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[[Category:Humor and stories]]
 
[[Category:Humor and stories]]
 
{{unversioned}}
 
{{unversioned}}
 
==[[User:Teriderol|Teriderol]]==
 
===(30 October 2015)===
 
<pre>++!&!++@@@@|</pre>
 
 
The battle was bloody and short.  Kogan's dwarven cavalry had come under attack by a group of goblins riding on vicious beak-dogs.  Kogan and his dwarves slew many of them, but they were hopelessly outnumbered.  Kogan himself was tackled off the back of his mule by a leaping goblin commando.  The villain held a dagger to Kogan's throat and the dwarven leader dropped his weapon.
 
 
“Where are you taking us?” asked Kogan.
 
 
“Shut up, dwarf scum,” said the goblin.
 
 
The dark tower was decorated with all sorts of works of art stolen from around the world.  The villainous demon has taste, Kogan had to admit.  Too few of his mule riders had survived.  Still, they might be able to assassinate the evil leader given half the chance.
 
 
“Ah,” said a sinister voice, “the guests have arrived.”
 
 
Kogan and the remaining dwarves were shackled to a set of stone thrones and forced to watch as the demon danced its way into the room, shaking its limbs and many tails.  Kogan was thoroughly revolted by the display as the demon came near.  He had nearly worked his hand free of the shackles as the demon climbed on top of him.
 
 
“Are you ready to die?” asked the demon.
 
 
“You first,” growled Kogan.
 
  
 
==[[User:Termitehead|Termitehead]]==
 
==[[User:Termitehead|Termitehead]]==
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On his way back to the castle the warrior swung the sword around his head, singing cheerfully as he skipped along.  A small quick hand darted from the branches above and snatched the sword from his grasp.  The warrior yelled and searched the trees above for a glimpse of the thief.  A pair of yellow eyes stared back at him.  A kobold!  
 
On his way back to the castle the warrior swung the sword around his head, singing cheerfully as he skipped along.  A small quick hand darted from the branches above and snatched the sword from his grasp.  The warrior yelled and searched the trees above for a glimpse of the thief.  A pair of yellow eyes stared back at him.  A kobold!  
 
==[[User:TharinDuckskinner|TharinDuckskinner]]==
 
===(12 September 2014)===
 
<pre>##@B######BgBgBg</pre>
 
 
The trunks of giant redwood trees rushed by as the bird riders dove in
 
and out of cover.  Above the forest canopy, giant bats circled in the
 
night's sky, whilst down below the goblin army of Darkmaster the Evil
 
marched on, stopping every once in a while to take cover when the
 
dwarven bird riders launched their javelins.  It was clearly a suicide
 
mission, but the bird riders were sworn to protect the dwarf fortress
 
by any means, even if it involved riding the elves' preferred steed.
 
 
“I'm sorry master Aliz,” said Kogan, “your nuthatch refuses to perform today.”
 
 
“What is this nonsense?” cried Aliz.  “Since when do dumb animals
 
dictate how they should behave?  I shall have the thing plucked!”
 
 
“Here, Sir Knight,” said Kogan.  “Take my bushtit.  He is
 
battle-tested and ready.”
 
 
Mounting the giant brown bird, Aliz launched into the sky.  He checked
 
and double-checked his javelin holster to see how quickly he could
 
draw the deadly missiles. It was a new moon that night, but it hardly
 
mattered.  Darkmaster's bat riders used echo-location to pick out
 
their targets.  The stars seemed shallow in the sky that night.  Maybe
 
Aliz would die soon, but if he did he would die a hero
 
  
 
==[[User:Tharwen|Tharwen]]==
 
==[[User:Tharwen|Tharwen]]==
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"Just watch me," said Aliz.
 
"Just watch me," said Aliz.
 
===(15 August 2015)===
 
 
<pre>|SWo++g|  gggggg\@%%%%%%%</pre>
 
 
"What is that disturbance in the formations?" asked Darquan.
 
 
The old man was almost reptilian in appearance.  He was peering into a
 
crystal ball with his lieutenant, a king cobra snake man, standing over
 
him.  It was from his dark tower, in the heart of the poisoned marshland,
 
that Darquan commanded his goblin legions.  Something was going wrong,
 
something the signs hadn't predicted.  Looking closer at the disrupted
 
battle lines, Darquan discovered why.
 
 
"But, he is just one dwarf!" exclaimed Darquan.
 
 
"Look clossser," said the snake man.  "He isss much more."
 
 
Indeed, as the wizard watched helplessly in his tower a single dwarf hero
 
made his way through the goblin battle formations, axe first.  Heads, arms,
 
and entrails were thrown into the clear air.  The goblin commander, seeing
 
the hero heading his way, called for a general retreat.  Darquan hissed and
 
dashed his crystal ball against the ground.  A tame gremlin swept up the
 
pieces and put them with the others.
 
 
"Ready my giant bat," said Darquan.  "I shall deal with this mess
 
personally."
 
