40d:Unfortunate accident

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Nobles are an unhappy sort. They are cursed with such refined tastes, that are so hard to satisfy. Because of this undue burden, they often fall prey to tragic accidents. Here's a simple guide to averting the particular banes of the upper classes.

Entertaining lever

Any dwarf of such high standing should have a lever in his rooms. If he should find himself stressed by overdue mandates, or accidentally locked in his room, he can amuse himself by pulling it repeatedly. Pulling levers is one of the few tasks fit for nobles, after all.

Impressive spike

What could be more dwarven than a menacing spike? Better make it retractable, in case your noble needs the space. Put this steely symbol of dwarven strength in one of your noble's rooms, possibly next to the lever.

Hammerers just can't get enough spikes.

It is worth noting that nice masterwork steel spike encrusted with rubies looks very nice and may boost room's value.

In-room waterfall

All dwarves love the soothing mist of a waterfall. Why not give your noble one, right in his very own room? Take care that the drainage system is working properly. Any obstruction could cause the room to fill with water, and no one wants that. Remember to put an attractive grate over the drain, to keep anything from falling in and stinking up your plumbing.

Private zoo

Everyone loves a zoo. Why not put a savage beast in your noble's room? Who wouldn't want to see a giant desert scorpion or zombie carp every day? Just make sure it doesn't escape. It may be prudent to hook this up to another lever in the noble's room, so they can secure the cage door if the creature somehow manages to escape.

Throne Room of Doom

Your highest noble will meet with various visitors and emissaries in his throne room. To give him that extra edge in negotiations, make it intimidating. Put a magma pool right there in the throne room. No glittery gold throne, either. Make one out of iron, or steel, or some other material with a high melting point.

Vault of Kings

Nobles are precious and fragile things. To make sure that your nobles don't get injured in battle, you might want to hook up their chamber doors to levers so they can be sealed firmly in case of invasion. Since the noble trapped hiding inside wouldn't know when it was safe to come out again, best to put the lever somewhere outside. That way once the confusion of battle is over some dwarf will surely miss the noble and remember to release them so they may reach the food and water stockpiles again.

For extra impenetrability, construct a wall in front of the door. Make sure to make note which section of wall the noble's behind so you'll be able to find it again later when it's time to let him out!

Sacred pulpit

For the most regal of nobles, nothing less than a balcony perched above a pool of magma will do when trying to get the attention of the underlings. The construction of such a sacred pulpit is elaborate, but a true noble would expect nothing less.

A support must be built on the edge of a sheer cliff overlooking the attention-getting feature (magma is always impressive, although a pulpit overlooking the chasm can also produce a pleasing resonance). A bridge must be built to the edge of this support, and a floor placed on top of the support. Provide the noble with a lever on top of this floor which retracts the bridge -- it's not a proper pulpit if the masses can reach the noble while he or she speaks. The lever is also connected to the support beneath the floor -- this is a safety precaution, we are told.

Before using the system, an additional lever should be built elsewhere in the fortress that attaches to the bridge, in case the noble's lever should... happen to jam. Then invite the noble to inaugurate the platform by pulling the sacred lever placed on top of it. Be certain that only the noble is allowed to pull this lever -- it would not do to have a commoner desecrate the holy pulpit.

Each noble who wishes to use the pulpit must be provided with a newly-built platform (column, floor, and lever). Only the best for our nobles.