Editing Main Page/Quote Archive

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Bob, Swordsman: Join me on my adventures!  Joe, Mayor: I'd rather not.  Joe, Mayor has bled to death.

"What other game lets you kill a Giant Spider and use its body to make soap?"

"If Dwarf Fortress geology is to be believed, then the Earth's core is made of microline and demons." -Rystic

"Okay, there are dwarves walking around, though it's next to the wagon with the equipment that immediately explodes into clouds of boiling bronze while the dwarves flash between the dwarf and bar symbol wearing no-material clothes, but there are dwarves walking around." - [[Toady One]]

"Ok Children, I hoped you have learned your lesson, now go explain to that guard's parents why he isn't coming home today."

"I think I'll stick to drowning dwarves and cooking puppies."

"I mean, how dangerous can an elephant be, anyway?"

Toady has created a masterpiece!

Is that a hammer in your ≡Giant cave spider silk trousers≡ or are you just happy to see me?

Do these +narrow chimpanzee leather trousers+ make me look fat?

This wiki menaces with spikes of bread.

I can't put my finger on it. Something about this [[Fire|‼]]Cat tallow roast[[Fire|‼]] tastes funny.

"This is why artificial intelligences won't be taking over the world within the next ten years or so: NORMAL people don't have to be TOLD not to milk a cow that's on fire!" -Sowelu

Fun fact: Ditching the starting anvil for a shit ton of logs makes for a strong early defense by way of a palisade...

"The interface is coming - it's not coming in your lifetime but it's coming." - [[Toady One]]

"Preeetty much finished the first pass on religions. This release still requires buildings, migrants and hist fig finalization. None of that should be difficult, though I suspect finalization will throw a bug or two my way. I suppose that will cause me to blow apart.-[[Toady One]]

How to Control your Pets: It's no coincidence that 'kittens' rhymes with 'mittens'...

Rock nut is a plant.  You can't "tame" it.

The default mental state of a dwarf is madness.  Sanity is a temporary condition - a PRIVILEGE you have to EARN!

"It's never 'just a game' when you're losing."
- George Carlin (if he played Dwarf Fortress)

Toady withdraws from society. Toady has begun a [[Strange_mood|mysterious]] construction!

Beware of the Elephant's greatest evolutionary trait: [[Talk:Elephant#Stealth_Elephants|Stealth]].

Let us never forget the last words of Inod the Stoker, [[Fortress_Paintrag#1056|"Aaah! Gorillas!"]]

[[Children|Newborn]] Zuglar Baldnessgranite prefers to consume Gorilla. A sure sign of his unparalleled strength!

[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-image.php In an unrelated article] - I had no idea elephants could bounce that high!

[[Toady]] looses a roaring laughter, [[Fey|fell]] and terrible! Toady has butchered a spammer!

[[Elephant]]s are like huge, wrinkly [[ambusher|ninjas]].

Tobul Dumatfath, Fisherdwarf cancels Fish: Interrupted by [[carp]].

The critical question is this''':''' do dead elf bones yield more crossbow bolts than the average number of bolts necessary to kill an elf?

Dev Notes''':''' Stopped booze food from melting, even though it probably should

"It was a funny bug -- it would just pick the first living unit in the civilization's list, regardless of what their qualifications were, drag them out of their town, and have them show up at your fortress, without actually letting them be the king." -[[Toady One]]

Wolf cancels Breathe: Interrupted by <br>≡Ash Bolt≡.

Who knew bridges could be such incredible killing machines?

Breeding is difficult when your genitalia fell off years ago.

Snodub was the only person in the history of the world to have "Chunky" in her name.-[[Toady One]]

On Core59: Random poems
"Travel quietly like a big fortress.
Ah, desolation!
All fortresses command dark, rough dwarves.
The rugged carp roughly loves the fortress."

What is that [[magma|red stuff]] coming towards me?  Oh well, I think I'll stay in this [[channel|trench-shaped]] thing.

“Dwarf Fortress" ... "Like chess, only with short people that can catch on [[fire]] like [[clothing|rags]] soaked in tar, and lots of [[booze]]." ... "Like chess.”

Dwarf Fortress has taught me that all the world's problems would be substantially reduced had our parent civilizations never minted more than four stacks of [[coins]].

"Tosid Idenarzes likes tentacle demons for their corrupt intentions." There! Now we've covered all of the seven deadly sins.

