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This is the list of quotes which appear at the top of the wiki's [[Main Page]]. Many of them are musings from the developer notes, while others are forum posts made by ''DF'' players or simply anonymous game-related statements. Feel free to add any quotes you find particularly amusing or interesting.

To add a quote to this list, place it on its own line above the last line.
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"Didn't you read the manual? He he he he... the manual... ..."<br>--[[Toady One]]
"[B]oats are the enemy of tiles. And tiles are the enemy of boats."<br>--[[Toady One]]
"I went through and fixed a few places where forbidden/on fire weren't being respected for next time. Burning milkable creatures were still a problem for example."<br>--[[Toady One]]
The cyclops I was quested to kill had a thousand year history of badassery, and all of that without the leg it lost in the Year 3 (a dwarf bit it off... I should probably deal with that). --[[Toady One]]
"Stopped people from giving quests to kill themselves." --[[Toady One]]
"Got rid of world gen crash during succession after death of prolific long-standing position holders with inbred descendants" --[[Toady One]]
"There was a typo in the siegers' campfire code.  When the fires went out, so did the game." --[[Toady One]]
"Dwarven children kidnapped and incorporated into goblin society might sh... shave."<br> -- [[Toady One]]
You can't yet strangle people with the exposed guts, though I suppose that's now within reach. -- [[Toady One]]
"I had to leave just before I tested the dwarf with the boiling gold blood." -- [[Toady One|Toady the Great One]]
There was kind of a violent explosion of boiling human blood when I was testing a human vs a magma man in the arena... it was a little weird, but I guess that's okay. -- [[Toady One]]
The zombies in a necromancer's tower became suspicious after the necromancer failed to age -- [[Toady One]]
I'd have to look back to see if it wants the physical or metaphysical id on the corpse. -- [[Toady One]]
I also got started on jumping. My first jump was off by a factor of 100, so I flew against a cliff and blew apart. I'm still working on it. -- [[Toady One]]
The king of my dwarves appointed a visiting merchant's yak as the general of the army while I was trading. -- [[Toady One]]
Most of yesterday I spent trying to be robbed by bandits, but they kept looking away from me and forgetting I was there. -- [[Toady One]]
Today's success was to have a crying mother spit on me and call me a murderer. -- [[Toady One]]
Stopped dwarves from trying to clean their own missing or internal body parts. --[[Toady One]]
Stopped zombies from interrupting your sleep to ask if they can help you with something. -- [[Toady One]]
I had a dwarven hero try to kill a bronze colossus seven times, and each time he lost.... After the third duel, he began worshipping his enemy. -- [[Toady One]]
I also grabbed somebody's exposed guts and did the only thing you can do with them currently, which is pinch them. -- [[Toady One]]
The dabbling surgeon moved between repairing the compound fracture and trying to stop bleeding from malpractice. -- [[Toady One]]
The poor thing died with the message "<name> has condensed." -- [[Toady One]]
In addition, Atheli devoured three cows, four horses, five mules, a donkey, six dogs, two cats, and a rhesus macaque and fox while tormenting the elves. -- [[Toady One]]
The titan was given a position in their pantheon, though it would still show up every few years to kick down somebody's house. -- [[Toady One]]
Large animals can put an unskilled [[gelder]] in the hospital. --[[Toady One]]
I have my little invisible help-wanted ads for [the dwarves] to look through now, followed by a little invisible pick-best-applicants procedure. --[[Toady One]]
It seems I've just delivered you into the arms of crashing and despair. --[[Toady One]]
[[Scamps]] added two lines of code today. They didn't compile. --[[Toady One]]
The crash happened when the night creature tried to come up with things to say to potential shoppers. --[[Toady One]]
Stopped cats from dying of alcohol poisoning after walking over damp tavern floors and cleaning themselves.  --[[Toady One]]
I filled my fortress's temple with statues and tantruming dwarves to test out the desecration code. -- [[Toady One]]
These secret agents are overdoing it... "What can you tell me about yourself?" "Me?  Who's that?  I don't know myself." -- [[Toady One]]
There's a cost to this movement, and the cost is, 'how much do I value my blood? -- [[Toady One]]
It's still a shock. People are playing a text game. That's weird. -- [[Toady One]]
An impressionable child, she inherited the goblin ethics of valuing power over others and her personal dream is to take over the world. I'm sure it'll be fine. -- [[Toady One]]
I've got a fort that has an export industry centered entirely around little commemorative dacite figurines of the starting seven dwarves in different poses. Eventually we'll have to make the merchants more discerning -- [[Toady One]]
"If a sieging army wants to talk, there's an initial petition to arrange a parley, which is not delivered physically -- they hang back outside in relative safety, since you people have a tendency to drop magma on things." -- [[Toady One]]
My imprisoned expedition leader just walked home while still considered a prisoner due to some erroneous travel code exclusive to position holders. -- [[Toady One]]
If your vision of dwarves is less about crafting in the mountains, and more about a lone dwarf descending from the hills to attack a village with a pack of a dozen hounds, your vision is now a reality. That's how I tested it, anyway. Five of the dogs were struck down, but the humans will now think twice about whatever it was they were thinking about, that's for sure. -- [[Toady One]]
Uzol had orders, though, and he followed them to the letter. He broke into the temple and brought me back the relic... now I guess I have a save if I want to test being invaded by angry humans. -- [[Toady One]]
"...go to reclaim artifacts that were either stolen by kobolds or something, or maybe weren't yours to begin with, and you can be bad dwarves. Start some shit." -- [[Toady One]]
Some uncommon situations have become hard to debug with a test adventurer, so world debug mode can now manifest the cursor as an adventurer. Lots of "Hello.  My name is Manifestation.  Why are you traveling?" today.  They don't notice the cursor human is clothing-free yet. -- [[Toady One]]
