Main Page/Quote Archive

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Bob, Swordsman: Join me on my adventures! Joe, Mayor: I'd rather not. Joe, Mayor has bled to death.

"Okay, there are dwarves walking around, though it's next to the wagon with the equipment that immediately explodes into clouds of boiling bronze while the dwarves flash between the dwarf and bar symbol wearing no-material clothes, but there are dwarves walking around." - Toady One

"Ok Children, I hoped you have learned your lesson, now go explain to that guard's parents why he isn't coming home today."

"I think I'll stick to drowning dwarves and cooking puppies."

"I mean, how dangerous can an elephant be, anyway?"

Toady has created a masterpiece!

Is that a hammer in your ≡Giant cave spider silk trousers≡ or are you just happy to see me?

Do these +narrow chimpanzee leather trousers+ make me look fat?

This wiki menaces with spikes of bread.

I can't put my finger on it. Something about this ‼Cat tallow roast‼ tastes funny.

"This is why artificial intelligences won't be taking over the world within the next ten years or so: NORMAL people don't have to be TOLD not to milk a cow that's on fire!" - Sowelu

Fun fact: Ditching the starting anvil for a shit ton of logs makes for a strong early defense by way of a palisade...

"The interface is coming - it's not coming in your lifetime but it's coming." - Toady One

"Preeetty much finished the first pass on religions. This release still requires buildings, migrants and hist fig finalization. None of that should be difficult, though I suspect finalization will throw a bug or two my way. I suppose that will cause me to blow apart.-Toady One

How to Control your Pets: It's no coincidence that 'kittens' rhymes with 'mittens'...

Rock nut is a plant. You can't "tame" it.

The default mental state of a dwarf is madness. Sanity is a temporary condition - a PRIVILEGE you have to EARN!

"It's never 'just a game' when you're losing." - George Carlin (if he played Dwarf Fortress)

Toady withdraws from society. Toady has begun a mysterious construction!

Beware of the Elephant's greatest evolutionary trait: Stealth. Let us never forget the last words of Inod the Stoker, "Aaah! Gorillas!"

Newborn Zuglar Baldnessgranite prefers to consume Gorilla. A sure sign of his unparalleled strength!

In an unrelated article - I had no idea elephants could bounce that high!

Toady looses a roaring laughter, fell and terrible! Toady has butchered a spammer!

Elephants are like huge, wrinkly ninjas.

Tobul Dumatfath, Fisherdwarf cancels Fish: Interrupted by carp.

The critical question is this: do dead elf bones yield more crossbow bolts than the average number of bolts necessary to kill an elf?

Dev Notes: Stopped booze food from melting, even though it probably should

"It was a funny bug -- it would just pick the first living unit in the civilization's list, regardless of what their qualifications were, drag them out of their town, and have them show up at your fortress, without actually letting them be the king." -Toady One

Wolf cancels Breathe: Interrupted by
≡Ash Bolt≡.

Who knew bridges could be such incredible killing machines?

Breeding is difficult when your genitalia fell off years ago.

Snodub was the only person in the history of the world to have "Chunky" in her name.-Toady One

On Core59: Random poems "Travel quietly like a big fortress. Ah, desolation! All fortresses command dark, rough dwarves. The rugged carp roughly loves the fortress."

What is that red stuff coming towards me? Oh well, I think I'll stay in this trench-shaped thing.

“Dwarf Fortress" ... "Like chess, only with short people that can catch on fire like rags soaked in tar, and lots of booze." ... "Like chess.”

Dwarf Fortress has taught me that all the world's problems would be substantially reduced had our parent civilizations never minted more than four stacks of coins.

"Tosid Idenarzes likes tentacle demons for their corrupt intentions." There! Now we've covered all of the seven deadly sins.

Toady One likes donors for their generosity. He absolutely detests trolls.

Booze does all the work in forts. Dwarves are just booze exoskeletons.

My unconscious and bleeding mayor just mandated the construction of some goods.

Remember, they are DWARVES. Dwarves are born fat. They often look like hairy spheres on their first day or so.

