Pull lever

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D4Dwarf.png This article or section has been rated D for Dwarf. It may include witty humour, not-so-witty humour, bad humour, in-jokes, pop culture references, and references to the Bay12 forums. Don't believe everything you read, and if you miss some of the references, don't worry. It was inevitable.


The one job that never gets done right. A goblin bowmen ambush has arrived on fast-moving elk birds, spotted near your gates by a soon-to-be-dead wood cutter. You flail momentarily, before grabbing hold of your towel and remembering to not panic; this is what you built a moat for, right? Raise the bridge and all will be well! You set the job order to pull that lever and save the fortress from certain desecration.

The bowmen continue on their merry way, perpetrating mass slaughter. The bridge does not go up; what could be the problem? You check your unit list again. What's this? The entire fortress decided to go partying? Your nearest dwarves are on break? Your useless lever-pulling nobles are sleeping? The only guy who's willing to pull the level is the crutch-walking wood cutter that nearly died in the last ambush? And he's 50 levels down, fresh from hauling ore about?

Dwarves are idiots, and will rather party, sleep, drink, haul heavy rocks from place to place, twiddle their thumbs and pick their noses, rather than do the one thing they need to do to save their poor behinds. Dwarf Fortress: conquering dwarven stupidity since 2006.