwarf's labor screen, except to ''disable'' hauling labors (enabling hauling is forbidden)
* All immigrants must stay with the profession(s) they arrive with
* All peasants must be activated into the military

'''Variant:'''
*Only allow one dwarf for each skill to remain in your fort (1 mason, 1 miner, 1 farmer, etc.). Slaughter or draft all other dwarves.

===Urist of All Trades, Master Of None===
Opposite of "Master Of One" above. 
Pre-Embark:
* You may distribute points to as many skills as you want on each dwarf, but no more than 1 point any any skill (no dwarves above Novice).
 
Post-Embark:
* Enable all labors on all dwarves, at all times.
* Since only one of Mining, Woodcutting, or Hunting can be enabled at once, try to have an equal number of dwarves in each job. At least once every year, change them around, try to assign them to whichever they have the lowest skill in. Of course, you can leave out Woodcutters if there are no trees (but enable some if you reach a cavern with underground trees), and leave out Hunters if there are no huntable critters.
* Make/buy enough Picks, Axes, and Crossbows so any dwarf who wants to try Mining, Woodcutting, or Hunting can at any time.
* Shuffle around your Administrators yearly, or whenever you notice them getting too skilled in their jobs. You can check the personalities of your replacements to make sure they're at least capable of learning appropriate social skills for the job.
* Draft any (or better yet, every) dwarf into the military. Use the default uniforms. You can only add Individual Choice Melee/Weapon/Ranged, do not assign specific weapons. Keep a variety of weapons in your stockpiles (including any exotic weapons from other races) so your soldiers have plenty to choose from. Periodically switch out your Militia Commander/Captains and squad leaders, so everyone gets a chance to lead. Unless there is a siege, only 1 squad can be active/training at any time.
* Always have some areas designated for Digging/Channeling, tree Cutting, Smoothing/Detailing, and Plant gathering, so dwarves can practice Mining, Woodcutting, Stone Detailing, or Herbalism whenever they want.
* No workshop restrictions via profiles or burrows. Let anyone work anywhere they want, regardless of skill level.
* Try to build at least 2 of every type of workshop, so if a moody dwarf claims one, other dwarves can still have a chance to try that kind of work.
* BONUS: If any dwarf manages to become Legendary, disable the labor(s) associated with that skill. If one reaches Legendary in a weapon or other combat skill, discharge them from the military. You may re-enable the labor(s) (or re-enlist) ONLY if the skill rusts all the way back down to Novice.
* SUPERBONUS: Set that skill threshold lower, (eg. Master, Expert) depending on your own masochism.

===Monarch with a grudge===
* Forbid any and all use of stone and metal
* No exposed tile may be labeled "Underground"
* Artifacts containing stone and metal are to be destroyed '''utterly''' (magma or the {{L|Dwarven atom smasher|DAS}})

"Nay, no ponderous stone doors or shining silver arcades, not while I live!"
The new king has decided rocks and metals can no longer be used in construction. He'll be overthrown shortly, but in the meantime construct your fortress without them.

'''Variants'''
* Embark with no construction materials, into an area devoid of trees.
* Construct a fortress made entirely out of glass. Try not using magma or limit yourself only to clear and crystal glass.
* Build with soap bars. Show those elven traders just how much you despise their philosophies by building with stuff derived from dead trees ''and'' dead animals. Cats are an excellent source of tallow.
* Choose one type of rock, one type of metal, one type of gem, one type of wood, and optionally one type of glass. All constructions can only use those types in their construction. An easy way to enforce this with stone is to mark all but your choice "Economical".
* Bonus points: Stone is forbidden along with digging

===Noblesse requiro===
* Construct a fortress only to please nobles (who, for the sake of this challenge, are all criminally psychotic)
* Criminals who deserve justice should be incarcerated, tortured, and executed for ''any'' offense. Use your imagination for every step of the process. Remember, there is no right to a fair and speedy trial in Armok's eyes.
* All Nobles must be treated to the highest quality living conditions
* All others must be treated to the bare minimum needed to physically keep them alive
* Elected nobles are to be treated as regular dwarves, but mandates hold equal sway regarding justice

===Urist McHoHoHo===
* Embark in a glacier biome
* Take at least 3 craftsdwarves to serve as Santa's Elves.
* Export as many toys as possible. These are your only permitted trade good.
* Bonus: Use this Christmas-themed tileset: [[http://df.magmawiki.com/index.php/User:Sphr/gfx_set#Christmas_Special_2007]]
* Bonus: Cycle nobles frequently, use their mandates as people's wish lists.
* Mega Bonus: Use [[Olivine]], [[Serpentine]], [[Bauxite]], [[Kaolinite]], [[Cinnabar]], [[Petrified Wood]], [[Realgar]], (red and green) to build your fortress.
* Dwarven Spirit Bonus: Edit the raws to embark with elves utilize elf slave labor to craft your toys.
* Mega Dwarf Bonus: Embark with a group of elves, choose the fattest elf to be Santa. Clothe him in reindeer wool clothing, dyed red, with accents of un-dyed wool. Feed him ☼Longland Flour Cookies☼ and reindeer milk. Build a brick fireplace and burn coal for a warm cozy fire. Train Santa to be a legendary pump operator to make him flash red.

===Sitting on trees===
* Construct a wooden "tree" or several, spanning many (a dozen or so) z-levels
* Establish a successful fortress not inside, but around, these constructed trees

===The Mad Butcher===
* One dedicated Butcher+Tanner
* Minimal supplies and skills, so you can bring...
* As many puppies and kittens you can afford
* All food-gathering skills (except your Butcher+Tanner and Brewing) are forbidden

Caging your animals will increase performance to prepare a suitable butchery. Construct a wide, deep shaft to be zoned as an animal pit. At the bottom, outfit an isolation chamber complete with food and alcohol stockpiles, a bed, a butchery and a tanner's workshop. An active well will prevent mishaps. You should include during the construction either an airlock chamber (to enable the butcher to pass on food) or a second pit where the butcher dumps his created food. After construction, seal your butcher+tanner inside and live only off of his work.

===The World is Flat===
* No pre-embark requirements
* You'll probably want a region with lots of hills/mountains.
* You may only work/build/live on the original Z level where your wagon was
* No moats allowed, as this requires a channel, which goes below your z-level

===Hunter and Gatherer===
Pre-Embark (World-Gen)
* Try creating a world in year 1 (optional)
Post-Embark
* Everything allowed except Farming and Cattle Breeding.
Bonus
* BONUS: Embark in a desert, so only hunting and (aquifer) fishing.
** Extra Points: Dont fish in the aquifer. How could the turtles get there anyway?
** Create a huge pyramid and sacrifice living beings or valuables to Armok for rain by dropping it in the hollow inaccessible pyramid from the top.
*** Extended version: Fill the pyramid with magma!
** Create lines like the Nazca to honour Armok, so he will send some rain (maybe).
* BONUS: No Mechanics and only limited (i.e. only copper) or no metalworking.
* BONUS: Live underground in the caverns. Create there little huts out of rock and shrooms

===Cave Men===
Pre-Embark
An Overworld acessable cave

Post-embark
Go into the cave with all your dwarves, and try to survive the harsh environments of the new cave systems.
You cant use items from ground zero, all wood must be harvested in the caves, along with food.

*Bonus: no trading, who wants to enter that creepy cave anyways?
*MEGA BONUS: No dogs and no warrior dwarves.

===Fort wars!===

*The initial 7 create 2 forts on opposite sides of a map.

*After the initial 7, 1/2 of all immigrants get assigned to a burrow that encompasses one of the forts. New children get assigned to their parents fort. Each fort is self sustaining and produces their own goods. Then it turns into a competition to see which fort can produce the most wealth.
* Nobles are given free reign and will be quartered in the winning fort.
* Make a giant wall separating the forts above ground. On one side of the wall is an artificial lake made of water and on the other, one made of magma. Call forts Reliable.Excavation.Demolition and Builders.League.United.
** Bonus points if you make residents of both sides wear only team colors.