I used my debug power to manifest as the Manifestation, holding the quest crossbow, which I immediately handed over. When I asked the quester about it, he said "An unknown creature has given an unknown creature <correct artifact name>. I don't care one way or another." -- [[Toady One]]
Animals no longer become distracted from being unable to drink if they've experienced trauma, or from being unable to worship gods they shouldn't have been worshiping in the first place... -- [[Toady One]]
Dropping a boulder on somebody and then leaving my dwarves unattended outside with nothing to do for a year resulted in tantrums, depression and oblivious wandering, so it seems to be working (...) I wasn't aware of their relationship status when the boulder fell; that's just how it turned out, sadly. --[[Toady One]]
Goblins are meant to die violent deaths. -- [[Toady One]]<sup>[http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=1104.msg14899#msg14899]</sup>
I have some good saves I can look at and so forth, so hopefully I can pick some decent numbers if they are a problem, and if the numbers are fine, focus just on the ridiculous "scary teeth" part of it.  Although I guess teeth are scary sometimes, but it takes like a whole horror movie to build up to why, and these are just random troll teeth. -- [[Toady One]]
Insurrections were such a problem in sites that I had to turn them off for your fortress's holdings; we'll get back to that later. It wasn't even the insurrections, really; the dwarves were bailing on the occupation immediately because they were afraid of insurrections. -- [[Toady One]]
After producing three notable poems, Zicab was murdered by a goblin armorer in the pits (who was later devoured by a giant lion, so that has a happy ending.) -- [[Toady One]]
Artuk soon gave up on fighting, and became a poet like her father and grandmother, moving again to the goblin pits, where apparently all poetry in this world is written. -- [[Toady One]]
For instance, a human trading company called the Present Hall was wildly successful trading various leathers and bones for crafting, and eventually had enough clout to open a branch warehouse inside a dwarf fortress for the first time. Can't resist that draltha leather. -- [[Toady One]]
This turned out to be a strategic error, as two short years later, a forgotten beast obliterated the fortress, the warehouse, and killed everyone inside. So, what's the correct response? Close the destroyed branch? No, no, you stimulate the (non-existent) economy by hiring local. Forgotten beast, you're the new (ruined) warehouse administrator, congratulations! -- [[Toady One]]
I've mainly been 'consolidating gains' this week (that is, finding horrible bugs and wondering how anything worked in the first place.) -- [[Toady One]]
He was imprisoned in a dwarf fortress for 20 years. He might have escaped, but a hydra came and ate him and everybody else. -- [[Toady One]]
I did have to fix a bug where the human and dwarven allies also ate the dead if the elves led the attack. -- [[Toady One]]
The were-capybara is only one of the myriad lunatic monsters that terrorize the living. -- [[ThreeToe]]
I want you to visualize the future.  Toady and I are in the Bay 12 office somewhere in the woods west of Seattle.  I, Threetoe, am poring over our notes, preparing for a presentation I'm giving in a couple days.  Toady is slaving away at his computer, stopping every now and then to yell at [[Scamps]] after the little punk scratches his exposed elbow. -- [[ThreeToe]]
I can't put my finger on it. Something about this [[Fire|‼]]Cat tallow roast[[Fire|‼]] tastes funny.
Toady withdraws from society. Toady has begun a [[Strange mood|mysterious]] [[Dwarf Fortress|construction]]!
Let us never forget the last words of Inod the Stoker, "Aaah! Gorillas!"
[[Children|Newborn]] Zuglar Baldnessgranite prefers to consume Gorilla. A sure sign of his unparalleled strength!
[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-image.php In an unrelated article] - I had no idea elephants could bounce that high!
[[Toady]] looses a roaring laughter, [[Fey|fell]] and terrible! Toady has butchered a spammer!
The critical question is this: do elf bones yield more crossbow bolts than the average number of bolts necessary to kill an elf?
"Dwarf Fortress" ... "Like chess, only with short people that can catch on [[fire]] like [[clothing|rags]] soaked in tar, and lots of [[booze]]." ... "Like chess."
Dwarf Fortress has taught me that all the world's problems would be substantially reduced had our parent civilizations never minted more than four stacks of [[coins]].
[[Booze]] does all the work in forts. Dwarves are just booze exoskeletons.
My unconscious and bleeding [[mayor]] just mandated the construction of some goods.
I can just imagine a [[wagon]] throwing a tantrum and tossing all its contents at people.
Döbesh Udosdeb has been ecstatic lately. He was forced to eat a friend to survive. He enjoyed a truly decadent meal.
Iron [[screw pump]] exercise equipment. Pump iron and get superdwarvenly strong!
The violence, aggression, pain, madness, sadness of the ASCII characters never ceases to amaze me...
Wait, you're MAKING animals?<br>&mdash;''Torak''<br>At this moment, yes, I am smelting cows.<br>&mdash;''Spiders Everywhere'' 
(Compared to real-world years) Dwarven years are shorter.<br>--Sowelu<br>Very fitting to dwarves, I must add.<br>--Sean Mirrsen
[[Magma]] is not a [[water]] source. Dwarves can't drink it or supply it to their wounded.<br>--AlienChickenPie
"You have been processed! Go forth, now, and edit!"<br>--[[User:Savok|Savok]]
"What happened in 1048?" "Jreengus occurred."
Making rock instruments isn't nearly as awesome as it sounds --Shandrunn
[FIREIMMUNE] makes them think that [[magma]] is safe but doesn't actually make them fireproof. This can lead to some rather interesting results.
Endok Cerolneth has begun a mysterious construction!<br>Endok Cerolneth, Planter has given birth to a girl.
"Incendia sunt socia vestra, armaque vestra, fortesque Montis Domi." "Magma is your ally, your weapon, the strength of the Mountain-Home." --Eita
"...And I simply doubt we have a need for 7 fishery workers. On top of that, a second soap maker. The hell IS soap?!" --Zero
"This is a terrible pun. All craftsdwarfship is of the poorest quality." - [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=21449.msg239558#msg239558 Soup_alex]
"The default mental state of a dwarf is madness. Sanity is a temporary condition - a PRIVILEGE you have to EARN!" --[[User:Fedor|Fedor]]
"Why get normal cats? I buy lolcats in the embark screen. Much more fun to engrave about them." --Yanlin
"Dwarf Fortress taught me it was okay to make a suit out of my neighbour's skin, as long as I gave it a name." 
