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Difference between revisions of "v0.34:Unfortunate accident"
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==Speartiful== | ==Speartiful== | ||
| − | Your wonderful nobles love the beautiful weapons that come out of your forges, why else would they ask for weapon racks? Maybe you should make them happy and give them some weapons, simply lay a bunch of upright spears or [[Trap component#Menacing_spike|other beautiful things]] on the floor of their room and they'll come begging for more. Now, you may want to link those spears to a lever and pull it so they can actually walk around their room, remember to leave it on repeat so they'll be able to see the wonders that your [[weaponsmith]]s made every passing second. Just make sure they '''are'''n't in the room while the spears are in motion, or your nobles may become dwarven Swiss cheese and die before their screams can even be heard. And, if possible, whatever you do, '''do'''n't use | + | Your wonderful nobles love the beautiful weapons that come out of your forges, why else would they ask for weapon racks? Maybe you should make them happy and give them some weapons, simply lay a bunch of upright spears or [[Trap component#Menacing_spike|other beautiful things]] on the floor of their room and they'll come begging for more. Now, you may want to link those spears to a lever and pull it so they can actually walk around their room, remember to leave it on repeat so they'll be able to see the wonders that your [[weaponsmith]]s made every passing second. Just make sure they '''are'''n't in the room while the spears are in motion, or your nobles may become dwarven Swiss cheese and die before their screams can even be heard. And, if possible, whatever you do, '''do'''n't use adamantine spears! |
==Exotic Housing== | ==Exotic Housing== | ||
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==Grave(n) Image== | ==Grave(n) Image== | ||
The noblesse serves everyday, day after day, to tirelessly [[syndrome|serve]] your fort. All they demand are some [[slade|nice]] [[artifact|furniture]] for their personal rooms and some recognition. Symbolizing their eternal bond with the mountains, be sure to sculpt it from obsidian. What could be better? Make sure it's fresh by casting it <s>on</s> near the noble. To ensure that the image to be special, arrange for the likeness to be created by only the finest mason. If done correctly, the noble will be forever invested in the fortress, to the delight of the workers. | The noblesse serves everyday, day after day, to tirelessly [[syndrome|serve]] your fort. All they demand are some [[slade|nice]] [[artifact|furniture]] for their personal rooms and some recognition. Symbolizing their eternal bond with the mountains, be sure to sculpt it from obsidian. What could be better? Make sure it's fresh by casting it <s>on</s> near the noble. To ensure that the image to be special, arrange for the likeness to be created by only the finest mason. If done correctly, the noble will be forever invested in the fortress, to the delight of the workers. | ||
| + | |||
| + | ==Artifact== | ||
| + | What could be possibly better than a big, imposing artifact made <s>from</s> for a noble, as a tribute to how special the noble is ? Simply house a noble next to a craftsdwarf's, leatherworker's, or butcher's workshop, and house as well the unhappy, disgruntled hauler next to it. Wait. And when [[fell mood|a beautiful laughter]] is heard, make sure the happy dwarf is next to the noble, so he can share the [[fun]] ! Make also sure the resulting artifact is made so it records the noble's life ! | ||
| + | |||
| + | ==Immortality== | ||
| + | Every noble's dream is to rule forever, so make them happy ! Rather than <s>murdering</s> honoring the noble, what about making them eternal and fit to rule ? Make them drink the blood of the [[vampire|children of the night]] ! Let them partake in the gift of [[werebeast|shapechanging beasts]] ! Then isolate them to let them ponder on their new status for a while, make sure they do <s>not</s> have a room worthy of their standing, then when they are [[Stark raving mad|suitably happy about immortality]], or [[Melancholy|suddenly unhappy about it]], let them outside and welcome them as <s>utterly insane and harmless</s> the reasonable rulers they are ! | ||
| + | If [[Berserk|the dwarf is frustrated by the experience]], though, their is no need to worry ! Build an engraved [[gold]] [[cage|house]], [[trap|persuade them into their new home]] and let them rule from here ! | ||
Revision as of 12:07, 26 April 2012
| This article is about an older version of DF. |
|
This article or section has been rated D for Dwarf. It may include witty humour, not-so-witty humour, bad humour, in-jokes, pop culture references, and references to the Bay12 forums. Don't believe everything you read, and if you miss some of the references, don't worry. It was inevitable. |
Nobles are fragile, delicate, put-upon beings, burdened with responsibilities which are far more taxing than any lowly commoner could ever hope to wrap their booze-soaked brains around. However, your dear friends at Happy Fun Surprises Incorporated (or HFS Inc., for those of you who insist on abbreviation) have prepared a wide variety of Fun activities to help your administrators unwind.