===Deep dwarfs===
Following the embark, lock yourself up under the ground.
Don't let any of your dwarfs go outside. Let invaders into your underground maze of doom!

*BONUS: Dig deeper and deeper, abandoning the upper levels and rebuilding your fortress as you get more deep.
*MEGA BONUS: create a caste of deep dwarfs (nobles?), who will only live on the bottommost levels.

===Earth Mover===
*Do what you need to get a huge guild of miners
*Dig every square in the map.
**Hint: you might want to turn cave-in on
**Another hint: Do you really want to put your castle up there, when your dwarfs are digging down there?

===Minimalist===
The opposite of Earth Mover
*Only dig a stone you need
*There should be no unused stones on the map
*BONUS: No spare items or furniture also
*MEGA-BONUS: No wars, as war leaves corpses and other useless crap

===Oh, The Humanity!===
*Live like humans do.
*Make about half of your buildings out of wood- structures that serve no defensive purpose, such as workshops, meeting halls, dining halls, the homes of the serfs and peasants etc should be wooden. You can also divide a large building up as sensible- you might make the main structure of a castle or wall out of stone for strength, then make the interior detailing, shacks, and other "addon" buildings out of wood. The important thing to keep in mind is that for humans, drafty, damp stone buildings are sometimes a functional necessity, not something they prefer.
*Build an aboveground outer wall of wood to start- you can replace it with stone once you reach fifty individuals.
*Underground areas are ONLY for mining shafts, root cellars, plumbing/mechanics, and perhaps a secret passage for your nobles to take in emergencies. No workshops, living spaces, or large-scale storage allowed.
*Most of your mining for ore and minerals should be done quarry-style, as humans are not well-suited to long-term underground life. A quarry should be a big, wide-open pit, shaped like an inverted pyramid, with a ramp leading out, so you don't feel boxed in and claustrophobic. Don't worry about the ecological impact of your surface strip mining.
*An exception to the mining rule is excavation for purposes of putting up outdoor buildings- so you can carve away a cliff wall to make room for a building, but you can't actually build *into* the wall like a dwarf would, so channel that natural dirt/stone roof out!
*All farming must be done with surface plants. No underground plants.
*Humans need several pubs so they can go bar hopping in their free time- they get bored with just one. Make sure you have a separate pub for every 15 individuals.
*Unlike dwarves, few humans have enough beard to hide their naughty bits when they run around naked. Make sure your humans have enough clothing to wear at all times.
*Finally, you need an aboveground castle. Early on, a small building will suffice but by the time royalty arrives, you'll need to have at least begun constructing a castle worthy of their station.

*BONUS: Humans enjoy bathing. If there is no pond inside your walls, build a channel to carry fresh water to an artificial pond so your people have a place to cleanse themselves. Build a 1-level waterfall in it so they can shower, and stock soap nearby.
*BONUS: Every family has its own house. Each house has a "sink" (well), garage (shack) filled with owned tools, a driveway leading to the main thoroughfare, etc. Multiple-floor apartment buildings for the poor/immigrant dwarves. Once they become useful, they become "wealthy" and are moved to better housing. If they get married, they are moved to better housing for a year - if they're not "wealthy" by then, their house is foreclosed. If they arrive married/with kids, they get cheap housing anyway.
*BONUS: Humans, as opposed to the elves reverence for nature and the dwarves utter disregard for it, actually believe it is their duty to pollute and destroy nature.
**Designate large refuse stockpiles and garbage dumps in the wilderness, and fill them.
**Chop down enough trees to piss off the elves every once in a while.
**Fill the map with paved roads. Pavement rules!

*MEGABONUS: The ultimate in human engineering. Build a 5-level above-ground mega-mall displaying all your salable wares. Build various stores for your goods, back room storage, a wishing pool for the main atrium, a food court with several "restaurants" specializing in specific foods and meals, a hair salon, a bank, and a security office staffed with rent-a-cops. Come up with more if you feel like it.
**UBER-ULTRA-BONUS: Give all the mall's stores security doors that can be controlled from the security office, for instant lockdown in case of a shoplifter. Can't have too much security!

=== Orbital Defense Network[http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=61614.0] ===

Build a 40z-level high magma rain-dropper. Build reservoirs connected to a volcano with retractable bridges at the bottom to drop magma on invaders! In a 50 tile wide hexagonal system, a 4x4x4 is all that is needed per reservoir.

=== Dwarven Prison ===
Faced with raising criminal rates the king has decided to go for a zero-tolerance policy. He sent out seven dwarfs to build and manage a prison to hold the worst of the worst criminals of dwarvenkind.

* Only your initial 7 dwarfs may do any work
* All immigrants are treated as inmates sentenced to life-long prison sentences. Yes, even the children. Don't ask, you are just doing your job and who are you to criticize the dwarfen justice system?
* Every inmate is locked up in solitary confinement within his/her own <strike>bedroom</strike> cell with only a bed and a forbidden metal door. Metal bars instead of walls are optional.
* Inmates have to be kept alive in their cells, but don't pamper them: Make them live on a diet of water and raw plump helmets. Feed them by dumping the plump helmets through holes in the cell ceilings or using an airlock system. Water can be provided through a water hole in the floor leading to a sewer system.
* Should an inmate [[tantrum|start to rebel]] the <strike>[[sheriff]]</strike> chief warden should restore discipline with an iron hand.
* It won't take long until a few inmates start to [[strange_mood|go insane]] from sensory deprivation. Too bad for them.
*BONUS:build a lever for mad dwarfs to commit suicide by cave-in

=== Cavernous Dwarves ===
A version of ‘Deep Dwarves’ and ‘Cave Men’, this challenge takes advantage of the large, underground caverns you find when you dig deep enough.

*Dig out a few rooms near the surface to hold all your starting goods and move them all underground as quickly as possible. (Don’t forget to disassemble your wagon.)
*Designate a meeting area underground so that none of your dwarves will be on the surface and then remove the stairs/ramps leading up.
*Start digging. Dig until you find the underground caverns (around lvl 10 - 15 depending on your map).
*Treating the caverns as ‘outside’, build your rooms and halls with windows looking into the caverns/underground lakes.
*Try as much as possible to not disturb the natural formations of the caverns. Building around a pillar is fine, carving out a pillar and building inside of it is fine, but avoid removing pillars. Use the cavern floor as your main hallway.
*Starting with at least one combat-ready dwarf is advisable (you may want more than one) as there creatures lurking around every corner.
*'''BONUS POINTS''': Construct a castle in a large cavern to house your nobles and make sure that all their rooms/offices overlook the working peasants.
*'''Extra Room Challenge''': If you are looking to expand the caverns, you may drain lakes into magma seas. (WARNING: This is a frame-rate killer!!! If you try this, make sure to disable the auto-pause/re-centering for collapsing cavern messages, and expect it to take a long time to complete.) Once you have one or more lake drained, you will likely have doubled the size of available caverns to build in.
*Optional: you can have 1 year above surface

=== Roman Empire ===
This challenge tries to emulate Europe during the Roman Era.

*All new male non-noble dwarves must be conscripted into the military for a period of no less than a year. Your initial seven are exempt, as they may be thought of as having fulfilled their military duty earlier in life.
*Steel, Aluminum, and Pig Iron are banned.
*All full-time military dwarves must have a matching set of iron platemail ([http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lorica_segmentata lorica segmentata]) and iron short swords.
**All conscripted dwarves must have a full set of leather armor (material doesn't matter) and wooden crossbow.
***BONUS: All conscripted dwarves must have bows and arrows instead of crossbows and bolts. Trade with the filthy [[elf|Gauls]] for them.
*BONUS '''Peloponnesian War''': All full-time military units may only wear bronze armor and use spears.
*BONUS '''Aztec Empire''': All military may only use leather armor and obsidian short swords.
**MEGA BONUS '''Pre-Historical''': All metal production is banned.