"Hey, what does that flashing red and orange text mean? What? Why is there smoke everywhere? Oh god, are those BABIES on fire?" --[[User:StrawberryBunny|StrawberryBunny]]
"It's never 'just a game' when you're losing."<br>--George Carlin (if he played Dwarf Fortress)
Not that building a bridge out of soap makes much sense to begin with anyway.
Note that while you cannot milk larger animals yourself, civilizations can still milk animals "off screen" for your benefit.
Tosid Idenarzes likes tentacle demons for their corrupt intentions.  "There!  Now we've covered all of the seven deadly sins."
"Litast Idenudesh, baby, is throwing a tantrum!  Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has lost consciousness.  Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has bled to death."
Bug 000780 [adventure mode][crime] - town guard becomes a criminal after getting an adventurer's stolen weapon stuck in his body
"Udib Toblumaid, Axedwarf, cancels sparring in Barracks: too insane." Ben jamm1n
Kosoth Cilobonol, Bone Carver cancels Drink: Unconscious.
Sizir the Snail of Bait is a deity of The Fresh Towers.  Sizir most often takes the form of a female dwarf and is associated with jealousy.
Sibrek Tanbim likes Limestone, Tin, Smoky Quartz, the color crimson, bolts, scepters, anvils, and rock blocks for their lack of quality levels.
There are 5 articles in category Lore: [[Armok]], [[Cave Adaptation]], [[Elephant]], [[Philosopher]], and [[Vomit]].
There is nothing to catch in the magma pipe.
Bug 000563 [dwarf mode][justice] - mayor ordered himself beaten for failing to make crystal glass objects
If cow cheese is made from cow's milk, what is dwarven cheese made of?
Bugs are opportunities to cause unprecedented amounts of destruction. --Zorgn
"You know, Urist, you've got a mind like an +Ash Trap+."--[[User:Destor|Destor]]
'''Zander J:''' "Is there a way to stop immigration without setting the population cap?"<br>'''Yanlin:''' "Magma."
An animal trainer just suddenly stopped working and hid himself in a workshop. He's probably going to make a wardog out of rock and goblin skulls.
Bug 000597 [creatures] - flying creatures give birth in midair, leading to tragedy.
'''Urdim Kutamèrith, Pump Operator, has created Rakusttenshed, a Glumprong blowgun!''' <br> Urdim, you are a freaking idiot.
<Forkez> I don't get the game, but I do get that tunnels flooded with water is a bad thing.
"If you give a dwarf a fire, he will be warm for a night. If you set a dwarf on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life."
"Since the Elves said they won't let me cut down any trees, I bought 50 of their logs instead."
Do not make a trading race that breathes fire.<br/><br/>I REPEAT, DON'T!! EVER!! 
Dwarf Fortress: Because burning elves are funny.
The carp has drowned.
There's one thing a dwarf needs, and that's stones.  And alcohol... and magma... but mainly stones.
"I swear to god once I saw a dwarf who was labeled as being Strong, Very Agile, Very Tough... and ''Clean''. But it was probably just a bad dream."
Urist McRandy has been ecstatic lately. He brought somebody to bed lately.
Bug 000871 [projectiles] - babies fall to death when born on stairs
Bug 001031 [adventure mode][inventory] - a merchant pack animal caught at an old dwarf site during adv mode was wearing a full set of clothes
"[[Magma]] solves everything. [[Fire]] just ruins the [[booze]]." -sonerohi
Look, there are roving clumps of sentient lava outside, ... This isn't going to get better. --PTTG??
...and the only surviving dwarf is a noble who has mandated the construction of crowns and clear glass items to the empty halls. --PTTG??
Adil Idenlocun is conflicted: "When possible he prefers to consume purring maggot, Dwarven ale and Dwarven syrup.  He absolutely detests purring maggots."
Urdim Zatinod has been quite content lately. She has lost an annoying friend to tragedy lately.
I added two levers.  One opens the magma.  The other sets free all the cats.  --Someone in Headshoots
"As Manbaspecut, Human Merchant is stricken by melancholy!" "Muskox has gone stark raving mad!" I think something is wrong with the human caravan...
"Somebody needs to build an active volcano inside a fortress inside an active volcano." --Boksi
It has stats. It can be killed.
Bug 000432 [dwarf mode][items] - Bones pop out of coffins.
Thanks. I wish I had known that about three forts ago.
If I ''remembered'' what the damn lever did, I'd ''pull'' it! <...pulls lever anyway...>
Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine. 
"So let me get this straight. We managed to destroy a dwarven civilization while only managing a single town??"
Kara Mase, the Glory of Amusing: Engraved on the wall is an image of a dwarf and an elf. The dwarf is committing a depraved act on the elf. 
Once saw a water skin with red beryl spikes.  I still wonder how you would drink from that. 
Watching a kobold thief be chased by batman is very satisfying.
Kol Tölunimush has been ecstatic lately.  He killed somebody by accident while sparring recently.  He took joy in slaughter lately.  He has lost a lover to tragedy lately.  He has witnessed death.  He had a satisfying sparring session recently.
Mew? <br />Chop!
"If Dwarf Fortress geology is to be believed, then the Earth's core is made of microcline and demons."
'They're firing arrows at us! Quickly! Raise the babies!!' -Urdim McSquadLeader, mother of 8
It started raining, then all my dwarves outside started bleeding to death. On inspection their upper bodies were missing.
It seems that a fresh recruit given a crossbow and a quiver with ammo in it will opt to run up to the enemy and bash them with the crossbow.
Bug introduced in the latest version: Firemen can have their flames severed. These flames then just lie around the place.
You stab Iron Man in the right leg from behind with your adamantine short sword, breaking away a piece of the gas and shattering the iron!<br>The Beak Dog is caught in a burst of Iron Man gas!<br>Beak Dog vomits into the Iron Man gas.
Urist McDairy, Milker cancels store item in stockpile: handling dangerous creature
Ildomushat, Fish Cleaner, cancels Clean Self: Could not find path.
