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Difference between revisions of "40d Talk:Stories/Goblin entryism: A threat to Dwarfkind"
Josh At War (talk | contribs) (Created page with 'This is my first ever article - please tell me what you think =]') |
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This is my first ever article - please tell me what you think =] | This is my first ever article - please tell me what you think =] | ||
| + | |||
| + | == Content == | ||
| + | The core concept is clever. It reminds me a lot of [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0056218/ The Manchurian Candidate]; I wonder if this article might benefit from some more explicit references to it (perhaps titling it, "The Goblin <s>Candidate</s>Migrants"?). | ||
| + | --[[User:HebaruSan|HebaruSan]] 22:37, 8 November 2009 (UTC) | ||
| + | |||
| + | == Style == | ||
| + | The writing's pretty good. I felt it was too wordy in places and could have gotten to the point more quickly, though. Earliest and most obvious example, this whole phrase could be cut without impacting the clarity or meaning of the surrounding text: "concerning their means of attack and defence in times of war". | ||
| + | --[[User:HebaruSan|HebaruSan]] 22:37, 8 November 2009 (UTC) | ||
| + | |||
| + | == Location == | ||
| + | The main namespace might not be the right place for this. It's more of a piece of fanfic than a page about the game. Maybe consider moving to [[Stories/Vile force of migrants]]? | ||
| + | --[[User:HebaruSan|HebaruSan]] 22:37, 8 November 2009 (UTC) | ||
| + | |||
| + | == Meta commentary == | ||
| + | Please sign your discussion page posts with <nowiki>--~~~~</nowiki> . This way we can tell who you are without checking the history page. | ||
| + | --[[User:HebaruSan|HebaruSan]] 22:37, 8 November 2009 (UTC) | ||
Revision as of 22:37, 8 November 2009
This is my first ever article - please tell me what you think =]
Content
The core concept is clever. It reminds me a lot of The Manchurian Candidate; I wonder if this article might benefit from some more explicit references to it (perhaps titling it, "The Goblin CandidateMigrants"?).
--HebaruSan 22:37, 8 November 2009 (UTC)
Style
The writing's pretty good. I felt it was too wordy in places and could have gotten to the point more quickly, though. Earliest and most obvious example, this whole phrase could be cut without impacting the clarity or meaning of the surrounding text: "concerning their means of attack and defence in times of war". --HebaruSan 22:37, 8 November 2009 (UTC)
Location
The main namespace might not be the right place for this. It's more of a piece of fanfic than a page about the game. Maybe consider moving to Stories/Vile force of migrants? --HebaruSan 22:37, 8 November 2009 (UTC)
Meta commentary
Please sign your discussion page posts with --~~~~ . This way we can tell who you are without checking the history page. --HebaruSan 22:37, 8 November 2009 (UTC)