=== Incompetent Advisors ===
After wrongly advising the king about which stones were safe from magma's fiery heat, he sent you off with a party of six others, most of which never made it out of dwarf high.

*Using the wiki and asking questions on the forums are forbidden! The king only laughs when your inquiries arrive. You only know what you knew from the start, anything else has to be tested with experiments
**BONUS only embark with peasants and only accept immigrants with adequate or lower skills.
***MEGABONUS, when the king comes (to apologize) decide he isn't sincere and dump him into the magma with his advisers (Anyone who comes with him)

===Steve Jackson's Dwarfanoia===
*Make colored layers for the dwarves to live in Black (infrared), red, yellow orange green blue EVERYTHING in each layer must be that color a purple computer is at the "best" layer
** If you see a dwarf leave his color to go to a nicer one kill them.
*** Bonus: make it impossible to function without crossing the color boundary once in a while. (bedroom must cross a blue hallway or something)
**** hey wait, didn't the blue dwarves make the purple computer? and its room?
** decide with random goals or by random when dwarves may go to the next color
** Bonus: everybody in the black level should be miserable -- the red should be merely unhappy, the yellow and orange mildly happy, and green and blue ecstatic.
* computer is in charge of random death traps
* encourage grudges between dwarves
** put dwarves with grudges in the same military unit
*Sheriff is the most deadly dwarf (and everybody other than soldiers go in civvies)
*Bonus make a weapons testing area which may kill the dwarves or give them awesome weapons via untested modding.
** Extra bonus -- the weapons are all either effective or deadly.
*Mega bonus -- have the computer give a sign to check happiness. Press "v" if the first dwarf it finds is unhappy or had an unhappy thought kill them.

Notes: I think you have to mod [mostly from scratch) for orange, so instead you may make cheap stone layer, flux stone etc, or just skip orange.

===Paladins===
* decide which dwarves are paladins and which are support -- paladins refuse to work and support may not fight
* embark to an evil (preferably terrifying) locale
* nothing evil may live
** how to define evil: standard -- use the wiki -- if it says that it lives specifically in an evil climate, it is.
** bonus - include trees
** bonus - all non-good
** bonus - all non-dwarf
** bonus - all non-controlled dwarf
** ultra-bonus - all non-related to the 7 first dwarves
* no profit may be made from anything evil -- that includes trees and plants.
* if all paladins die, end your game -- the other dwarves have no purpose there and will leave/ commit suicide
* how long will you survive?

===Survivor Dwarves===
Dwarves try to survive, stranded on an uninhabited island.

* Find an island in your generated world (or keep making worlds until at least one island appears).
* Try to ensure that there are no neighbors on the island (except other dwarves, of course).
** Bonus: try to find an island that only has hostile neighbors (ie {{L|goblin|goblins}}, {{L|Kobold|kobolds}}, {{L|Evil#Evil|evil}}).
* Take only the bare essentials along with you (see {{L|Challenges#Minimalist.2FSurvivalist_build|Minimalist/Survivalist}} build above).
** Bonus: only peasants managed to survive the incident which landed your dwarves on the island (see {{L|Challenges#Peasantry|Peasantry}} above).
* NO TRADING! Ignore the dwarven traders that come (or kill them).
* {{L|immigrant|Immigrants}} are now other survivors; limit the number of survivors your island can have (either by changing the population cap or just killing off new immigrants).
** Bonus: play 'Survivor' with your dwarves and have them vote a dwarf 'off the island' once a month (or some other frequency).
*** Bonusx2: tribal colony sacrifices any dwarf that is 'voted off'.
** Bonus: new survivors (immigrants) are a rival survivor band (or tribal dwarves) that are trying to steal your supplies/kill you. Kill them or sacrifice them to Amok!

* Bonus: try to build large outdoor fires to signal rescue craft.
* Bonus: if a new mayor is elected, sacrifice the old mayor for 'failure to ensure the rescue of the survivors.' (Obviously you will need a large enough population to be able to have mayors).

===Venice===
Build a perfect replicable of Venice.

*Building next to a river-side, carve out canals and make a picture-perfect replica or Venice, down its basilicas and plazas.
*Make sure to have an expansive glass industry.

* Bonus: make models of other famous historical-era cities.

===Dwarf Hoarder Challenge===
(edit and improve this please)

step 1: embark with 7 proficient miners and 7 picks

step 2: once you reach the outpost location, strip the outside world of all its valuable minerals

(valuable = metal ores, gems and anything else that you can make a decent profit from)

step 3: mine deep underground and make a very large room to store your items in

step 4: kill and loot the bodies of all migrants and caravans that come to your fortress and take what you loot from them down into the stockpile

BONUS: keep all the nobles that come with the migrants in cage traps in your stockpile

step 5: do what you did in step two, but this time underground

step 6: add huge defenses to your stockpile underground, but keep it accessible

step 7: repeat steps 2, 4, 5, and 6, until the king/queen comes

step 8: cage and store all of them

BONUS: cast them in obsidion and have the obsidion mined and carved into masterwork statues

MEGABONUS: make them statues of the nobles you have captured thus far
(including the king/queen)

step 9: continue step 7 until the first of your starting 7 dies

step 10: seal the fortress entirely and kill off your remaining dwarves

(by this time they should have become friends, so its best to kill them before the tantrum spiral starts)

BONUS:wait until the tanrum spiral comes and let that kill them all

if step 9 never comes than do step 10 anyways (if you have accumulated lots of wealth)

step 11: (optional) brave your own defenses in adventure mode to gain access to this great fortune
BONUS: make a system so the nobles stay alive
MEGABONUS: make a sytem so the nobles can be set free
MEGADWARVERNBONUS: make that sytem be part of the defenses so when you get to the stockpile the nobles are released and tear you apart.

NOTE: modding may be required so the nobles stay there and so that you may release them

Additional step: have one dwarf carve the tale of this fortress on the walls of the fortress

===You Can't Teach an Old Dwarf New Tricks===
* Never enable new labors.
* You may disable labors, but never re-enable them. Disabled labors on your Broker/Expedition Leader to stop distractions from them meeting the Caravan/Trade Liaison? Now, diplomacy is all they're good for.
* Only dwarves who already have combat skills when they immigrate/embark may join the militia. Assign whatever armor you want, but only assign them weapons they are already skilled with, NOT "Individual Choice". They're skilled in some foreign weapon, like blowgun? Better try your darndest to get them a blowgun if you want them to be useful!
* "I have tenure" - The Nobles/Administrators you appoint keep their positions for life, even if somebody with better skills/personality shows up. You can only appoint new dwarves when the position opens up due to the previous Noble's death/madness. {{L|Unfortunate_accident|Intentionally forcing the position open}} is against the rules of this challenge.

EASYMODE variations:
* Enable whatever labors you want on your starting seven, regardless of the skills you've given them, to make sure all your initial bases are covered. You can only do this right at the start of the game though, as soon as you unpause you're stuck with your choices.
* When immigrants show up with multiple skills, often only the labors associated with the highest-ranked skills will be enabled. Go ahead and enable all the labors in which the dwarf has at least Novice skill. However, you can only do this right when the immigrant first arrives (while there is a flashing X over the character).
* Unskilled Peasant immigrants and dwarven children who grow up may be assigned ONE labor. You can only do this right when they show/grow up, so check the population on your status screen to see what jobs your fortress is lacking, and choose carefully. If you play without this variation, your Peasants are destined to be nothing more than haulers/cleaners (and harvesters if you have "all dwarves harvest" enabled in the .ini), or deadbeat welfare bums if you disabled their labors for some reason.
** SUPEREASYMODE variation of the above: new Peasants may be assigned 1 labor Category, ex. press shift+enter on the Stoneworking category to enable Masonry and Stone Detailing.

==Arbitrary Law==
Rule your fortress with a Soapen Fist! Or see how far you get until a (voluntary) significant flaw sends you into an inevitable sadness spiral. Whatever it is, be sure to stick by it or you'll be meeting the Hammerer.