Losing is [[Fun]]!!!<br>--The Motto of Dwarf Fortress
I hate walking under dwarven archways. You never know how many mechanized crossbows they have hidden underneath those damn things.
"Bibo ergo sum. I drink, therefore I am."<br />-- Dwarven Philosopher
This is a menacing iron spike. This object menaces with spikes of iron.
Kogsak is a deity of The Helpful Diamond. Kogsak most often takes the form of a dwarf and is associated with fortresses.
The Forgotten Beast pushes The Wrestler in the head, bruising the muscle, driving the skull through the brain, and tearing apart the brain! The Wrestler has been struck down!
Goblin Chops at the Diagnostician in the right leg, damaging the muscle! Urist McHouse is Unconscious!
Limul Itebdesis, trader has been Possessed. Limul Itebdesis, trader has created Stodir Isethlolor, a Mortgage-Backed Security!
The heart wound ended up being a guy getting shot in the arm, dropping his crossbow, running over to the opposing line, and jabbing his stack of bolts into somebody's chest. 
Giant mole has stolen a preserved prepared giant mole lung!<br>''"Hey, I want my grandfather back!"''
"You must construct additional barrels!" - [[User:Speed112]]
All I want is a major river next to a volcano with flux, sand and bituminous coal.
Do not taunt magma.
I bury my pets in gold coffins and my nobles in wood coffins. Pets before people, I say.--KingAuggie
[the cavern] is basically like the surface, except underground
The fortress' randomly generated name was "Greatestfailure". 
"You stab the Human Thresher in the mouth with your large copper dagger, tearing the left cheek!" "The large copper dagger has lodged firmly in the wound!"
"The best way to determine how dangerous a fortress is, is to make only one dwarf with the burial job, and nothing else: the lower his social skills, the more dangerous the fortress is - [[User:Rhenaya|Rhenaya]]"
"Before retiring in the evening, heed my words and give yourself to volcanos" - Ted Usmokatra, law-giver
Upon coming of age, about 8, Urist McYoung Made an artifact, became mayor and promptly mandated the construction of slade goods.
Dwarf Fortress: You've already lost.
A sober fortress makes even a mental hospital seem like a pleasant place to live.
A typical Dwarven nightmare consists of running out of booze or getting a beard lopped off in an accident.
There are two ways of dealing with goblins in a tree. One is by marksdwarves. The other is by flooding the world with magma.
Portal and Dwarf Fortress share a mystical trend. It is !!Science!!.
The only time I ever saw the stupid thing fly, was to cross the aqueduct, to the beer hall. -- Fredd
(On artifacts) I got a flint door, called The Noiseless Odors. -- Nyxalinth
So apparently she became queen before becoming a twilight freak wife. Fascinating. -- Samuel
Got a few barrels of beetle ichor and duck blood, gave some pig cheese in exchange. Made a present of three coffins to the queen.
The Sasquatch corpse has lodged firmly in the wound! The goblin has been struck down!
[22:57:46] <Dik_> How do I wash myself up from blood?<br>[23:06:20] <Dik_> How the fuck do I get out of the river?
No, you're not getting that leg back. In fact, that creature over there is going to pick your leg up and beat you to death with it. You won't respawn.
My refuse pile just woke up and ate my dwarves, who in turn got up themselves and started eating the other dwarves.
{{bugl|2264|cat=nocat}} - Adv. Mode travel (near oceans) teleports player underground and turns them into an underground creature
{{bugl|5921|cat=nocat}} - Biting dwarves in minecarts infinitely increases combat range
Fort flooded. So that's what an aquifer is. -- Exelixi
Axedwarf looks surprised by the ferocity of Spearmasters onslaught. Spearmaster charges at Axedwarf. Spearmaster stabs axedwarf in the left eye with his +Adamantine spear+, lightly tapping the target.
In 4, the Castle of Fortune of the Tombs of Gold constructed the Hell of Taxing in Entrancedcrafts.
Mukca: Seek this place and kill Cenäth Certaindrives the giant.<br>Knowing no mercy, Cenäth stole Fisher berry wine!
We shall build a tower so tall, we will mine the very stars themselves!
Ingish Såkzulbomrek, Miner cancels Report Crime: Dangerous terrain.
You have struck limonite! Oddom Nishdanman, Furnace Operator cancels Smelt Limonite Ore: needs limonite.
{{bugl|4753|cat=nocat}} [Creatures]: Rodent men have no skin
{{bugl|0040|cat=nocat}} [Dwarf Mode -- Jobs, Items]: "Dwarf cancels Make Cloth Item: Needs 10000 plant cloth"
{{bugl|5531|cat=nocat}} [Creatures]: Legless animal men can kick
{{bugl|1588|cat=nocat}} [Creatures]: Creature with 1 eye and 2 eyelids
"This is my reward for not letting us all die. I have to deal with the Nobility."<br />-- Captain Ironblood, the mayor of Nist Akath
I'd like to think they bonded over their sinister ancestors (or the strange childhood coincidence of having younger siblings gobbled up by different werebuffalo in the same year).
They just walk around without a head until they realize that they should suffocate. -- Urist Da Vinci
You monster! Killing too many children at once will make everyone sad. You need to kill them slowly so nobody notices.
Dwarven... "Child Care": It's like regular childcare, except with more dogs, and less care.
You: How have things been? Tulon Tunlikot, Mayor: Well, let's see... we've got the army on the march, beasts, bandits and bone-chilling horror.
{{bugl|6722|cat=nocat}}: Manager climbs a tree instead of going to office when management jobs are assigned
{{bugl|5971|cat=nocat}}: Fat dwarves eating causes lag
{{bugl|6817|cat=nocat}}: "Behold, mortal. I am a diving being."
It was inevitable.
Weresquirrel Ceru Uzushimdo has come! A large Squirrel twisted into humanoid form. It is crazed for blood and flesh. Its eyes glow orange. Its sandy taupe hair is very curly. Now you will know why you fear the night. 
