Main Page/Quote Archive

Bob, Swordsman: Join me on my adventures! Joe, Mayor: I'd rather not. Joe, Mayor has bled to death. "I think I'll stick to drowning dwarves and cooking puppies." "I mean, how dangerous can an elephant be, anyway?" Toady has created a masterpiece! Is that a hammer in your ≡Giant cave spider silk trousers≡ or are you just happy to see me? Do these +narrow chimpanzee leather trousers+ make me look fat? This wiki menaces with spikes of bread. I can't put my finger on it. Something about this ‼Cat tallow roast‼ tastes funny. "This is why artificial intelligences won't be taking over the world within the next ten years or so: NORMAL people don't have to be TOLD not to milk a cow that's on fire!" - Sowelu Fun fact: Ditching the starting anvil for a shit ton of logs makes for a strong early defense by way of a palisade... "The interface is coming - it's not coming in your lifetime but it's coming." - Toady One "Preeetty much finished the first pass on religions. This release still requires buildings, migrants and hist fig finalization. None of that should be difficult, though I suspect finalization will throw a bug or two my way. I suppose that will cause me to blow apart. -Toady One How to Control your Pets: It's no coincidence that 'kittens' rhymes with 'mittens'...

Toady withdraws from society. Toady has begun a mysterious construction! Beware of the Elephant's greatest evolutionary trait: Stealth. Let us never forget the last words of Inod the Stoker, "Aaah! Gorillas!" Newborn Zuglar Baldnessgranite prefers to consume Gorilla. A sure sign of his unparalleled strength! In an unrelated article - I had no idea elephants could bounce that high! Toady looses a roaring laughter, fell and terrible! Toady has butchered a spammer! Elephants are like huge, wrinkly ninjas. Tobul Dumatfath, Fisherdwarf cancels Fish: Interrupted by carp. The critical question is this: do dead elf bones yield more crossbow bolts than the average number of bolts necessary to kill an elf? Dev Notes: Stopped booze food from melting, even though it probably should "It was a funny bug -- it would just pick the first living unit in the civilization's list, regardless of what their qualifications were, drag them out of their town, and have them show up at your fortress, without actually letting them be the king." -Toady One Wolf cancels Breathe: Interrupted by ≡Ash Bolt≡. Who knew bridges could be such incredible killing machines? Breeding is difficult when your genitalia fell off years ago.

What is that red stuff coming towards me? Oh well, I think I'll stay in this trench-shaped thing. “Dwarf Fortress" ... "Like chess, only with short people that can catch on fire like rags soaked in tar, and lots of booze." ... "Like chess.” Dwarf Fortress has taught me that all the world's problems would be substantially reduced had our parent civilizations never minted more than four stacks of coins. "Tosid Idenarzes likes tentacle demons for their corrupt intentions." There! Now we've covered all of the seven deadly sins. Toady One likes donors for their generosity. He absolutely detests trolls. Booze does all the work in forts. Dwarves are just booze exoskeletons. My unconscious and bleeding mayor just mandated the construction of some goods. Remember, they are DWARVES. Dwarves are born fat. They often look like hairy spheres on their first day or so. "Didn't you read the manual? He he he he... the manual... ..." -Toady One "Dwarves are strange creatures who balance out at "happy" because on one hand their wife was eaten by elephants and on the other they just ate in a REALLY NICE dining room." -shadow_archmagi Here we have a link to amusing quotes and important advice in the Quote Archive, all of which are more important and/or funny than this one.

I can just imagine a wagon throwing a tantrum and tossing all its contents at people. "Madness? THIS IS DWARF FORTRESS!" -Dwarven King 'I wonder what would happen if I poked that elephant with a stick' - Gib Trampledmangled. If in doubt, flood the fort! Döbesh Udosdeb has been ecstatic lately. He was forced to eat a friend to survive. He enjoyed a truly decadent meal. Zasit Anamalîth, Carpenter is throwing a tantrum! Felsite Bridge destroyed by Zasit Anamalîth, Carpenter. Zasit Anamalîth, Carpenter has drowned. "Iron screw pump exercise equipment. Pump iron and get superdwarvenly strong!" Only you can prevent fortress fires. On the assumption that there is something scarier than a hydra out there. Your in-laws have arrived from Shinthumtobul Imketh.'' 'Leader' Igëratìr, Clerk has created Razuk Lanzil, an Obsidian Crown!" -"I think the leader business is getting to his head! If cow cheese is made from cow's milk, what is dwarven cheese made of? "Damn, isn't there a way to start out where fights aren't like a coin toss?" "Ironically enough, tossing coins is among one of the most effective forms of combat." The violence, aggression, pain, madness, sadness of the ASCII characters never ceases to amaze me... M.C. Hammerer. "You, peasant! Thou hast stolen a possession of a nobledwarf, and must be punished!" "What? B-but I didn't-" "Silence, knave! I shall teach you not to steal!" *SMACK* "CAN'T TOUCH THIS!" *SMACK* "CAN'T TOUCH THAT!" *SMACK* Etc... "What happened in 1048?" "Jreengus occurred." "Well, that goblin master lasher was nice to my dwarf, in a way - he handed the guy a ballgag before the lashings began..."