===Work with what you have===
* Build for one year as you normally would. Be as efficient as you like.
* At the end of the year, no more mining, constructing, or anything else.
* Wood may be gathered
* Walls may be constructed, but can only be used in already-existing constructions, like dividing a room into multiple separate rooms
* No new aboveground/belowground space-creation. You may only use the space you mined out in the first year
This challenge forces you to utilize space you havn't before. A large 5x hallway may be converted into a 1x with bedrooms on either side. Whatever you have to do to fit your current population. Be sure to build without any thought into the future of the fortress when you can no longer build. Instead, make it as hard as possible.
Variations:
* you may build aboveground to a maximum of two stories above ground. Make big slums/refugee camps/bazaars. Anything that involves mass-small-one-story-buildings
* you may increase/decrease the time before you can no longer dig or build new space
* (decreased difficulty) you may plan ahead

===ASPCA===
* {{L|Animals}} are forbidden from the fortress
* Animals following immigrants cannot enter the fortress
* Lethal traps forbidden, caged non-sentients must be immediately released
* Butchery is forbidden, but leatherworking is allowed

Rather than forbidding immigrant pets from entering, you can choose to deal with the owner of that pet instead for a more sadistic challenge.

===Commune===
* After embarking, enable all labors on all dwarves (including immigrants).
* Beds can only be designated as barracks or a dormitory, and no dwarf can be assigned to a bed (even nobles).
* Coins are forbidden.
* Be aware that nobles are to be considered part of the "bourgeoisie" and {{L|Unfortunate accident|dealt with}} immediately.
* Establish a communal military plan and force everybody to be a part of the military at some time or another. Share all weapons and armor, anybody that tries to make an artifact weapon, either share the weapon, or somehow destroy it, and then execute the individual who made it.
* Force everybody to take turns and act as the executive dwarf for the month/season/year. If that person makes decisions that go against the good of the commune, execute them.

===Couples only===
* As soon as a married couple exists in your fortress:
** Kill all single dwarves (or put them in a meeting area for a year to find a lover. Kill the rest)
** Kill all incoming single dwarves
** Try to save children, until they are adult and single

===Dieting Dwarves===
* Exclusively dine on a food type of your choice (meat, fish, plants, alcohol)
* Optionally, forbid alcohol consumption to limit carbohydrate intake
**Note: forbidding alcohol permanently is as good as accepting a slow but continuous fortress death

===Dwarf Liberation Movement===
* Nobles are worthless scum, we give them nothing!
* As soon as possible, cage your expedition leader.
* Never appoint any dwarf into becoming a noble.
* Cage any dwarf that appears on the nobles and administrators screen.
* When your population elects a new mayor, release your old one and cage the new one.
** Bonus : Cage the king and all of his escorts!
** Extra Bonus : Once you have caged all nobles, administrators, the king and his advisor; you must unleash the Dwarf Atom-Smasher upon them.

===Citizenship===
* All dwarfs must earn citizenship. To do so they must prove themselves by reaching legendary mining skill. Because REAL dwarfs know how to dig. Until then they are forbidden to do any work.
** Bonus : Hauling is forbidden too.
** Extra Bonus : Non-citizens are prohibited from entering into a fortress, and they must remain outside. Above-ground constructed buildings count as part of the fortress.

===Fight for your name===
* Before embarking, randomly generate a fortress name and be sure to know its English translation
* Do the same with your group name
* Creatively designate a serious goal for your fortress, based on these names
* Fanatically reach your goal

===Fort Geneva===
* Lethal traps are forbidden
* Caged sentient creatures are to be considered prisoners of war and treated humanely

Suggested provisions for prisoners: a bed, a personal cell, a commons area, aboveground exercise yard, and the clothes the creature was wearing when captured. For more inspiration, go to: [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geneva_Conventions Geneva Conventions]

===Government in Exile===
* Only Military and Social skills can be purchased and enabled in your entire fortress

All dwarves are either nobles or in the military. The only useful dwarves you'll have will be your broker, manager, mayor, bookkeeper, and dungeon master. If you can survive until the sheriff arrives, transfer your entire military into the fortress guard. With a little luck, and a lot of exported roasts, you too can rule without proletarian interference.

===Hardcore Altruism===
* Do not allow the death of any Dwarf

Though not viscerally entertaining, an incredible challenge. All strange moods must be given what they crave. All medical attention must be done ASAP. Mining, fishing and hunting must be done with much care. Sadness must be met with excellent social skills and quality furniture.

===Industrial Plant===
* Choose one industry that produces commercial goods
* No other industries permitted, only imported

===Johannesfort===
* Find a starting location with a lot of gabbro, containing Kimberlite
* Mine and cut all the diamonds on the map
* Only gems can be traded.
** BONUS: Your leader [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AIDS_denialism#In_South_Africa denies the existence of infections]. Soap is neither manufactured nor traded for. Even if you know a dwarf has an infection, do not quarantine it or treat it any differently.
** BONUS: Use the Burrows tool to establish "gated communities" for select dwarves, such as legendaries and nobles. Keep the fortress guard confined to these gated communities. If a dwarf throws a tantrum outside these designated areas, let him or her rage.

===Sexist Segregation===
* Establish two functioning and stable fortress
* One must be entirely male, the other entirely female
* Married couples are to be processed

===THIS! IS! SPARTAAAA!===
* Change your population cap to 300.
* At least half of your fortress population must be active in the military.
* Crossbows and traps are forbidden.
* Only spears, swords, wrestling, helmets (helms) and shields may be equipped by military and used to fight.
** BONUS: All weapons and armour must be made from bronze.
* Civilian dwarves have all labors enabled.
** If ever activated, cannot use quality weapons or armor.
* Maimed dwarves (perceived to be) incapable of being fully healed must be killed. (This includes incurable spinal injuries in military dwarves!)
* Devise methods of dropping Liaisons down pits during meetings. Yell, "THIS IS SPAARRTAAAAA..." at your monitor.
* Demand goods be turned over from all caravans.
* Recreation is forbidden, as well as any 'improving' action, such as smoothing/engraving, or constructing things out of metals what can be done with rock and wood (besides spears, swords and shields).

Note that the above suggestions are modeled on the popular movie [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/300_(film) 300], an adaption of the visual novel [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/300_(comics) 300], both of which historically inaccurate. For a more "realistic dwarven Sparta", try reading the Wikipedia article on [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sparta#Society Spartan society].

===Xenophobia===
Difficulty increases with each bullet point:
* Kill all non dwarves...
* ...and dwarf traders (or are they race traitors?)
* ...and all immigrants (or are they spies?)
* Make sure you kill all animals and especially find those collosi, dragons etc.,
Extra-gore version - make sure to make elves, goblins, humans etc., butcherable and wear only sentient hide clothing.

===Mesoamerican Dwarfs===
* All food must be grown above ground, on small plots, surrounded by canals (chinampas)
** BONUS: Flood the farms annually.
* All buildings must be above ground.
* Capture as many of your enemies as possible.
* Build a massive step pyramid at the center of your fortress. Appoint one dwarf high priest and have him kill the prisoners at the top.
** BONUS: Build it upside-down.
*** MEGABONUS: Build the entire city on top of the upside-down pyramid, with another pyramid-temple in the middle.
* Surround your fortress with an artificial lake.
** BONUS: Build it in the middle of a natural lake.
* Use only copper or bronze metal (except for iron anvils).
* Soldiers can only use obsidian short swords. Axes are only for wood cutting.
* No armor except leather and only let champions use it. All others must fight unarmored.
** BONUS: Divide your soldiers into "Jaguar[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguar_warrior]" and "Eagle[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eagle_warrior]" warrior societies and outfit them with leather armor made from their respective animals.
* Demand that all non-dwarf caravans surrender their goods as tribute.
* Build a giant, multistory building for holding skulls.