I don't think the Elves in my DF game are too happy... I've modded them so that their body temperature causes nearby trees to burst into flames. --Evil One
Dwarf Fortress: Teaching methods of genocide against merpeople because their bones are worth 6000{{db}}.
No one has gone missing or died. The year is still young.
From release notes 0.40.11: Stopped overuse of plant structure tag causing people to say they preferred to eat trees
The game actually has a first-person message about being scuttled, just in case you should happen to be playing as a wagon. --Halfling
Engraved on the wall is a well-designed image of a dwarf and hamsters. The dwarf is surrounded by the hamsters. The dwarf looks terrified.
Spring is coming, oh no, prepare the coffins! --Garath
Welcome to Dwarf Fortress. Where peaceful death of old age is something nobody sees coming. --Sirbug
"I died." "The Weather looks to be fine today." "I heard that I died."
Large mobs of groundhogs can still kill things they wouldn't normally kill.
You punch Human 2 in the right eye from behind with your left hand and the injured part explodes into gore! <br>Human 2: Greetings. My name is Human 2.
Chopping down the tree [is] effective, insofar as you do not care whether the dwarves live or die.
Knowing no mercy, [http://imgur.com/hoGQZoX Nikot] stole a cherry! This vile fiend even murdered Mafi Fanggorge!
Obok Kelzokum is interested near his own fine [[Bed]]. "I was near to my own Bed. How incredibly interesting!"
Wait, wait, wait. Why the hell do you have a raven stockpile? --[http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=108371.msg3235825#msg3235825 peskyninja]
You can modify chickens so that, instead of laying eggs, they lay ''live bees''. Dwarf Fortress: crimes against nature simulator. --[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/VideoGame/DwarfFortress TVTropes]
Ah well. Who knew the first Dwarf to go to space was a useless [[fisherdwarf]].
I launched 4 dwarves into the air with a bridge and only 3 came down.
If you are working with [[magma|central heating]], make sure the "hot" pipe and the "cold" pipe don't mix, or your heating system will likely not work as intended.
It's no longer called magma when it reaches the surface... and melts a hundred goblins.
Dwarves are like squirrels, but instead of acorns it's booze.
Carp are to be feared, worshipped, and roasted with magma.
It's easier to buy out a caravan than it is to take the time to shop.
I had a fortress where roughly 90% of the engravings were of buckets, buckets surrounded by dwarves, and buckets surrounded by screaming dwarves. --[http://dfstories.com/buckets/ taran]
Led Zanzustash dove into the rapids, and climbed out a day later. He had several injuries, some broken bones, and a missing finger, but he had done it: he saved a barrel of booze that was nearly destroyed (the baby died).
"In a time before time, I killed me." -Human with nothing else to [[Adventurer_mode#Talking|gossip]] about
There is currently a minor problem in that the veteran demons fighting in the corpse factory have failed to die in the 2 year battle and have become legendary unkillable gods of war. I may have misjudged this possible outcome. -- Loud Whispers
Added the Giant Adder to dwarven menu.  --TheCrazyHamsteR
"What's the purpose of adding [[feather tree]]s to the game? To make good pillows", I think.  --TheCrazyHamsteR
In a time before time, somebody attacked somebody.
Dwarf Fortress: [[Undead|Respawning after death]] is even more [[fun]].
"I tried to carve 'god hates this place' into the mountain.  Unfortunately, Athlete's footnote got stuck in the 'a' of 'place' and starved to death" 
The resulting party killed 20 dwarves, crippled 2 more and the remaining 9 managed to get along and have a nice party.
If your dwarves start melting or slugmen explode whenever it rains, then it's a good indication it's too hot. --UberNube
What you see as an increase in population, the surrounding beasts simply see as a more stable food supply. --Taupe, [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=144852.0/ DoomForests]
That's right, the undead ravens killed the entirety of the hidden fun stuff.  --Loud Whispers
"Astesh Savotsazir, Stray Kitten (Tame) has adopted Ingish Rimtaruzol, Siege Engineer."
Dwarf Fortress, flinging dwarves into space using a drawbridge since 2006.
Sometimes the best trophy is your own head.
I like to think that the other pole [of the world] was destroyed by a dwarven experiment gone right. --GMDev
Unfortunately for Urist McDeadman, the budget no longer allowed for personal mausoleums for every dwarf, as had previously been standard.
Nil Aliscatten cancels make Charcoal: dangerous terrain.
A Kobold Thief has made off with +Kobold Cage+!
OH GOD I'M BEING EATEN BY A SNAIL, WHAT AN UNEXPECTED AND SORT OF IRONIC TWIST! --Max, [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=144852.0/ DoomForests]
"In the early spring of 500, the rain monster was struck down by the banshee of drought Scrapedrent in The Hellish Marshes."
Deler Kulinkeskal, Weaver is exhilarated after being attacked. "I was attacked. How exhilarating!"
I wonder how the elves can eat these... *licks a leaf*
Well, someone already managed to drink their sword.
How is my dining room possibly this full of badgers? -Skid
I just drafted a Llama into my army and it already killed a [[roc]] by itself. -Ashameron
{{bugl|8977|cat=nocat}} [Diplomacy] -- Merchant caravans get stuck in tree.
Each time a pile of wool becomes alive and attacks my dwarves I think it doesn't want to end as worn clothes. --TheCrazyHamsteR
Erith also gets kudos for killing a demon by eating it to death. --Loud Whispers
I (somehow) wield a marble coffin that I fill with the corpses of all I have slain (to make an already heavy object even heavier) in one hand, and the other holds a book made out out of fucking platinum. The book can crush skulls, and the coffin grows ever stronger and now that is has a few dead dragons in it, it sends people flying a mile backwards to explode in a pile of gore. Gore which I then place into the coffin. -- Wwolin
Jump into a deep pit and let your body experience overwhelming kinetic energy. --TheCrazyHamsteR
The Herbalist has become enraged!<br>Kadol Imushothil, Herbalist: "I got into an argument with Kol Kissrazors. I am so angry!"
