Person

An abstract painting of a person by Id Kogan

Personhood is the state of being a person. Defining personhood is a controversial topic in philosophy and law, and is closely tied to concepts of citizenship, equality, and liberty. According to common legal practice, only a person has rights, protections, privileges, responsibilities, and legal liability. Personhood continues to be a topic of debate, and has been questioned during the abolition of plump helmet man farming, in the fight for animal person rights, and in kobold-rights advocacy.

The criteria for being a person… are designed to capture those attributes which are the subject of our most dwarvane concern with ourselves and the source of what we regard as most important and most problematical in our lives. -Geshud Imush

The defining features of personhood and, what makes a person as a person, differ widely among cultures and contexts. To determine if someone or something is a person, we must first look towards ourselves and ask, "What makes a dwarf a person, and what distinguishes us from the beasts?" So, what are some features of a dwarf? A dwarf can open doors, can feel pain, can learn, can speak, can join civilizations, can pet animals, can spit, have a childhood, and grow old and die. Although none of these characteristics on their own may be the defining characteristic of a person, they can be used to look for trends and compare and contrast ourselves with other creatures as a starting point for a determination.

Creature	Doors	†Pain	Learns	Speaks	Civ/Hero	Pets	Spits	†Child	†MaxAge	Notes
Dwarf	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ	Yes	Yes	18	150-170
Human	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ	Yes	Yes	18	60-120
Kobold	Yes	Yes	Yes	Utterances	Civ	Yes	Yes	18	150-170
Gremlin	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	800-1000	Exotic Pet
Troll	Yes	Yes	Slowly	No				10	800-1000
Ogre	Yes	Yes	Slowly	No				10	20-30
Satyr	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	n/a	immortal	Male-only Pet Value: 250☼
Bronze Colossus	Yes	No	No	No				n/a	immortal	Mega Beast
Giant	Yes	Yes	Slowly	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	immortal	Semi-Mega Beast
Cyclops	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	immortal	Semi-Mega Beast
Ettin	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	immortal	Semi-Mega Beast
Minotaur	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	immortal	Semi-Mega Beast
Yeti	Yes	Yes	No	No				10	800-1000
Sasquatch	Yes	Yes	No	No				10	800-1000
Blizzard Man	Yes	Perhaps	Slowly	No				n/a	immortal	Genderless
Fairy	No	Yes	Yes	Yes				18	n/a	Vermin Pet Value: 10☼
Pixie	No	Yes	Yes	Yes				18	n/a	Vermin Pet Value: 10☼
Grimeling	Yes	No	No	No				n/a	immortal
Foul Blendec	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes				n/a	immortal	Male-only Pet Value: 250☼
Nightwing	Yes	No	Yes	No				n/a	immortal	Genderless Pet Value: 1000☼
Harpy	No	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	1	immortal	Female-only Pet Value: 30☼
Merperson	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	60-120
Mountain Gnome	No	Yes	Yes	No		Yes	Yes	20	230-250
Dark Gnome	No	Yes	Yes	No		Yes	Yes	20	230-250
Blind Cave Ogre	Yes	Yes	Slowly	No				10	20-30	Pet Value: 500☼
Magma Crab	No	Yes	No	No			Yes	n/a	50-70	Pet Value: 200☼
Manera	No	Yes	Slowly	No				2	20-30
Blood Man	Yes	No	No	No				n/a	immortal
Molemarian	Yes	No	No	No				10	20-30	Pet Value: 400☼
Gabbro Man	Yes	No	No	No				n/a	immortal
Gorlak	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Heroes	Yes	Yes	12	110-150
Plump Helmet Man	Yes	Perhaps	Yes	No	Heroes			12	60-80
Amethyst Man	Yes	No	No	No				n/a	immortal
Troglodyte	Yes	Yes	Slowly	No				10	45-90
Fire Imp	Yes	Yes	No	No				n/a	immortal
Cave Fish Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Both	Yes		n/a	60-80
Olm Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Both	Yes		n/a	60-80
Bat Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Both	Yes		n/a	20-30
Fire Man	Yes	No	No	No				n/a	immortal
Magma Man	Yes	No	No	No				n/a	immortal
Iron Man	Yes	No	No	No				n/a	immortal
Mud Man	Yes	No	No	No				n/a	immortal
Cave Swallow Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Both	Yes		1	20-30
Amphibian Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ			12	60-80
Reptile Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	With a Lisp	Civ			12	60-80
Serpent Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	With a Lisp	Civ			12	60-80
Ant Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ			n/a	5-8
Rodent Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ			12	60-80
Animal People	Yes	‡Mostly	Yes	Yes	Heroes	Yes		0-10§	60-80

Legend:

• Doors: CanOpenDoors
• Pain: Yes = Has_Nerves (but not "NoPain"). No = Feels NoPain. Perhaps = neither.
• Learns: Can_Learn or Intelligent
• Speaks: Can_Speak or Intelligent
• Civ/Hero: Species belongs to a civilization or is capable of joining one
• Pets: Can pet an animal
• Spits: Is able to spit
• Child: How many years of childhood this creature has. ("n/a" indicates they begin life as adults)
• MaxAge: The range of years this creature can expect to live if not killed beforehand.
• Notes: These are qualities that make this creature less like us.