===French Revolution===
*Keep your nobles happy and your proles subjugated until you have a king issue a particularly stupid mandate.
*Build some manner of guillotine.
*Kill the king, everyone he is aquainted with, and everyone within the same room.
*Kill other important nobles as soon as your guillotine frees up.
*Unimportant Nobles are to be executed upon first mandate, or exiled at a random point in time.
*Any dwarf that has any relation to any noble must be executed.
* Kill any other dwarf if he has any whiff of aristocracy about him. Use your discretion.

===Specialized economy===
* The goal is to reach maximum efficiency. To do this, you must assign all your workshop dwarves to an individual burrow.
* Each dwarf must have his own dining room, bedroom just next to his workshop.
* You have to assign a stockpile for food and booze next to each of your workshop dwarves so they can feed. Specialized haulers will have to bring them their foods.
* You have to assign a raw material stockpile next to your workshop so your dwarf can work. Specialized haulers will have to bring them these raw materials.
* No workshop dwarf should leave their respective burrow. Ever.
* Good luck keeping all these stockpiles supplied all the time without getting lost!

===Becoming the abomination you sought to kill===

The seven founders are trying to hide a terrible secret that can doom all dwarfkind, so each took on an arbitrary law that must be followed until the related dwarf is dead. Their ultimate goal is to kill everyone in the forteress but none of them actually KNOWS the other are pursuing the same goal undetected!

Here is a typical set of laws:

-No hunting

-No trading

-Only one batch of alcohol is to be produced per year (that's 1 drink per dwarf, tops).

-Constant war with all elves

-No military training

-No magical materials (nothing above steel)

-Forteress should be over a magma-based doomsday trap, with 20 levers able to trigger it at any time (aka the "glorious death defeating the dragon by any means necessary" plan). Did I mention the alcohol restrictions turns dwarf insane?

You shall attempt to make as many of the original dwarves as possible die from old age rather than any other cause. So pray for strategic deaths early(no cheating)! This way even your UNCONCIOUS is untrustworthy...

Overall, any of the seven laws shouldn't be TOO deadly, but certain death should be a result of following them all permanently.

Success is acheived by one criteria only: at the death of the forteress you must have learned your unconscious planned Dwarf deaths you didn't plan consciously... that's the only way to "win".

===The Hive===
*All dwarves have all labors on.
**Dwarf Therapist helps with this.
**Hunting and fishing are optional.
*The endgoal is to make a fully functioning "bee hive" like fortress, All rooms inside the hive must be the same size.
*The hive must be suspended in the sky like below (scale is your choice)
**BONUS: Suspend it over a volcano.
= is a Up/down stairway
O is the hive parts

======
OOOO =
OOOOOO =
OOOOOO =
OOOO =
=

'''Urist's Legion'''
*Women are allowed no jobs, and must be held as breeding stock.
*Most of the men are military, and the rest are workers.
*All military armor must be leather. All weapons must be iron swords and spears.
*Only appoint named dwarfs to noble position.
*The expedition leader must be kept safe, and will do nothing.
*He must also have a royal bedroom, dining room, and tomb.
*BONUS: Build an artificial lake. Make a replica of Hoover Dam. Build walls to make sure the goblins only appear west of the dam. Guard it againts the GolbiNCR!
MEGABONUS: Build a camp with walls out of aluminum bars. make the entire thing a barracks.

==Megaprojects==
Try building some <s>ridiculously</s> humongous, <s>over</s>complicated construction, using whatever <s>in</s>appropriate building method your fevered imagination can come up with! Need some ideas? Take a look at the {{l|Megaprojects|Megaprojects page}}!

v0.31:Bucket

2011-11-07T16:46:39Z

Kogut: {{Buggy}}

{{Buggy}}{{quality|Exceptional|22:23, 10 November 2010 (UTC)}}{{av}}
{{furniture|name=Bucket
|tile=û|col=6:0:0
|wood=y
|metal=y
|glass=N
|rooms=
* {{L|Well}}
* {{L|Soap maker's workshop}}
* {{L|Ashery}}
* {{L|dyer's shop}}
}}

'''Buckets''' are made of {{L|wood}} at a {{L|carpenter's workshop}} or {{L|metal}} at a {{L|metalsmith's forge}} or {{l|magma forge}}. They are used by dwarves to carry {{L|water}}, when making {{L|lye}}, milking {{L|animals}} and for cleaning wounded dwarves. Milk and lye can also be ''stored'' in buckets, but dwarves will prefer to empty the buckets into suitable {{L|barrel}}s. A bucket is also needed for the construction of a {{L|well}}, a {{L|soap maker's workshop}},an {{L|ashery}} or a {{L|dyer's shop}}.

They are stored on the furniture {{L|stockpile}}.

== Bugs ==

* A bucket can end up holding both water and lye, which will render the bucket useless. See {{L|soap}} for workaround suggestions. {{Bug|1236}}

{{buildings}}

v0.31:Engraving

2011-11-06T18:41:45Z

Kogut: /* Recommendations */ -"economy"

{{av}}
{{Quality|Fine|09:13, 11 July 2010 (UTC)}}
[[File:DF_Cheese.jpg|208px|thumb|right|A dwarf eating cheese]]

The process of engraving {{L|smoothing|smoothed}} {{L|wall}}s and {{L|floor}}s increases their value further, and gives them a {{L|quality}} level. Engravings made with a quality of well-crafted and higher will usually be in reference to previous events. Unlike {{L|furniture}}, passing by an engraving won't give dwarves happy {{L|thought}}s.

Fun Fact: Engraved 'natural' {{L|ice}} is called 'Sculpted Ice' and surprisingly, the floor cannot have any {{L|Quality}} rating, while the wall can.

==Process==
You cannot engrave surfaces that are constructed or not smooth. So before you can engrave anything, you need to make sure the {{l|engraver}}(s) have finished {{l|smoothing}} it. After that is complete, one may designate it to be engraved ({{k|d}}->{{k|e}}).

==Recommendations==
As the process of engraving gives the surface a quality level, it is suggested that you utilize highly skilled engravers when possible to maximize the value of a room.

==Toggling==
Engravings can either be obscured or not obscured. If they are not obscured, the tile used to draw the engraved wall or floor will attempt to represent the content of the engraving. If they are obscured, they will look similar to smoothed stone. Sticklers for uniformity will likely want to make their engravings uniform. There are two ways to toggle obscured/not obscured:

data/[[d_init.txt]] has an entry called [ENGRAVINGS_START_OBSCURED:YES/NO].

While playing, one can designate engravings to be toggled ({{k|d}}->{{k|v}}).

==Removal==
Floor engravings of unsatisfactory quality can be removed by placing and removing a {{L|construction}} or a paved {{L|road}}. Note that this will also revert the floor's material to that of the surrounding layer, so erasing low-quality engravings in high-value materials such as {{L|native platinum}} or {{L|star ruby}} may be counterproductive. Using this technique to erase a masterwork engraving will cause an unhappy {{L|thought}} in the artist who engraved it as will mining a wall with a masterpiece on it.

v0.31:Magma-safe

2011-10-27T12:12:55Z

Kogut: {{Buggy|withoutbugsection=1}}

{{quality|Exceptional|10:15, 12 August 2010 (UTC)}}{{av}}{{Buggy|withoutbugsection=1}}

'''Magma-safe materials''' are materials which will not melt, burn, evaporate, or otherwise take damage when in close contact with {{l|magma}}. Most frequently, this comes into play when using {{l|floodgate}}s operated by {{l|mechanism}}s.

For {{L|reaction}}s and custom buildings using the [MAGMA_BUILD_SAFE] token, any material which is stable at temperatures below 12000 is supposed to be considered magma-safe; due to a bug, however, the game only checks that the material has no IGNITE_POINT defined.