Toady One likes donors for their [http://www.bay12games.com/support.html generosity]. He absolutely detests trolls.

Booze does all the work in forts. Dwarves are just booze exoskeletons.

My unconscious and bleeding [[mayor]] just mandated the construction of some goods.

Remember, they are DWARVES. Dwarves are born fat. They often look like hairy spheres on their first day or so.

"Didn't you read the manual? He he he he... the manual... ..."<br>-[[Toady One]]

"Dwarves are strange creatures who balance out at "happy" because on one hand their wife was eaten by elephants and on the other they just ate in a REALLY NICE dining room."<br>- shadow archmagi

Here we have a link to amusing quotes and important advice in the [[Main Page/Quote Archive|Quote Archive]], all of which are more important and/or funny than this one.

[FIREIMMUNE] makes them think that [[magma]] is safe, but it doesn't actually make them fireproof. This can lead to some rather interesting results.

It would be incredibly difficult and it probably wouldn't work...In other words, its absolutely dwarven!

(Compared to real-world years) Dwarven years are shorter.
--Sowelu
Very fitting to dwarves, I must add.
--Sean Mirrsen

Making rock instruments isn't nearly as awesome as it sounds --Shandrunn

"...And I simply doubt we have a need for 7 fishery workers. On top of that, a second soap maker. The hell IS soap?!" --Zero

"The spinning Wolf left front leg strikes the wolf in the right front leg."

"Stopped people from giving quests to kill themselves." --[[Toady One]]

I can just imagine a wagon throwing a tantrum and tossing all its contents at people.

"Madness? THIS IS DWARF FORTRESS!" -Dwarven King

'I wonder what would happen if I poked that elephant with a stick' - Gib Trampledmangled.

If in doubt, [[Water|flood]] the fort!

Döbesh Udosdeb has been ecstatic lately. He was forced to eat a friend to survive. He enjoyed a truly decadent meal.

Zasit Anamalîth, Carpenter is throwing a tantrum!
Felsite Bridge destroyed by Zasit Anamalîth, Carpenter.
Zasit Anamalîth, Carpenter has drowned.

"Iron [[screw pump]] exercise equipment.  Pump iron and get superdwarvenly strong!"

Only you can prevent fortress fires.

On the assumption that there is something scarier than a hydra out there.
''Your in-laws have arrived from Shinthumtobul Imketh.''

'Leader' Igëratìr, Clerk has created Razuk Lanzil, an Obsidian Crown!" - "I think the leader business is getting to his head!

If cow cheese is made from cow's milk, what is dwarven cheese made of?

"Damn, isn't there a way to start out where fights aren't like a coin toss?"
"Ironically enough, tossing coins is among one of the most effective forms of combat."

The violence, aggression, pain, madness, and sadness of the ASCII characters never ceases to amaze me...

M.C. Hammerer.
"You, peasant! Thou hast stolen a possession of a nobledwarf, and must be punished!"
"What? B-but I didn't-"
"Silence, knave! I shall teach you not to steal!"
*SMACK*
"CAN'T TOUCH THIS!"
*SMACK*
"CAN'T TOUCH THAT!"
*SMACK*
Etc...

"What happened in 1048?"
"<i>Jreengus</i> occurred."

"Well, that goblin master lasher was nice to my dwarf, in a way - he handed the guy a ballgag before the lashings began..."

"So they'd be shooting things, and suddenly they'd go STOP! HAMMERTIME!"

"Does not the book of Armok state that "thou shalt not covet thy neighbours burning trousers, for he who does shall surely perish in flames?"

"Look, there are roving clumps of sentient lava outside, and the only surviving dwarf is a noble who has mandated the construction of crowns and clear glass items to the empty halls. This isn't going to get better."

"Hey, what does that flashing red and orange text mean? What? Why is there smoke everywhere? Oh god, are those BABIES on fire?"

"The merchants won't leave because I killed their guys & I can't drown them because there's a shoe in the floodgate."

"Here we see how I tried to carve god hates this place into the mountain. Unfortunately, Athlete's footnote got stuck in the 'a' of 'place' and starved to death"

"Dumat Mishosastesh, Count cancels Starting Fist Fight: Went insane"

"While investigating the disappearance of Hammerlord Bembul Zirilkskal, I found a Rhesus Macaque corpse next to the river, and then I found Shukarthocit "Tallspikes" a Golden war hammer at the bottom of the river next to a carp that looked very pleased with itself."