† Not an exhaustive list of creatures that can feel pain / have childhoods / are mortal.

‡ All animal people can feel pain except for these 3: Bark Scorpion Man, Jumping Spider Man, and Brown Recluse Spider Man

§ - Roughly one-third of animal people are born as adults. Approximately two-thirds have 1 year of childhood. But a few go as high as 10 years.

One attempt to narrow it down and sort it

The ability to open a door is a rough starting point, but it mostly captures the broadest sense of who could possibly be considered to be a person. Since the Bronze Colossus, Grimeling, Blood Man, Gabbro Man, Amethyst Man, Fire Man, Magma Man, Iron Man, and Mud Man's only claim to personhood is being able to open a door, and they are all unable to feel, unable to learn and hold values, unable to speak, were never children, and have an indefinite life span, it might be safe to rule them out. The creature with the next least qualifications is the Fire Imp, with the only being able to feel pain as an additional quality of personhood over the various man-shaped elemental creatures, so it might be safe to rule out too. And since the Magma Crab's only claim over other beasts is the ability to spit, it's probably safe to rule it out too. The Molemarian is similar to the Magma Crab in that it only has 1 ability over normal animals that make it more person-like. Maybe one day the Molemarian will grow to become a person, but I don't think it is there quite yet. Next on the list is the Yeti and Sasquatch, which are just like the Molemarian except with the addition to being able to feel pain. While they are closer than the Molemarian, I also don't think they quite meet the standard. The Nightwing only meets 2 of the qualities on the chart, but one of them is the ability to learn, which should probably be weighted higher than the others, so I'm leaving it on, at least for now. Finally, I try to rank the creatures from most-person-like to least-person-like instead of listing them all in relative order, which is a bit troublesome and subjective.

Reduced chart roughly-sorted by how person-like a creature is

Creature	†Doors	†Pain	Learns	Speaks	Civ/Hero	Pets	†Spits	†Child	†MaxAge	Notes
Dwarf	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ	Yes	Yes	18	150-170
Gorlak	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Heroes	Yes	Yes	12	110-150
Human	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ	Yes	Yes	18	60-120
Amphibian Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ			12	60-80
Reptile Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	With a Lisp	Civ			12	60-80
Rodent Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ			12	60-80
Serpent Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	With a Lisp	Civ			12	60-80
Cave Swallow Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Both	Yes		1	20-30
Animal People	Yes	‡Mostly	Yes	Yes	Heroes	Yes		0-10§	60-80
Merperson	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	60-120
Gremlin	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	800-1000	Exotic Pet
Cave Fish Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Both	Yes		n/a	60-80
Olm Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Both	Yes		n/a	60-80
Bat Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Both	Yes		n/a	20-30
Ant Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ			n/a	5-8
Kobold	Yes	Yes	Yes	Utterances	Civ	Yes	Yes	18	150-170
Plump Helmet Man	Yes	Perhaps	Yes	No	Heroes			12	60-80
Mountain Gnome	No	Yes	Yes	No		Yes	Yes	20	230-250
Dark Gnome	No	Yes	Yes	No		Yes	Yes	20	230-250
Troglodyte	Yes	Yes	Slowly	No				10	45-90
Blind Cave Ogre	Yes	Yes	Slowly	No				10	20-30	Pet Value: 500☼
Ogre	Yes	Yes	Slowly	No				10	20-30
Manera	No	Yes	Slowly	No				2	20-30
Troll	Yes	Yes	Slowly	No				10	800-1000
Elf	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ	Yes	Yes	18	immortal
Goblin	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ	Yes	Yes	18	immortal
Cyclops	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	immortal	Semi-Mega Beast
Ettin	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	immortal	Semi-Mega Beast
Minotaur	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	immortal	Semi-Mega Beast
Giant	Yes	Yes	Slowly	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	immortal	Semi-Mega Beast
Fairy	No	Yes	Yes	Yes				18	n/a	Vermin Pet Value: 10☼
Pixie	No	Yes	Yes	Yes				18	n/a	Vermin Pet Value: 10☼
Harpy	No	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	1	immortal	Female-only Pet Value: 30☼
Satyr	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	n/a	immortal	Male-only Pet Value: 250☼
Foul Blendec	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes				n/a	immortal	Male-only Pet Value: 250☼
Blizzard Man	Yes	Perhaps	Slowly	No				n/a	immortal	Genderless
Nightwing	Yes	No	Yes	No				n/a	immortal	Genderless Pet Value: 1000☼