In order to construct mechanisms from a magma-safe stone, simply ensure that they are the closest available stone to your {{l|mechanic}}, ideally by placing a restricted {{l|stockpile}} around your {{l|mechanic's workshop}}. {{L|Burrow}}s can also be of assistance here, as dwarves will not attempt to pick up stone out side of their burrow assignments. However, if you have an active metalworking industry and have access to {{L|iron}} or {{L|steel}}, constructing {{L|metal}} mechanisms is much more straightforward.

When linking a trigger to an object, the ''first'' mechanism selected is attached to the object, and the ''second'' is attached to the trigger. Unless the trigger itself will be submerged in magma (as could be the case with a {{l|pressure plate}}), only the first mechanism (attached to the object that will be submerged) need be magma-safe. If you do not have any magma-safe stones available, you can also work around floodgate-based flow control by using {{l|screw pump}}s to pump the magma over {{l|wall}}-barriers, or using water to form {{l|obsidian}} to plug flows and channel through them to reopen them (necessity and invention and all that).

Constructions that resist magma are:

* Constructions ({{l|Wall}}, {{l|Floor}}, {{l|Ramp}}, and {{l|Stairs}}) of any material can never melt or burn - there is nothing wrong with a {{l|wood}}en magma reservoir. Natural (but not constructed) {{l|ice}} walls/floors/ramps/stairs may melt however.
* {{l|Fortification}}s will allow the passage of {{l|magma}}; however, if fortifications fill up to 7/7 depth, magma creatures will be able to swim freely through them.
* If not submerged (that is, not opened to let magma flow over/past/around them), {{l|door}}s, {{l|floodgate}}s, and raised {{l|bridge}}s (provided that there is no magma on the space the bridge would occupy when lowered) of non-magma-safe stone or metal are safe. So long as they are just in contact with magma, only acting as a passive "wall", they are fine. If opened, they will melt.
** Raised drawbridges have a notable exception, in that allowing magma to flow over the center of the area that the bridge would normally occupy when lowered ''will'' cause the bridge's components to heat up and potentially melt.
* A {{L|pump}} made with magma-safe metal pipes and screws and with magma-safe metal or stone blocks is fully magma-safe.
* A {{L|pump}} made with pipes and screws that are glass or any type of metal{{Verify}}, and blocks that are glass, or any type of metal{{Verify}}, is safe as long as no magma ever occupies the passable tile of the pump.
* {{L|Pump}}s made with {{L|wood}}en components will burst into flames the instant they are turned on.
* {{L|Pump}}s made with non-magma-safe stone blocks have been reported to melt after prolonged operation.

=== Glass ===
{{L|Glass}} behaves oddly in regards to magma. All types of glass are technically magma safe, based on a melting point of 13600 (the same as that of bauxite); however, small glass objects (such as {{L|instrument}}s) seem to be instantly destroyed if dropped in magma{{verify}}. So glass {{L|statue}}s, {{L|screw pump}}s, and {{L|floodgate}}s are all fine when submerged in magma.

Glass barriers still require magma-proof mechanisms to operate without deconstructing.

== Game calculations ==
In the game, magma's temperature is exactly 12,000 °{{l|Temperature scale|U}}, which is equivalent to 2,032°F, or about 1,111°C.

The chance of striking a magma-safe stone is roughly around 32%, not including the natural abundance of certain stone. It is important to note whether or not your fortress may already have access to magma-safe resources before attempting to deliberately find some.

==Magma-safe material==

The following materials will not melt when submerged in magma. Although true for any item/construction, it's worth specifically mentioning that this includes {{L|door}}s, {{L|floor hatch}}es, {{L|floodgate}}s, {{L|bridge}}s, {{L|screw pump}}s, and {{L|mechanism}}s.



{{MS table head}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Alunite}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|`|7:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|•|7:1}}|Temp=13,690°U (3722°F/2051°C)|Where=All {{l|Igneous extrusive}}'''(L)''', {{L|Kaolinite}}'''(L)'''}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Anhydrite}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|v|7:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|•|7:0}}|Temp=12,610°U (2642°F/1450°C)|Where={{L|Gypsum}}'''(S)''', {{L|Satinspar}}'''(1)''', {{L|Alabaster}}'''(1)''', {{L|Selenite}}'''(1)'''}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Basalt}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|#|0:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|•|0:1}}|Temp=12,160°U (2192°F/1200°C)|Where={{L|Igneous extrusive}} layer stone}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Bauxite}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|+|4:7:0}} {{Raw Tile|•|4:0}}|Temp=13,600°U (3632°F/2000°C)|Where=All {{l|Sedimentary}}'''(L)'''|Notes=dark red}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Calcite}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|"|7:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|•|7:1}}|Temp=12,902°U (2934°F/1613°C)|Where={{L|Limestone}}'''(S)''', {{L|Marble}}'''(S)'''|Notes={{L|flux}} stone}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Chert}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|=|6:7:0}} {{Raw Tile|•|6:0}}|Temp=13,101°U (3133°F/1723°C)|Where={{L|Sedimentary}} layer stone}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Chromite}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|=|0:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|•|0:1}}|Temp=13,645°U (3677°F/2026°C)|Where={{L|Olivine}}'''(V)'''}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Dolomite}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|`|7:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|•|7:1}}|Temp=16,507°U (6539°F/3619°C)|Where={{L|Sedimentary}} layer stone|Notes={{L|Flux}}}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Gabbro}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|▒|0:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|•|0:1}}|Temp=12,160°U (2192°F/1200°C)|Where={{L|Igneous intrusive}} layer stone}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Ilmenite}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|.|0:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|•|0:1}}|Temp=12,457°U (2489°F/1365°C)|Where={{l|Gabbro}}'''(S)'''}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Kaolinite}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|=|4:7:0}} {{Raw Tile|•|4:0}}|Temp=13,150°U (3182°F/1751°C)|Where=All {{l|Sedimentary}}'''(L)'''|Notes=dark red, {{L|porcelain}}}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Mica}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|v|0:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|•|0:1}}|Temp=12,295°U (2327°F/1275°C)|Where=All {{l|Metamorphic}}'''(L)''', {{L|Granite}}'''(L)'''}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Obsidian}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|▒|0:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|•|0:1}}|Temp=13,600°U (3632°F/2001°C)|Where={{L|Igneous extrusive}} layer stone|Notes=value 3, can be "{{L|obsidian farming|manufactured}}"}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Olivine}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|%|2:7:0}} {{Raw Tile|•|2:0}}|Temp=13,168°U (3200°F/1761°C)|Where={{l|Gabbro}}'''(L)'''|Notes=green}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Orthoclase}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|%|6:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|•|6:1}}|Temp=12,250°U (2282°F/1250°C)|Where=All {{l|Igneous intrusive}}'''(L)''', All {{l|Metamorphic}}'''(L)'''|Notes=yellow}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Periclase}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|,|7:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|•|7:1}}|Temp=15,040°U (5072°F/2803°C)|Where={{L|Marble}}'''(S)'''}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Petrified wood}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|%|4:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|•|4:1}}|Temp=12,970°U (3002°F/1650°C)|Where=All {{l|Sedimentary}}'''(S)'''|Notes=bright red}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Pitchblende}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|*|5:7:0}} {{Raw Tile|•|5:0}}|Temp=12,070°U (2102°F/1149°C)|Where={{L|Granite}}'''(S)'''|Notes=purple}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Quartzite}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|-|7:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|•|7:1}}|Temp=12,970°U (3002°F/1650°C)|Where={{L|Metamorphic}} layer stone}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Rutile}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|`|5:7:0}} {{Raw Tile|•|5:0}}|Temp=13,285°U (3214°F/1826°C)|Where=All {{l|Metamorphic}}'''(S)''', {{L|Granite}}'''(S)'''|Notes=purple}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Sandstone}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|#|6:7:0}} {{Raw Tile|•|6:0}}|Temp=12,070°U (2102°F/1149°C)|Where={{L|Sedimentary}} layer stone}}