Stozu Ägusnodub, Goblin Woodcutter (to Dang Kutsmobnozam, Goblin Diagnoser): "Not a half hour ago I attacked me."
Some migrants have arrived, despite the danger.
"Mestthos Savotsazir, baby, has been mising for weeks!" And the babysitter still got paid.
My miner gets scared by a ghost, climbs a tree, the ghost cuts off his arm, he's stuck in the tree, my woodcutter cuts down the tree, and then my miner is crippled for the rest of his life.
Guys seriously, no food in the library! I'm mainly talking to you Urist McDonothingbutdrinkmyboozeandeatmyfood!
Losing is fun they said, it's the whole point they said.
[http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=15096.msg6724410#msg6724410 martinuzz] (on the election of his sole elven-citizen to the position of mayor): 'I think I just lost the game. EDIT: wow, just wow. Her only social skill is "Master Intimidator" all other social skills are dabbling. "ELECT ME OR I EAT YOU AND EXCRETE YOUR DIGESTED REMAINS ON MY ANCESTRAL TREE AS FERTILIZER"'
Zebna ámbekat Rashedezif Ethba, Werecoyote: *kills a dwarf* "Death... This is truly horrifying..." *kills another dwarf*
Spearman: Greetings. My name is Kakpoth. This servant of TRANS_NAME] greets you.
"ERMAHGAWD IM SO DRUNK" - Some sober human in my tavern
Human Farmer: Is that a weapon? What's going on?!<br>Human Animal Caretaker (to Human Farmer): Just now Dur Leaderevens was slain by Olum Senserampaged the Fords of Passing.
Where did all of these chinchilla corpses come from?
Are bar brawls typically lethal? 15 dead already. --flabort
The mechanics and logistics of milking a kangaroo sound excruciatingly painful for everyone involved.
The Carpenter 'Jesus Christ' Thikutdesis and The Farmer 'Moses' Ezumethab have married!
In the early summer of 129, Ducim Stafftender married a hen.
OH GOD! THE BABIES ARE DEHYDRATING!
'David' Vabokkubuk felt euphoric due to inebriation.
I visited a town to kill a vampire with 98 kills. Every time I attempted to kill him he would run away and return after about 5 minutes. Every attempt caused locals to attack me and I ended up killing 12 people before getting my head impaled by a sword and died. The vampire was unharmed.
The mayor has made 9 mandates in a row requesting the construction of catapult parts. Now he is prohibiting the export of all catapult parts. 
One of the children in my fortress became a legendary wood crafter due to a fey mood. He is also only 2 years old.
"Necromancy is sort of like Jaywalking. It's not illegal, just frowned upon." - [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=136384.1785 Dwarfy]
Urist McWimp, Hunter cancels Return Kill: Interrupted by a chinchilla.
Dear Urist McEngineer, If you become drowsy, please wait to finish constructing your hallway of large serrated disc death BEFORE you take a nap. Your bloody, gibbed corpse will be stowed away in the refuse stockpile. --bigjaredmonkey, in the "[http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=63417.msg6961519#msg6961519 Note to Urist]" topic.
I once got sieged by an army of toads lead by a pyromancer.  Not toadmen, not giant toads, but toads.  The kind cats murder. -- [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=34430.msg6961973#msg6961973 Splint]
Giant cave toads may appear as mounts during a goblin attack, where they will happily swim their way into your fortress via any unprotected waterways. If the underwater path is short enough sometimes their goblin riders even survive the trip.
Is that npc humping a table?
Spill the intestines of your enemy, cut them off and keep as a stinking trophy. The smell makes you feel nausea? You are not even a half as nauseous as your victim is now.
a migrant with skills in surgery, butchery and bonecarving.<br>i can see how thos skills suppliment each other. synergies --Scruffy, [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=116045.msg6027592;topicseen#msg6027592 !!DRUNK FORTRESS!!]
A Goblin Siege? Good, we were starting to run out of clothes.
Prepared food! What do you mean prepared food?! You mean you aren't content with squatting in a dank cavern gnawing on a cold uncooked mushroom?
A book called ''Into the Elf,'' sounds like a rip off of ''Fifty Shades of Gabbro.''
As a necromancer, I realize not many people try cocaine, most of those people reincarnate for that very reason.
{{bugl|9371|cat=nocat}} [Adventure Mode -- Eating/Drinking] The Human Pikeman Necromancer drinks the «≡steel toy hammer≡».
{{bugl|2484|cat=nocat}}: Eight-legged quadruped
{{bugl|9832|cat=nocat}}: Overuse of casesura and reversal in poetic forms
BAHAHAHA, a goblin just got gelded by a copper mace, this game is the best.
[Bug fix] Made gorlaks able to open doors, stopped desizing of their heads.
{{bugl|4681|cat=nocat}}: A dwarf with a [[Strange mood|fell mood]] grabbed a ghost. It didn't get the required materials, so it grabbed another one.
"You read Misconceptions About Reproduction."<br>The written portion consists of a 69 page manual entitled Misconceptions About Reproduction, authored by Lali Mobblazes.<br>It concerns the reproductive behavior of creatures. The writing is quite self-indulgent. Overall, the prose is not awful, but not very good either. --[https://youtu.be/OYnl4S10MTw?t=33m22s HUMAN ECHOES]
My adventurer found a horse. I knew you couldn't ride horses so I decided to attack it for its meat. {The horse hoof strikes Ehil Casketfrgrance in the head, and the severed part sails off in arc!}
Acik Citudubmith, Werewarthog: I have improved my wrestling. That was very satisfying! (...) The speardwarf stabs the werewarthog in the neck with her ({bismuth bronze spear}) and the severed part sails off in an arc! ~instant karma
Pre-alpha in-dev release. <br>"Nobody on the DFHack team accepts any responsibility for anything that this program causes. It is liable to be very unstable." --japa
It is terrifying.
"Can you tell me where I can find me?" <br>"I don't know, and I don't know anybody that could tell you."
While getting ground and pounded by a ranger, I seize him by the throat and place a chokehold, his response being to frantically punch and scratch me. Then, as we sit in a pool of our own blood frantically trying to kill one another, my opponent then looks me in the eyes and says: "Greetings. My name is Kamven Trustsystem. Let's not hurt anybody."
