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23a:Unfortunate accident
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The life of a noble is difficult. They are cursed with highly refined tastes that are difficult to satisfy. Because of this burden, they often fall prey to tragic accidents. Here's a simple guide to ensuring the safety and happiness of the upper classes.
Entertaining lever[edit]
Any dwarf of high standing should have a well-crafted lever among the amenities in his spacious quarters. If he should find himself stressed by overdue mandates, or accidentally locked in his room, he can amuse himself by pulling it repeatedly. Pulling levers is one of the few tasks only fit for nobles, after all. For some nobles, pulling a lever is a show of solidarity with the working classes. "See? I contribute to the well-being of our great civilization! I understand the plight of the mason, the mechanic, and the craftsdwarf!" Other, more anal retentive nobles have levers installed so that they can pull them in the optimal sequence before calling for the production of platinum piccolos. Some nobles call for a lever to be installed as a bell-pull, the better to alert the rest of the fortress that one of their nobles has a request. Whatever the reason, be sure to include a high-quality lever in all of your nobles' quarters.
A lever can be made personal to a specific noble in the q Profile for that lever, just as if it were a common, lowly workshop.
In-room waterfall[edit]
All dwarves love the soothing mist of a waterfall. Why not build your noble's bedroom next to the cave river and give him an opulent waterfall of his own? The hypnotic cascade of falling water will help relax him after a hard day of mandates, and the soothing sound will help him sleep. Take care to install properly sealed windows to keep out seasonal floods and dangerous creatures.
Private zoo[edit]
Everyone loves a zoo. Why not put a savage, exotic beast right in your noble's room? Who wouldn't want to see a giant desert scorpion or an elephant every day? Just make sure it doesn't escape. It may be prudent to hook this up to another lever in the noble's room, so they can secure the cage door if the creature somehow manages to escape.
Mining inspection[edit]
Nobles are often frustrated with the lackadaisical labor attitudes of other, more trivially minded dwarves. Hence, why not alleviate your nobles' frustrations by instigating opportunities for them to inspect the work stations of lowlier laborers? As nobles love valuable metals and rare gems, an optimal choice of location would be near your forges built over the magma flow. Place an amusing lever inside for your noble to repeatedly pull as he scrutinizes the process. Be careful not to forget the noble inside as he amuses himself with the lever, however, as dangerous creatures can emerge from the depths.
Impressive Throne[edit]
Your highest noble will meet with various visitors and emissaries in his throne room. To give him that extra edge in negotiations, make it intimidating. Put a magma channel right there in the throne room. Watch as your fortress wins valuable trade agreements at the table, securing the future for your great dwarven civilization. No glittery gold throne, either - make one out of iron, steel, or some other material with a high melting point.
Vault of Kings[edit]
Nobles are precious and fragile things. To make sure that your nobles don't get injured in battle, you might want to hook up their chamber doors to levers so they can be sealed firmly in case of invasion. Since the noble safely secured inside wouldn't know when it was safe to come out again, best to put the lever somewhere outside. That way, once the confusion of battle is over, some dwarf will surely miss the noble and remember to release him. It may seem logical to put some food and water in with your noble, but this could lead to rot and miasma in your noble's safe room, which would only serve to make a difficult situation even worse.