"Didn't you read the manual? He he he he... the manual... ..."
-Toady One

"Dwarves are strange creatures who balance out at "happy" because on one hand their wife was eaten by elephants and on the other they just ate in a REALLY NICE dining room."
-shadow_archmagi

Here we have a link to amusing quotes and important advice in the Quote Archive, all of which are more important and/or funny than this one.

[FIREIMMUNE] makes them think that magma is safe, but it doesn't actually make them fireproof. This can lead to some rather interesting results.

It would be incredibly difficult and it probably wouldn't work...In other words, its absolutely dwarven!

(Compared to real-world years) Dwarven years are shorter. --Sowelu Very fitting to dwarves, I must add. --Sean Mirrsen

Making rock instruments isn't nearly as awesome as it sounds --Shandrunn

"...And I simply doubt we have a need for 7 fishery workers. On top of that, a second soap maker. The hell IS soap?!" --Zero

"The spinning Wolf left front leg strikes the wolf in the right front leg."

"Stopped people from giving quests to kill themselves." --Toady One

I can just imagine a wagon throwing a tantrum and tossing all its contents at people.

"Madness? THIS IS DWARF FORTRESS!" -Dwarven King

'I wonder what would happen if I poked that elephant with a stick' - Gib Trampledmangled.

If in doubt, flood the fort!

Döbesh Udosdeb has been ecstatic lately. He was forced to eat a friend to survive. He enjoyed a truly decadent meal.

Zasit Anamalîth, Carpenter is throwing a tantrum! Felsite Bridge destroyed by Zasit Anamalîth, Carpenter. Zasit Anamalîth, Carpenter has drowned.

"Iron screw pump exercise equipment. Pump iron and get superdwarvenly strong!"

Only you can prevent fortress fires.

On the assumption that there is something scarier than a hydra out there. Your in-laws have arrived from Shinthumtobul Imketh.

'Leader' Igëratìr, Clerk has created Razuk Lanzil, an Obsidian Crown!" - "I think the leader business is getting to his head!

If cow cheese is made from cow's milk, what is dwarven cheese made of?

"Damn, isn't there a way to start out where fights aren't like a coin toss?" "Ironically enough, tossing coins is among one of the most effective forms of combat."

The violence, aggression, pain, madness, sadness of the ASCII characters never ceases to amaze me...

M.C. Hammerer. "You, peasant! Thou hast stolen a possession of a nobledwarf, and must be punished!" "What? B-but I didn't-" "Silence, knave! I shall teach you not to steal!"

• SMACK*

"CAN'T TOUCH THIS!"

• SMACK*

"CAN'T TOUCH THAT!"

• SMACK*

Etc...

"What happened in 1048?" "Jreengus occurred."

"Well, that goblin master lasher was nice to my dwarf, in a way - he handed the guy a ballgag before the lashings began..."

"So they'd be shooting things, and suddenly they'd go STOP! HAMMERTIME!"

"Does not the book of Armok state that "thou shalt not covet thy neighbours burning trousers, for he who does shall surely perish in flames?"

"Look, there are roving clumps of sentient lava outside, and the only surviving dwarf is a noble who has mandated the construction of crowns and clear glass items to the empty halls. This isn't going to get better."

"If I remembered what the &%^#*@! lever did, I'd pull it! <...pulls lever anyway...>"

"Hey, what does that flashing red and orange text mean? What? Why is there smoke everywhere? Oh god, are those BABIES on fire?"

"The merchants won't leave because I killed their guys & I can't drown them because there's a shoe in the floodgate."

"Here we see how I tried to carve god hates this place into the mountain. Unfortunately, Athlete's footnote got stuck in the 'a' of 'place' and starved to death"

"Dumat Mishosastesh, Count cancels Starting Fist Fight: Went insane"

"While investigating the disappearance of Hammerlord Bembul Zirilkskal, I found a Rhesus Macaque corpse next to the river, and then I found Shukarthocit "Tallspikes" a Golden war hammer next to a carp that looked very pleased with itself."