A horse just grabbed me by the nose with it's front leg and threw me. I wish I knew horse Judo...
Throwing a coat at an enemy tears their leg apart, bruising ligaments and tendons and forcing him to the ground, effectively doing more damage then if I had hacked him with an axe. Eh, seems legit.
Human 2 (to Human 1): I died. It was inevitable.
Dwarf Fortress isn't Dwarf Fortress unless your Trade Depot is inexplicably covered in vomit
[[Tantrum]]: If you can't stand your life anymore, come for treatment to the elephants. [[Unfortunate accident|They'll gladly understand.]]
Gelu Blossomedstenches the Ripe Sucker of Sacks is a marsh titan. It is the only one of its kind. A great one-eyed six-legged ankylosaurid, it has an austere look about it. Its periwinkle scales are round and close-set. Beware its fire! Gelu is associated with water, plants, nature, muck and animals.
{{bugl|3299|cat=nocat}}: [Animal Populations] Blind cave bears have front toes on both front and rear feet
{{bugl|2790|cat=nocat}}: [Creatures] Alligators needlessly use specific toes
{{bugl|6498|cat=nocat}}: [Adventure Mode -- Conversation] Zombies start conversation with necromancer adventurer who tries to sleep in their house
[http://i.imgur.com/1A5Au.jpg You get used to it. I, I don't even see the ASCII. All I see is dwarf, *floodgate*, plump helmet spawn...]
{{bugl|9763|cat=nocat}} - [Dwarf Mode -- Immigration] Dwarf missing upper body, but still alive.
"I plan on breeding an entire race of subservient animal people, who will comprise the main workforce of my fortress (not to mention the military)." --[http://www.reddit.com/r/dwarffortress/comments/416gqb/eugenics_a_proposal_for_breeding_a_slave_race/ High_king_of_Numenor]
"Whenever I torture someone [in Adventure Mode], I like to 'slug' them. I remove their ears, nose, teeth, and tongue, and break both of their legs. I call it "slugging" because all they can do is crawl around on the floor and cry. Then I like to follow them around and talk to them about the weather." -- [http://www.reddit.com/r/dwarffortress/comments/2zilxr/the_treefondling_hippie_certainly_deserves_it/cpjoxa9/?context=1  paroonshark]
"My dorfs leave this world the way they came into it: naked, screaming, and on fire." -- [http://www.reddit.com/r/dwarffortress/comments/4ci1l8/ive_been_playing_the_best_game_in_the_world_for/d1iqlbg/?context=4 speedster217]
PROTIP: Make sure to melt all the fat off your body so fire-spewing enemies can't hurt you.
"I see no downside towards making your own child execution chamber." -- [http://www.reddit.com/r/dwarffortress/comments/43180m/roomcarnage_the_consequences_of_mourning_spoilers/czesj2t/?context=2 aidantheman18]
"I feel like in DF that beating an elf to death with his own infant is considered polite discussion." -- [http://www.reddit.com/r/dwarffortress/comments/4rlr6y/my_mayor_became_king_of_a_different_civilization/d52qn1s/ loercase]
"My mayor just punched 20 zombies to death" -- [http://www.reddit.com/r/dwarffortress/comments/61zadj/my_mayor_just_punched_20_zombies_to_death_he/ Madrawn]
"What's the easiest way to murder children?" -- [http://www.reddit.com/r/dwarffortress/comments/pveuj/whats_the_easiest_way_to_murder_children/ Russki]
"I like to play with my food, starting with the fingers, toes, lips, ears, teeth, eyes, nose, then just randomly stabbing them until they bleed out" -- [http://www.reddit.com/r/dwarffortress/comments/4b5lw8/bandits_controlling_hillocks/d16qkym/?context=10000 DwarfTower]
Death... I am not upset by this.
"I made a giant statue of a dog entirely out of dog soap. It took nearly 10 years." -- [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=163866.msg7431473#msg7431473 Ironfang]
"A mix between Children of Men, City of Ember, and, uh, magma."
"Spearmaster stabs the Troglodyte in the left eyelid from behind with his -bronze spear-, tearing the skin!"
This is a stack of 20 masterfully prepared plump helmet roast. The ingredients are masterfully minced plump helmet, masterfully minced plump helmet, masterfully minced plump helmet and masterfully minced plump helmet.
Once you have entire squads of legendary axedwarves, the game changes. When a forgotten beast attacks your fortress, your first thought is: 'Ooh, we're gonna get some NICE bone bracelets outta this!'
"So I embark. Immediately upon unpausing, the wagon bursts into flames and kills one of my miners." --_Naptune_
{{bugl|9267|cat=nocat}}: Traders bring magma in bags
{{bugl|1701|cat=nocat}}: HFS Critters attempting to clean self
"Those rivers are out to get you. Why do you think you can't fast travel across them? Because it's an ambush!" -- [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=164558.msg7555694#msg7555694 Uzu Bash]
"Ok, so one of the merchants who does nothing in this fortress whatsoever is hunting, that's the one who's hunting, not the 50 hunters I have in the fortress but the useless merchant, of course." -[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaifrB5IrvGNPJmPeVOcqBA Kruggsmash].
"If a site with outcasts hiding in it is conquered, the outcasts are treated like members of the defending site. This can lead to expected things like sewer werebeasts getting crucified. However, it can also make a giant alligator flee the attacking army, wandering the wilderness for a few years before deciding to become a dancer and moving to the city. The giant alligator later remembered itself and went back to attacking villages."[http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=145317.msg7472982#msg7472982 -TheFlame52]
"Now, Throw it in the pile and get back to work." [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaifrB5IrvGNPJmPeVOcqBA Kruggsmash]
"Horse is hopping up and down on your mutilated body. you are deceased."
