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Difference between revisions of "40d Talk:Stories/Goblin entryism: A threat to Dwarfkind"
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m (moved Talk:A vile force of migrants has arrived! to Talk:Stories/Goblin entryism: A threat to Dwarfkind: moving discussion with main page) |
m (removing my concerns which no longer apply) |
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== Style == | == Style == | ||
The writing's pretty good. I felt it was too wordy in places and could have gotten to the point more quickly, though. Earliest and most obvious example, this whole phrase could be cut without impacting the clarity or meaning of the surrounding text: "concerning their means of attack and defence in times of war". | The writing's pretty good. I felt it was too wordy in places and could have gotten to the point more quickly, though. Earliest and most obvious example, this whole phrase could be cut without impacting the clarity or meaning of the surrounding text: "concerning their means of attack and defence in times of war". | ||
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--[[User:HebaruSan|HebaruSan]] 22:37, 8 November 2009 (UTC) | --[[User:HebaruSan|HebaruSan]] 22:37, 8 November 2009 (UTC) | ||
Revision as of 01:15, 10 November 2009
Content
The core concept is clever. It reminds me a lot of The Manchurian Candidate; I wonder if this article might benefit from some more explicit references to it (perhaps titling it, "The Goblin CandidateMigrants"?).
--HebaruSan 22:37, 8 November 2009 (UTC)
Style
The writing's pretty good. I felt it was too wordy in places and could have gotten to the point more quickly, though. Earliest and most obvious example, this whole phrase could be cut without impacting the clarity or meaning of the surrounding text: "concerning their means of attack and defence in times of war". --HebaruSan 22:37, 8 November 2009 (UTC)