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Toady One

From Dwarf Fortress Wiki
Revision as of 23:34, 3 February 2010 by 204.49.80.2 (talk) (I helped.)
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D4Dwarf.png This article or section has been rated D for Dwarf. It may include witty humour, not-so-witty humour, bad humour, in-jokes, pop culture references, and references to the Bay12 forums. Don't believe everything you read, and if you miss some of the references, don't worry. It was inevitable.


Early Life

Toady One was born on January 5th, 1981 in Anchorage, Alaska. It was a freezing winter and he sustained crippling frostbite to both his feet almost immediately upon exiting the womb that debilitates him to this day. Because of his injuries, he was never an active or social child and had to stay indoors under the care of his mother, in a household with a severely alcoholic father, who, in his drunken frenzies, strapped him to his chest as a meat shield while hunting wolves and carp with his decorative and non-functional hunting bow.

By the time he was 10, he had already had multiple points on his body mangled from having to endure multiple wolf attacks. To his fortune, however, his father was killed in the great Eskimo Siege of 1992. This left him with many years to complete the meaning of life, allowing him to develop a keep sense of logic.

College Years

When entering college, he quickly found a taste for programming and software engineering. Alone and miserable in his dorm with abusive boyfriend, he spent most of his time honing his skills in programming and smoothing his ideas for a game with unimaginable brutality and carnage.

On the brink of insanity, he was bailed out from the depths of hell in April 2009 by his now better half: Scamps. The two of them spent hours alone discussing what to implement in their life's work. Among these, in the excavated notes, were large crushing devices, alcoholic creatures which barely care for their children, and other bizarre horrific aquatic creatures.

Current Lifestyle

Little is known about Toady One, as he spends most of his time in his basement with Scamps. His lover is sometimes rarely seen outside in the front yard, screaming in pseudo-shakespearean language about various demands (such as chunks of rock, bins of cloth, and dead turtle parts), virtually uninterpretable names. Very rarely, ThreeToe will even begin reading a history textbook, demanding that he will only stop if everything he says is imprinted on a limestone statue. However, after a few days, he passes out and presents the only opportunity in which Toady One may be seen: Dragging his dehydrated body back inside. Scamps remains elusive.

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