{{MS table row|Type=Stone|Matl={{l|Talc}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|||7:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|•|7:1}}|Temp=12,700°U (2732°F/1500°C)|Where={{L|Dolomite}}'''(L)'''}}

{{MS table row|Type=Metal|Matl={{l|Adamantine}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|╪|3:3:1}} {{Raw Tile|≡|3:1}}|Temp=25,000°U (15,032°F/8333°C)|Notes=Highest value/utility material in game}}

{{MS table row|Type=Metal|Matl={{l|Iron}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|╪|0:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|≡|0:1}}|Temp=12,768°U (2800°F/1538°C)}}

{{MS table row|Type=Metal|Matl={{l|Nickel}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|╪|7:3:0}} {{Raw Tile|≡|7:0}}|Temp=12,619°U (2651°F/1455°C)}}

{{MS table row|Type=Metal|Matl={{l|Pig iron}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|╪|0:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|≡|0:1}}|Temp=12,106°U (2138°F/1170°C)|Notes=used in steel making process}}

{{MS table row|Type=Metal|Matl={{l|Platinum}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|╪|7:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|≡|7:1}}|Temp=13,182°U (3214°F/1768°C)|Notes=High value metal}}

{{MS table row|Type=Metal|Matl={{l|Steel}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|╪|0:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|≡|0:1}}|Temp=12,718°U (2750°F/1510°C)|Notes=Armor/weapons}}

{{MS table row|Type=Ore|Matl={{l|Cassiterite}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|£|6:7:0}} {{Raw Tile|*|6:0}}|Temp=12,025°U (2057°F/1124°C)|Where={{l|Granite}}'''(V)'''|Notes=Ore of {{L|tin}}}}

{{MS table row|Type=Ore|Matl={{l|Galena}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|£|7:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|*|7:1}}|Temp=12,005°U (2037°F/1113°C)|Where=All {{l|Igneous extrusive}}'''(V)''', All {{l|Metamorphic}}'''(V)''', {{l|Granite}}'''(V)''', {{l|Limestone}}'''(V)'''|Notes=Ore of {{L|lead}} and {{L|silver}}}}

{{MS table row|Type=Ore|Matl={{l|Hematite}}3|Appear={{Raw Tile|£|4:7:0}} {{Raw Tile|*|4:0}}|Temp=12,736°U (2768°F/1520°C)|Where=All {{l|Sedimentary}}'''(V)''', All {{l|Igneous extrusive}}'''(V)'''|Notes=Ore of {{L|iron}}3}}

{{MS table row|Type=Ore|Matl={{l|Magnetite}}3|Appear={{Raw Tile|~|0:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|*|0:1}}|Temp=12,768°U (2800°F/1538°C)|Where=All {{l|Sedimentary}}'''(L)'''|Notes=Ore of {{L|iron}}3}}

{{MS table row|Type=Ore|Matl={{l|Native platinum}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|£|7:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|*|7:1}}|Temp=13,182°U (3214°F/1768°C)|Where={{l|Olivine}}'''(V)''', {{l|Magnetite}}'''(V)''', {{l|Chromite}}'''(S)'''|Notes=Ore of {{L|platinum}}}}

{{MS table row|Type=Ore|Matl=''{{l|Sphalerite}}''4|Appear={{Raw Tile|£|0:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|*|0:1}}|Temp=<s>''12,133°U (2165°F/1185°C)''</s>|Where=All {{l|Metamorphic}}'''(V)'''|Notes=Ore of {{L|zinc}}4}}

{{MS table row|Type=Wood|Matl={{l|Nether-cap}}5|Appear={{Raw Tile|♠|1:0:0}} {{Raw Tile|▬|1:0:0}}|Temp=N/A|Where={{L|Cavern}} (depth 3)|Notes=Naturally cold5}}

{{MS table row|Type=Special|Matl={{l|Raw adamantine}}|Appear={{Raw Tile|£|3:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|*|3:1}}|Temp=25,000°U (15,032°F/8333°C)|Where=The depths|Notes=Ore of {{L|adamantine}}}}

{{MS table row|Type=Leather|Matl={{l|Fire imp}}|Appear=|Temp=15,000°U (5032°F/2780°C)|Notes=}}
{{MS table row|Type=Leather|Matl={{l|Dragon}}|Appear=|Temp=55,000°U (45032°F/25,044°C)|Notes=}}

{{MS table row|Type=Bone|Matl={{l|Fire imp}}|Appear=|Temp=15,000°U (5032°F/2780°C)|Notes=}}
{{MS table row|Type=Bone|Matl={{l|Dragon}}|Appear=|Temp=55,000°U (45032°F/25,044°C)|Notes=}}

{{MS table row|Type=Glass|Matl=Green glass|Appear={{Raw Tile|≡|2:2:1}} {{Raw Tile|■|2:0}}|Temp=13,600°U (3632°F/2001°C)|Notes=}}
{{MS table row|Type=Glass|Matl=Clear glass|Appear={{Raw Tile|≡|3:3:1}} {{Raw Tile|■|3:0}}|Temp=13,600°U (3632°F/2001°C)|Notes=}}
{{MS table row|Type=Glass|Matl=Crystal glass|Appear={{Raw Tile|≡|7:7:1}} {{Raw Tile|■|7:1}}|Temp=13,600°U (3632°F/2001°C)|Notes=}}

|}

'''Notes:'''
:1. Each stone is one of 16 {{L|color scheme|colors}} in the game. Different un-mined stone of the same color have a different symbol to distinguish between them. Once mined, the individual stones themselves can sometimes look identical if the color is the same. Use {{k|k}} to loo{{k|k}} at items or the terrain for specific information.
:2. '''°U''' = degrees in [[Urist]], the measure of temperature within the Dwarf Fortress world. As far as is known, there is no functional difference between a material that melts at 12,005°U or 55,000°U - they are both equally "magma safe".
:3. There are three iron ores in the game (four if you count {{L|goblin|goblinite}}). Of these, only {{l|hematite}} and {{L|magnetite}} are magma safe.
:4. Sphalerite has ''no'' melting point, but '''boils''' at 12,133°U - further research is necessary in this context - use at your own risk for the time being. This is accurate for the actual mineral, which sublimes at this temperature rather than having a liquid state, but how it behaves in Dwarf Fortress may be unclear.
:5. {{L|Nether-cap}} logs are naturally cold at 10000°U or 0°C, rendering it fully magma safe, except that nether-cap products {{L|dump}}ed into magma are destroyed.

{{Magma FAQ}}
{{Category|Physics}}
{{Category|Magma safe materials}}

v0.31:Record keeper

2011-10-26T11:21:55Z

Kogut: Undo revision 153854 by Kogut (Talk)

{{av}}
{{Skill
| color = 5:0
| skill = Record keeper
| specialty = {{L|Clerk}}
| profession = {{L|Administrator}}
| job name = Noble/Admin
| tasks =
* Update Stockpile Records
| attributes =
* Analytical Ability
* Memory
* Focus
}}
{{Quality|Exceptional|21:25, 9 June 2010 (UTC)}}

'''Record keeper''' is a skill associated with the {{L|Bookkeeper}} appointed {{L|noble}}. It is used to determine how quickly the bookkeeper can take an {{L|stocks|inventory}} of the fortress and update the records to reflect any changes. It is trained by a bookkeeper doing the '''update stockpile records''' administrative {{L|labor}}.

As wealth and items are created or lost, e.g. by dwarves drinking up all your booze, the records will gradually deteriorate in precision, eventually ending up at the lowest precision rating. An assigned bookkeeper will therefore periodically update the records. How often depends on what precision he is trying to maintain, with the highest precision requiring the most work.

It is recommended to have your bookkeeper working around the clock, maintaining the highest precision level, even in small fortresses with relatively small stocks, so that when the number of items increases dramatically, less work is needed to catch up.