  
 
==Ulurius==
 
==Ulurius==
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"Of course, Asmuk," said the young man, lounging on the wooden stool.
 
"Of course, Asmuk," said the young man, lounging on the wooden stool.
 
"How could you doubt me?"
 
"How could you doubt me?"
 
==[[Urist McNuup]]==
 
===(31 Oktober 2015)===
 
<pre>Hg,..,|+++@+@|</pre>
 
 
The expedition leader, Kogan, was an unrepentant glutton.  The assassin's thought themselves clever by poisoning his favorite dessert, sweet-pod pie.  They didn't count on him feeding the first bite to his dogs.  When his pets died, Kogan was furious.  He called all his lieutenants to him.  He would find the culprit if he had to execute every dwarf in the fortress.
 
 
“We had better go,” said Smelark.
 
 
“Wait until the first round of interrogations,” said Aliza.  “If we flee now, he will know we are guilty.”
 
 
The goblin didn't accept this wisdom.  Smelark knew that if he waited to be captured he would be tortured for sure.  If he had learned anything in the dark tower it was that he was no good under torture.  He would spill the beans for sure.  Ignoring Aliza's advice, he stole a horse from the stable and disappeared before dawn.
 
 
“I will find him, my lord,” said Aliza.
 
 
“It is a dangerous mission,” said Kogan, “shouldn't I send one of the knights?”
 
 
“I know how this one thinks,” said Aliza.  “I will bring him back dead or alive.”
 
  
 
==[[User:USP45|USP45]]==
 
==[[User:USP45|USP45]]==
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booming.  The sheriff knew something was up.  It was only a matter
 
booming.  The sheriff knew something was up.  It was only a matter
 
time before the villain made a mistake.
 
time before the villain made a mistake.
 
==[[User:Vasili|Vasili]]==
 
===(23rd April 2010)===
 
<pre>UU+U++G.,,...</pre>
 
A knock came at the mead hall gate.  A powerful blow, nearly tearing
 
the doors from their hinges.  King Wrathbeard drew his sword and
 
strode to the entrance, flanked by his elite warriors.  He nodded to
 
his men and they unbarred the door.  The doors swung open, revealing
 
the enormous, heavily-muscled body of Grum, half-giant, lord of the
 
hills.
 
 
"Where are my chickens?" growled Grum.  "You are to offer me four
 
fried chickens on every Tuesday!  Friday it is!"
 
 
Wrathbeard stroked his whiskers.  "What have you done for me lately,
 
Grum?" asked the king.  "Goblins still haunt the highways.  Jackal men
 
still harass my herds."
 
 
Grum left the hall in confusion, sure he had been tricked.  Back on
 
his hill, Grum watched as a carriage was stopped by goblin bandits and
 
the nobles stripped of their valuables.  Feeling his stomach rumbling,
 
Grum stood and ran toward the highway.
 
 
"Where is the rest of the gold!" yelled the goblin.
 
 
The nobles coward, fearing for their lives.  The goblin raised his
 
whip, better to lash them again.  A huge hand caught him by the wrist.
 
Grum tossed the goblin into the air.  The nobles screamed.  The half-giant scowled.
 
 
"I will have my chickens," he said, "whether you live or die."
 
 
<pre>%~%+%~%+%+++G++\U+||</pre>
 
 
Suddenly, one of the nobles took on a sly look.  He was thin, weak looking man in dark robes.  The others backed away as the dark noble approached.
 
 
"Who promised you chickens, friend?" asked the noble.
 
 
"King Wrathbeard give Grum chickens," said the half-giant.
 
 
"Well, Grum, my friend," said the noble, "Baron Gravesly knows that King Wrathbeard lies to Grum and eats all the chickens himself!"
 
 
A powerful blow knocked the mead hall doors off their hinges.  The warriors jumped to their feet and reached for their weapons.  The half-giant leapt inside and sent men hurtling through the air.  The king stepped out of his chamber, half naked, a sword in his hand.  The mead hall was a bloodbath, the half giant gasping, looking for more men to kill.
 
 
"Grum!" commanded the king.  "Why have you this?"
 
 
"Wrathbeard," said Grum through a mouth full of slobber.  "You ate my chickens."
 
 
Anger burned in the king’s chest.  He ground his teeth with the thought of that striver besting him.  He attacked the giant, slicing the monster across the face, slashing out an eye.  Grum cried out in pain, and the king struck again, but the blade bounced off the creature’s rib.  Wrathbeard raised his blade to strike once more, but his luck had run out.  Grum dashed out the king’s brains with one vicious blow.
 
 
King Gravesly’s reign was one of terror and tyranny.  All feared "Gravesly’s Dog," the evil monster that plagued both noble and commoner alike.  It was into this sad place, that an adventurer appeared, a young man, slight of build, but with the appearance of inner strength.  The peasants looked on him as he rode to town.  Could he be the one to save them?
 
  
 
==[[User:Vattic|Vattic]]==
 
==[[User:Vattic|Vattic]]==

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