"Hey, you know all those trap components in Fortress mode? You can wield them in Adventurer Mode. I'm DRILLING THE SHIT out of SKELETONS AND ZOMBIES."<br />"You can wield anything in adventurer mode."<br />"I CANNOT HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF ME DRILLING HOLES IN ELVES!"

"The numerous steel bars and fortifications I had installed to prevent river denizens entering my water supply turned out to be completely unnecessary as the snakemen found the entrance to be rather... deeper... than they had expected. Dwarves began complaining about bits of snake in the well soon after."

You'd think that complete lockdown is a good solution to a [[siege]], but although a dwarven fortress may appear self-contained and fully functional, your dwarves have nothing to do but get [[mood]]y, lash out at a world which doesn't understand their needs, get [[hammerer|hammered]], throw funeral receptions, conduct grief counseling sessions, and perform the occasional keg stand.<br /> 
In short, the [[Invader|attacking army]] can simply wait until your dwarves emo themselves to death. 

Engraved on the wall is a masterfully designed image of a dwarf engraving a wall. The engraving is a dwarf engraving a wall. The engraving is a dwarf engraving a wall. The engraving is a dwarf engraving on a wall. The engraving is a dwarf engraving on a wall. The engraving is a dwarf mining out a wall.

You begin a conversation with the Hammer Lord Mukca Larothsamo.<br /> 
Urist McAdventurer, Wrestler: Greetings. My name is Urist McAdventurer.<br /> 
Mukca: Ah, Hello. I'm Mukca Squeezinghandled.<br /> 
Specut: I am here to discuss serving your cause.<br /> 
Mukca: I am speaking for the Exalted Fellowship. Thank you for your service.<br /> 
Mukca: Our people have been tormented by a fearsome foe.<br /> 
Mukca: Inkmine is a day's travel to the north.<br /> 
Seek this place and kill Cenäth Certaindrives the giant.<br /> 
Mukca: Knowing no mercy, cenäth stole Fisher berry wine!

You won't last a year. What went through the minds of your dwarfs when they stopped the cart? "Hey, I bet we can put those flaming, bony monstrosities into our still to make wicked firedemon brew"? The last fortress I started under conditions this horrible ended with the last survivor going mad after a skeletal mandrill ate his pet kitten and going on a suicide charge into zombie elefants while naked and on fire. And it wasn't even autumn yet. --Herr Zwiebel, on Fort Headshoots

[[Magma]] is not a [[water]] source. Dwarves can't drink it or supply it to their wounded.<br>--[[User:AlienChickenPie|AlienChickenPie]]

"<nowiki>[B]</nowiki>oats are the enemy of tiles. And tiles are the enemy of boats."<br>--[[Toady One]]

"I went through and fixed a few places where forbidden/on fire weren't being respected for next time. Burning milkable creatures were still a problem for example."<br>--[[Toady One]]

"You have been processed! Go forth, now, and edit!"<br>--[[User:Savok|Savok]]

The cyclops I was quested to kill had a thousand year history of badassery, and all of that without the leg it lost in the Year 3 (a dwarf bit it off... I should probably deal with that). --[[Toady One]]

Endok Cerolneth has begun a mysterious construction!<br />
Endok Cerolneth, Planter has given birth to a girl.

"Incendia sunt socia vestra, armaque vestra, fortesque Montis Domi." "Magma is your ally, your weapon, the strength of the Mountain-Home." --Eita

"This is a terrible pun. All craftsdwarfship is of the poorest quality." - [http://tinyurl.com/6yruly Soup_alex]

"Why get normal cats? I buy lolcats in the embark screen. Much more fun to engrave about them." --Yanlin

"Dwarf Fortress taught me it was okay to make a suit out of my neighbour's skin, as long as I gave it a name." 

"Got rid of world gen crash during succession after death of prolific long-standing position holders with inbred descendants" --[[Toady One]]

"There was a typo in the siegers' campfire code.  When the fires went out, so did the game." --[[Toady One]]

Not that building a bridge out of soap makes much sense to begin with anyway.

"Litast Idenudesh, baby, is throwing a tantrum!  Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has lost consciousness.  Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has bled to death."

"Known bug #780:  Town guard becomes a criminal after getting an adventurer's stolen weapon stuck in his body."