{{Skills}}
{{Category|Skills}}

v0.31:Exploit

2011-10-26T11:06:44Z

Kogut: /* Bookkeeper Exercise Program */ - section, it no longer gives attributes

{{quality|Exceptional|15:49, 24 August 2010 (UTC)}}{{av}}

An '''exploit''' is a quirk of a game that allows players to gain what other players may consider an unfair advantage, usually by making use of a feature that is not working properly or which defies logic. 'Exploiting the game' is distinct from '[[cheating]]' because exploits occur within the game as written and do not need any external [[utilities]] or [[modding]]. Whether a player chooses to make use of an exploit or not depends on their personal taste; given that [[Dwarf Fortress]] is a single-player game, the user alone can decide what liberties to take and what options to shun. Among DF players there is much discussion what actually should be considered an exploit, going from making sweetpod syrup instead of sugar, growing crops in winter, or even underground, as the one extreme, to justifying 'water wheel batteries' as the other. This page takes a rather relaxed approach in that you considering it an exploit is basically enough to add it, if you don't get too much opposition.

== Atom Smasher ==
{{main|Dwarven atom smasher}}

A {{l|drawbridge}}, when rapidly triggered on and off, can be used to obliterate some creatures or items beneath it. The drawbridge will be destroyed if it is used to crush a creature of too large a size.

==Manager Exercise Program==

As a {{L|Manager}}, skill is gained as tasks are approved, not completed. Simply by queuing lots of jobs ({{key|j}} {{key|m}} {{key|q}}) (and providing a meager office), the manager will quickly level to {{L|legendary}} as an {{L|Organizer}}. The tasks can then be removed once approved.

==Merchant Swindles==

There are a variety of ways to steal cargo from {{l|merchant}}s without seizing it; all amount to naked theft. Tearing down the {{l|trade depot}} while the merchants are there is the easiest way.

Also, marking items for {{l|dump}}ing, using view creature mode ({{key|v}}), the stocks menu ({{key|z}}), items in room mode ({{key|t}}), or mass dump mode ({{key|d}})-({{key|b}})-({{key|d}}) then marking the entire depot, lets you relieve merchants of their goods. Just reclaim the items from your garbage dump {{l|zone}} later. You can even take clothing and equipment off merchant and guards this way.

You can make a wall around the merchants (and even the poor animals) and let them starve to death, letting you take what ever you want. Wait quite a while for them to starve. They will become very angry if you do, so never open the door once they are on the brink of death.

However, the merchants will consider any lost goods to be stolen goods regardless of the method used to take possession of them, or used to destroy them.{{Verify}} See [[40d:Trading#Note_that_the_civ|the 40d page]] and [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=43771.msg829692#msg829692 This forum post]. So unless you specifically want to take the clothing off the backs of the merchants or steal from your own civ, you might as well just seize the goods anyway.

== Quantum stockpiles ==

By designating a garbage pit zone instead of a {{l|stockpile}}, you may store an infinite number of objects in a single tile by dumping them, then reclaiming them when you want to use them.

A similar effect may be achieved by building a wall two tiles in front of a catapult and digging a channel between the wall and catapult. By firing the catapult at the wall, the stone falls into the trench. The stone will pile up in the channel, putting it out of sight and out of mind. Not only does this train {{l|siege operator}}s, but it clears the stone that your legendary {{l|miner}}s leave.

Another way to quantum stockpile is to not have appropriate stockpiles to move items back you moved to the trading depot. The depot can hold an infinite number of items, and those items will not be removed if there is nowhere else to place them. This is also useful for anything you want to trade anyway.

=== The Undump ===

If your stockpiles keep filling up (usually furniture, ammo, refuse and food), [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?PHPSESSID=f125b2383d9b29a408343464221912a1&topic=92208.msg2577018#msg2577018 this] forum post introduced an automatic quantum stockpile design, that promises to do to stockpile space management what danger rooms do to military training.

Setup:
H Hatch cover
===== ^ pressure plate, citizens trigger, linked to hatch
^sHs= = Wall
===== s Stockpile (same type)

The idea is that haulers try to place some item on the right stockpile, step on the pressure plate and make the hatch cover retract. This makes them cancel the hauling job because they can't reach the right stockpile. They then drop the item on the left stockpile, on top of as big of a pile as you want.
Issues with this design:
#It's slow, because the one target stockpile generates only one job at a time. If you have more than one target stockpile they create lag because of pathing issues. You probably want to keep your normal stockpiles and use the undump to clean them up slowly. At which point you could consider just using the normal quantum stockpile dumping. Or you build more undumps.
#Job cancellation spam. You can turn that off.
#Oftentimes, dwarves drop the item on top of the pressure plate instead of on the stockpile. A feeder stockpile just outside the undump helps here.
#You obviously need some materials to build it.
#You need to create an open space tile where the hatch cover is (channelling only leaves a ramp), which means digging in the level below.
#You want to set the pressure plate to the lowest minimum weight (10000, which gets a zero cut off and displays as 1000). This can get tedious, so getting a macro is advised.
#If your stockpile management is exceptional already, the undump won't be of much use to you.
However, there is a multitude of potential applications that get discussed in [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=92241.0 this] thread.

== Building destroyer door ==

Forbid something a dwarf is carrying as he goes through a door, and he'll drop it. The door won't close and won't stop any normal creature from going through, but building destroyers seem to stop in their tracks, waiting for it to close before moving on. Note: your civilians can pass the creature safely, but attacking it cancels your protection. {{Verify}}

== Hell's back door ==

There's a convoluted way to dig down through {{l|semi-molten rock}} and evade the head-on encounter with {{l|hidden fun stuff}}. {{Verify}}

== Forgotten beast zoo ==

Wall off all the passageways into your lowest level at the outermost square of the map - except one, which leads to a little vestibule surrounded by fortifications. Wave hello to the various ungainly "{{l|forgotten beast}}s" which accumulate inside.

== Perpetual Motion ==

A {{l|screw pump}} requires 10 power to move water; a {{l|water wheel}} supplies 100 power if it's got water moving it. Arrange the former to feed the latter, while the latter powers the former, and you can get perpetual motion going - with a surplus of power available. See {{l|Water wheel#Perpetual motion}} for more details.

== Urist McAdventurer the Shield-wall ==

Adventurers are not limited in the number of items they can hold in their hands, allowing them to equip a virtually unlimited number of shields or bucklers with little effect to the adventurer's performance. This offers multiple chances to block attacks (vastly reducing the number that cause damage) and quickly trains up the shield user skill, further increasing the effectiveness of those shields. There is an indirect limit on how many shields you can equip based on how the total weight of your adventurer's items affects your speed, but the tradeoff between wearing a dozen (or more) shields is well worth the minor reduction in speed.

== And we'll throw the barrel/bag in for free ==

On {{L|embark}} buying things which are stored in {{L|barrel}}s gets the barrel for free, with at most 10 items per barrel, so, for example, the 15 units of randomly chosen {{L|meat}} which come with the default supplies will get you two free barrels, one completely filled with 10 units of meat and one half filled with 5 units of meat; you get another two free barrels from the 15 units of randomly chosen {{L|fish}}. You can get rid of all of that food, then for the same cost select one unit each of meat from 30 different kinds of animals, giving you 30 free barrels instead of only 4, since each different kind of animal meat is put in its own barrel. Note that different types of meat from the same kind of animal goes into a single barrel, so choosing 1 yak brain + 1 yak eye + 1 yak spleen will get you only one free barrel instead of three.

The same thing goes for things stored in {{L|bag}}s. Each unit of {{L|sand}} comes in its own bag, and since each unit of sand costs only 1 embark point while bags cost a minimum of 10 embark points each, you can get bags for ten times cheaper by buying sand, then {{L|dumping}} out the sand after embark.

== Infinite Adamantine / Metals ==

Because one bar of metal produces 25 bolts and a single bolt can be melted to 0.1 bars of metal, you can create unlimited adamantine wafers in your fortress using a clever setup with marksdwarves to seperate the stacks of adamantine bolts into single bolts. See http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=51423.0