40d:Catsplosion

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The catsplosion is a mighty force of nature and a serious concern at the Mountainhomes. Much like the captain of a popular starship and his Trouble with Tribbles, dwarves fall prey to the fecund habits of the furry, lovable creatures known as cats.

There are two varieties of catsplosion: conventional catsplosion, and thermonuclear catsplosion.

Conventional catsplosion

A conventional catsplosion is an uncontrolled overpopulation of cats, believed to be intended as an elven ploy to prevent the further development of the game Dwarf Fortress. Dwarven scholars believe that the elves, in conjunction with Al Qaeda, are operating in order to reduce the frame rate of players by forcing them to waste CPU cycles on rendering the pathfinding of literal seas of kittens, queans, and toms. Eventually, players find the game too slow to be playable, and no longer provide any donations to Bay 12 Games, resulting in the destruction of the world as they know it.

Conventional catsplosions are an insidious poison which operate by using a lethal psychological attack known as "Cuddly Wuddly Syndrome". Dwarves, ordinarily content to manage an overpopulation of cats by employing butchers, tanners, soapers, leatherworkers, and cooks, may suddenly find themselves appropriated by a cat who employs mind control waves in order to take the dwarf hostage. The dwarf, now considering the cat its pet (when in fact the opposite is true), is no longer able to butcher the cat and will absolutely not tolerate anyone butchering his "bewuv'ed cuddlebug". Through this psychological technique, an insurgent is thereby successfully implanted into the fortress.

Over time, the number of insurgents grows so large that the dwarves must respond with open violence to protect their homes and (other) loved ones. Magma, water, and bridges are considered particularly effective countermeasures. Sadly, this results in significant unhappy thoughts and even open tantrums due to dwarves losing their "pets".

Thermonuclear catsplosion

A thermonuclear catsplosion is only possible by modding, but is nevertheless possible with off-the-shelf parts and is rated by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security to be a Plaid level of terrorist threat. A thermonuclear catsplosion is started by assigning a ridiculous standard thermal temperature of 40000 degrees Urist—30032 degrees Fahrenheit, 16666⅔ degrees Celsius, or 16939.81667 degrees Kelvin—which is equivalent to over three times the surface temperature of the sun.

Through great expense and loss of dwarven life, a brave few managed to obtain a recording of a thermonuclear catsplosion. Their findings have been released to the public as part of the Shockingly Awesome campaign.

Live footage of a nuclear catsplosion

Differences between catsplosions

The most notable way to tell the difference between a conventional catsplosion and a thermonuclear catsplosion is its use of metaphor. Whereas a conventional catsplosion is caused by cats going into figurative heat, a thermonuclear catsplosion is caused by cats turning into literal heat.