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23a:Catsplosion
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The catsplosion is a mighty force of nature and a serious concern at the Mountainhome. Much like the captain of a popular starship and his Trouble with Tribbles, dwarves fall prey to the fecund habits of the furry, lovable creatures known as cats.
There are two varieties of catsplosion: conventional catsplosion, and thermonuclear catsplosion.
Conventional catsplosion[edit]
A conventional catsplosion is an uncontrolled overpopulation of cats, believed to be intended as an elven ploy to prevent the further development of the game Dwarf Fortress. Dwarven scholars believe that the elves, in conjunction with Al Qaeda, are operating in order to reduce the frame rate of players by forcing them to waste CPU cycles on rendering the pathfinding of literal seas of kittens, queens, and toms. Eventually, players find the game too slow to be playable, and no longer provide any donations to Bay 12 Games, resulting in the destruction of the world as they know it.
Conventional catsplosions are an insidious poison which operate by using a lethal psychological attack known as "Cuddly Wuddly Syndrome". Dwarves, ordinarily content to manage an overpopulation of cats by employing butchers, tanners, soapers, leatherworkers, and cooks, may suddenly find themselves appropriated by a cat who employs mind control waves in order to take the dwarf hostage. The dwarf, now considering the cat its pet (when in fact the opposite is true), is no longer able to butcher the cat and will absolutely not tolerate anyone butchering his "bewuv'ed cuddlebug". Through this psychological technique, an insurgent is thereby successfully implanted into the fortress.
Over time, the number of insurgents grows so large (though generally not far beyond 50) that the dwarves must respond with open violence to protect their homes and (other) loved ones. Magma, water, and bridges are considered particularly effective countermeasures. Sadly, this results in significant unhappy thoughts and even open tantrums due to dwarves losing their "pets".
Recorded footage of a conventional catsplosion
Dealing with Conventional catsplosion[edit]
Part 1: Keeping "Cuddly Wuddly Syndrome" (CWS) under control[edit]
One word : cage
Do not leave stray cats wandering around or they will surely appropriate one of your citizens as a pet. Before your cat population gets out of control, quickly build a cage and assign all stray cats to it. If you do want some cat breeding in the long run, just leave a breeding pair outside and they will sooner or later become "pets". From then on, the moment you get an announcement that says "(SomePetName), Cat (Tame) has given birth to kitten(s)", quickly assign all new kittens to the cage. If they stay in the cage, they cannot mind control your dwarves. If you manage to assign the cats quick enough and even if they manage to adopt someone prior to be put in the cage, they still will be put in it.
Part 2: Getting rid of the unwanted cats[edit]
The options are as follows:
- Butchering. This still has a certain risk that the cat will infect a worker dwarf with CWS on the way to the Butcher's shop, so care must be taken to ensure that the distance is short. It is highly recommended that the cage intended for stray cat containment is built right next to a couple of butcher's shops. You can quickly assign any newborn kittens to be slaughtered through the animals section of the (z)status menu.
- Trading. This is the only 100% safe way to get rid of stray cats in a cage. When a trader approaches your fortress, deconstruct the cat cage to move it to the animal stockpile. Then set the cat cage for trading at the depot to move it there. Once at the depot, convert the cats into cash, or even just offer it outright to get rid of it.
- Throw the cage into the chasm. Beware that the ratmen living down there will likely be angered by this action and decide to climb out and attack you.
- Execution Traps. If you have a drowning/magma chamber, place the cats in it and Pull the Lever.
- Modding. Removing [VERMINHUNTER] from cats will make them stop adopting dwarves; however, this also removes their ability to hunt vermin.