"Udib Toblumaid, Axedwarf, cancels sparring in Barracks: too insane." [[User:Ben jamm1n|Ben jamm1n]]

Sizir the Snail of Bait is a deity of The Fresh Towers.  Sizir most often takes the form of a female dwarf and is associated with jealousy.

Sibrek Tanbim likes Limestone, Tin, Smoky Quartz, the color crimson, bolts, scepters, anvils, and rock blocks for their lack of quality levels.

Most vermin teleport, so nothing actually contains them. -[[User:Fuzzy|Fuzzy]]

There are 5 articles in category Lore:  Armok, Cave Adaptation, Elephant, Philosopher, and Vomit.

There is nothing to catch in the magma pipe.

Bug #563: mayor ordered himself beaten for failing to make crystal glass objects

Bugs are opportunities to cause unprecedented amounts of destruction. --Zorgn

"You know, Urist, you've got a mind like an +Ash Trap+."--[[User:Destor|Destor]]

'''Zander J:''' "Is there a way to stop immigration without setting the population cap?"<br>'''Yanlin:''' "Magma."

An animal trainer just suddenly stopped working and hid himself in a workshop. He's probably going to make a wardog out of rock and goblin skulls.

Bug #597: Flying creatures give birth in midair, leading to tragedy.

'''Urdim Kutamèrith, Pump Operator, has created Rakusttenshed, a Glumprong blowgun!''' <br> Urdim, you are a freaking idiot.

<Forkez> I don't get the game, but I do get that tunnels flooded with water is a bad thing.

"If you give a dwarf a fire, he will be warm for a night. If you set a dwarf on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life."

"Since the Elves said they won't let me cut down any trees, I bought 50 of their logs instead."

Do not make a trading race that breathes fire.<br/>I REPEAT, DON'T!! EVER!! 

Dwarf Fortress: Because burning elves are funny.

The carp has drowned.

There's one thing a dwarf needs, and that's stones.  And alcohol... and magma... but mainly stones.

"I swear to god once I saw a dwarf who was labeled as being Strong, Very Agile, Very Tough... and ''Clean''. But it was probably just a bad dream."

Urist McRandy has been ecstatic lately. He brought somebody to bed lately.

"Dwarven children kidnapped and incorporated into goblin society might sh... shave."<br> --Toady One

Bug #871: babies fall to death when born on stairs

Bug #1031: a merchant pack animal caught at an old dwarf site during adv mode was wearing a full set of clothes

"[[Magma]] solves everything. [[Fire]] just ruins the [[booze]]." -sonerohi

You can't yet strangle people with the exposed guts, though I suppose that's now within reach. --[[Toady One]]

...and the only surviving dwarf is a noble who has mandated the construction of crowns and clear glass items to the empty halls. --PTTG??

Adil Idenlocun is conflicted: "When possible he prefers to consume purring maggot, Dwarven ale and Dwarven syrup.  He absolutely detests purring maggots."

"I had to leave just before I tested the dwarf with the boiling gold blood." -- Toady the Great One

Urdim Zatinod has been quite content lately. She has lost an annoying friend to tragedy lately.

I added two levers.  One opens the magma.  The other sets free all the cats.  --Someone in Headshoots

"As Manbaspecut, Human Merchant is stricken by melancholy!" "Muskox has gone stark raving mad!" I think something is wrong with the human caravan...

"Somebody needs to build an active volcano inside a fortress inside an active volcano." --Boksi

It has stats. It can be killed.

Bug #432: Bones pop out of coffins.

Thanks. I wish I had known that about three forts ago.

If I <em>remembered</em> what the fucking lever did, I'd <em>pull</em> it! <...pulls lever anyway...>

Sarvesh Ralrubal likes olivine, olivine and olivine. 

"So let me get this straight. We managed to destroy a dwarven civilization while only managing a single town??"

Kara Mase, the Glory of Amusing: Engraved on the wall is an image of a dwarf and an elf. The dwarf is committing a depraved act on the elf. 

Once saw a water skin with red beryl spikes.  I still wonder how you would drink from that. 

Watching a kobold thief being chased by batman is very satisfying.

"Thanks to the central chamber being floodable, in the case of a siege, all I have to do is lure the gobbos in and throw the lever. Then, my dwarves can keep going about their business, while the goblins are busy sorting themselves by density." -Moddington

[[Category:Humor and stories]]
[[Category:Wiki]]

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