"I went to a human town one day that had one of those open markets, and every one of the merchants there was a dingo man, and they are were all saying "In a time before time I attacked me." to every one around them." -- [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=164791.msg7554631#msg7554631 King Zultan]
“Still, I'm curious about just what exactly drives the cohesion and otherwise lack of dickery.  Is a hatred of elves and love of mushrooms really enough?  Could this be the foundation for world peace?” — [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=167881.msg7595536#msg7595536 Immortal-D]
apparently some of my children like to play inside the barracks, upon inspection they were all skilled axedwarves.
"And there they go to the capital, with their wagons full of Delersholid's balls" [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaifrB5IrvGNPJmPeVOcqBA -Kruggsmash]
I wish there were tags to follow certain materials so I can mod in that thing from Stranger Things
{{bugl|10350|cat=nocat}}: Horses have objects of worship
Meanwhile, bugs used as melee weapons sustain no wear at all, having tested this by using a live slug to punch a dwarf in the stomach long enough to make him explode. [http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/view.php?id=9920 - Bug Report #0009920]
{{bugl|8779|cat=nocat}}: Adventurer encounters naked, mute, hostile dwarven expedition leader
{{bugl|10485|cat=nocat}}: Dwarf recruit insane for 33 years standing around in the wilderness, formed friendship after insanity
"STEALTH WEREMAMMOTHS??!!" -- [http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=141173.0 Dunamisdeos]
High-cheekbones kobold wrestler (to the high-voiced kobold spearman): Identify yourself!<br>High-voiced kobold spearman (to the high-cheekbones kobold wrestler): Identify yourself!<br>High-cheekbones kobold wrestler (to the high-voiced kobold spearman): Identify yourself!
<span style="color:#0000FF">You drink the lye.</span><br><span style="color:#808000">You feel really full.</span><br><span style="color:#0000FF">You drink the lye.</span><br><span style="color:#008000">It's too much, you might not be able to keep it down!</span><br><span style="color:#00FF00">You vomit.</span><br><span style="color:#0000FF">You drink the lye.</span>
I have a fort that is now a mountainhome. The king "doesn't really care about the law".
Currently I am being attacked by a giant 3-eyed stick insect and a scaly, winged, blue snail. What an awesome game!
In a siege I stationed my marksdwarves at the top of my wall to fire out of the fortifications. Everything was going great until they decided it would be a good idea to jump OVER the fortifications, off the wall, and into the enemy axedwarves.
In the middle of a fight with a forgotten beast my axelord walked off to "Store Item in Stockpile".
I may or may not have entirely filled the cavern with water. . .
Hey! Why can't I trade right now? Where is my trader? Oh. Unconscious with last thought being "Euphoric after drinking". Hangover?
The dwarven baby has long clean-shaven sideburns and a very long mustache and prefers dwarven beer or ale.
The plum wood logs strikes the woodcutter in the left upper leg and the injured part is smashed into the body, an unrecognizable mess! An artery has been opened in the attack! The woodcutter slams into an obstacle!
<span style="color:#008000">No, that's disgusting.</span>
There is a new King of Beasts, and its name is Badger.  Tremble before it. -- Unintelligent
<span style="color:#FF0000">An ambush! Curse all friends of nature!</span>
The last fortress I started under conditions this horrible ended with the last survivor going mad after a skeletal mandrill ate his pet kitten and going on a suicide charge into zombie elefants while naked and on fire.
"I got into an argument with a cat. That was very exhilarating!"
It is a blessing as much as it is depressing that you can drink your own tears.
"One time, a horde of Monkeys doomed my Dwarves by stealing their supplies in mass. They died that night."
"So I had my brewer go out to pick some fruits from the nearby trees to use for some quick booze production to kick start my newest fortress, but while he was standing on his stepladder he suddenly became thirsty. / I did whatever I could to try and save him, but he inevitably died of dehydrated and then fell face-first into the ground off his stepladder." -Urist commenting on "Ladderbound".
"Dude, anything's possible with enough work, time, and lots of alcohol." -Dummy rambling about multiplayer.
"The saddest part about this game is that it was always inevitable." -Some Nerd
I saw today's quote of the day, but I have a chrome extension that changes "space" to "spaaaaace," so it said "flinging dwarves into spaaaaace."
You attack the Obese Dwarven Child in the lower body with your *Iron War Hammer* but the attack glances away! <br>Obese Dwarven Child: I feel so good!
I decided that each dwarf should have its own bedroom, complete with a chair, table, bed, door, and engraving.  All the bedrooms are consolidated into 4–block groups.  I regret.
Bob McSpearman: Death is all around us.  The horror...  Bob McSpearman: I have improved my spear.  That was very satisfying!
Reg Abiriton enjoys carving buckets.  He has carved an image of a bucket in hematite, an image of two buckets in obsidian, and an image of three buckets in sulphur.
Segfaults in under 1min. Extermination of Gencesh Anurlem the law-giver prevents it. The mad lad is wearing gabbro blocks x3, sweet pods [4], rotten creepy crawler remains, dimple cups [7] and an exceptional iron pipe section (may vary). [http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/view.php?id=10499 - Bug Report #0010499]
The Wereass Lara Rifayivu Enefilece has come! A Large ass twisted into humanoid form. It is crazed for blood and flesh. Its eyes glow mahogany. Its brown hair is unkempt. Now you will know why you fear the night.
"[…] The dwarf 'Pasal' Hatchedbody led the attack, and the defenders were led by a troll. […] The dwarf 'Pasal' Hatchedbody outmatched a troll with a cunning plan."
"Fucking SLAVES! Get your Beards Back here!" ''-[[Armok]] Upon being Chained and having his Adamantine stolen by dwarves.''
Playing a brown recluse spider man, boogeyman don't attack them. Decided to dance and they danced with me. They [http://imgur.com/a/yP9pdH4 think im a shit story teller]. -- [http://www.reddit.com/r/dwarffortress/comments/bgz7hd/i_found_out_why_there_called_boogeymen/ Sabata11792]
Bug 0011106 [adventure mode][General] Adventurer suddenly turned into a chinchilla
Bug 0011074: Infinitely dripping pets?
Bug 11095 Statue of Pet Sheep Shows Sheep Owning Dwarf
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