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v0.31:Catsplosion
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Catsplotions
The catsplosion is a mighty force of nature and a serious concern at the Mountainhome. Much like the captain of a popular starship and his Trouble with Tribbles, dwarves fall prey to the fecund habits of the furry, lovable creatures known as Template:Ls.
Conventional Catsplosion
A conventional catsplosion is an uncontrolled overpopulation of cats, believed to be intended as an elven ploy to prevent the further development of the game Dwarf Fortress. Dwarven scholars believe that the Template:L are operating in order to reduce the frame rate of players by forcing them to waste CPU cycles on calculation of pathfinding for literal seas of kittens, queens, and toms. Eventually, players find the game too slow to be playable, and no longer provide any donations to Bay 12 Games, resulting in the destruction of the world as they know it.
Conventional catsplosions are an insidious poison which operate by using a lethal psychological attack known as "Cuddly Wuddly Syndrome". Dwarves, ordinarily content to manage an overpopulation of cats by employing Template:Ls, Template:Ls, Template:Ls, Template:Ls, and Template:Ls, may suddenly find themselves appropriated by a cat who employs mind control waves in order to take the dwarf hostage. The dwarf, now considering the cat its pet (when in fact the opposite is true), is no longer able to butcher the cat and will absolutely not tolerate anyone butchering his "bewuv'ed cuddlebug". Through this psychological technique, an insurgent is thereby successfully implanted into the fortress.
Over time, the number of insurgents grows so large that the dwarves must respond with open violence to protect their homes and (other) loved ones. Template:L, Template:L, and Template:Ls are considered particularly effective countermeasures. Sadly, this results in significant unhappy thoughts and even open Template:Ls due to dwarves losing their "pets".
Dealing with Conventional Catsplosions
Part 1: Keeping "Cuddly Wuddly Syndrome" (CWS) under control
One word : Template:L
Do not leave stray cats wandering around or they will surely appropriate one of your citizens as a pet. Before your cat population gets out of control, quickly build a Template:L and assign all stray cats to it. If you do want some cat breeding in the long run, just leave a breeding pair outside and they will sooner or later become "pets". From then on, the moment you get an announcement that says "(SomePetName), Cat (Tame) has given birth to kitten(s)", quickly assign all new kittens to the cage. If they stay in the cage, they cannot mind control your dwarves. If you manage to assign the cats quick enough and even if they manage to adopt someone prior to be put in the cage, they still will be put in it.
Part 2: Getting rid of the unwanted cats
The options are as follows:
- Template:L. This still has a certain risk that the cat will infect a worker dwarf with CWS on the way to the Template:L, so care must be taken to ensure that the distance is short. It is highly recommended that the cage intended for stray cat containment is built right next to a couple of Template:L. You can quickly assign any newborn kittens to be slaughtered through the animals section of the (z)status menu.
- Template:L. This is the only 100% safe way to get rid of stray cats in a cage. When a trader approaches your fortress, de-construct the cat cage to move it to the animal stockpile. Then set the cat cage for trading at the depot to move it there. Once at the depot, convert the cats into cash, or even just offer it outright to get rid of it. WARNING: there are confirmed bugs with trading creatures in cages. See the Template:L article for further details.
- Template:L. A deep drop into magma, water, or a very hard floor will usually do the job.
- As cats appear to be attracted to vermin inside a food stockpile, putting a pet impassable door in the entrance of the food stockpile and constructing a upright spike on either side of this door and then connecting a lever to these spikes can kill the already "pet" cats in a relatively safe manner. NOTE: Be sure to check the door for dwarves before pulling the lever or they might be harmed.
- Template:L. Removing the Template:L [VERMINHUNTER] will stop cats from adopting owners but also from getting rid of unwanted rats. Or, if you're feeling really cruel, you can remove one or more of the cats vital organs, causing them all to cease being alive, please note that this solution will most likely be the start of a Template:L.
Part 3: Sexism
This solution requires initial micromanagement, but solves it for all time!
- Make sure all your dwarves are adopted by MALE cats (if you do it with only females, a single male cat loose can spell disaster). Slaughter the other gender. This way you have vermin control AND no cat overpopulation except a walled in female with airlock-only access.
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Thermonuclear Catsplosion
Thanks to the Scamps Conventions of *v0.28.181.40d and *v0.31.03, the number of Thermonuclear Catsplosions has been drastically reduced, for the ignition keys are now by law hidden in a very Template:L place after worldgen. They are, therefore, unavailable to prospective modders elf-fondling terrorists to use after then without causing drastic, system-wide instability to their computer networks.
As a warning, here's the only video footage ever recovered from the horrible aftermath of a thermonuclear catsplosion.