Elven threat

Bad news everyone. The elves are mad. It seems a visiting scholar came over and copied my treatise on personhood. They disagreed with my rankings. Apparently they think elves should be on top or at least in the top four, which is madness! In order for that to happen, I'll have to throw all logic out the window and game the priorities, which are here, for reference:

• Can Learn
• Is Mortal (max age as near a dwarf's as possible!)
• Can Speak
• Has Childhood (longer childhood is more a person!)
• Can Join a Civilization
• Can Pet
• Can Spit

Pretty solid, if you ask me. In order to place the elves near the top, not only would we need to throw out mortality as a sign that someone is potentially a person, we would actually have to make immortality into an indicator that someone is more likely to be a person. Which is what the elves think. They say that immortality gives them more time to practice and understand being a person. You know what else is immortal? My bookcase. But, to be fair, it's probably smarter than an elf too. It really hurts to do this, and goes against everything I believe in, but If I don't our tree allowance will get cut, and then I'll lose library privileges. Okay, here's an updated set of priorities to favor the elves without throwing things out of whack to much:

• Can Learn
• Can Join a Civilization
• Can Speak
• Has a Childhood (longer childhood is more a person!)
• Can Pet Animals
• Can Spit
• Is Immortal (the longer the life, the more a person.)

Immortality has been switched from negative to positive, however, it's been moved to the bottom of the priorities to minimize the effects.

New chart ordering for sharing with the elves– Everyone else ignore this one.

Creature	†Doors	†Pain	Learns	Speaks	Civ/Hero	Pets	†Spits	†Child	†MaxAge	Notes
Elf	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ	Yes	Yes	18	immortal
Goblin	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ	Yes	Yes	18	immortal
Dwarf	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ	Yes	Yes	18	150-170
Gorlak	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Heroes	Yes	Yes	12	110-150
Human	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ	Yes	Yes	18	60-120
Amphibian Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ			12	60-80
Reptile Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	With a Lisp	Civ			12	60-80
Rodent Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ			12	60-80
Serpent Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	With a Lisp	Civ			12	60-80
Cave Swallow Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Both	Yes		1	20-30
Animal People	Yes	‡Mostly	Yes	Yes	Heroes	Yes		0-10§	60-80
Cave Fish Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Both	Yes		n/a	60-80
Olm Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Both	Yes		n/a	60-80
Bat Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Both	Yes		n/a	20-30
Ant Man	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Civ			n/a	5-8
Kobold	Yes	Yes	Yes	Utterances	Civ	Yes	Yes	18	150-170
Plump Helmet Man	Yes	Perhaps	Yes	No	Heroes			12	60-80
Cyclops	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	immortal	Semi-Mega Beast
Ettin	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	immortal	Semi-Mega Beast
Minotaur	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	immortal	Semi-Mega Beast
Giant	Yes	Yes	Slowly	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	immortal	Semi-Mega Beast
Gremlin	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	800-1000	Exotic Pet
Merperson	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	18	60-120
Fairy	No	Yes	Yes	Yes				18	n/a	Vermin Pet Value: 10☼
Pixie	No	Yes	Yes	Yes				18	n/a	Vermin Pet Value: 10☼
Harpy	No	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	1	immortal	Female-only Pet Value: 30☼
Satyr	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes		Yes	Yes	n/a	immortal	Male-only Pet Value: 250☼
Foul Blendec	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes				n/a	immortal	Male-only Pet Value: 250☼
Mountain Gnome	No	Yes	Yes	No		Yes	Yes	20	230-250
Dark Gnome	No	Yes	Yes	No		Yes	Yes	20	230-250
Troll	Yes	Yes	Slowly	No				10	800-1000
Troglodyte	Yes	Yes	Slowly	No				10	45-90
Blind Cave Ogre	Yes	Yes	Slowly	No				10	20-30	Pet Value: 500☼
Ogre	Yes	Yes	Slowly	No				10	20-30
Manera	No	Yes	Slowly	No				2	20-30
Blizzard Man	Yes	Perhaps	Slowly	No				n/a	immortal	Genderless
Nightwing	Yes	No	Yes	No				n/a	immortal	Genderless Pet Value: 1000☼

I hate it, but there was no other way to save my library privileges.