Lever Of Mystery
What activity could be more fit for nobility than the investigation of mysterious levers? Will it collapse the roof? Will it flood the world with magma? Will it simply lure the duchess into an enclosed space so the unwashed masses can barricade her in and flood it? Any noble -- no matter where they happen to be -- will surely come running to the lever's location to savor the thrill of the unknown!
Be sure to use the Workshop Profile screen to restrict the lever to the noble in need of some down time. After all, it just wouldn't do to have some filthy commoner pull it instead.
Underground Safari
The fantastic beasts lurking in the darkness of the underground caverns would surely captivate any noble with an appreciation for nature. Why not send them out into the darkness so they can experience these wonders for themselves? While your noble is out and about, make sure to keep an eye on the entryway and tell other dwarves to block it in case any unruly commoners should attempt to wall it off. After all, what would happen if your baron got hungry, or was attacked by giant cave swallows, or had his face melted by a forgotten beast's venom, and there was no way for him to return to the safety of the fortress? The horror!
Throne Room Over Troubled Magma
Aside from being the home of many strange and wonderful beasts, the deepest places of the earth also give access to vast seas of magma. Imagine the powerful and intimidating effect of a throne room suspended over the sizzling surface of the abyssal planes! Such a throne room would befit only the greatest of nobles, of course. Common dwarves would have no place in such a suite. Therefore, be sure to build a retractable bridge from the shore to the throne room, with the associated lever placed inside the room.
The Situation Room
Your ever-loyal cadre of nobles have to make hard decisions every day that affect the economic and social future of your fortress. Debating psychosocial theory in front of the less-gifted working class may frighten and demoralize them. For this reason, place your Magenta Magnates inside a room with plenty of seating. Once all of your people are inside, lock the door behind them while they hash out a plan. To assist in the discussion, you may wish to place a bin of debating tools in the room with them. Nobles under pressure think quickly, particularly on an empty stomach.
Speartiful
Your wonderful nobles love the beautiful weapons that come out of your forges, why else would they ask for weapon racks? Maybe you should make them happy and give them some weapons, simply lay a bunch of upright spears or other beautiful things on the floor of their room and they'll come begging for more. Now, you may want to link those spears to a lever and pull it so they can actually walk around their room, remember to leave it on repeat so they'll be able to see the wonders that your weaponsmiths made every passing second. Just make sure they aren't in the room while the spears are in motion, or your nobles may become dwarven Swiss cheese and die before their screams can even be heard. And, if possible, whatever you do, don't use adamantine spears!
Exotic Housing
What more could your nobles want than some truly fantastic housing to call their own? Maybe you can build them a huuuuge tower, balancing on a single support as a miracle of dwarven engineering? Or perhaps a house made of glass, which is then flooded over? No door required, that'd just ruin the view. Maybe even a palace down a great hole, where you could throw new friends that have come to visit your fortress?
Grave(n) Image
The noblesse serves everyday, day after day, to tirelessly serve your fort. All they demand are some nice furniture for their personal rooms and some recognition. Symbolizing their eternal bond with the mountains, be sure to sculpt it from obsidian. What could be better? Make sure it's fresh by casting it on near the noble. To ensure that the image to be special, arrange for the likeness to be created by only the finest mason. If done correctly, the noble will be forever invested in the fortress, to the delight of the workers.
Artifact
What could be possibly better than a big, imposing artifact made from for a noble, as a tribute to how special the noble is ? Simply house a noble next to a craftsdwarf's, leatherworker's, or butcher's workshop, and house as well the unhappy, disgruntled hauler next to it. Wait. And when a beautiful laughter is heard, make sure the happy dwarf is next to the noble, so he can share the fun ! Make also sure the resulting artifact is made so it records the noble's life !
Immortality
Every noble's dream is to rule forever, so make them happy ! Rather than murdering honoring the noble, what about making them eternal and fit to rule ? Make them drink the blood of the children of the night ! Let them partake in the gift of shapechanging beasts ! Then isolate them to let them ponder on their new status for a while, make sure they do not have a room worthy of their standing, then when they are suitably happy about immortality, or suddenly unhappy about it, let them outside and welcome them as utterly insane and harmless the reasonable rulers they are !
If the dwarf is frustrated by the experience, though, their is no need to worry ! Build an engraved gold house, persuade them into their new home and let them rule from here !