Difference between revisions of "40d:Unfortunate accident"

Revision as of 18:23, 20 November 2008

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Nobles are an unhappy sort. They are cursed with such refined tastes, that are so hard to satisfy. Because of this undue burden, they often fall prey to tragic accidents. Here's a simple guide to averting the particular banes of the upper classes.

Entertaining lever

Any dwarf of such high standing should have a lever in his rooms. If he should find himself stressed by overdue mandates, or accidentally locked in his room, he can amuse himself by pulling it repeatedly. Pulling levers is one of the few tasks fit for nobles, after all.

Impressive spike

What could be more dwarven than a menacing spike? Better make it retractable, in case your noble needs the space. Put this steely symbol of dwarven strength in one of your noble's rooms, possibly next to the lever.

Hammerers just can't get enough spikes.

It is worth noting that nice masterwork steel spike encrusted with rubies looks very nice and may boost room's value.

In-room waterfall

All dwarves love the soothing mist of a waterfall. Why not give your noble one, right in his very own room? Take care that the drainage system is working properly. Any obstruction could cause the room to fill with water, and no one wants that. Remember to put an attractive grate over the drain, to keep anything from falling in and stinking up your plumbing.

Private zoo

Everyone loves a zoo. Why not put a savage beast in your noble's room? Who wouldn't want to see a giant desert scorpion or zombie carp every day? Just make sure it doesn't escape. It may make be prudent to hook this up to another lever in the noble's room, so they can secure the cage door if the creature somehow manages to escape.

Throne Room of Doom

Your highest noble will meet with various visitors and emissaries in his throne room. To give him that extra edge in negotiations, make it intimidating. Put a magma pool right there in the throne room. No glittery gold throne, either. Make one out of iron, or steel, or some other material with a high melting point.

Vault of Kings

Nobles are precious and fragile things. To make sure that your nobles don't get injured in battle, you might want to hook up their chamber doors to levers so they can be sealed firmly in case of invasion. Since the noble ~~trapped~~ hiding inside wouldn't know when it was safe to come out again, best to put the lever somewhere outside. That way once the confusion of battle is over some dwarf will surely miss the noble and remember to release them so they may reach the food and water stockpiles again.

For extra impenetrability, construct a wall in front of the door. Make sure to make note which section of wall the noble's behind so you'll be able to find it again later when it's time to let him out!

Sacred pulpit

For the most regal of nobles, nothing less than a balcony perched above a pool of magma will do when trying to get the attention of the underlings. The construction of such a sacred pulpit is elaborate, but a true noble would expect nothing less.

A support must be built on the edge of a sheer cliff overlooking the attention-getting feature (magma is always impressive, although a pulpit overlooking the chasm can also produce a nice resonance). A bridge must be built to the edge of this support, and a floor placed on top of the support. Provide the noble with a lever on top of this floor which retracts the bridge -- it's not a proper pulpit if the masses can reach the noble while he or she speaks. The lever is also connected to the support beneath the floor -- this is a safety precaution, we are told.

Before using the system, an additional lever should be build elsewhere in the fortress that attaches to the bridge, in case the noble's lever should... happen to jam. Then invite the noble to inaugurate the platform by pulling the sacred lever placed on top of it. Be certain that only the noble is allowed to pull this lever -- it would not do to have a commoner desecrate the holy pulpit.

Each noble who wishes to use the pulpit must be provided with a newly-built platform (column, floor, and lever). Only the best for our nobles.

@@ Line 33: / Line 33: @@
 For extra impenetrability, construct a wall in front of the door. Make sure to make note which section of wall the noble's behind so you'll be able to find it again later when it's time to let him out!
-== Walk the plank ==
+== Sacred pulpit ==
-If your insolent Duke likes to have every one of your (already scarce) glassmakers struck down because of the typical ''violation of production order'', then this suicide technique might be a good choice.  In my case all my fortress guards were all legendary wrestlers whom think a simple beating involves a Vulcan death grip.  The only drawback is that this trap doesn't reset, in otherwords, you will have to re-build it after use.
+For the most regal of nobles, nothing less than a balcony perched above a pool of magma will do when trying to get the attention of the underlings.  The construction of such a sacred pulpit is elaborate, but a true noble would expect nothing less.
-=== Step-by-step instructions ===
+A support must be built on the edge of a sheer cliff overlooking the attention-getting feature (magma is always impressive, although a pulpit overlooking the chasm can also produce a nice resonance).  A bridge must be built to the edge of this support, and a floor placed on top of the support.  Provide the noble with a lever on top of this floor which retracts the bridge -- it's not a proper pulpit if the masses can reach the noble while he or she speaks.  The lever is also connected to the support beneath the floor -- this is a safety precaution, we are told.
-The basic idea is to build a rock floor ''plank'' over a deep pit or magma vent (or even just lava) held up by a support and accessed by a bridge.
-# Build the support on the edge of the pit, chasm, or magma vent (or whatever)
-# Build a retractable bridge to it (not over-top of it, just to it) from solid ground one z-level above the pit
-# Build a lever at a safe location and link it to the bridge
-# Build a long floor tile plank starting from the top of the support over the pit using the bridge for access
-# Build another lever at the end of the ''plank'' and link it to both the bridge and the support
-# Set the workshop profile for the lever to the noble you would like to be rid of
-# Pull the lever
-The lever will retract the bridge and blow the support at the same time leaving your block floor with nothing to hold it up and thus it will collapse with your trapped noble upon it.  Although the plank, support and lever will be destroyed, you may be able to recover the mechanisms from the lost lever (I did).
+Before using the system, an additional lever should be build elsewhere in the fortress that attaches to the bridge, in case the noble's lever should... happen to jam.  Then invite the noble to inaugurate the platform by pulling the sacred lever placed on top of it.  Be certain that only the noble is [[Workshop#Profiles|allowed to pull this lever]] -- it would not do to have a commoner desecrate the holy pulpit.
-Obviously you can hold off on the '''last two steps''' until your ready and that's the beauty of this trap: it's ready when you need it, and only takes a minute.
+Each noble who wishes to use the pulpit must be provided with a newly-built platform (column, floor, and lever).  Only the best for our nobles.
-=== Rebuilding the trap ===
-To rebuild the trap, replace the support and extend the bridge using the remaining lever.  Then follow from '''step 4'''.
-=== In closing ===
-It's really quite ironic to watch the noble pull the lever and note how he can ''"lose his footing for making poor choices"''
-''Now where did I put that crystal glass aquarium...''